Chapter 175: 175
I was born from half of Shiro…… The God of Creation, Shallow Vernal .
I’m Shiro, but not Shiro…… And just as I’m different from Shiro, there’s something I’ve wanted since the day I was born .
It’s nothing special, it’s very simple, so I thought I’d get it right away .
When I met Ein, Lillywood, Magnawell, Isis, Megiddo, and Shalltear, I knew I was getting closer to acquiring it . I felt so happy…… but somehow, I felt like it wasn’t what I was really looking for .
I may have been wishing for too much, and perhaps, I need to make a compromise…… but the little thorn that pierced in my heart is getting bigger and bigger .
I’ve been living with this world for a while now and I really liked this world .
The lives in this world, along with the sceneries that could be seen, they’re slowly growing and changing…… and I couldn’t help but love it .
When did it start though? In the Demon Realm, we started being called the Six Kings…… So much that before we noticed it, that name had spread out to all beings and I was called the Underworld King by everyone .
……And I couldn’t help but hate it .
It was like they were telling me that I’m a superior being, and every time they call me that, I felt some pain in my chest .
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That’s when I realized…… What I really wished for……
I love the world . I never thought of anyone as inferior, thinking that we were all equals, and I treated them as such .
However…… No one is looking at me as their equal . No one is standing “right next to my side” .
I have a family that I love…… but they were treating me like I’m the best in the world .
I’ve also got my baby birds…… but in the end, all of them were bowing down their heads .
Why? For what reason? I just want someone to be next to me…… You don’t have to have the same strength as I do, just don’t look at me as a superior, and just laugh with me by my side……That is all that I wanted……
I want someone that treats me as an equal, someone who stands next to me…… and when I finally became aware of what that wish means, it really became more painful than ever before .
……Shiro is…… different . Shiro is me, and I am Shiro, so I don’t treat her as another being different from me .
The small troubles in my mind were first noticed by Shalltear .
[……Kuro-san, I can somewhat guess what you’re troubled about . ]
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[……Shalltear…… T- That’s right . If it’s Shalltear……]
[I’m sorry…… That’s definitely impossible for me . I am not the being that you’re wishing to find . ]
[……Wh… . . y……]
Shalltear was a mysterious child . She was from another world, and even though her soul is quite mature, she was a bit of a klutz who couldn’t handle her abilities properly, and after I taught her a lot about how to use her abilities…… we became family .
[……Maybe it’s because I have a decent amount of power . Once I clearly recognized you as my superior in my mind…… I won’t be able to see myself as your equal anymore . ]
[H- However, that’s something that I……]
[Even if you think so, it doesn’t erase the perception in my mind that I’m inferior to Kuro-san…… Of course, no matter how much you ask, I could act as your equal as many times as you want . However, if I were to do that…… I’m sure that you would be hurt even more than this . ]
[………………… . . ]
Those words coldly pierced my heart .
I know Shalltear didn’t mean to hurt when she said it like that . I know she only said it out of concern for me…… However, it’s as if she’s telling me that there wouldn’t be anyone who can truly be equal to me .
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No one is going to come and treat me as their equal without regarding my mighty power…… That’s what I feel she’s saying .
However, but still…… It isn’t that bad, right? I already have my important family with me, and I’m always feeling happy .
There’s no need for me to wish for more…… isn’t what I thought . If I could just be happy for what I have now…… That should be……
After a really long time passed, there are more children around me than ever before .
My precious family, my beloved baby birds…… they should have been enough for me, and yet, I still couldn’t give up on my wish .
Whenever I find a baby bird that resembles my former self, I can’t help but think “this time” in the back of my mind .
I’ve been thinking that if I raise a baby bird that resembles my old self, they will be able to stand next to me…… but that never came true .
I’m supposed to be happier when I’m surrounded by even more of my beloved children…… But for some reason, I would suddenly feel something cold and painful, and as if there was no one near me all along .
The more I loved the child, the more I try to think of them as my happiness…… However, I feel colder and colder as the depths of my heart froze from despair .
And now, in front of me, another one of my beloved baby birds stood with her dark wings outstretched .
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She saw the sad expression I sometimes wore and misinterpreted it……
[Kuromu-sama, you are the one who should be on top of the world!!! Not those Gods in the God Realm, but you!!!]
[……”Fear”…… I am……]
[Theone who should truly be on top of the world isn’t that Shallow Vernal, but you!!! I, no we, will make sure that your great name will be known as the supreme ruler of the world!]
[You’re mistaken…… that kind of thing… . . isn’t my wish!!!]
[ ! ? ]
What she said was the farthest thing from what I could hope for .
The supreme ruler of the world? If I were to become that, I know that I truly wouldn’t achieve my wish .
So, what’s the point? I may have been storing up lots of pain without realizing it…… As before I realized it, my magic power was leaking out of my body, and a lot of my children collapsed before my magic power .
[……Kuromu……-sama……]
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[I’m sorry, Fear…… but, that’s no good . You can’t trouble the other children…… Understand? You don’t have to do something like that……]
[……However… . . All I…… was just a hindrance for you…… Bringing gloominess on your face……]
[I’m sorry, but it’s really nothing…… It’s not something Fear should care about……]
I still regret that moment .
If only I had been honest with her and told Fear what I wanted, telling her that it wasn’t what I wanted…… If only Fear hadn’t called herself the “Demon King” and invaded the Human Realm……
After that incident with Fear, I’ve decided to give up on my wish .
If I kept on showing gloominess on my face, some of the children might misunderstand it, just like Fear . I was forced to keep smiling, even if it meant I was forcing myself to do so .
That’s right, I love this world…… That feeling of mine isn’t false .
That’s why, it’s okay…… Even if I don’t have anyone by my side, my beloved children are still around me……
Yes, I thought…… . that I had given up, and I thought…… there wasn’t any hint of my wish in my mind at all .
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Festival of Heroes…… The world’s biggest festival held once a decade, where people from Hikari’s homeworld were invited to play the role of Hero…… It wasn’t long after that that my wish started to come out of my mind again .
The children who play the role of Hero…… I like otherworlders…… as they’re “people who don’t know about me”……
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