Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 19 - Chapter 9

0117A660. Song of the End, Echo Far and Wide

Hundreds, maybe thousands of pitch-black chariots tore across the land, leaving behind dark tracks that didn’t fade away. The grass of the Quickwind Plains that had long endured the harsh sun and the capricious gales so common to the area appeared to greet the invasion of the sekaishu with total indifference. The local beasts, however, had no such luxury.

Haruhiro and the party sometimes spotted an animal running in the distance. Not frequently. One, maybe two a day, at most. The birds were pretty much all gone. It was their sixth day on the Quickwind Plains, but neither Haruhiro nor Ranta had spotted a single bird flying in the sky. Occasionally, Yume or Itsukushima, whose eyes were much better, would point one out. That was how rare they’d become.

It was even hard to find animals that were usually common not just on the Quickwind Plains, but all across Grimgar, like round, fluffy, and thin-tailed chimos, or long-legged, rabbit-like pebies. According to Itsukushima, lizards and snakes were incredibly scarce too.

It couldn’t have been much more than a month ago that they had traveled north across these plains as they headed toward the Ironblood Kingdom. Everything had changed since then. It was like they were in a different world entirely. Haruhiro and the party were moving south now. There was no avoiding the sekaishu, spread out across the land like black veins. The group sometimes had to step over them to proceed. Or jump over them, in some cases. Whenever they were cut off by a sekaishu vein that was like a broad ribbon, or that had formed into a thick pipe like a dragon’s neck, they turned back just to be safe. So far, they had determined that the sekaishu wouldn’t attack in response to physical stimuli, but that didn’t rule out the possibility of danger.

Most sekaishu bodies appeared to be still, just staying where they were. However, they came across some that would shift around placidly. On a number of occasions, the group witnessed the string-like forms twining themselves together to form something thicker. They also saw the remains of animals that had been half-swallowed by the sekaishu here and there.

It was best to keep their distance. Getting too close would be unwise.

The problem was that the sekaishu was everywhere.

The forms seemed to be crawling up from under the ground and were heading somewhere. The ones the party had seen in the Bordo Plains had been going east, likely toward the Kurogane Mountain Range and the Ironblood Kingdom. But it wasn’t like all the sekaishu forms were going there. Some seemed to be heading north, others south. And they couldn’t rule out the possibility that some were also traveling east or west too.

The Crown Mountains rose up ahead of the party. They took their name from the fact that their outline resembled a crown no matter what angle you viewed them from.

Alterna was one-hundred and fifty kilometers south and one-hundred kilometers west of the Crown Mountains.

That was where the group was headed. Or so Haruhiro thought, but he wasn’t totally sure.

No, it had to be Alterna. They definitely needed to head back there first. That was what they had decided after talking it over multiple times.

His fever had receded, but his hands still ached. He’d decided not to talk about it. It wouldn’t have helped anyway. Wouldn’t have made them hurt any less. Honestly, he didn’t want to talk at all.

Conveniently, Itsukushima and Yume were focused on monitoring the area around them and charting their course, and Ranta was keeping quiet so as not to get in the way. As for Poochie the wolf dog, he wouldn’t bark if it wasn’t necessary.

Even when someone did say something, Haruhiro stayed silent. Yume had prodded him frequently until a couple days ago, but he had only responded that he was fine, so she’d eventually stopped. Each time, Ranta had told her she should leave him alone. He never would have been grateful to Ranta for it, but the dread knight was correct. Haruhiro wanted her to leave him be.

Everything felt like too much of a burden now. Every feeling, whether it was painful, difficult, or sad, weighed Haruhiro down. He needed to do something. He knew that, but could only conclude that anything he did would be in vain.

They walked, and they walked, and they walked, but they would probably never reach their destination.

Destination?

Did they even have one?

A goal?

A purpose?

Some hope for the future?

A destination?

A path?

He could tell that whatever direction his body was facing was “forward,” and that was about all he understood at the moment. That he was moving forward, maybe. Forward. Step by step. And by half-steps when a full one was too much for him. That was what he’d been doing all along. He had believed he’d been walking as best he could. And where had it gotten him?

This sad state of affairs.

Haruhiro didn’t want to think. But try as he might, he couldn’t stop.

Everyone tries to make the right choice for the situation they’re in. They don’t want to get it wrong. They don’t want to screw it up. They would want to benefit from it, if possible. And even if it’s completely impossible, it’s hard for them to accept losing something. Nobody would want to see that happen. If they had to be hurt, had to have something taken from them, they would want to keep their losses to a minimum. To be able to think, I might not have done the best I could have. But I tried. I did good.

It was all in vain.

In the end, it was like Haruhiro had been digging a hole. Little by little, he dug, and dug, and dug, piling up the dirt next to it. He had even felt proud when he looked down at the hole he’d gotten all sweaty making, or at the mound sitting beside it. It had felt like he’d been getting better at digging, and that pile of dirt sure had grown big. Wow. It was genuinely impressive. He really could do something if he set his mind to it.

And?

What about the hole?

What was it for?

Was it just a hole?

What had he been doing all this time? Digging a hole? That was it?

No, that’s not true, someone might say to console him if he talked about it. All sorts of things had happened since he first awoke in Grimgar. He’d met people. Said goodbye to them. He’d seen so much. There were things he’d accomplished, working together with his comrades, right? Maybe he couldn’t see it that way now, but each and every one of those moments must have had their own vibrant colors that made them shine. It wasn’t like digging a hole that served no purpose. It hadn’t all been for nothing. Even if, in the end, all that work went unrewarded, he shouldn’t have denied the value of the process. If he did that, it would be like saying that everyone was going to die eventually anyway, so there was no point in living, and being born at all was completely meaningless.

Well, yeah, it is, Haruhiro thought. Meaning wasn’t something that was just lying around. You had to find it. Even if all Haruhiro had been doing was digging a hole, if he could find meaning in the act of digging, then it wasn’t meaningless. Digging wasn’t all fun, but he’d had days when it had felt pretty satisfying. Haruhiro had seen meaning in those days.

Now, he was just empty.

No, the memories of the times when he’d enjoyed digging were now an actual torment.

If it was going to come to this, I never should have dug at all. If I was going to lose so much, I wish I’d never had anything, never wanted anything, to start with.

Time. What I need is time. That’s how it was with Manato, and with Moguzo, wasn’t it? I just need to tough it out for now.

And? How long do I need to endure? Can’t I end it? Is that so wrong? Says who?

Sorry.

Should I apologize to Yume and Ranta?

Sorry. I can’t do this anymore.

But that feels irresponsible. I don’t know if it’s okay for me to drop out now. I’ve still got the two of them. It’d be like running away. That’s cowardly.

But...still, you know? Ranta’s got Yume, and Yume’s got Ranta, right? And Yume’s got Itsukushima and Poochie too. What about me? Who do I have? What do I have?

Yeah, I know. I know how Yume and Ranta would feel if I ran out on them now. How it would hurt them. But still. Do I really have to try so hard for those two? Can’t I run away? It’s no big deal, right?

They don’t have to do anything special. Just leave me alone. If they’d just do that, I’d be fine. I’m not gonna do anything. I’ll just be here. Sitting. Then lying down, eventually. Once I lie down, I’m probably not getting back up. I doubt I’d be able to. But I’m fine with that.

That’s what suits me.

I want to end it.

I want it over.

Let’s end it.

Let it end.

I’m going to end it.

It’s fine if I end it, right?

That’ll be the end of things.

It’ll just end.

The end is near.

Incredibly near.

So let’s end it.

Don’t anyone complain.

It’s gonna end either way.

Let’s all end.

Everything will end.

From the moment it started, it had to end eventually.

The beginning was the beginning of the end.

All that’s left is for it to end.

The end is playing out before us.

No matter how I look at it, the sekaishu tearing up the Quickwind Plains is a scene from the end times.

Maybe there’s no need to draw the curtains myself, because things are already heading toward the end.

It’s going to end.

End.

Let it end.

I don’t need to say anything, right?

I don’t need anyone’s permission, right?

No one has to accept it.

They just have to end.

They just have to let it end.

At some point, he sensed Poochie next to him. He’d thought he was imagining things. Maybe it was just a coincidence, but Poochie was sticking close to him, nuzzling up to his belly.

Go away.

Leave me alone.

I want to end it.

I’m just trying to let things end here.

Stop it.

I want to let it end, so don’t get in the way.

Stop turning around and looking at me every now and then.

You stop too, Yume.

Don’t come over and lean your shoulder against mine when we’re resting.

Don’t talk to me about old times.

And you too, Ranta.

Stop telling crude jokes and then laughing at them.

Itsukushima was gazing up at the stars. “I’m alive,” he said.

“What’s that about?” Ranta said, laughing.

Yume jumped to her feet and yelled, “Mewwwww! Yume’s alive tooooooo!”

“Heh! You and me both!” Ranta shouted, like it was a competition. “I’m aliiiiive! How do ya like that, you pieces of shiiiiiiiiit?!”

Stop it.

I want to let it end.

I’m trying to let it end.

I want to let it end, but for some reason I can’t.

I don’t know what I’m clinging to, what’s keeping me here.

It should be simple.

I just have to let it end.

If I just do that, it’ll be over.

I won’t see anything.

I won’t hear anything.

I won’t feel anything.

There won’t be anything.

And that’s fine.

Let it all go away.

No regrets, no wishes. I don’t need any of that.

Why can’t I let it end?

What’s holding me back?

I’m not scared. How could I be, given all I’ve been through? I have no lingering regrets. Nothing to dwell on. And if I did, all I’d want is to be rid of them. It’d be so much easier to let them end.

Morning is coming.

The morning will come once more.

The sun will rise over the land torn apart by the sekaishu.

I want to hold my knees and say goodbye to the sun as it peeks over the horizon.

This is the last time.

Goodbye, for real this time.

I promise you.

We won’t meet again.

So, tell me.

Does shining down on us day after day without fail not feel empty to you?

You give this useless body of mine warmth, but I’ll never be able to do a thing for you in return.

Have you never considered ending this cycle that brings you nothing?

The wolf dog poked him with its wet snout and licked his face. Its eyes seemed to know everything.

I don’t know anything, he tried to mumble.

“We’re moving out, dumbass,” Ranta said, whacking him on the back of the head.

“Jeez! You’ve been told to stop doin’ that!” Yume protested, puffing her cheeks out, but Ranta screwed up his face, which still had horrible scars, and stuck out his bottom lip.

“I’m holding back, damn it! This falls within the realm of communication! Don’t be such a nag or I’m gonna kiss you!”

“You kissed Yume before, and she didn’t do nothin’ to deserve it then!”

“What?!”

“Whoaaaaaa! Old man! Don’t point your bow at me like that! I mean, wow, that was fast! You got your bow out and nocked that arrow so freakin’ quick! L-L-Listen! You’ve got it all wrong! Yume was spending too much time on stupid Parupiro, so I was like, I dunno, hey, I still exist! Or something! Okay?! I had to remind her! You’re a man too, so you get it, right?!”

“How should I know?” Itsukushima said.

“D-D-D-Don’t draw your bow all the way back like that!”

“No more kisses for you, Ranta!” Yume declared.

“Whaaaaaa?! No wayyyyyy! No kisses?! Forever?! Like, eternally?! Seriously?! Are you crazy?! I know you didn’t mind it!”

“It was real surprisin’. Not bad, but kinda sudden, y’know?”

“See! She didn’t mind it! Seeeee?!”

“Y-Yume...”

“The old man’s depressed! I’ve never seen a grown-ass man look so sad! Well, tough luck!”

“What’s wrong, Master? You okay?”

“It’s fine! Just fine, Yume! Having you console me now would only make it worse!”

“Ngh? Really?”

Maybe it’s okay to end it, thought Haruhiro.

I’m just holding everyone back.

They can go on without me.

I can’t walk.

I don’t want to anymore.

I just can’t say it.

I couldn’t possibly bring myself to.

That’s why I stay quiet and follow them.

I’m a mess.

Whatever happens, happens.

I just have to walk, right?

Fine, I’ll walk.

Between these black tubes, these sekaishu things that start and end who-knows-where.

“Augh! Damn it!”

Ranta kicked the ground and did an about-face. The sekaishu had formed a lattice up ahead. It was going to be too difficult to step between them.

Ranta, Itsukushima, and Yume all turned to go and Poochie looked up at Haruhiro, who was just standing there.

Haruhiro started walking.

“Hey...” Ranta called after him.

Haruhiro kept walking as if he hadn’t heard him. He didn’t stomp down hard on the sekaishu. Just tread on them as he continued on his way. What did he have to fear at this point? He wasn’t scared. He should’ve been doing this all along.

Let it end. Let’s end it. I want to end it. Yeah.

Haruhiro was walking toward the end. That was what lay in the direction he was going. How would it end? What would end? He didn’t know. He didn’t care. It would end eventually regardless. That much was certain.

Haruhiro kept his eyes fixed on the Crown Mountains in the distance as he walked on and on. It didn’t matter to him if it was dirt, or grass, or sekaishu he was stepping on. It was all the same.

Ranta, Yume, and Itsukushima were chasing him. How were they going about it? Were they stepping on the sekaishu? It was none of his concern.

Poochie occasionally appeared in front of Haruhiro, though he sometimes disappeared out of view as well.

The closer he got to the Crown Mountains, the more the sekaishu blanketed the ground, the holes in the net they’d formed becoming smaller and smaller. The surface was almost completely covered in them.

At some point, the sun began going down. The eye-searing light couldn’t illuminate the sekaishu. The worms had no luster at all. Their black was darker than darkness itself. It seemed endlessly deep, as if there were no bottom to it.

Haruhiro stood atop the sekaishu.

In front of him, there was only sekaishu and the twilight sky. He’d thought the Crown Mountains would be there. That he would see their shape that looked like a crown from whatever angle you viewed them.

No, those are the Crown Mountains.

The mountains were also covered in the sekaishu. He hadn’t been able to tell from a distance. But there were things writhing in the foothills and halfway up the mountain. Were those part of the sekaishu? Was some amalgamation of sekaishu rising up and taking on those forms?

No, that’s not it. Why did Haruhiro think they weren’t? Because I know what those are.

Haruhiro had spotted them on the Quickwind Plains before. No, more than just spotted them. He had ridden on one’s leg.

“Giants...”

It’s the gangly giants.

Those giants, with their distinctive, gangly outlines, had wandered freely across the Quickwind Plains. They were so massive that it was impossible to tell what their faces were like when you looked up at them, but you could still imagine that they wore expressions like they thought they owned this place. Even if a great cataclysm had transformed the terrain of the Quickwind Plains, the gangly giants wouldn’t have even flinched at it. They would surely still be strolling around at their relaxed pace long after the humans, elves, dwarves, and orcs had all died out.

Haruhiro sensed more than thought that the giants might have been closer to gods than to living creatures. But those gangly giants had been caught by the sekaishu.

At a glance, Haruhiro spotted two at the foot of the Crown Mountains, one more halfway up them, and another near the peak. Those were all the ones he saw standing, but the thing writhing on the ground several hundred meters ahead of him might have been a gangly giant too. Everything was pitch black, so it was impossible to completely tell it apart from its surroundings, but it looked like the blackened upper torso of a gangly giant sticking out of the ground. Maybe there was a depression there, and the gangly giant was in the process of falling in. It looked like a bug in an ant-lion’s trap, trying not to get pulled down.

Perhaps there had always been holes in the foothills large enough for the gangly giants to get themselves stuck in. The sekaishu had come up from the bowels of the planet. Maybe those holes were where it had come from. Were there really holes like that? Haruhiro didn’t know. He’d never seen one. And he didn’t recall hearing about any from Itsukushima.

The sekaishu had been coming out of the bottom of a valley in the Bordo Plains too. Maybe this was where the sekaishu had emerged in this area? The Crown Mountains looked like they had become a sekaishu form themselves.

Maybe they had. Maybe it wasn’t just the Crown Mountains. Something similar could be going on elsewhere too. There could be sekaishu emerging all over Grimgar. Maybe they were going to cover the entire landmass. Maybe the sekaishu was a disease Grimgar was afflicted with—an untreatable and ultimately fatal one. Maybe Grimgar was dying.

He didn’t know. Haruhiro didn’t know. How could he? Things might be coming to an end without him ending them. Maybe everything would be over soon enough regardless. This might be the actual end.