Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 4 - Chapter 4

4. The Conditions for Being the Worst

—Don’t you think you’ve had enough?

It felt like someone had said that to her. Who? Probably the man next to her. She had no idea who he was supposed to be. Or what his face looked like.

She squinted her eyes and looked at him. He was too blurry. What was with this guy? Why was he sitting next to her? She didn’t get it.

“...Who are you?” she asked.

“Huh? What do you mean, ‘who’?” he asked.

“What are you doing there?” she asked.

“No, don’t ask me what I’m doing here, we came here together, remember? To this place.”

“You and who...?”

“Me and you, Merry.”

“Why?” she asked.

The man looked exasperated. “Somebody’s had too much to drink...”

“Who has?” she asked.

“You, of course.”

“Have I...?”

Merry paused for a breath, then lifted her cup. She tried to take a swig, but it was empty.

—“This place”? What kind of place is it? She looked around. Oh, it looks like a place that serves alcohol. It’s small and cramped, and the only seats are at the bar. It’s an unfamiliar place, one I don’t recognize.

When she thrust her cup out towards the man on the other side of the counter, who seemed to be the proprietor, and was about to say Give me another one, the man next to her grabbed her by the wrist.

“I’m telling you, it’s time to stop.”

“...Leave me alone,” Merry murmured.

“Like I could,” he shot back. “Do you have any clue how much you’ve drunk?”

“I don’t know,” she mumbled. “So what...?”

“No, not ‘so what.’”

The man looked at her like he was fed up. What right did some guy that she didn’t even recognize have to act like she was being a bother to him? It made her mad.

“...Fine, I don’t need it, then.”

Merry stood up. She stumbled a little, and the man caught her, but she brushed his hands away.

“Don’t touch me!” she screamed.

“You looked like you were gonna trip,” the man explained.

“So what?” she snapped. “If I trip... what’s wrong with that?”

“It’s not good.”

“Don’t try to push things on me like that.”

“Like what?” the man asked.

“The way you think... I don’t care what you think about me...”

What am I trying to say? What am I saying? I guess it doesn’t matter. It really doesn’t matter.

Merry left the bar.

The next thing she knew, she was somewhere else. It was dark. She was on the street.

“...Huh?” she mumbled.

My staff isn’t here. Did I forget to take it with me? Where did I leave it? I have no clue.

“Hey, are you okay?!”

Who could that be? Oh, the guy from before. Why is he here? What’s he following me for?

“What do you want?” she demanded.

When she asked, he gave her an indignant “Huhh?!”

He went on, “That’s some way to talk to the guy you’ve made treat you at two places now.”

“Treat me...?” Merry asked unsteadily. “What are you talking about?”

“Your drinks. You never paid, you know. I covered it all, Merry.”

“Why do you know my name?”

“Because you told me, obviously.”

“I did...? I’ll pay...”

She didn’t really get it, but she didn’t want him grumbling at her over it. Merry tried to pull out her money. If she gave him what she had on her, the man would probably be satisfied. Her hands were unsteady, though. Not just her hands, her legs were, too. She couldn’t stand.

When she felt like she was going to collapse, the man caught her in his arms.

“That’s not it, Merry,” the man said. “I’m not telling you to pay me money.”

“...Let go.”

“I don’t want to,” he said.

“I said, let go—”

Merry tried to escape from the man’s embrace. She couldn’t push him off her. The man’s arms were wrapped tightly around Merry. He brought his face close to hers. Merry put her hand on his chin and pushed upwards.

“I’m telling you...!”

“Shut up, bitch!” the man shouted. “After we’ve come this far, there’s no way I’m letting you go! I know you were looking for this, too!”

“What?! Looking for what?!”

“You were frustrated, so you thought you’d play around with me, right?! I can figure out that much!” he yelled.

“Play around...?”

What’s this guy talking about? He’s not making any sense. Play? I’m not in the mood. Doesn’t this guy know what happened?

Suddenly, she felt cold inside.

“...What did I tell you?” Merry murmured.

“Huh?! What, you ask? Just your name, and... Well, just small talk...”

“Whew.”

That’s a major relief. If I’d opened up to a guy like this, that’d be awful. Even if I am drunk—Hey, wait.

Merry was drunk, and she was more than just tipsy. She was absolutely, totally, falling down drunk.

I’m in danger, she realized. The state I’m in, and this situation. I’m definitely in danger. I need to run.

Merry headbutted the man as hard as she could. He cried out in pain and flinched, but he didn’t let go.

“Now you’ve gone and done it! No more Mr. Nice Guy!” he screamed.

“Ah—” Merry gasped.

He lifted her up. Her feet weren’t touching the ground. Merry thrashed around like her life depended on it. However, the man’s grip didn’t loosen.

What was he planning to do with her? The man seemed to be carrying Merry somewhere. It was dark and she couldn’t see very well, but he was trying to take her down a narrow alley.

When she tried to scream, he covered her mouth. Merry bit his fingers. The man groaned in pain, throwing Merry to the ground. Merry landed on her butt, then hit her head on something.

“...Ouch... Ow...”

Her eyes were spinning. She needed to get away. She crawled away from him, but he grabbed her by the arm and dragged her into the alleyway, forcing her onto her back. He held her down, covering her mouth again.

Am I going to get raped? she thought. Here? By this guy?

No. Don’t be ridiculous.

Merry kneed the man in the groin. “Take this!”

“Augh—” he gasped. “...D-Dammit! Why, you...!”

He punched her. In the face, with his fist. For a moment, she lost consciousness.

When she came to, he was trying to strip her out of her priest outfit.

I may not be able to do anything, Merry thought.

Maybe this is karma.

I mean, I let him die.

I let a comrade die, again.

Even though I’m a priest.

I’m responsible for protecting my comrades’ lives, but I couldn’t.

Merry couldn’t even say she’d done the best she could. She had made a mistake.

Literally, a fatal mistake.

Protection. It was the most basic of basics for a priest who was moving from the beginner level to the intermediate level. This light magic spell boosted the physical abilities and resistances of the target, as well as their natural healing ability. It was vital that Protection not be allowed to wear off in combat. Little differences like that could mean the difference between life and death.

In a fight, there were any number of things that could happen. That was why, the instant the thirty minute duration expired, it was time to recast Protection. This was something every priest had to know. It was something they had to never forget. And yet—

“Just give up already!” The man laughed perversely, pulling on her uniform. The sound of a seam tearing echoed through the alley. “I doubt this is your first time! This’ll be easier on you if you try to enjoy it...”

“Yeah, no. There’s no way she could enjoy this,” another man’s voice broke in.

The scumbag on top of her turned his head to look at the newcomer. “Huh...?”

“Sorry, but I’m not gonna hold back, okay?” the new man said.

“Wait—”

“Hah!”

The scumbag keeled over. He fell on top of Merry, but the other man was quick to pull him off of her.

“...Huh?” Merry asked, dazed.

I have no clue what just happened.

It looks like I’ve been saved, but why? Who is he?

“You okay?” the guy asked. “Can you get up?”

Merry was silent. The man who saved her from the scumbag sighed and scratched the back of his head.

“I dunno what to say... I’m not gonna try anything weird, okay?” he said. “Are your clothes and whatnot all right?”

He’s awfully blunt, Merry thought. But he did save me from a tight spot. That much is certain. If he hadn’t come along, who knows what would have happened to me? Well, I probably would have been raped.

Merry sat up, fixing her clothes. The sleeve of her priest outfit was torn. It was probably dirty too, but fine other than that.

“...I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “Thank you.”

“Sure,” the new man said. “Uh. Well, if you’re fine, I guess that’s all that matters.”

The alley was dark, so she could barely see the man’s face. However, there was something—his voice, maybe? It sounded familiar. That, and the way he was dressed. The man was rather tall. Did Merry know him?

“Er...” the man said, taking half a step back. “I won’t say anything. I’m not going to tell anyone about this. You’d probably prefer it that way, right?”

This man probably knew Merry, too. It sounded that way from the way he was talking.

“You’re...” she said fuzzily.

“Me? Ah,” the man said. “The name’s Kuzaku. Not that you’d know it...”

True, the name Kuzaku wasn’t ringing any bells.

When Merry stood up, Kuzaku took another step back. He seemed to be trying to keep his distance. Maybe he was trying to show he had no intention of doing anything to her.

Merry looked down at the scumbag beside her. Kuzaku must have hit or kicked him hard enough to knock him unconscious. Merry could have kicked him once or twice herself, but she decided against it.

She left the alley. Kuzaku was a little ways away from her. Thanks to the moonlight, she could see his face better now. She finally recognized him.

“At Deadhead, you were in Green Storm Force with us...” she murmured.

“Ah. Maybe you do remember me, then?”

“But...”

“I nearly died,” Kuzaku said, looking down. “...But I didn’t. Someone healed me, and when I came to, I was the only one left, you know.”

“...I see.”

“Um,” Kuzaku said uneasily.

“What?” Merry asked.

“Sorry,” he said. “I should have stepped in sooner. To tell you the truth, I was watching. When you two left the bar. Something struck me as wrong, so I followed you. Then, well, you know what happened.”

“...I must have been pretty awful,” Merry mumbled.

“Nah,” he said. “Not really. I mean, I was drinking, too.”

“Kuzaku-kun.” Merry bowed her head. “Let me apologize one more time. I’m sorry. And thank you.”

Kuzaku fell silent for some time.

Then, finally, “...Okay,” was all he said in reply.

“Goodbye,” Merry said.

She raised her head and quickly walked past Kuzaku.

Of course, I still haven’t sobered up. I’m nauseous. Just how much did I drink? I don’t remember at all. Too much. This is the first time in my life that I’ve drunk so much that I can’t remember what happened.

That guy should have messed me up while I still didn’t know what was going on. If that’d happened, maybe I’d have been satisfied. Maybe I drank so much because I wanted that to happen. Maybe that’s why I didn’t chase off that scumbag when he came up next to me.

Kuzaku got in the way. He didn’t need to get involved. But, if that scumbag really had raped me... Just the thought of it makes me sick. Disgusting. I can’t stand people touching me. He touched me a lot. He groped me all over. He’s the worst. This is the worst.

“Ugh...” With an unbearable wave of nausea sweeping over her, Merry stopped walking.

She wanted to throw up. But she didn’t. She couldn’t. She crouched down. She felt awful. She wanted to die. She just wanted to lie down and die. After all, others already had died.

Here was an incompetent priest who let her comrades die not once, but twice, and she had the gall to think that she wanted to just lay down and die. How could she think that?

“...I’m the worst,” Merry mumbled.