Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 20 - Chapter 5

5. Inside Me

It would have been September seventeenth, 661 A.C.

I’ll remember that day for the rest of my life—though, for a guy like me, I’m not guaranteed any kind of life, and it seems questionable whether the time left before I disappear can even be called a life at all—but anyway, for as long as I possess the ability to think, remember, and feel anything, I’ll never forget that day.

Daybreak Village had Kuzaku deliver our answer to the No-Life King, and then we had to wait for the king’s response. Nobody among the members of Daybreak talked much about what would be happening next, though I’m sure we all had our concerns. I think that was because we had bigger worries. Like the reason that none of the male members of Daybreak were entering the hut we had all worked together to build. Except for one—Ranta.

The women, particularly the Wild Angels, had been critical of his being there, but Ranta didn’t care, and more importantly, Yume didn’t refuse him entry. In fact, Ranta told me himself that Yume had asked him to stay by her side, which left me beside myself with worry.

We have light mages, so no matter what happens, I think she’ll be fine. But giving birth is no small thing.

If I recall correctly, the only person in Daybreak who’d even been present while a baby was being delivered before was Lilia, the elf from Soma’s party. The birth rate among the elves had declined to the point where every birth was a big event which every member of their race would attend. Naturally, that had included Lilia, but she had only been there for the ceremony, so though she’d had it hammered into her that there were many dangers to the mother and child, she didn’t have very much actual knowledge of the process.

Regardless, if Lilia was the main advisor for the operation, the commander in chief was Akira-san’s wife Miho. This was a first-time experience for all of them, including Lilia, who had been nothing more than an observer rather than someone involved in the delivery she had witnessed. Even if they thought they were fully prepared, I’m sure none of them were particularly confident about that.

As the time when Yume’s child would be born drew closer day by day, I wouldn’t say that I grew more fearful so much as more pessimistic. What were the ways in which a pregnancy could go wrong? Not knowing made my imagination run wild with conjuring up bad scenarios.

The worst outcome would be never seeing Yume or her baby again. But the more I try to convince myself it won’t go that way, the more it feels like it will. It’s actually harder to imagine that it won’t. I’m sure something’s going to go wrong. But I obviously didn’t say that to anyone. I just kept laboring away the same as always.

Up until right before the birth, Yume was going around Daybreak Village, holding her belly, which I thought looked not just big but massive, so we ran into each other pretty often. I couldn’t simply ignore her. I would ask how she was doing, and tell her I knew she’d be all right, murmuring words of encouragement I didn’t believe myself. She always smiled when I did. I thought that I had managed to hide my fear, which went well beyond mere uncertainty, but Ranta found out.

I think it was two or three days before the birth.

“You moron!” Ranta slapped me hard on the back. “What’re you getting all nervous for? Yume’s the one giving birth, okay? There’s nothing we can do about it, so we’ve gotta at least act confident. I mean, come on, Yume and I are the parents, not you, got it?”

That Yume had asked Ranta to stay by her side probably indicated that she felt more uneasy than she’d looked. In some ways, Ranta may’ve been the calmest out of all of us. That was not a realization I expected to come to, and may ultimately be one of the reasons why I’ll never be able to outdo him. If I’d been in his position, I’d never have been able to act like that.

“Ahhh! There might be somethin’ weird goin’ on?” Yume suddenly said one day—the seventeenth of September—before quickly heading to the hut she was using.

I spent some time watching the place from a distance, but eventually went back to work building another hut. I know I was doing some kind of manual labor, but my mind was definitely somewhere else. I did my best not to look at the area around that one hut. But I have vague memories of Ranta coming out of it, then going back in, and of Anna-san and Mimori coming out, saying they needed this or that, and then Tada and Kikkawa running here and there to find it, so I guess I must have been paying some attention to what was happening after all. For some reason, I have a clear memory of Soma and Akira-san standing around and talking. Oh, and Renji called out to me once too.

“How’s it going?” It was unusual for Renji to beat around the bush, so I don’t think there was any actual meaning behind the question.

“Mmm...” I responded vaguely.

“All right,” Renji murmured, then headed off somewhere. The sight of him scratching his head as he went left an impression on me.

It was after dark when a cry of joy erupted from the hut.

I was near my sleeping spot at the time. I know I was sitting on the ground, but I don’t remember what I was doing very well. I was probably thinking things like, It’s taking way too long. It’s not gonna turn out okay. There’s no way it will. I figured as much. I knew it wouldn’t. But it isn’t my kid, and Yume’s the one giving birth to it, so I shouldn’t be thinking like this. I’m such an awful guy. There’s no helping me. I imagine I spent a lot of time pointlessly arguing with myself like that.

But anyway, when I heard that cry of joy, I recognized it for what it was immediately, so I shut my eyes tight and let out a deep sigh.

I know this makes no sense, but I felt like I was going to be punished. If you think about everything I’d done, it wouldn’t make sense for me not to face some retribution. So there was no way I could expect anything good to happen to me. But it would’ve been completely unreasonable for that divine punishment to befall Yume, Ranta, and their child. And yet, because of how unfair it would’ve been, that made it the best, most awful punishment for me, which was why I was so terrified things would end badly. Obviously, I didn’t want it to go that way. But for whatever reason, things seem to only ever go in the direction I don’t want them to. If I wish for something, it never comes true. Actually, the reverse happens. Which is why I should never wish for anything. But even knowing that, I want good things to come to those close to me. But maybe a guy like me should not only refrain from wishing for things for himself, but also from wishing for things for anyone?

Some time later, Ranta emerged from the hut. I thought he was going to shout something, but all he did was silently thrust his fist up into the air. He wasn’t the one who had cried out as loud as he could earlier. That sound had come from the members of Daybreak inside the hut.

I was still near my sleeping spot at that point too. I felt weak, unable to move.

What if this was my last day? I distinctly remember thinking. If everything ended today, I’d be fine with that. It would be better that way. Please, let this be the end. I just want to die here and now. That was something I honestly, firmly believed. Nothing could be better than this. It’s not possible. Life was rough for a weak guy like me. And then a day like this came along. This is enough. End it here. Come on, I’m begging you.

The members of Daybreak gathered around Ranta, giving him their blessings. I wanted to celebrate Ranta, Yume, and the birth of their child too, but what right did I have to do so? If a guy like me gave them his blessings, it’d be more like a curse.

This is embarrassing to admit, but it’s in the past now, so I’m going to own up to it. At the time, I was thinking that if I could just find the strength in me to stand, I would leave Daybreak Village. It’s not like I had any idea where I would go. I had none. There was no way there could be any place for me. I didn’t belong anywhere. It was better for me to stay away from my comrades.

I was thinking that I’d head to the west, and walk until I collapsed and died—end my own life, basically. I didn’t want to simply wish for the end anymore, but to end it properly.

If I had been thinking about how Yume, who had just finished giving birth, would feel, it would obviously have been wrong for me to do something like that. Of course. I knew that, but I still felt inexplicably compelled to end things.

I can’t take this anymore. If I act now, I’ll have the strength to end it. So, sorry, but let me wrap things up while I’m at a good part.

“Haruhiro!”

Even with all of the members of Daybreak around him, Ranta made a point of coming to me. I had been hanging my head up until that point, but I think I looked up, mumbled a vague response, asked how Yume was doing, and that sort of thing. I don’t remember any of it, though.

“The hell, man? You’re such a downer. Why’ve you gotta act this way even at a time like this?”

“Sorry. It’s just... Well. I’m feeling kinda out of it.”

“Heh! Man, you were even more tense about this than Yume and I were.”

“Maybe.”

“Bet you were constantly thinking something bad would happen. I mean, this is you we’re talking about.”

“Yeah... That’s just how I am.”

“You’re hopeless. A piece of shit. The shittiest shit that ever shat.”

“Don’t be so harsh... I’m already aware.”

“Oh, are you?”

Ranta sat down beside me. Why won’t he go away? I thought. The members of Daybreak want to celebrate with the two of you. And you deserve their blessings. You shouldn’t be wasting your time on me right now.

“It’s a boy. I mean, I always kinda had a feeling it would be. And Yume was saying that too. Come on, man, this should’ve been the first thing you asked.”

“Oh, yeah... I guess so. A boy, huh? I’m sure he’ll grow up strong. He’s your kid and Yume’s, after all.”

“Damn straight. He’s gonna be stronger than anyone.”

“He...doesn’t have a name yet, I guess? Are you going to be deciding that later?”

“Nah. We already decided. Yume and me together. One for if it was a boy, and one for if it’d been a girl. We were gonna go with Yori in that case. It means something like gathering, holding together, that sort of thing.”

“So, instead...?”

“His name’s Ruon. Sounds cool, right?”

“Ruon...”

“This one’s not about the meaning, it’s about the sound. Ranta. Yume. Ruon. Feels right somehow, like...there’s a connection there, I guess?”

“A connection...”

“C’mon, you need to meet him,” Ranta said, throwing his arm over my shoulders.

I couldn’t help but feel surprised at him acting like that. I’m sure Ranta had a friendly side to him, and he often sat shoulder to shoulder with other people. But he didn’t generally do that with me. We didn’t have that kind of relationship. As far as I can recall, that was the first time he’d done it. And, of this I’m certain, it was also the last.

“You’re coming to see Ruon,” he said, arm still around my shoulders. “Listen up, Haruhiro. He’s my kid, and Yume’s kid. But he’s not only our kid. I’m not talking about blood here. By some twist of fate, Ruon was born in this place, at this time. In some sense...just some sense, okay? Ruon’s your kid too. You get me? Come on, figure it out. Don’t make me spell this stuff out for you. Yume and I aren’t the only ones who’re gonna be protecting him. Everyone will, including you. That’ll be the bond between us. Not that I wanna put all of that on my own kid’s shoulders. But it’s gotta be this way. So come see Ruon. Don’t run away, Haruhiro. Stay here. Today, tomorrow, and the next day. Here, with us. We need you, and you need us.”

I nodded. But I couldn’t find the nerve to actually go see the baby, so in the end, I didn’t meet Ruon until the next day. Soon after dawn, Ranta came out of the hut where Yume was staying, and I asked him to let me see them.

“Sure. Go on in,” was all he said.

I don’t know why he didn’t come with me.

I entered the hut alone. The floor was padded with straw, and Yume was lying there. The baby was sleeping with his head on Yume’s arm.

“Oh, Haru-kun,” Yume called my name, smiling as she did.

The inside of the hut was dimly lit by a hearth. Yume looked pretty exhausted. And sleepy. And thin.

I knelt down next to her bed. The baby was small. It was just this unbelievably tiny little creature. But despite being so small, it still had all the features of a human, which honestly creeped me out. It was a mystery and a horror to me that this little being—which seemed so fragile that it might break if I picked it up and then dropped it—was Yume and Ranta’s child.

There’s no way a creature like this can survive. That’s what I thought, deep down. Isn’t it just beyond cruel to throw a defenseless baby out into this merciless world? If it were up to me, I would never let such a thing happen, and I wouldn’t let anyone else do it either.

“Isn’t he a cutie? Look, Ruon, it’s Haru-kun. But there’s no point in tellin’ you that when you’re sleepin’, huh? And your eyes don’t open very wide yet anyway. Oh...”

As Yume stroked the baby’s head, his swollen eyelids opened a little, letting his pupils peer through the narrow slit.

“Did Ruon wake up? Looks like it. Maybe he could use a drink. Haru-kun, do y’mind lettin’ Yume breastfeed Ruon a bit?”

“Huh? Uh, well... Sure, um... I’ll, uh...look the other way.”

“Oh, yeah? Watchin’d make you feel weird, huh?”

“Kinda...”

I turned my back toward Yume and the kid. I didn’t really understand what they were doing, and I didn’t particularly care. Anyway, I couldn’t help but feel that I shouldn’t have been there, and yet I couldn’t leave either.

It was awkward staying silent, so I talked to Yume. Or rather, Yume started asking me stuff, and all I had to do was respond. What did I say to her? I seem to recall talking about some rather serious—or perhaps, rather grave—subjects in a calm, relaxed manner.

It was mostly about Shihoru, Merry, Setora, and Kuzaku. Yume wanted all of them to meet Ruon. We had told Kuzaku that Ranta and Yume were having a baby, and it would be born soon, so I was sure that Setora and Merry already knew. Yume believed beyond a shadow of a doubt that they would want to see her child.

I was fifty-fifty on that, or rather, I didn’t really have a clue what they would want one way or the other, but I thought it would be nice if she was right. Maybe them meeting Ruon wouldn’t change anything. In all likelihood, it wouldn’t alter our situation in any meaningful way. But I wanted them to see him, and I felt like they should. Whatever ideas or plans we were going to be coming up with in the near future, I thought that it would be important for all of us to meet Ruon first. If we were going to scorch away heaven and earth with the fires of hell, we needed to be aware of what that would mean for this child.

“Haru-kun, do you wanna try holdin’ Ruon?” Yume offered.

I turned her down. Partially because I didn’t know how to do it correctly, and that scared me. But more importantly, I felt like these stained hands of mine had no right to touch that innocent little creature. I regret that now. If I’d just had a little courage, then even if I wasn’t quite sure how to hold the newborn Ruon properly, I might’ve been able to get it basically right. If I had, then I’m sure I would have held Ruon many more times after that.

I never touched Ruon. I was sure that it was fine for me not to, and I was making the right choice. But I was wrong, wasn’t I? Because if I was right, things wouldn’t have ended up like this. I should’ve held Ruon. Because I wanted to. I wanted to feel the warmth and the weight—or perhaps the lightness—of Ranta and Yume’s child. I probably felt like forbidding myself from doing so was a suitable punishment for me.

If I had touched Ruon, even a little, I would have loved him more than I could bear. I probably sensed that. Ruon was important, and I had to treasure him, but I couldn’t ever love him. My love would only bring misfortune on him. I genuinely believed that.

If you want to call me a damned fool and laugh at me for that, go right ahead. It’s an accurate assessment. There aren’t many guys who deserve to be laughed at as much as I do.

Kuzaku showed up again less than a month after Ruon was born to tell us that the No-Life King wanted to meet with us in person.

The main issue was that unless special measures were taken, the No-Life King would draw in the sekaishu, which would make it hard to operate on the surface. That being the case, the No-Life King and Daybreak would agree on representatives and meet inside the Wonder Hole where the sekaishu wouldn’t go.

The No-Life King’s team would include himself, Kuzaku, Setora, and Architekra of the four princes. Daybreak would send a team of around ten people to the designated location, but the only ones who would actually be meeting with the king were Soma and Akira-san, along with me and Ranta because of our familiarity with the other side.

The arrangements for the meeting were hashed out easily enough, but many members of Daybreak objected to letting Kuzaku meet Ruon, and that complicated things.

Kajiko and the Wild Angels led the opposed group, and argued quite passionately that Kuzaku might be trying to abduct Ruon to use him as a hostage. The Tokkis sided with them, and for some reason the Typhoon Rocks did too.

“If you’re that suspicious, then you can cut my head off!” Kuzaku said. He didn’t exactly perform a kowtow in front of Daybreak, but he did kneel down on the ground and plead with them. “Then Ranta-kun can take my head to see Yume-san and the baby. It’s not like I’ll die. Even with my head cut off, I’ll still be alive. Now that’s what I call being a disembodied head. No, no, I’m not joking around. I’m being serious here, guys.”

“Carrying around a severed head would just be gross!” Ranta shouted, slapping Kuzaku on the back of the skull.

“Ow! I know I said I can’t die anymore, but I still feel pain, okay?!”

“Not my problem, moron! And if it didn’t hurt, there wouldn’t be any point in hitting you!”

“Well, y’know, it did make me a little happy, though.”

“You like getting hit?! Are you some kinda freak?!”

“Nah, it’s more of an ‘Oh, you’re still willing to smack me.’”

“I’m telling you, you’re being creepy!”

But in the end, Yume had the final word on the matter, and she decided to let Kuzaku meet with Ruon.

For safety’s sake, Ranta and I went with him, as well as Kajiko of the Wild Angels, and also Renji, Mimori, and Anna-san. Yume was sitting on her bed in the hut with Ruon in her arms. Kuzaku didn’t approach them. Instead, he sat down on the ground at a reasonable distance, making a conspicuous effort to be on his best behavior. Yume laughed at the way he was acting.

“It’s been a long time, huh, Kuzakkun. What’s wrong? You’re actin’ real formed up.”

“I think you meant to say formal,” Ranta said.

Yume laughed and accepted his correction with a forbearing, “Oh, yeah?”

“Well...” Kuzaku seemed to be at a loss for words as he looked back and forth between mother and child. Then he suddenly hung his head, his shoulders trembling. “Aw, damn... I’m so full of emotion right now. Maybe for the first time since I ended up like this. Whew... Ranta-kun and Yume-san’s kid, huh? That’s totally wild. No, really, it’s amazing. Just amazing. Ranta-kun’s a dad, and Yume-san’s a mom, huh? Well, only one thing to say about that. You both better live a long time. Oh, and I hope the world can be at peace. With all of us getting along, you know? No conflict, or anything like that.”

Kuzaku wasn’t crying. It looked like he wanted to, but the tears wouldn’t come.

“You all might not believe it, but that’s what our king is hoping for. It sounds like it’ll be tough, though. I bet it will. There’re all these races, and countries, and all this history, or I mean, the sequence of events that brought us to where we are now. And from the sound of it, we can’t simply let all of that be water under the bridge and just have fun together. It sure mystifies me. Like, why not? Is there anything we can do other than let the past go? Seems to me like we’ve gotta find a way to say that whatever happened didn’t happen. If we fixate on it, it’ll never end, and nothing’ll change, right? I’m saying we’ve gotta cut it out. Yeah. I want us to take it all back to zero, return to a blank slate, and start from there. I think that’d be for the best. I mean, that kid there, he’s a blank slate, isn’t he? You’ll all tell him this is what happened, or things were like that back then, and you’ll think you’re doing him a favor, but what you’re really doing is planting stuff in his head, and coloring his views. But by nature, he’s totally blank. He could get along with anyone. It’d be nice if the world could be the same. That’s what I think. And I’m being serious here.”

I could understand what Kuzaku was saying. I got his reasoning. But it was pure idealism. I could only think, We can’t do that. It’s impossible. Kuzaku himself wouldn’t have said all that stuff back before he had changed. I’m sure it would’ve been unthinkable for him. In the end, the No-Life King and Kuzaku couldn’t understand our feelings.

Yeah. It was all a matter of feelings, of emotions. If we could all let bygones be bygones, join hands and work together, then we at least wouldn’t be stuck killing each other. No one needed to tell me that for me to understand it. But no matter how well I understood, there are some things that just can’t be done.

“Kuzakkun,” Yume called Kuzaku’s name. “Do me a favor and hold Ruon, okay?”

Kuzaku hesitated. He stood up a little, then sat back down. All of us who were watching him were probably giving off a pretty threatening aura. It was Yume, Ruon’s mother, who was offering, so we couldn’t stop him, but none of us had accepted it. Well, no, apparently Ranta had. He looked completely calm.

After rising and sitting back down several times, Kuzaku said, “I appreciate the offer, but no,” as if he was trying to convince himself. “Much as I’d like to hold him, I’ll save it for next time. For when, how should I put this...uh, when it’s peaceful? And we’ve dealt with some of this stuff. Once we’ve got a certain degree of, uh, I guess you’d call it ‘trust’ going? I think it’d be better if I saved that for then. I dunno. It’d be encouragement for me, I guess? Something I have to strive for. If that’s how I think about it, then it’ll help me try my hardest. Yeah.”

“Think like that for too long, and he’ll grow up before you know it,” Ranta said teasingly.

“We’ve gotta hurry, then!” Kuzaku replied with gusto. “It’s not gonna take that long. That’s not our intent, at least. We want this over and done with real quick. If everything goes according to plan, we’ll all get another chance. I mean, I know we’re in a tight spot now. But turning that around, this could be an opportunity.”

The No-Life King’s side was, in fact, acting with all due haste.

Kuzaku hadn’t come alone. A large number of undead had been deployed in the Wonder Hole and on the surface, and when Kuzaku reported something to them, they passed it along immediately.

It was apparently Setora who had proposed this network to the No-Life King and implemented it. The system let the No-Life King learn about things that happened even a few hundred kilometers away the same day that they happened. As such, there was no need for Kuzaku himself to return and convey Daybreak’s response to the No-Life King. Once the No-Life King was ready, word came via an undead messenger, which Kuzaku passed on to us, and then we left Daybreak Village with him.

There’s a place in the Wonder Hole known as the underground forest. This remains unconfirmed, but it’s apparently under the Shadow Forest where the elves used to live. As the name suggests, it’s an area thick with foliage, but the trees there aren’t very similar to the ones on the surface, and it’s not clear whether they’re related in any way.

The trees of the underground forest have white trunks and branches which emit a dim light, with translucent leaves, or maybe something more like cotton fluff growing from their branches. The volunteer soldiers called them undertrees. They varied a lot in size. The short ones were a meter or two tall, while larger ones could be over ten meters. It also wasn’t unusual to see what looked like red, blue, or yellow fruits growing on them.

The underground forest as a whole was a wide open area. It had height, and it had depth too, with underground streams, and even underground waterfalls flowing through it.

The largest undertree was called the great tree. It wasn’t a single tree, but multiple undertrees that had intertwined as they grew. The great tree stretched from the floor of the underground forest all the way to the ceiling, and its branches spread out from there. Its trunk probably had a circumference of one hundred, or maybe even two hundred meters.

The talks were set to be held underneath the great tree. When Soma, Akira-san, Ranta, and I, along with Kuzaku, left the others who’d accompanied us behind and approached it, we found that the No-Life King, Setora, and Architekra had already arrived and were waiting for us.

Setora was dressed in a black outfit that resembled a kimono but was fairly short in length, and she was wearing a pair of knee-high boots. She also carried what looked like a dagger, but that was the only weapon I could see on her. She didn’t even smile when she saw Ranta and me. In a way, that was very true to how she’d always been. If anything, Setora seemed more interested in Soma and Akira-san, and didn’t hide that she was scrutinizing the two of them.

Architekra was the only person there that I was meeting for the first time. I had heard the name before, so I knew that it belonged to a mage who was one of the princes created by the No-Life King, but I hadn’t known that she was a woman, or that she was so terribly petite that she looked like a child. That surprised me a little. Her hair was awfully long, and tied back and braided into a shape that made me think of a bird with spread wings. Her eyes were rimmed with red, she was wearing lipstick, and she had designs drawn on her forehead and her cheeks. Her attire was similar to Setora’s. Also, she wasn’t standing on her own two feet. Instead, she was sitting on a floating spherical object that was a color somewhere between gold and silver. Was that thing a relic? Or was it a product of her magic?

Then there was the No-Life King, Merry.

In contrast to Setora or Architekra, the No-Life King wore a long garment that was colored purple, deep blue, and crimson. The king’s hair was neatly brushed so that it was all straight, and on top of the king’s head there was a crown. It wasn’t ostentatious. In fact, if anything, it was relatively modest. Yet it was still immediately obvious that it was well-made, and highly valuable.

Merry wouldn’t have dressed like that of her own choosing. Not the Merry I knew. But I could tell. That was Merry. She had her hands pressed tightly together in front of her stomach, and I could easily see there was a lot of tension in her shoulders. Her brow was slightly furrowed, and her eyes were pointed in my direction. She stared only at me, and I grew confident that it really was her. Right now, she’s Merry.

We faced each other underneath the great tree. Five of us on one side, and three on the other. Setora shot an ice-cold glare at Kuzaku who was standing with us.

“Oh!” he said before walking to the midpoint between the two groups, where he lowered himself slightly as he indicated to the No-Life King with one hand.

“I think this goes without saying, but this is our king, the, uhh... This is our king. Uhm, well, we don’t need to worry about speaking all proper... Or at least I don’t think so. Probably.”

After Kuzaku’s introduction, the No-Life King lowered her eyes and nodded slightly.

“I am Architekra,” the prince introduced herself in a high voice like that of a little girl. “I’ve served His Majesty for quite some time, and even in his absence, I awaited his return. His Majesty has appointed me as chief overseer.”

“I am Setora, the king’s assistant,” Setora said curtly, and Kuzaku puffed his chest out.

“By the way, Setora-san’s actually the chief minister, and I’m the chief judge. I don’t really get what all that entails, but it sounds awesome, right? Somehow.”

“I’m Soma.”

“They call me Akira.”

“Ranta.”

“I’m Haruhiro.”

We each introduced ourselves.

Since we were inside the Wonder Hole, Soma was wearing his relic armor, Magai Waiomaru. He carried a single-edged longsword on his back, and another small katana hung at his hip. Soma’s magical armor was made up of countless plates of black metal. It covered everything including his wrists and feet, and even had an asymmetrical skirt attached to it, yet it never got in the way of his movements. There was an orange light that leaked out through the gaps in the armor, making it obvious at a glance that there was something mystical about it.

Rather than Soma’s visage as a whole, it was his sharp eyes that left a powerful impression on everyone he met. I wasn’t able to tell this at the time due to inexperience with seeing such things in others, but in hindsight, I realize that those were the eyes of a man who knew deep sadness.

Akira-san was wearing a scarlet coat over his armor, and carried a sword and shield. About a third of his tied-back hair and long beard was white, and he was always making self-deprecating remarks about how he was “getting on in years,” but he still moved like a young man. He was fairly well-built, but he didn’t look all that big, perhaps because of his gentle gaze. He looked a bit thinner than he had when I’d first met him, though. I remember him complaining that he wasn’t able to eat as much as he used to. But he claimed that was a good thing, since we weren’t always blessed with full larders. “I guess aging’s not all bad,” he’d sometimes say. Akira-san was treated as a legend among the volunteer soldiers, but he was very human. I’m not worried about being misunderstood when I say that he was an ordinary guy with incredible amounts of skill and experience. And he seemed to feel the same way, because he always had this approachable and unpretentious demeanor about him.

“Thank you for taking the trouble to come all this way,” the No-Life King said in Merry’s voice, looking at Soma, Akira-san, Ranta, and I in turn.

Something changed. That was what I sensed. He was Merry until just a moment ago, but not now.

“I believe you are aware, but in the past I formed an alliance with the orcs, gray elves, goblins, and kobolds to destroy the human kingdoms. It was not something I wanted to do, but I imagine you would have a hard time accepting that, no matter what I say. I did try to bring the humans of the kingdoms of Ishmar, Nananka, and Arabakia to the negotiating table, and the elves and dwarves as well. But they were unwilling to give any ground, and they continued to slander us. They would only demand that we leave this region entirely and live in isolation within the barren wastelands. And so we drove out the human race, and we shared what we stole from them among ourselves. In the end, I was the one who made that decision. If anyone is to blame, it is me. We massacred the humans, seizing their lands, their cities, and all of their wealth and culture, chasing them out of the area north of the Tenryu Mountains—out of Grimgar. Those are all things that I did in the past.”

“I—” Soma began, but then he shrugged and started over. “Would it be correct to say that you’re currently living inside a host?”

“No, it would not.” The No-Life King pointed to his chest with his right index finger. “I am inside of her, but I am also her, and it would be equally correct to say that she is me.”

“I wasn’t close with her, but I did know her. She should know me too. Is it all right for me to assume that you know what she knows?”

“More or less.”

“Then you should already know this: We’re humans, but we weren’t born to the Kingdom of Arabakia. I think we may have come here from another world.”

“There weren’t any humans in Grimgar originally. According to the legends of the forerunners, at least, humans came later.”

“The forerunners,” Architekra interjected, “refers to the ancestors of the elves, dwarves, gnomes, centaurs, and kobolds. Given that they’re so different from each other, this might be hard to believe, but they have an old legend in common. According to that legend, they all descend from a single source.”

The No-Life King nodded.

“The hornedfolk of the Northern Frontier, the piratsians of the Nehi Desert, the orcs, and the goblins. These are the races that, like humans, came from outside.”

“What about you?” Akira-san asked the No-Life King. “When did you come to Grimgar? And from where? Do you have an answer to that?”

“Unfortunately, I don’t remember.” The No-Life King stared off into the distance. Perhaps he was thinking back to that distant past he said he couldn’t recall.

“Initially, I had no thoughts or memories. Those took shape gradually. In all likelihood, I became what I am over a long period of time. The me from that period which I don’t have memories of must have been very different from the current me. I know for certain that I started out in the Northern Frontier. The hornedfolk tribes still sing songs about me. But the passage of time has little meaning to them. When they sing of past events, whether from a millennium ago, a century, or only just yesterday, it’s all in the present to them. That is why the hornedfolk still treat me as a friend. They have promised to participate in the coming battle with the sekaishu.”

“It was ridiculously cold up north,” Kuzaku said, shivering. “Everything was white there. Just a single color wherever you looked. Pretty, though. Bet I’d have frozen to death if it weren’t for this body. It was so damn cold, I’m amazed the hornedfolk can stand it up there.”

“You went?” Ranta asked.

“Yeah,” Kuzaku replied casually. “And Setora-san met with the piratsians in the Nehi Desert. After that, we talked about which was worse, hot or cold, and I feel like cold weather is more tolerable than hot weather.”

“Sounds like you’re both going off on grand adventures.”

“If you became one of us, you could go to the Northern Frontier too, huh, Ranta-kun? Oh, and you’d live a long time too, wouldn’t you? C’mon, do it for Ruon. Though, you might just never die.”

“Like I’d ever agree to become one of you, moron!”

“Aw, it’d be great. You totally should. Just give it a chance. You can make your decision after becoming one of us. Hey, king, how about it? Why not make Ranta-kun a prince too?”

“Hey! Don’t try to push forward with this shit on your own!”

“That is not the problem,” Setora said coldly. “I’m going to insist that you two not get us off track.”

Her rebuke didn’t just make Kuzaku flinch; Ranta did too.

“So then, you’ve already joined hands with the hornedfolk tribes?” Akira-san asked.

Setora answered on behalf of the No-Life King. “The hornedfolk have always been allies of the king, and we’ve also come to an agreement with the piratsians. Both of them have already deployed their primary forces to the Quickwind Plains. Dif Gogun of the orcs, King Zwarzfeld of the gray elves, Chief Ademoi of the kobolds, the sixteen centaur clans, and Jumbo’s Forgan have also agreed.”

“Jumbo—Forgan’s in on this too?!” Ranta’s face twisted in shock, and I was more than a little surprised myself.

“You referred to this as a battle with the sekaishu a moment ago, yeah?” asked Soma, who then sighed when the No-Life King nodded. “Why bring us in on this? Do you need us in that battle?”

“Very much so.”

Ever since this part of the conversation had started, the No-Life King hadn’t looked at me even once. It was like I wasn’t even there. But it’s not like I was feeling left out or anything. It just helped reaffirm for me that the No-Life King wasn’t Merry at the time.

“I believe it will be important for you to have participated in the battle.”

“Hmm...” Akira-san touched his hair with a pensive look on his face. “Like how the orcs, goblins, kobolds, and undead worked with you to destroy the human kingdoms once upon a time, huh? I can’t imagine how you’re going to do it, but your aim is to sweep away the sekaishu, and share the reclaimed Grimgar among the victors, right?”

“Though it will undoubtedly not go as smoothly as that,” Architekra, who had been listening quietly with a faint smile, interjected. “What happened after we expelled the humans from Grimgar? Of all things, one of His Majesty’s own subjects, a prince, betrayed him, the gray elves who were framed for the murder left, and the orcs, goblins, and kobolds went their own separate ways. The tribes had only believed in His Majesty; they did not trust each other. His Majesty never goes back on his word once it is given. However, most individuals have other things that they value more than truthfulness. In a sense, that is even true for us princes, who have been granted the blood of the king. We all have our own distinct hopes and desires. And there was one fool of a prince who held the unreachable dream of replacing His Majesty.”

“I wouldn’t describe myself as being excessively optimistic about this,” the No-Life King said, not chastising Architekra. “After experiencing betrayal, discord, and division firsthand, for a good long while, I intended to spend what time I have left as a simple wanderer.”

“You’re never going to die, though.” Soma cocked his head to the side, innocently mystified by this. “Isn’t that a pretty long span to be referring to as ‘what time I have left’?”

The No-Life King smiled ever so slightly. It’s not like Merry’s smile. That’s what I felt. Or was it what I wanted to believe?

“I don’t think I’ll never die. At the very least, I am not indestructible. If you completely obliterate me without leaving even the slightest trace, I will meet my end. Even the beings known as gods are probably not indestructible. I simply won’t die until I am destroyed.”

Akira-san shrugged in response. “I’m already jealous enough that you won’t die of old age. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Death is one thing, but aging is rough. So anyway, how do we destroy the sekaishu?”

“The sekaishu has a root, and we have discovered where it is.”

The No-Life King then told us that old story I talked about before.

In the beginning, there is only the sky and sea.

The nameless one comes from beyond the sea, spreads myriad seeds, and leaves.

The seeds blossom into life, then wither away, and become a continent of corpses—Grimgar.

The nameless one returns, Grimgar teems with life, and the forerunners are born.

But then the primordial dragon comes down from the sky, and chases off the nameless one.

The dragon goes to sleep and is buried in the ground, and after that, Grimgar is filled with peaceful abundance.

But then two gods come from beyond and start a war involving the forerunners, which wakes the dragon from its slumber.

The dragon emerges from its bed and fights the two gods.

The battle is unending, so the nameless one feels bad for the forerunners and makes a red star fall from the heavens.

The dragon shatters the red star, but the shards that remain put down roots, and they become dark tumors.

The two gods disappear, buried beneath those tumors, and the dragon goes back to sleep.

Then the dragon dies in its bed, having exhausted its strength.

I don’t know what the red star refers to. But those black tumors are obviously the sekaishu. The red star was blown apart by the dragon, so if the sekaishu are its remnants, then they probably get along about as well as oil and water. And according to the old stories, the Wonder Hole is also the dragon’s grave, which the sekaishu won’t go near. They still avoid the dead dragon, or perhaps it’s that they’re keeping a respectful distance.

“In the place...” The No-Life King pointed in the direction of the sky with his right index finger, then slowly lowered it to point down. “...where the red star fell, we will find the root of the sekaishu. That was one of the things I was searching for during my time wandering Grimgar.”

“And did you find it?” Soma asked, receiving a nod in response.

“The Crown Mountains. We will explain the details later, but our plan—which Setora came up with, rather than I—is to bring all our forces together in one place and draw in the sekaishu. Then I will use the opening that provides to quickly sever the root.”

In short, everyone but the No-Life King was going to be acting as bait in a diversionary operation, while the king himself would destroy the sekaishu’s root.

“I came up with all sorts of ideas, and determined that this one would be the most effective,” Setora explained plainly. “If, by some chance, the king fails, then we will all retreat immediately. The king will be absorbed by the sekaishu, sealed away, or destroyed. If that happens, it happens, and we’ll deal with it. We’ll have to find a way to coexist with the sekaishu, or try something else to destroy it. Though, there’s no guarantee we princes would survive the destruction of the king.”

“You say that so casually,” Kuzaku grumbled, but he was grinning.

Wasn’t their continued existence on the line? It definitely was, but they gave off no sense of urgency. Maybe that was why it all felt fake to me. Besides, was there any need to go to such lengths to cut the sekaishu off at the root? The No-Life King probably had a reason to. But what about us? What reason did we have to care about the primordial dragon, the two gods, the red star, the black tumors, or even the forerunners and Grimgar itself, when it really came down to it?

Come to think of it, a long time ago, one of Soma’s comrades, Shima, whispered this to me.

“We’re searching for a way back to our original world.”

Our original world. Before coming to Grimgar, we had been in some other world. If there was a way to return to it, then maybe I would find that I had friends and family there. There could be a town in that world where I grew up. My true homeland.

Soma had originally founded the Day Breakers with the goal of infiltrating Undead DC, claiming that there were signs the No-Life King was going to return. But his actual goal hadn’t had anything to do with slaying the No-Life King. For Soma and his party, their true objective had always been to find a way to return to our original world.

Back when Shima had said that to me, as a mere volunteer soldier for whom even staying alive had been a daily struggle, it hadn’t felt real to me at all. But now I feel like I get it.

If I could return to my original world, would I want to? I can’t immediately nod my head to that question. With Merry, Kuzaku, and Setora having ended up like this, how could I simply cast everything aside and leave Grimgar behind? But if there’s a way to go back, I want to know what it is. Like a sort of final insurance policy. Then if things ever ended up totally unworkable, I could go back to my original world. I could just run away.

“This isn’t a condition for our cooperation or anything, but...” What about Soma? Did a man as great as him want somewhere to run away to? Or did he have some other motive? “We’re searching for a way back to our original world. I’m sure you know Grimgar better than any of us do. Do you have any leads?”

“I don’t know where the volunteer soldiers of Alterna come from,” the No-Life King said, shaking his head. Not vertically or horizontally, but somewhere in between. “What I can say is that all humans in Grimgar came from the same world. Can’t you feel the lingering breaths of your original world in the culture of the human race?”

“Like our language, you mean?” Akira-san asked, crossing his arms. “We were able to read when we got here. The people who came to Grimgar long before us—our seniors, you might call them—used the language they had already been using in our original world.”

“Enad George. Ishidua Zaemoon. Renzaburo.” The No-Life King started listing off names. “These were all people who existed at the time of the founding of the Kingdom of Arabakia. Though, those pronunciations vary slightly from how I recall them being said. Minato Joji. Ishido Uzaemon. Renzaburoh. They spoke of how they came from the Land of the Rising Sun, or Japan, as they called it.”

“Land of the Rising Sun... Japan...”

It wasn’t just me. Soma, Akira-san, and Ranta all repeated those words too. They had a nostalgic sound to them. We probably knew them. But we couldn’t quite picture exactly what they referred to. If that was our homeland, it had to be a place. Was it a continent? A region? Or perhaps a country?

“This is only to the best of my knowledge,” the No-Life King prefaced his next comment before continuing, “but I am not aware of any human ever returning to the world called Japan. But if someone did manage to return without telling a soul in advance, then there would be no way for me to know about it. However, given that you were able to come here, it’s reasonable to think that there is some point where this world connects with that one. If you can find that connection, it’s possible that you might be able to use it. And if there is any other possibility, it can only be found in...”

“Relics, huh?” Soma finished for him.

The No-Life King nodded. “Relics are objects of otherworldly construction. It may be that I, too, am a relic of sorts. This may be a broad interpretation, but the nameless one, the primordial dragon, the two gods, the red star, the black tumors that it left behind—all of these things which appear in the ancient legend are relics, aren’t they? Relics that appeared later struggled against the relics that came before them, with relics trying to expel other relics. That ancient legend may be a history of relics fighting a war of survival in Grimgar.”

“The dragon. The gods. The star. The sekaishu. The No-Life King.” Akira-san let out a sigh, and the lips hidden behind his beard curled upward a bit. “If all of those entities are relics...then maybe it wouldn’t be all that weird for there to be a relic that could travel between worlds.”

The No-Life King suddenly furrowed his brow, as if he was thinking deeply. “It wouldn’t be odd for someone to already be seeking such a relic either. I intend to live out the rest of my life here in Grimgar, but I have a special interest in relics. If after this I find myself in a position where I can move around on the surface again, then perhaps I might be interested in searching for such a relic. If you don’t mind waiting until our current objective is complete, I will be able to lend you my strength.”

Soma and Akira-san seemed inclined to work with the No-Life King. But when you think about it, we didn’t have many options. Many races were gathering under the king’s command. If we joined them, we would need to unite with orcs, undead, and Forgan, groups that we had past grievances with, acting like yesterday’s enemy was today’s friend. Would we be able to do that? But if we turned our backs on them, we’d be outcasts.

The situation was already weighted against us badly enough. Calling ourselves a small elite force might sound good, but there were just too few of us.

The orcish race was by no means inferior to us humans, and for every one of us, there were thousands of them, if not more. If they were to attack us in earnest, not even one-man armies like Soma, Akira-san, or Renji would stand any chance of winning.

If we had tried to not join the No-Life King and remain independent, maybe that would have allowed us to avoid the battle, but would the orcs ignore us afterward, having been hostile to humanity for so long? Let’s just say I wasn’t getting my hopes up for that.

If, for sake of argument, the No-Life King had been calling for us to become his vassals, then many among Daybreak would oppose it. But that wasn’t what was happening. His proposal was for a temporary alliance, and once we’d done something about the sekaishu in the Crown Mountains, we would be able to justify going our own way after that. For our own survival, working with the No-Life King might not have been the best plan, but it was close enough to it.

Setora then explained the details of the operation. Soma and Akira-san listened intently, while Ranta just sort of half paid attention, and I was pretty much off in my own world. My mind was on the No-Life King—on Merry.

The meeting ended with the decision that we would take the No-Life King’s proposal back to Daybreak Village, and then send our formal response through Kuzaku who would be returning with us.

But at the very end, the No-Life King turned his gaze toward me and said, “It seems she wishes to speak with you.” The look in those eyes wasn’t Merry. It was still the No-Life King. “What you do is up to you. She doesn’t mean to force you into anything either.”

I nodded without hesitation.

Everyone—not only Soma, Akira-san, and Ranta, but Kuzaku, Setora, and Architekra too—stepped away from the No-Life King and I. They left the two of us alone. No, there were more just than the two of us there. Or perhaps not? Were Merry and I actually alone together under the great tree? It felt like Merry to me, but I couldn’t be certain. That was why I did nothing but look at her quietly with upturned eyes for a good long moment.

Maybe she couldn’t find the right words, because she wasn’t opening her mouth either. But that inability to speak made me confident it was, in fact, Merry.

“Heya,” I said, instantly regretting how stupid the greeting made me sound.

Merry lowered her eyes, clearing her throat faintly. I thought I spotted a faint smile on her face. “Haru... I...”

“Mm-hm?”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Oh? Yeah... I guess you wouldn’t, huh?”

“I probably knew a long time ago. But I couldn’t tell you. I mean, it’s not like I understood it completely.”

“I’m...sure you didn’t. I know this is a weird way to put it, but it defies understanding.”

“You’re right.”

“Besides, when you get down to it, this is all my—”

“Don’t say that,” Merry cut me off, shaking her head. Her eyes were still lowered, and she didn’t try to meet my gaze.

“It’s not your fault, Haru. It’s not. This is my problem. I mean, I’m the one who turned Kuzaku and Setora into what they are. I asked him to do it. He only granted my wish. I feel like...everything’s gone wrong, and maybe it would have been better if back then...it had all ended right there. I’ve thought about it so many times. I don’t know. I hadn’t told you about my feelings yet when it happened, so maybe it’s for the best that it wasn’t the end of me. That’s another way I look at it sometimes. In the time since then, all sorts of wonderful things have happened...and so many precious moments. Moments that I can’t deny I desperately wished for. It’s true that from the instant I came back to life when I should have been dead, it was set in stone that this would happen someday. He has his own long path that he’s walked, because there are things that he has to do, and he has no other choice than to do them. It’s not that I can’t defy him, or anything like that... It’s that, as I am now, I understand him. But, you know...he can’t understand me—can’t understand us. Because his nature is so different from ours. He’s trying to understand. He does want to. But he can’t fully comprehend us. And he knows that too. The fact that he can’t understand us...makes him want us all the more. Because he’s alone. Genuinely alone. Because there’s no other like him.”

“Do you...sympathize with him?”

“Sympathy. That might be what it is. But you could also say that he’s inside of me, and I’m inside of him. Sympathy... Honestly, it’s hard to think of myself as completely separate from him.”

“You’re...Merry now, right?”

“I think so.”

“You’re...Merry now.”

“Yeah.”

“You’re Merry.”

“Yes. He’s not here. He’s sunk inside of me. Deep, deep inside...to my darkest depths. He’s not even poking his head out.”

“Is he...listening?”

“I don’t want to lie to you, Haru. I think he can hear us. And if he decides to, he can come out immediately.”

“And when he comes out, you—”

“I sink...deep down, to the depths. And it’s not just me. There are a number of us.”

“Those people...can you talk to them?”

“The first was a rat,” Merry lowered her voice, speaking quickly. “A single rat. The Rat King. He was a spare. He gave the Rat King a part of himself, just in case. Prince Ishidua Rohro betrayed him, using a relic to seal his main body away, but the other him, the Rat King, escaped. The Rat King then transferred to an orc named Diha Gatt. After him was Itsunaga. He was raised in the Hidden Village, but was exiled with his mother at a young age. Then next was a mage who was a former volunteer soldier. Yasuma. He studied under a wizard named Sarai, and then died when he was close to figuring out the deepest secret of magic. Ageha. She was also a former volunteer soldier, and had a lover named Takaya. Jessie Smith was unable to adapt to life as a volunteer soldier, and he died while traveling alone. And I’m the last. Though, I don’t know if I’ll be the final one. Jessie’s memories were destroyed, and he’s hiding somewhere.”

After saying all of that, Merry let out a big sigh.

“He hasn’t stepped in...even though I’ve been telling you all of his secrets. He’s tolerant. But that may not be the same as being kind. He forgives, accepts, acknowledges. He hopes that by doing so, he can make friends with anyone. He’s even tried to find a way to coexist with the sekaishu. He discovered that the root of the sekaishu was in the Crown Mountains during Jessie’s time, but when he tried to communicate with the sekaishu, he failed.”

“I can’t imagine how it would even be possible to talk to them.”

“Yeah. When he first gained sapience, the sekaishu attacked him. He originally created the undead as a shield against them. The sekaishu avoid the undead because he created the undead in a way that would make them do that. Even now, his main body, sealed inside a relic, is holding another relic called the Staff of Yotsui. If he pours a large amount of power into it, it can repel the sekaishu. So it’s not like he’s been in a constant struggle against the sekaishu his entire life. He’s avoided fighting as much as he can, and has always tried to find ways of making it more feasible to do so. But in the end, he and the sekaishu just can’t coexist.”

“And so he’s trying to bring an end to it once and for all.”

“Yes. He’s finally accepted it’s the only way. He’s always possessed incredible power, and now he’s going to hit the sekaishu with everything he has. And I think he’s going to win.”

“Once he does...he’ll have nothing left to fear.”

“Are you scared of him?”

“I guess...I can’t exactly say I’m not.”

“That answer is so like you, Haru,” Merry said with a smile. And then she finally looked me in the eye. “Honestly, I don’t know what he’ll do at that point either. It’s possible that even he doesn’t know.”

Merry held both of her hands against her chest, as if she was trying to hold something in that was threatening to burst out of her. “But he’s inside of me.”

“Merry? What’s...that supposed to—”

“It’s a good thing that he’s inside of me,” Merry repeated herself firmly. “I won’t let him make a mistake.”

“You...won’t?”

“You don’t need to trust him,” Merry said, shaking her head. “Haru. Believe in me. I won’t let him make a mistake. Once the sekaishu are destroyed, he’ll help Soma and the others in their search for that relic they’re looking for. I’m sure he honestly is interested in finding out more about relics. After all, relics are filled with possibility.”

“Possibility...”

“Believe in me, Haru.”

Merry extended the hands that she had been holding over her chest out toward me, and I didn’t hesitate for a second to grasp them with my own. There was no doubt about it. They were Merry’s hands.

“Please,” she said.

“I believe in you,” I answered.

“Merry.”

I didn’t think that would be the last time I called her by her name. Even now, I’m still fervently hoping that it won’t be.