Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 9 - Chapter 4

4. Reward

I saw everything up until the point where Yume jumped onto the big black wolf, thought Shihoru.

What had happened after that?

She didn’t know.

Had that big black wolf run off somewhere with Yume and Onsa riding on its back? The one thing that was certain was that they weren’t around here, and she had no way of confirming where they’d gone. More than that, though, Shihoru had to maintain Dark, whom she’d dispersed to confuse the black wolves.

Shihoru sensed that she and Dark were connected by a single string. And that string wasn’t tied particularly tightly. Shihoru was just holding on to it with her hand at this point. She’d gotten the knack for using that string to control Dark, but if she relaxed, she’d easily lose hold of it. If she lost her feel for the string, Dark would suddenly disappear.

She had to spread Dark out. To disperse him.

She’d had the idea in her head for a little while now. She never would have imagined that she’d be trying it out in actual combat, but when driven by necessity to do so, she’d thought it was the perfect opportunity.

The source of magic was not just in the mage’s magic power, a representation of their spiritual vitality, but also their imagination. Compelling and detailed imaginings that approached the level of truth were what caused magic to materialize.

The magic they were taught in the guild had already been materialized by those who’d come before them. The elemental sigils were a magic materialization system created by their predecessors in order to give magic form.

Shihoru’s Dark wasn’t like that. Dark was a product of her own imagination. If Shihoru didn’t strongly envision him, he’d dissipate in no time. His form was fixed by her having a clear image. Yet even if his form deviated from that, so long as Shihoru’s image of him wasn’t destroyed, Dark would continue to be Dark.

Even diffused, Dark was always Dark. It was only another form of his. Dark in mist form. Dark Mist, you might call it.

Having tried it, she understood. Even dispersed, Dark was a single Dark. He wasn’t split into many smaller ones. That was why there was only one string. Shihoru just had to keep a proper grip on that invisible string.

But... this is...

Exhausting.

Due to his dispersion, Dark was covering a wide area. Each time she led Dark, trying to get him to move and succeeding, Shihoru’s mind was shaken. It felt like she might be dragged around. Even just staying where she was required mentally bracing her feet against the ground.

It hadn’t worked on that big black wolf, but the other black wolves were panicking quite nicely. There were no black wolves trying to penetrate the Dark Mist and attack Shihoru. Not currently, at least. She couldn’t be sure that would continue.

Also, she probably couldn’t keep this up for long. If she dragged it out to the limit and exhausted herself, she wouldn’t have a next move to play.

Magic. No, Dark. Shihoru only had Dark. If she lost the ability to send out Dark, she wouldn’t even be able to defend herself.

Shihoru was alone.

She’d need to make the switch somewhere. Let go of Dark, end the Dark Mist, then immediately call him again. Should she hide first? Or get away from here?

Run away. Would it be tough to do that while maintaining the Dark Mist? In that case, she needed to prepare.

I’m pretty calm, she thought.

She couldn’t let herself die. Honestly, Shihoru didn’t have that strong of an attachment to her life. But her living or dying wouldn’t only affect her. She’d experienced the loss of losing a comrade, so Shihoru was well aware of that. She couldn’t just go and die.

She didn’t want to make her comrades, her friends, sad. That pain, that suffering... she didn’t want to make those she cared about feel them. So she wouldn’t die.

I won’t die just yet.

Not while she still had strength to spare.

Shihoru deliberately advanced through the Dark Mist. It was just as she’d expected. She’d had a vague feeling it would be. Going inside Dark actually made it easier to grasp the string.

This black mist was Dark. Dark was doing as Shihoru told him to. He was like a friend to her. Dark wouldn’t block Shihoru’s eyes.

She could see properly. Clearly. In fact, with the fog and rain, it was actually harder to see outside.

The black wolves were running around and barking with their heads kept low. There were black wolves backing away, too. That black wolf over there had tucked its tail under its belly, and was whimpering like a puppy.

How many black wolves were there? She didn’t have time to count.

Shihoru walked through the Dark Mist. Running was obviously not going to be possible. If she tripped on something, she might lose her grip on the string.

Don’t be afraid, she told herself. Keep going, and don’t be intimidated.

Shihoru went back the way she had come. As she moved, the Dark Mist continued to be dragged along with her. It kept on moving. She hadn’t directed him to, but Dark was following her.

It’s fine. If she willed him not to, or tried to stop him, it would expend some of her magical power. Shihoru pushed herself forward, focusing only on maintaining the Dark Mist.

At some point, there stopped being black wolves ahead of her.

Here.

When she let go and started running, the Dark Mist vanished in no time.

“Dark!” Shihoru immediately summoned him. Dark perched himself on Shihoru’s shoulder in his usual humanoid form.

To be honest, when Shihoru had first materialized Dark, the image she’d used was a starfish. Even though she had never been to the sea in Grimgar, Shihoru knew the sea. Starfish were sea creatures. They were shaped more like a person’s hand than they were like a person. Shihoru had seen a starfish somewhere. Once she imagined a starfish, she stopped being able to replace it with anything else. For some reason, Shihoru liked starfish.

The black wolves were barking. A number of them were chasing after her.

Shihoru stopped and turned back. “Go, Dark!”

Dark emitted a sound that was high-pitch or low-pitch, it was hard to tell which. Vwooooooooluuuuuuuuuuuuu! He flew forward.

There were three back wolves chasing Shihoru. Dark flew over their heads. The wolves must have really hated that sound or something, because they stopped short in fear.

But a few more were coming in from behind them. No, not a few. Two. No. Three from up ahead, and another from the right.

The first thing she did was have Dark confuse those four. While he was doing that, one of the initial three tried to come at Shihoru.

“Hit it!” she called.

When Dark tackled that one, he was blasted away, his entire body convulsing.

Should she call him again?

Her chest hurt.

Shihoru ran. Her pulse was racing like mad. No, her heart was throbbing. Her throat grew tight, and it was hard to breathe.

She could still hear barking.

She didn’t even need to look back. The black wolves were at her heels.

Something grazed her right shin.

A black wolf’s fangs, she was sure of it.

Next it would bite her and drag her to the ground.

“Dark!” Shihoru turned and called him. “Ahh!”

It was at precisely that moment that a black wolf sprang at her.

If Dark hadn’t struck the black wolf, it would surely have sunk its fangs into Shihoru’s throat and bit down hard. Thanks to Dark, the black wolf’s entire body convulsed. But, because it was a weak hit, she couldn’t send it flying.

The black wolf collided with Shihoru, head first. Shihoru was knocked down. When she pushed the black wolf off of her and tried to get up, another black wolf sunk its fangs into her right leg.

Rather than let out a scream, Shihoru shouted, “Dark!”

Dark sent that black wolf flying.

Her right leg didn’t hurt so bad, but it wouldn’t move properly. As Shihoru tried to crawl away, the black wolves rushed her.

Dark.

She tried to call his name, but her voice wouldn’t come out.

Her body was bitten all over. The fangs sunk in deep, and she was shaken around violently. If they kept doing that, her flesh would be torn loose.

Oh...

I...

I’m going to get eaten.

I tried my hardest.

Did everything I could.

But, no... not yet...

“O, listener listen in the night!”

She heard someone’s voice.

There was no way she could have anticipated this. She’d hoped for it just a little, though.

The voice shouted, “Bwahaha! Bwah! Pigs! You filthy pigs! You dimwits! You imbecilic fools, you nitwitted nincompoops, you mummified perverted sadomasochistic bitches! I’ll make you publicly profess penance for everything you’ve done, you mangy wolves! You’re beasts in wolves’ clothing! Helpless! Help me! Help, help, help, heeeeeeelp!”

Ohh. Why, of all people, did it have to be him?

That thief was wriggling his body around as he swung his two blades around. His wild, unorthodox movements were bizarre. It was hard to describe, but they lacked humanity... no, they lacked so much as a trace of the reason, wisdom, and self-restraint that any sentient being ought to have. Also, none of the words he spewed made any sense.

“Facts are made up of naught but fiction. Facts are fiction. Fiction is fact. The big dick makes preexisting technologies act aloooof! Open the anti-anti-anti-lock on my heart, lady! Heartful, heartful, these are our dark days together, baby!”

Sakanami. He was clearly insane. It seemed even the black wolves could tell something was wrong with him, because they were totally intimidated. The black wolves tried to run away. Some managed to, but he chased down and carved up some of the less fortunate ones.

There had been so many black wolves messily trying to devour Shihoru. There were none left now.

Sakanami screamed, “Amandaaaaaaaaaaa!” for no apparent reason as he chased the black wolves off into the distance.

Scary. That guy was really scary. But...

He saved me...?

Could she really say that, though? Her body wouldn’t move. Or, to be more precise, she was afraid of what would happen if she tried to move it, so she couldn’t. She felt like she might fall to pieces if she moved so much as one finger the wrong way.

She was alive. No doubt about that. Breathing, and conscious. Barely.

She didn’t know how bad it hurt. She might be in such a bad state she couldn’t even feel pain properly.

I tried calculating it, at least, she told herself. I thought if I went here, the Typhoon Rocks might come. But maybe... I never stood a chance. In situations like this, mages have it tough... huh. Because we can’t... do anything alone.

Being unable to do anything... That’s the one thing I don’t want.

Really... Even if I have to rely on others, somehow... I want to survive. I want to see everyone. I don’t want to be alone.

I don’t want to face the end... all alone.

I wonder how... Manato-kun and Moguzo-kun felt. We were able to be with them... so that might have been the one good thing about it.

The rain... Oh, the rain... It doesn’t feel cold, or like anything.

I don’t want... to go out like this.

Like this... all alone.

I don’t want... to die.

I wish... someone had been at my side.

I wonder... if Yume’s okay. If she is... I’m glad. I don’t want Yume to die... like this.

Let me be the only one. Be the only one... to face an end like this.

I hate this.

I’m so lonely.

But... the time I spent with everyone... it wasn’t in vain.

That’s... what I want to think.

Because I should be able... to take everyone’s voices... to take those memories with me...

I...

I did my best, right...?

Manato-kun.

I... I didn’t lose.

Will Moguzo-kun... come to pick me up, maybe...?

If he does... I’ll know... that I’m not alone...

“Oh, this looks pretty bad,” a voice said.

I can’t see. So dark. Just the sound of rain. And that voice. That’s all.

“You did well.”

Yeah. I did well. Someone acknowledged it.

“O Light, may Lumiaris’s divine protection be upon you. Sacrament.”

No way! I...

The light shone in. From here and from there. It poured into her from everywhere. It spread out, filling her. She became the light itself.

Warm.

It pulled her back.

Lifting her up, higher and higher.

“Ah...!”

Shihoru’s eyes opened.

There was a person with a buzz cut, with a look on their face like they had reached some sort of enlightenment, looking down at her.

“Hey. Glad to see you made it. That was kind of a close one.”

“Tsuga-san...”

“Where are the other kids? I don’t see them around here. You get separated?”

“Huh? ...Uh, yeah. Along the way...”

“I see,” said Tsuga. “Well, our group is in more or less the same situation. Nothing new there, though.”

Tsuga didn’t tell her, So it’s going to be fine. But she did feel better. Shihoru had thought for herself and then taken the best course of action she could. She’d risked it all on a thin sliver of hope, and it could be said that she’d won her bet.

In the end, she hadn’t gotten out of the situation with her own strength, so she wouldn’t take pride in it. Even so, she didn’t need to feel ashamed. No matter how it happened, she’d survived. As long as she was alive, she could work something out. As long as she was alive, the possibility existed.

“Um...” she said, “thank you... very much.”

“Think nothing of it.” Tsuga’s turned his eyes towards Shihoru’s chest. “I can heal your wounds, but I can’t mend your clothes.”

“My clothes...” Shihoru lifted her head and looked her body over. “Ah!”

Hurriedly getting up, she pressed her right arm against her chest. Pulling down the hem of her torn outfit, she did her best to cover up her lower half.

This was bad. Having been torn up by the black wolves, her clothes were in a sorry state.

When she looked at Tsuga, he had turned to the side. The look on his face was relaxed, as if he was enjoying looking at the scenery.

“I-I’m sorry you had to see that...” Shihoru stammered.

“It was quite the sight, though.”

“Huh...?”

“I only saw a little, so don’t let it bother you.”

“...It bothers me.”

“Yeah, that figures. Oh, right.” Tsuga put down his backpack and took something out from inside it. “Here, this is a cloak designed to protect against the cold. If you don’t mind using mine...”

“...I’ll borrow it.”

“It’s yours. If you don’t need it anymore, just throw it away.”

“Sorry,” Shihoru said. “For all the trouble.”

The gray cloak that Tsuga handed her was probably wool, and it was lined with fur. It was too big for her, and a little heavy, but it covered her body completely. She was happy to see it could be done up at the front, too.

She couldn’t find her hat, but her staff was laying on the ground nearby. Now that Dark was her only magic, Shihoru didn’t particularly need a staff. But she felt uneasy walking around barehanded. It was better to have a staff than not to have one.

“Where are the others...?” she ventured.

“Who knows. I heard Sakanami’s voice, though.”

“Sakanami-san was the one who saved me.”

“Oh, yeah? I don’t know about the others, but I’m sure Moyugi will sort that all out just fine. Even if we get messed up pretty bad, that guy tends to make it all balance out in the end.”

“...You really trust him.”

“I don’t trust him, okay?” Tsuga said plainly. “It’s just been that way up until now, that’s all.”

Didn’t that mean he trusted him? Shihoru couldn’t help but think that, but she just gave a vague nod rather than digging into it any deeper.

Everyone was different. It was natural for there to be gulfs between them, or for them to be on different levels, and forcefully trying to fill in those gulfs or level things out to make everyone equal wasn’t necessary. Tsuga was her senior, and in the same clan, and had saved her. It seemed he’d taken a bit of a look at her, too, but they weren’t friends.

“...What do you plan to do next, Tsuga-san?” she asked.

“I figure I’ll run around wherever until Moyugi comes to collect me. You?”

“I... have to find my comrades.”

“Kuzaku the tall guy, and Yume the hunter?”

“...Them, and Haruhiro-kun and Merry, too. We have a meeting point decided on. I think everyone will be heading there.”

“That cave, right?”

“Right.”

“Can they make it? Seems tough. Though, can you even make it there yourself?”

“...I have to go.”

“An appeal to force of will, huh.” Tsuga shouldered his pack. “I don’t think it’ll do you much good. Not a big fan of that, myself.”

“Power...” Shihoru bit her lip, looking down. “I lack the power. I know that. Even if I’m not good enough... I have to do it. There are times when you just have to do it. For me... For me... that time is now.”

“Aren’t you thinking about this the wrong way?”

“...Am I?”

“You’re being naive.”

Shihoru raised her face.

It would have been fair to call Tsuga expressionless, but his eyes and mouth seemed to drip with compassion. On the other hand, he also seemed indifferent, or perhaps like he might be scheming something, or perhaps like he wasn’t thinking anything at all. Basically, she didn’t get him.

“You’re going to do it, even though you lack the power to? Isn’t that like a guaranteed recipe for failure? I think it’s meaningless. Do you just want to be able to say ‘I did my best’ for your own satisfaction?”

“That’s... not it,” Shihoru protested.

“Then you really are just making an appeal to willpower.”

“Think... or say whatever you want. I don’t care. I’ll overcome this.”

“You’re a stubborn one, I see.”

“...Maybe.”

“I think you’re putting yourself at a disadvantage, being like that.”

“Excuse me, Tsuga-san, but... I can’t imagine that you, or anyone in your group, is acting based on what’s most advantageous to them,” she said.

“Agh.” Tsuga slapped his forehead. “You got me there. Yeah. You’re absolutely right.”

“Um...” Shihoru bowed her head deeply. “Thank you again for healing my wounds. I won’t forget this debt of gratitude... Eventually, I’ll pay you back... if I’m able to, that is.”

“Hey, listen.”

“...Yes?” Shihoru looked up.

“You’re not expecting that I’ll help you without you having to say a word, or anything like that, are you?”

“No... I’m not, really. Huh...? Why do you ask that...?”

“I figured. I don’t like that kind of stuff.” Tsuga sighed as he took a look around the area. He seemed a little irritated somehow. “Oh, whatever. Fine. Come on, let’s go.”

“...Go? Where?”

“Looking for your comrades. I don’t have much of anything to do until Moyugi comes to get me, so I’ll help.”

Shihoru blinked repeatedly.

Tsuga was looking off to the side and rubbing his buzz cut head. He had a relatively solid body, and though his expression was soft, he had a normal, masculine face. Even though his hair was cut so short, too, he didn’t come across as very manly.

Maybe that was why Shihoru didn’t mind Tsuga. Maybe because she didn’t want to fall in love now, Shihoru had trouble with people who made her too conscious of the fact that they were of the opposite sex. Tsuga wasn’t like that.

Still, could it be—Tsuga was feeling shy right now?

He’s kind of cute, she thought, despite herself.

Shihoru hurriedly hid her smile. “...Thank you.”

“How many times are you going to say that?”

“H-How many times have I said it now?”

“Well, I don’t mind. Also, don’t worry about paying me back later.” Tsuga started walking, then added in a quieter voice, “I got a real good look, after all.”

“...Tsuga.”

“Huh? Did you just address me without an honorific?”

“I think you must have misheard.”

“Did I?”

“Absolutely, yes.”

Shihoru refocused herself as she followed after Tsuga. In the end, were all men the same?

She couldn’t let her guard down. That was what this had to mean.