Haibara’s Teenage New Game+ - Volume 1 - Chapter 4

Chapter 4: If You’ve Got My Back

Tatsuya stopped talking to me the next day. Or rather, Tatsuya became a loner. He didn’t hang out with us and stuck to himself.

When our eyes met that morning, he just looked away. He hadn’t even said hello, instead leaving my hand hanging pointlessly in the air. Tatsuya’s attitude was reminiscent of my first time through high school.

He would respond to Uta and Hoshimiya if they addressed him, but he made no effort to continue the conversation. I anguished over whether I should do something but chose to believe in Reita’s words. Time would solve the issue.

“I wonder what happened,” the three girls said. They may not have known what occurred between Tatsuya and me, but anyone could see that the atmosphere was dark and sullen.

The girls looked curious and concerned. However, Reita didn’t explain the situation, so I followed suit and stayed silent. I didn’t want to say anything that might get Tatsuya’s crush involved.

“Oh. The next class is starting,” I remarked.

Only one person was missing from our group, but that was more than enough to darken the day. I’d quickly realized that Uta was not the only mood maker in our group; Tatsuya also played a large part in livening things up.

The air is heavy. This sucks! It’s not fun at all. We could all feel the strain in the air no matter how everyone tried to play it off.

I wouldn’t say that this is the high school life I wished for, even if someone put a gun to my head.

***

Tatsuya ate lunch alone and ran off to practice as soon as the after-school bell rang.

The rest of us also went our separate ways. Hoshimiya and Nanase stuck together as usual, and Uta hung around for a bit to talk to her other class friends. Reita and I left to go observe Tatsuya.

Things continued like that for the rest of the week, until the weekend was nearly here. The days were boring and listless. I could feel the vibrant world around me fading away. I’d returned to my familiar scenery; those gray-colored days were calling me back.

“You’re amazing, Natsu!” Uta cried out with a smile. We were looking up at the poster in the hallway where our midterm exam rankings had been put up. It felt like it’d been a long time since she’d smiled like that. However, the usual bounce in her voice was missing, and it sounded like she was forcing herself.

“Oh, thanks,” I said. I was ranked first in the grade, with an overwhelming lead over second place.

Nanase was in third, Reita in eleventh, and Hoshimiya had barely made it into the top scorers listing at forty-ninth place. When I took another look, I saw that Miori had landed herself eighth place. Uta’s and Tatsuya’s names were, as expected, not listed.

“How’d you do, Uta?” I asked.

“Eh heh heh. Well, I’m rank number one hundred, all thanks to you!” Uta puffed up pridefully. Our grade had 240 students, so she’d outperformed over half of them.

That’s a huge accomplishment compared to the disastrous shape she used to be in, I thought. She did better than I did in my first time around, at the very least.

“Hey, that guy over there...”

“Eh? His face is totally my type...”

“He’s smart too...”

I could feel the other students’ eyes on me as I stood in the hallway. I was attracting a lot of attention, probably because of my grades.

Hopefully I wasn’t being conceited, but it felt like their gazes harbored either envy or affection. There were an especially large number of girls staring at me.

To me, it was only obvious I’d score this high since it was my second attempt at high school; however, those around me didn’t know that I’d traveled back in time, so of course it wasn’t a given for them. I hadn’t understood that until now.

A perfect person, huh? I just can’t see that title fitting me, I thought. And anyway, if I really were perfect, I wouldn’t have made such a huge mistake. Things wouldn’t have turned out like this, and I wouldn’t be regretting so much. I never would’ve wished to redo my youth in the first place.

“Hey, Natsu? Let’s hang out on Saturday with everyone. I’m free in the afternoon,” Uta finally said as she tugged on my sleeve. Her words were alluring.

But by now, I had figured it out already. Uta probably like likes me. That’s the main reason why Tatsuya is so jealous of me. But I don’t have any control over that. At the same time, it’s an emotional thing, so it’s not like Tatsuya can control how he feels either. That must be why he’s staying away from me.

If so, I reasoned, that’s Tatsuya’s problem, not mine. I shouldn’t have to worry about it.

If we all hung out over the weekend, we’d get in the mood to let loose and have fun. Then when we went to school on Monday, the strained atmosphere would gradually improve. Everything would be solved if we all just enjoyed each other’s company once more—even if Tatsuya wasn’t there.

Humans are good at adapting when the environment changes, after all. What Uta was suggesting was the first step to that future.

I hesitated and then said, “Sorry, Uta. I want to be alone this weekend.” I shook my head no, even though I knew that would’ve been the easiest solution.

I’ll never accept that kind of future. Sure, if I walk that path, I might seize a happier youth than I did in the past, blunders aside. But this mistake is fatal. Letting that happen would mean my plan had failed. I can’t allow it! 

After all, I returned to this time so I could become friends with Tatsuya.

***

I walked home alone that day. Even though it was normally the day Hoshimiya also went home alone, I didn’t invite her to walk with me.

I didn’t feel like talking to anyone.

The train swayed and rattled as it carried me all the way home, a long commute as always. It was raining by the time I got off at the station nearest my home.

The light drizzle gradually turned into a heavy downpour. The weather report didn’t say it’d rain this morning, I thought. I didn’t have an umbrella with me. Without much of an option, I ran all the way home in that heavy rain. It didn’t take long before I was drenched head to toe.

My home was a five-minute walk from the station. I trudged onwards in my soaked clothes; they were just as dampened as my mood right now.

“Redoing my youth, huh?” I mumbled aloud. What a joke! I was careful because of my last screwup, but I can’t believe I botched it this time because I was too perfect. The only thing that awaits a gray boy like me is an equally gray world.

I stopped walking and looked up at the dark sky. The rain pounded down on me.

“What am I supposed to do?” I cried out. But there was no one to give me the answer. I felt like I would only hit a dead end no matter what path I tried to take now.

“If it was going to turn out like this...” I said aloud and then dropped my voice down to a whisper. “Then it would’ve been better if I hadn’t gotten a second chance.”

Or I should’ve just stayed on the same path and walked the gray road just like before. There’s a place where everyone belongs, after all, and that’s all that’s within my reach.

“What’s wrong, Sir First-Place Prodigy?” a voice called from behind me, and the rain suddenly stopped. No, it hadn’t stopped. It had only stopped beating down upon me. I looked up to see an umbrella spread out above me. “If something happened, then your childhood friend will lend you her ear out of the kindness of her heart.”

I looked behind me and saw Miori standing there. How blind to my surroundings was I for her to creep up so close without me realizing, heavy rain or not? I scorned myself.

Miori was close enough that our shoulders were touching, and we were sharing an umbrella together.

“Cut it out. I’m already soaked to the bone; there’s no point in using an umbrella now.”

“Ah ha ha, true that. Then I’ll stop. You’re so logical even when you’re down in the dumps.” Miori stepped away from me without hesitation and the hard rain poured over me once more.

“Oh, do you want me to carry your bag at least? Your books are going to be ruined if you let it get any wetter. I’m kind, after all!” Miori said and snatched my bag away without waiting for my response.

You can’t call it asking for permission if you don’t even give me time to say no, I thought.

“And so? What happened?” Miori asked with a smile as she twirled the umbrella in her hands.

The way she barged into my heart without a lick of consideration for my feelings irritated me. “It’s got nothing to do with you.”

“It’s a big deal for me. ’Cause I’m a fellow conspirator for your Rainbow-Colored Youth Plan, right?”

Oh yeah, we did agree on that. I’d help Miori get close to Reita in return for her assistance with my plan. And on that day when we named the plan officially, Miori had warned me, “I spy a big problem with your plan. Trouble’s brewing already.”

The train had arrived at our station right after she’d said that, and then her parents came to pick her up. But I could’ve called her or texted her via RINE had I really wanted to know.

Instead, I’d been overly optimistic and ignored her words. In fact, I’d straight up forgotten them until now. There’s no way there’re any problems, I had thought.

“Then our partnership is over now,” I said flatly.

My bad for not listening to your warning, but it’s too late for that. This plan’s already crashed and burned.

***

I shed my uniform and took a shower as soon as I got home. After toweling off, I changed into comfortable loungewear and returned to my room.

“’Sup! Welcome back.” Miori was lying down on my bed waving at me.

“Hey! I told you to go home,” I grumbled.

“Now, now, don’t say that!” She looked around the room, still reclined on my bed. “But man, your room hasn’t changed at all.”

Stop making yourself cozy in someone else’s home! Also, aren’t you forgetting I’m a guy? Stop looking so defenseless. I sighed. “It hasn’t? Have you been here before?”

“Yeah, when we were kindergarteners. Wait, you don’t remember? That’s cooold!”

“That’s ancient history. Who remembers things from kindergarten?” I countered. Seriously! Well, mentally speaking, I’m a fourth-year in college, so maybe that’s why? Nah, even when I was mentally a high schooler, I still don’t think I remembered much from that far back in the day. “Anyway, no way my room’s the same now as it was in kindergarten.”

“Well, you’ve certainly got more books. And there’s more otaku stuff too,” she commented.

I’d gotten into light novels in my first year of middle school, so I’d ended up buying a lot of them. Miori spied a slightly lewd cover by my bed and giggled.

“Wowee! You really are a guy,” she scoffed.

“Oh, shut it. And stop looking around.” I walked over to Miori and confiscated the book from her. In doing so, I ended up standing over her, which led her to playfully thrash her feet and scream with glee, “Aaah! I’m being attacked!”

“Hey, do you want me to attack you for real?!”

“As if you’d have the guts to do that! Don’t push yourself there, Mr. Virgin.” Miori poked my nose and then got off my bed.

Yes, I’m a virgin! You got a problem with that? Hey, wait, isn’t Miori a virgin too? I thought, but then the shock hit me. Huh! Is she really? No, she can’t be— Do high schoolers move that fast these days? I’m curious, but I don’t want to know the truth, so I’ll just let the topic slide.

Miori walked over to the door and used her phone to take a picture of my room. “Hmm. The layout’s pretty much the same, minus the extra shelf. Probably.”

“Okay, that’s true...” I trailed off. “Hey, why’re you taking a picture? You’d better not post that on Minsta!”

It’ll be bad news if Uta finds out that I’m with Miori right after telling her I wanted to be alone. They’re in the same club, so they must be Minsta friends.

“I’m not going to post it; I don’t want Reita-kun to get the wrong idea. This is just a memento of the good old days.”

“What’s that even mean?” I cocked my head, puzzled, and then a realization came to me. Wait a minute! Miori’s on the basketball team with Uta. Uta went to club as usual today, so they must have practice today. Why’d I run into Miori on my way home?

“Hey, don’t you have practice today?” I asked her.

“Hmm? I skipped it,” she replied nonchalantly.

“Huh?”

“I’m not as serious as Uta is about basketball, after all,” she said with her usual playful lilt.

“Why’d you skip out?”

“’Cause I’m tired and, even though I do enjoy it, I thought it would be annoying. Can’t I slack off once in a while?”

“But you didn’t have practice for over a week,” I pointed out.

“That’s different. I had to study the whole time. I worked really hard and even stayed up all night studying, but I only ranked eighth. I got a real taste of how this high school is in a different league. That’s why I was really surprised to see you in first place. What brought on the sudden change?”

I hesitated before saying, “Well, y’know, I worked hard. My way.”

“For your high school debut—I mean, your Rainbow-Colored Youth Plan?” Miori asked.

I nodded, at which she replied, “I see, makes sense,” and sat back down on my bed. “But that’s only around twenty percent of the reason why.”

For a moment, I wondered what she meant, but I eventually figured out that she’d returned to the topic of skipping practice. The conversation always jumps around whenever I talk to Miori. Everything just comes and goes. She really does whatever she pleases.

“Then what about the remaining eighty percent?” I asked.

“Uta’s been acting strange lately. I figured something was up, so I asked her, but no dice. Uta didn’t know what was wrong either, so I looked for you.” Miori pointed at me with finger guns and pretended to shoot me. “Bang!”

“Ah, I see. So that’s why you’re being so persistent,” I said. It’s normal to want to do something if your friend’s looking down. This is all my fault. I’d better tell her the details, I thought.

“Persistent? Rude. Aren’t I your fellow conspirator?”

For a moment, I didn’t say anything. “I told you. The plan’s ruined already.”

“Yeah, I get that you think that. But let’s talk first,” Miori encouraged me gently.

Fine, I’ll talk, I thought. But my mouth went dry and refused to open. Seeing me clam up, Miori patted my head.

“Quit it. I’m not a kid,” I said, breaking the silence.

“But isn’t this how I used to console you when we were little?” she asked.

A recollection of the past flashed through my mind. Oh yeah, that was the case. So I grumbled, “Yeah, well, that’s the past. I don’t think we’re that close anymore now.”

We’d been close friends from kindergarten all the way through elementary school. I was the one who’d avoided Miori in middle school and put that distance between us. I was jealous of how sociable she was, how she was surrounded by friends, and how she was always the center of attention. It was selfish of me.

Miori had realized what I was doing and given up on reaching out to me. And that’s how I’d become solitary.

“You’re such a small man. Does what happened in middle school still bug you?” Miori glared at me, but I looked away. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t.

“I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to help you.” She apologized earnestly, catching me completely off guard.

“What for?” I asked. “I’m the one who drifted away. There’s no reason for you to apologize!”

That’s exactly why I was trying to change myself; I didn’t want to be jealous of Miori. I wanted us to be equals and stand on the same stage. That’s why I’d ended up barreling into a high school debut the first time around—all to grasp those vibrant school days I’d witnessed. It was my first opportunity to change course.

“I know, right? I think so too,” she said. “In fact, I didn’t do anything wrong. Seriously, give me a break! I’m acting like this now, but I was really hurt back then, you know? Think about it from my perspective: my longtime childhood friend suddenly started hating me, all because he was jealous of me. Don’t you think that’s unreasonable?”

I fell silent, not even daring to grumble. Then don’t apologize first, I thought, but I knew that Miori had hit the nail on the head. “How’d you know? That I was jealous of you, I mean.”

“’Cause you set your heart on a high school debut. I thought you hated cheerful, popular kids, so I was trying to be considerate about it, y’know?” She added, “Oh, hey, my guess was right!”

“That was a guess? You tricked me!”

Miori regarded me bitterly. Then she changed to sitting cross-legged on my bed and adopted a cheerful smile.

Come to think of it, that story kinda sounds like what’s happening between Tatsuya and me right now... I wonder if he feels the same way I did?

“Judging by the look on your face, you did something, didn’t you?” she asked.

Bull’s-eye! Welp, I can’t counter her accusation.

“Like I said, I get that you don’t want to spill the beans. Maybe it’s an embarrassing mistake. But I’ve known you for a long time. I know what you were like before your high school debut. I know your uncool sides, pathetic sides—I even know you’re bad at holding a conversation. I know it all! Of course I’d also know your plan wouldn’t be smooth sailing,” Miori said as she swiped through photos of my crummy past self on her phone.

“So you don’t need to act tough in front of me,” she explained. “You don’t need to hide your true self.”

Sweat poured out of my eyes for some odd reason. I refused to admit that they were tears, so I blamed it on the heavy rain.

***

I could clearly hear the pitter-patter of rain as I vented my feelings in a ramble. After I’d finished telling the story, a heavy silence descended on the room for a moment. Miori’s quick on her feet, but even this must be too big a problem for her to tackle. I mean, look at how much I’ve been agonizing over it!

After a while, Miori broke the silence and murmured, “I see. So that’s what happened.” She stood up without warning. “Man, you’re the biggest idiot ever!”

She threw a pillow at me with full force, and my vision turned white for a moment. Ow, my nose!

“I kept my mouth shut and listened, but there’s gotta be a limit to how much of an imbecile you are...”

“Hey! I get that it’s my fault, but why’re you the one—”

“Wrong! There’s no reason for you to be brooding like it’s the end of the world!” Miori cut me off and pointed her finger right at my nose.

I stared at her, dumbstruck. “Huh?”

“Don’t you ‘huh’ me, mister! Come on, this is Tatsuya’s fault no matter how you look at it. It’s your business—and nobody else’s—how you decide to act or what girls you get friendly with!”

“B-But the root cause is still me...” I said weakly.

Miori sighed. “I can’t believe this is why you looked depressed,” she told me without mercy. “Listen up. You’ve done nothing wrong, so just hold your head up high with confidence! At the very least, stop looking like this is a catastrophe. And you don’t need to apologize either! In fact, don’t you dare apologize to him!”

The first part of her lecture sounded like something Reita had also said. Maybe they’re right, but that doesn’t change the fact that Tatsuya distanced himself from us. There’s nothing vibrant or fun about a future without him in it, so I want to do something, I thought.

“Natsuki, you’re too nice,” Miori continued, completely ruthless. “That part of you is the same as always. But that’s the thing! Tatsuya-kun’s just going to feel even more miserable if you apologize.”

I was about to ask why, but I stopped myself. If I were Tatsuya, being apologized to would feel like the worst thing ever. I’d be the one at fault whereas the other person didn’t do anything wrong. I’d just feel tormented with regret over making them apologize to me.

“Then what do I do?” I asked after I’d finished processing her words. “Y’know, after all’s said and done.”

There’s still no solution after reevaluating the situation. I can’t do anything. I don’t even know how to act right now. As I mulled over the issue, Miori’s warning from much earlier resurfaced in my mind.

“Hey, wait. Didn’t you say something about this? You warned me there was a problem with my plan.”

“Yeah, but I didn’t think this is what would happen when I said that,” Miori responded. She idly tapped her lips as she thought. “Though I wasn’t completely off the mark. It just looked like you were going over the top with your act. Would you really be happy with things staying like that?”

I furrowed my brow as I listened to her. It’s true that I’m always deliberately calculating my every action with the utmost prudence and care. I have to! They’ll all hate me for sure if I show them my true self, just like last time...

“I can see just how hard you’re working. I’ve known you for a long time, so of course I’d be able to. Honestly, you’re working so hard that no one but me can tell. What I’m saying is you’ve got no weak points.”

I was starting to learn how to set aside my self-perceptions and consider how others viewed me.

“Don’t get me wrong, there’s still a charm in that, but being too perfect makes it hard for people to get close to you. Even if it’s a far cry from the real you. I bet Tatsuya-kun thinks you’re superhuman!”

Okay, then what am I supposed to do?! I thought before reluctantly admitting, “I don’t think I can handle changing anything else about me. It’s already taking everything I’ve got to keep my image up.”

Miori stared me down while she considered my response. “I just came up with a plan to fix this. Well, maybe it’s a bit too direct to even call a plan.”

“Really?” I asked. I didn’t have any other ideas, so I was ready to jump on whatever she’d come up with. “I’m begging you, Miori. Please, help me!”

I thought if it came from Miori—someone who knew me even better than I knew myself sometimes—maybe there was still hope.

“Simple. Just show them your true self.”

Miori had put it so kindly, so gently, that anyone could understand, but I froze, trying to fully digest what that meant.

That’s out of the question, I thought. ’Cause the real me is a loner! I’m a terrible conversationalist, I’m timid, I don’t have a speck of courage to talk to anyone else—I went so far as to ignore Miori out of jealousy even though I hate being alone! I’m a hopeless teen from a gray world.

There’s not a single person on this Earth who’d like someone like me. That’s why I’ve been working so hard to change myself.

“Listen carefully. I like you,” Miori confessed out of nowhere.

I thought she was teasing me, but the earnest look in her eyes swayed me.

“I like you when you’re working hard to change yourself, but I like the real you too.” Miori spoke slowly, as if to persuade me. That allowed each word to permeate throughout my heart.

I could feel my cheeks getting hot. Perhaps she’d noticed my embarrassment because she also gradually turned red and averted her eyes.

After an awkward moment, Miori said, “But don’t get the wrong idea. I mean that as a friend. We’re childhood friends who just can’t stop running into each other. Got it? The point is that you don’t have to hide anything in front of me! Say whatever you want!”

I hesitated before timidly saying, “You mean it? Can I really?”

“Come on. Natsuki, those other five are your friends, right?” she asked.

I nodded. At least, I think they’re my friends.

“Can you really call someone your friend when you don’t ever let your walls down or be honest with them?”

I blanked out. I didn’t know the correct answer to that question. However, I did know that what Miori was describing was exactly what I was doing right now.

“Can the relationship you have with everyone right now really get you to that rainbow-colored youth you’re aiming for?” she questioned further.

She was right to question me. It was just as she’d said. Yet if I agreed with her, it would feel like I was renouncing all the efforts I’d made to change. I was scared of what she would say, but I asked anyway. “Then, are you saying all the work I put in to change myself was a waste of time?”

What do I do if she agrees? I wondered. How am I supposed to continue on if my efforts are denied? Doubts floated through my mind, filling me with distress.

“I didn’t say that. Look at you now! You’ve made some good friends,” Miori replied readily. “But changing yourself and hiding yourself are two different things. I’m not saying it’s necessarily a bad thing to hide yourself, but I think if you keep things as they are, your friends will feel some kind of wall separating you from them.”

Miori pointed at my nose again. “Isn’t that the reason Tatsuya-kun’s distanced himself from you? Of course, I’ll be there to point out what’s bad about your true self. So don’t be afraid, and be honest with them!” she declared proudly.

I don’t know if that’s the correct move, I thought, but my childhood friend said it herself, and she knows me best. Maybe I really can experience that rainbow-colored youth if you’ve got my back, I thought. I decided to believe in her.

I finally acknowledged Miori as my fellow conspirator in my Rainbow-Colored Youth Plan.

Okay, I’ll do it. I’ll come clean to them.

It didn’t matter how utterly terrifying the notion was—I’d do it to become true friends with them all.

***

When I arrived at school the next Monday, I immediately went over to Tatsuya’s desk and stood in front of it with so much boldness that not even he could ignore me.

Tatsuya looked up at me and asked, “What do you want, Natsuki?”

“Can we talk?” I jabbed my thumb towards the door to indicate that we should leave the classroom.

He remained silent. I took that as a yes and walked out of the classroom without another word. Tatsuya looked confused for a second but followed me anyway.

I felt our classmates staring at us as we exited the room; I could understand why. Our friend group already stood out from the rest of the class, and our most conspicuous member, Tatsuya, had suddenly gone rogue. It had been quite the topic for gossip. Now that we were finally talking, of course it’d cause a stir. Hoshimiya and co.’s eyes were among those watching us.

For better or for worse, the two of us stood out a lot. I led Tatsuya up to the roof since we were unlikely to have a private conversation in the classroom or a hallway. The roof was off-limits in name only. Because the lock was broken, realistically anyone could go up there. Many students even ate their lunch there.

Nobody should be up there around now, though, I thought. Tatsuya followed me obediently up the stairs. I opened the broken door, walked to the outer fencing, and turned to face him.

Our eyes met. Tatsuya looked uncomfortable.

“What’s this about?” he asked me.

“I don’t need to explain it to you. Aren’t you our friend?” I asked directly.

Tatsuya averted his gaze and hesitated. “I told you already. Leave me alone.”

“Until when? It’s already been a whole week.”

“You guys are probably better off without someone like me around. So don’t worry about it.”

“Why do you think that? Maybe it doesn’t mean much to you, but I don’t think that’s true at all.”

“Of course not, I didn’t think you would. But that’s all I’ve had on my mind lately. I’m much more of a pussy than I thought I was,” Tatsuya said bitterly. The usual Tatsuya brimming with confidence was nowhere to be seen. He looked terribly pathetic.

He continued to explain himself. “I know already. I’m...I’m jealous of you. The feeling’s so strong that it’s turned into something more than envy. I don’t want to feel that way towards my friend, so I should stay away from you.”

I took a breath, clearing away my hesitation, and asked, “Is this because Uta and I are close?” After all, what else could I do but knock down the wall he’d put up?

“So you figured it out?” he replied after a pause.

“I didn’t. Reita told me,” I answered him honestly.

“I see. Yeah, that’s right. It’s an unrequited love. I’ve liked her since middle school.” Tatsuya’s face reddened slightly. He walked up next to me, leaned his elbows on the fencing, and stared out at the rooftop scenery. “I was surprised that I could feel so jealous. I couldn’t come up with a single way to take back Uta’s feelings ’cause of that. I can’t win at anything when you’re my opponent. The only thing I was good at was basketball...and you beat me easily even though I gave it my all.”

I wanted to tell him that it hadn’t been an easy victory on my end, but hearing it from me wouldn’t have convinced Tatsuya. Besides, I would likely win every single time if we played right now. That’s how great the difference between us was.

“Y’know, Tatsuya—”

“Don’t apologize,” he said, having anticipated my next reply. “I’m the one at fault here. There’s nothing on your shoulders, so don’t apologize.” With that, Tatsuya looked satisfied with our talk and began walking back to the door. “Enough of this crap. Let’s go back to class.”

“Oy, Tatsuya,” I called out again.

“What else do you want?” He turned around, confused.

“You thought I was gonna apologize? Don’t kid yourself, dumbass. I came here to give you a piece of my mind,” I said.

He looked baffled. “Huh?”

I decided I’d be honest, so I’ll tell him what I really think, flame and all! I mean, c’mon, if I think about it calmly, I’ve got nothing to apologize for. He’s jealous of me because I’m too perfect? What a load of bull... Okay, well, I also get jealous of other people for nonsensical reasons too.

Anyway! I see why Miori called me an idiot. You and me both, Tatsuya, we’re a couple of idiots.

“You keep calling yourself cowardly or whatever, but you’re just a moron.”

Skeptically he asked, “Where’s this coming from? Sure, I might be, in your eyes—”

“You must be blind. Use your brain; there’s no way a perfect human could exist,” I said as I pointed my finger at him.

“But it’s true,” Tatsuya replied, but it lacked backbone.

“Yeah, it might be true from your perspective, and I get why you assume I am. So listen up and think for once! I’ve been straining myself ever since the entrance ceremony. I’ve been carefully and nervously deliberating every single move, no matter how minor. Of course you’d think I was perfect.”

“You were nervous?” Tatsuya looked at me dubiously. “Quit it with the jokes.”

“I’m not joking. I’ve been working hard; you just can’t see it. There’s no reason for you to be jealous of me.” I stared him down. “Don’t run away from me, Tatsuya. Face me head-on.”

“I don’t believe a word of what you’re saying. I don’t see that in you at all. You make everything you do look as easy as breathing. Hell, even the laid-back look on your face might as well be screaming, ‘No sweat!’”

“That’s my line, you damn popular jock! You make friends with everyone so easily, and you live your youth without a care in the world. When I try to do the same, I feel like my mental energy is being drained away.”

“Huh?”

The conversation kept dragging on and I grew irritated. Why the hell is an ideal popular kid like you feeling jealous of me? If anyone should be jealous, it’s me!

“I’ll spell it out for you, Tatsuya, so pay attention. I’m about to shatter whatever illusion you’ve got of me.” Full of smugness, I thrust my finger at him harder.

When I imagined what I was about to say, I could already feel my cheeks heating up. But I’d resolved to be honest. I didn’t care if it came at the cost of some embarrassment.

“My name is Haibara Natsuki! I was a gloomy otaku at the bottom of the social ladder before my high school debut! Nice to meet you again!”

Those beyond-lame words poured out like scathing hot lava as I tried to play it cool. Tatsuya looked flabbergasted. All he could muster was another, “Huh?”

Yep, saw that coming, I thought.

“I’m not lying. If you want proof, here’s what I looked like in middle school!” I showed Tatsuya my phone. He had a front-row seat to a picture of the past me, decked out in gross fat rolls and glasses, like the embodiment of a stereotypical classroom loser. I’m so repulsive that I’m gonna cry!

“Bwa ha ha! Got a problem with that?!” I added aggressively.

Sure, my mood is going haywire, but cut me some slack! The secret I’ve been hiding since the beginning of the school year has been exposed by my own two hands. You could even say this is the real me.

“Uh, no, I don’t...” Tatsuya said as he glanced at my phone. “Is this really you?”

“You think I’m lying? Look carefully; we’ve got the same face.”

Tatsuya stared at the photo. “Are you serious? What? Really?” He then started scrolling through my photos, exposing my collection of beautiful 2D girls.

“Idiot! Stop looking at my wife without permission!” I scolded him.

“I didn’t believe you, but after seeing all that, now I’m starting to,” Tatsuya finally admitted.

“Don’t lump all otaku together as losers. That’s not true these days.”

“Hey, you never said you were into this otaku stuff before.”

“I told you I was being careful...” I looked away. “Because I wanted to look good.”

Explaining that I’ve been putting up a front is killing me—I repeat—this is killing me! What kind of terrible penance is this?! And I’m doing it all for this blockhead. Oh man, I’m pissed! You’ve gotta be kidding me.

For the first time today, Tatsuya smiled—deviously. “You’re the one who hid it, so doesn’t that mean you’re the one who thinks otaku are losers?”

“Quiet, you! Don’t start digging into the profound psyche of the gloomy otaku mind!”

But perhaps he was right. I’d naturally latched onto light novels and anime because I was alone. And I’d kept quiet about my hobby because I didn’t think anyone in this group could relate, but that was just an excuse. The real reason I’d hid it was because I viewed it as a hobby for losers, even though there were plenty of popular kids who called themselves otaku nowadays!

“Oho. So this is your hobby? And this is you. Huh,” Tatsuya mused as he continued to browse through my photos, even after I’d told him to stop. “What happened to this creepy otaku to become as handsome as you are now? What’d you do?”

“Shut up! My face has always been decent. My childhood friend’ll guarantee it’s me. I just looked like that because I was chubby, and I didn’t care about my appearance. That’s all. I worked my butt off over spring break!”

“All for your high school debut?” he asked.

“That’s right. I admired guys like you.”

“You admire me?” Tatsuya stared at me blankly. His happy-go-lucky face pissed me off.

“That’s what I’ve been telling you this whole time.” I brought my face closer to his and glared. “Jealousy is a me thing. Give it back! Having someone I admire be jealous of me is like a bolt from the blue, so stop it! All the moves I make to be a popular kid are ripped off from you and Reita, anyway.”

“Well, that crazy thing you just said definitely stinks of a dweeb.”

“Stop dissing me at every chance just because you found out about my high school debut!” I shouted, indignant.

Tatsuya let out an overexaggerated sigh. “Man, you’re a ball of annoyingness.”

“You’re the annoying one! I don’t want to hear that from you! You made me do this because you were being a pussy! Stop it with the wallowing and come back already!” I looked him in the eyes. “Everyone’s waiting.”

I could see hesitation in Tatsuya’s expression. He really is a bothersome guy, I thought and then laid it on him further. “Don’t run away, Tatsuya. If you like Uta that much, then steal her back. Aren’t you ashamed of being scared of a sham like me? I’m the one who’s scared of you!”

What am I saying? I barely understand what’s coming out of my own mouth. That was way too fired up! But I didn’t stop the onslaught. I was finally speaking my mind, after all. “Uta’ll never look your way if you keep running. You’ll never beat me if you keep this up!”

“I don’t like the way you’re looking down on me. It’s irritating to hear all this from a high school debuter.”

“You think so? Whoops, that’s true,” I said sheepishly. “You’re right. Sorry about that.”

“Are you emotionally unstable?!” Tatsuya quipped.

“Shut up! I just had to divulge my true feelings, so I don’t know how to act right now!”

“So you really were putting on an act,” he said in surprise.

“Yeah, that’s right! Unlike you, no one would like my plain old self, so I did what I had to! This is all I really am in the end; I’m the furthest thing from perfect! So stop acting like a loser and running away from someone like me!” I yelled.

Then I said, “You’re not acting like the Tatsuya I aspired to be.”

The wind blew across the rooftop, fluttering Tatsuya’s short hair back and forth. “Yeah, well,” he said, then hesitated. “What am I supposed to tell them? I can’t just go back without an explanation.”

“The explanation’s all on you. Just tell them, ‘I really, reeeally love Uta-chan, but lately she’s been getting close to Natsuki-kun, so I was blinded by jealousy. On top of that, I can’t beat him at anything, so I ran away like the lamest guy ever!’” I mocked.

“Did you have to put it like that?!” he barked back.

“I’m just stating the truth!”

“I don’t want to hear about the ‘truth’ from you! Okay, well, it is the truth! But I don’t want to take it from someone else! And I don’t want Uta to find out either!”

“Tsk. You really are a coward. So that’s why your love’s been one-sided for so long. I’m disappointed.”

“Hey! Even if that is true, don’t you think you’re being too mean?!”

“Y’know, I used to be afraid of you, but now I know you’re nothing to be scared of.” I shrugged and began walking back to class. “Come on. Let’s go.”

It was almost time for our morning homeroom to start, and I had no intention of skipping it for a guy like him.

“Dammit... What the hell is going on?” Tatsuya grumbled as he followed me.

Looks like I’ve got nothing to worry about anymore. I wonder how he’ll explain the story to the others, I thought with a smile as I opened the door.

“Ah, hey?!”

“Wh-Whaaat?!”

“Hikari?! Hey, don’t pull!”

Three very familiar girls cried out and fell to the ground like dominoes with a loud FWOMP!

Huh? What the heck? My brain stopped processing. I did a double take—no, a triple take. No matter how many times I looked, the three on the ground were most definitely Uta, Hoshimiya, and Nanase. Oh, come on! You too, Nanase?!

I glanced through the door again to find Reita standing there with a wry smile. “I tried to stop them, you know, but they really wanted to listen in,” he explained.

A realization slowly dawned on me. With the way the three of them had toppled over, I could only surmise that they’d been leaning against the door. To be specific, they’d been pressing their ears against the door—all so they could hear what was going on out here on the roof. So that’s how it is.

Now that the gears in my head were fully turning, I finally spoke up. “Which means you guys heard our conversation?”

“Yeah...” they all admitted with guilt. The most uncomfortable-looking of the bunch was Uta.

I turned to look at Tatsuya, who looked even more stupefied than me. I’ve heard that people calm down when they see someone more shaken than them, and it looks like that’s true.

“U-Um, we heard everything. Sorry for eavesdropping!” Uta looked uncertain about what to do but started off with an apology anyway.

I’ve never seen her flounder so hard before. I guess this is quite the delicate topic to tackle, I thought. 

Uta, slightly red-faced, looked at Tatsuya and said, “Um, well, sorry? Tatsu, I... I only see you as a friend.”

Uh, did she just deal the finishing blow?! Even I, socially inept as I was, felt taken aback by her horrendous timing. Now is really not the time for that! I nervously peeked in Tatsuya’s direction. He looked like he was about to crumble into a pile of dust.

“H-Hey! Tatsuya! Pull yourself together!” I grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him, but his head only swayed back and forth despondently. He didn’t have an ounce of fight left in him.

“Heh heh...” Tatsuya laughed listlessly. “I don’t give a crap anymore...”

Oh no, what happened to his character?! I handed the dazed Tatsuya over to Reita and whispered to Uta, “What the heck was that? Just when I finally won him back!”

“Oh, uh, sorry! I was so taken aback that it just slipped out!”

I could see Tatsuya taking additional damage from Uta’s thoughtless words. “You’re too loud!” I scolded her.

“Aaah, I’m sorry! Er, I really am, okay, Tatsu? But, uh, how do I put it? I...I’ve never thought about you that way before, so when I heard you say that, it was just so far out there that, y’know... I appreciate your feelings though,” she babbled on.

“Uta, don’t say any more. Tatsuya can’t take it.” Reita shushed her with a grim expression.

“I was wondering what happened, but it was all over something so trivial,” Nanase said with a sigh. Tatsuya drooped even closer to the ground.

“Y-Yuino-chan, you shouldn’t put it like that,” Hoshimiya timidly said.

“Really? If I were in his shoes, I’d hate it more if everyone walked on eggshells around me.” Nanase smirked and turned to me. “Isn’t that right, Mr. High School Debutant?”

Yeah... I see; so that’s what you mean. So this is how it’s going to be now that everyone overheard us! W-Well, I steeled myself for snide remarks like that when I decided I’d tell Tatsuya!

My eyes wandered and found Hoshimiya’s. She looked at me awkwardly and with a feeble smile asked, “Um, uh, should we not mention it?”

Crestfallen, my shoulders slumped and I mustered a reply. “Nah, it’s fine. I was thinking of telling you all eventually anyway.”

Nanase stepped towards me with a suspiciously cheerful smile pasted on her face. “Then I want to see the picture you showed Nagiura-kun just now.”

She eyed my phone dangerously, so I hid it behind my back in a panic. Showing my past self to you is a bit too much for me. I showed Tatsuya ’cause he’s my guy friend and all, but showing the girls would be more than my heart could take!

“I... I want to see too!” Hoshimiya said, adding her opinion to the pile. She whistled innocently but stole a furtive glance at my phone.

“You too, Hoshimiya?!” I exclaimed. I can’t show this to my crush. Hell no! 

While I was running away from the girls, I saw that Tatsuya had recovered slightly. He stood up on his own two legs, cackled darkly, and said, “There’s nothing to fear any longer.”

Looks like he’s lost a lot of his original personality. Yeah, he spouted some self-assured junk, but his face looks really pitiful, I thought. Uta and Reita regarded Tatsuya’s changed persona with worried eyes.

Tatsuya glowered at me and proclaimed, “Natsuki, I’ll never forgive you!”

“Hey, this is all your fault in the first place! Why’d you have to drag me down with you?!” I retorted.

“You reap what you sow.”

“Isn’t that my line?!”

Reita came between Tatsuya and me. “All right, stop there! Homeroom’s going to start soon,” he said as he clapped his hands.

I checked the time and it was just as Reita had said—we only had a minute left to get back. If we didn’t start running now, we’d all be marked down as late. Everybody flew into a frenzied panic. Unable to handle the idea of being late, Nanase was the first to dash back down the stairs with Reita running not far behind.

Uta was about to follow them, but Tatsuya stopped her. “Uta.”

Hoshimiya and I were bringing up the rear, so we witnessed everything.

“Hm? What is it?” Uta asked.

“I won’t give up,” Tatsuya declared earnestly, then ran off.

For a coward who kept up a one-sided crush for years, looks like you can do it if you try, Tatsuya, I thought to myself.

Uta stood stock-still, face flushed red.

Hoshimiya let out a little squee of joy, causing Uta to blush even harder. Then Hoshimiya met my gaze with stars in her eyes. I could tell romance fascinated her greatly.

“How nice! It really feels like a slice of high school life,” Hoshimiya gushed.

Feeling much the same, I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. “Yeah, it really is nice. It really does feel like a slice of high school life.”

And a vibrant one at that. I guess it’s true that the rainbow after the rain is beautiful, I thought.