Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 19 - Chapter 6

0111A660. Don’t Be Afraid, You Coward

“Fwehhhhyahahhh...!” What had started out as a breath turned into a sigh, and then a strange shout that Kikkawa used to motivate himself.

But, like, honestly, everything had gone nuts, and his head was ninety percent preoccupied with a sense of impending danger.

“Kicker!” Tada, whom he liked to call Tadacchi, shouted at him angrily.

Who’s Kicker? I’m Kikkawa, man. But, yeah, I guess you’re right, it’s no time for staring into space, huh? Things are totally whack here. Uh, what’s ‘whack’ mean again? Kikkawa thought as he smoothly climbed up the steps and shield-bashed one of those strange black creatures with a shout of exertion.

He’d have loved to be able to say it gave the thing pause, but that wasn’t how these guys played. The strike did push it back a little, though. Then he shouted and kicked it with a “Woo!” Swords didn’t work—you couldn’t cut them—so, with a “Hoo!” he smacked it with the flat of his blade instead. That forced the thing down a couple steps, but another came sliding up the stairs from behind it right away, so the fight would never end.

“Slash!”

Tall Mimori raced past Kikkawa on the right, smacking one of the black creatures with her longsword. Naturally, she was clobbering them with the flat of her blade too. Despite being a mage, and a female mage at that, Mimori had some serious arm strength. Kikkawa was going to start tearing up over how inadequate she made him feel. But at the same time, he was impressed. Mimori wasn’t just a powerhouse. If she had been all brawn and no brains, she wouldn’t have been able to dual-wield—no, double-up on swords—the way that she did. Double-up on swords? Wasn’t saying dual-wield good enough? Well, whatever, Mimori boldly swung her two swords, sending an enemy flying and even taking the one coming up from behind it along for the ride.

“I love you! Nice! Yeah...!” Anna-san shouted from up above, providing perfectly-timed encouragement. You couldn’t deny she was a big part of the reason the Tokkis could, like, keep on trying as hard as they did. Because she totally was.

Anna-san had been keeping up support magic like Protection and Assist until a little while ago, but she needed to heal them too, so it was getting hard on her. The source of magic was a mage’s magic power, which was a sort of spiritual energy. Basically, magic was kind of like a test of endurance. If Anna-san got worn out and collapsed on them, the Tokkis wouldn’t be the Tokkis anymore. That was why they wanted her to rest as much as she could, and everyone would hold out while she cheered them on.

“Gotta stay buff...”

Strange words came out of Kikkawa’s mouth. He’d meant to say “stay tough,” but it came out wrong. Oh, and super quiet too. He almost doubted it was his own voice.

Mimori tried to take another swing with her two longswords but stumbled and fell against the staircase wall.

Oh, yeah, of course that’d happen, thought Kikkawa.

Mimori-san’s totally bushed.

Like, how could she not be?

It’s up to me. This is my time to shine, isn’t it? Mimori-san’s out there covering for me. She moved to the back a while ago because she was totally winded, but she came up front again to help me. Now it’s my turn to step up.

His thoughts raced, but his body did nothing to obey them. Even on sad nights, when he was wrapped in cold shame over how pathetic he was, he couldn’t shed a single tear.

Why?

Kikkawa wanted to cry.

Come on, man, be a hero. Now’s your moment. It’s gotta be. What’re you gonna do if not become a hero?

“Move, move, moooove!” Even without Tada shouting for him to step aside, Kikkawa knew.

It’s not. It’s really not.

It just isn’t.

Isn’t what?

Isn’t my time. I’m the wrong guy for this.

Kikkawa wasn’t a hero, and he couldn’t become one. Guys like Kikkawa couldn’t unleash their power while on the edge.

Nah, I want to, y’know?

I do, okay?

I want to. I wanna let loose.

I want to unleash everything I’ve got, I do, but I can’t...

But it wasn’t just that; it was that he’d run into a thick wall. When the time came to rouse himself to action, he couldn’t put it all out there and really show his stuff, because, well, he had no stuff to show.

No power.

No talent.

No potential.

The kind of guy who could become a hero had something fundamentally different about them. The way Kikkawa saw it, maybe it wasn’t the sort of thing you could change through hard work. Because Kikkawa had worked as hard as anyone, probably harder, though he’d have be embarrassed to admit it. There were walls you couldn’t climb over or smash through with hard work alone.

Basically, a hero was born a hero. They became one because they were always meant to be. They were blessed with the capacity for being a hero. Like, when an ordinary person had given their all, had nothing left, and was running on empty, then that would be it for them, but a hero? Not so much.

They kept on going. They still had more to give.

Like, the lake had run dry, but somehow a spring welled up. Not just welled up—it erupted forth.

“Eloim, Essaim, I seek and beseech theeeeee...!”

Tada was shouting some nonsense as he came rolling down the stairs. Kikkawa quickly made way, pushing himself against the wall. A moment later, he was overcome with a wave of despair.

What the hell? What the absolute hell?! It does move. My body can do what I tell it to. I’ve still got strength left. So uncool!

Tada rolled down the stairs past Kikkawa, and then past Mimori, plunging toward the strange black creatures. You could maybe have described them as dudes in full-body tights that were completely black, without a hint of glossiness. But it was clear that they weren’t human. They weren’t stiff, but they weren’t soft either. More springy. They had a sense of weight to them, but they weren’t hard like rock. You couldn’t cut them or break them. Though he’d say they were humanoid, there were just two arms and two legs growing out of a torso that narrowed toward the bottom. They didn’t have a head, or anything resembling hands or feet.

“Tsagahtoreah...!”

Tada body-slammed the black creatures as they tried to make their way up a narrow stairway that couldn’t have been more than a couple meters across. No, that wasn’t it. He’d rolled down the stairs, ending up on his feet in front of the enemy when he was almost close enough to touch them, then let loose with the warhammer he’d been hugging close to his body and sent them flying. It was a trick only Tada could have pulled off. He was truly one of a kind.

If you’d asked Kikkawa, he’d have said, That’s inhuman.

Normal people couldn’t do stuff like that.

Hmm? Normal?

No, no, no, no.

Even if they were abnormal, there was no way to do that.

“Nnahahh! Boitreh! Mackerehl! Vinegared mackerehhhl!”

Each swing of Tada’s warhammer knocked an enemy down. He wasn’t just hitting them, though. Tada’s warhammer also collided with the walls and stairs, sending smashed bits of masonry flying.

Wow! Ciao! Er, no, ciao’s something else, huh? Awesome!

Was it okay for Kikkawa to just look on all impressed like this?

No, of course not.

Tada fought with a warhammer. He was a hammer-lover, a hammer-master, but had changed classes to become a priest. Why? Because rather than cause trouble for Anna-san every time he got hurt, it was easier if he could fix himself up. Tada had become a priest so he could go totally wild, swinging a warhammer to his heart’s content.

That said, Tada wasn’t all that big of a guy. He looked incredible without his clothes on, sure. Like, muscles everywhere. But he wasn’t actually a fighter who relied on strength. Kikkawa had seen Tada like this before, dripping with sweat, swinging his warhammer around awfully slow. But with swing after swing, he gradually picked up speed.

Tada had considered every possible situation that could happen on the battlefield and had come up with techniques to deal with them, which he’d practiced and refined to perfection. The way his warhammer moved, the recoil, his body had absorbed all of it. You could say the warhammer was a part of him. Or rather, Tada was the warhammer, and the warhammer was Tada.

“Kwahadah...! Swohrdfeesh...! Cohnger eeeel...! Eeegg...!”

Now Tada was losing control. Once he started swinging, he couldn’t stop. That was why he would hit the walls and stairs to stop himself. He had no other choice. The warhammer could have slipped out of his hands at any moment. Now, this was Tada. So long as he had his warhammer, he’d keep swinging until his last breath. But if he lost the all-important hammer, then what? He would probably try to keep on swinging it anyway.

Barehanded.

Kikkawa imagined Tada doing practice swings without his warhammer, making a face like a fierce devil.

“Tadacchi...! Tada-saaan...!”

Kikkawa tried to descend the steps, but he slipped.

Seriously? he thought.

I don’t care if I can’t become a hero, so long as I can just hold out here a little longer.

Is that not possible? Am I such a loser I can’t even manage that?

Wow, it’s almost like I’m trash. Nah, forget “almost.”

I’m just trash.

The definitive edition of trash.

“Demon...!”

At that moment, a sinister wind blew past, pushing the trash named Kikkawa to the side.

The sinister wind had a ponytail.

Wait, that’s Inui.

Inui raced past, a ponytail that had increasingly more gray hairs in it lately flapping about behind him.

“Hold on, you’ve been MIA for a while now, Inui...”

Kikkawa was taken aback. Not that this was anything new, though. It was a common occurrence in the Tokkis for Inui to up and disappear without a word to anyone. Who knew what nonsense he’d pull now that he was back.

“Hyah!” Inui cried as he grabbed Tada by the collar.

“Gweh!” Tada sputtered, almost choking. He’d been in the middle of a full swing of his warhammer, only for it to rebound off the wall, nearly falling out of his hands. But this was Tada. He’d never let go of his warhammer.

“Well done!”

Whose voice was that?

No, it went without saying. The man came dancing down the stairs, past Inui who was currently dragging Tada away.

“Whoa! Whuh? No way! You can move already?!” Kikkawa was shocked to the core.

Did the man have no limits? His strenuous efforts were the reason the Tokkis had managed to hold out this long. He’d sweated the most out of everyone present. Shed blood, even. Despite his many wounds, he had stood on the front line longer than any of them, protecting his comrades with his life.

“I can’t hold out any longer, let me rest a little,” he’d said. Up until then, aside from when his wounds were being healed, he’d said he was resting while he fought, like he was sleeping on his feet, so no matter how impressive he was, he had to be at his limit.

When he’d pulled back, Kikkawa had prepared for the worst. There was no way the man was going to retreat from the front for a breather, then get right back into the action. They were going to have to hold on without him for a while.

Tadacchi’s not looking so good, Mimori-san’s in pretty bad shape, and Inui’s nowhere to be seen, so I’ve gotta step up, he’d thought.

In the end, though, he couldn’t.

It was too great a burden for Kikkawa.

Well, what can you do? he thought meekly.

Now that the man, Tokimune, had reappeared, this place wasn’t the stairs in the ninth tower out of fourteen at Riverside Iron Fortress anymore. It was a stage prepared just for him.

“Okay, are you ready?!”

Tokimune was a paladin of Lumiaris, so he had light magic. He had probably cast Trance on himself, the effect of which made him braver and more robust. He’d also cast Luminous to make his shield glow. Not every paladin could become like Tokimune, though. No, not a chance.

Tokimune wasn’t just fast, he was so light on his feet he appeared weightless. He closed in on the black creatures, going, “Hey...!” and not so much bashing one of them with his shield as pushing it aside. When he did, it was lifted into the air and sent flying. By that point, Tokimune was already on the next one, pushing his shield into it with another “Hey!” It looked like a light tap, and the sound it made wasn’t a loud bashing, but something heavier. What in the world was he doing? Kikkawa didn’t know, but he was probably using his shield with the perfect angle and power at the exact right time. It wasn’t just the shield either. Tokimune twirled his longsword with a “Hey! Hey!” pushing the enemy back like he was scooping them up.

It’s zero-G, thought Kikkawa.

Okay, no, it probably wasn’t, but he seemed to be ignoring gravity. Tokimune shifted his feet around rapidly, adjusting his position.

It’s like he’s teleporting.

“Hey! Hey! He-he-hey! He-he-hey! He-he-he-heyyyy...!”

“It’s Tokimune’s one-man show...”

Kikkawa couldn’t help but laugh. He laughed so hard he cried—yeah, no. No matter what, he wasn’t going to laugh that hard. So why was Kikkawa tearing up, then?

Am I feeling moved?

That was Kikkawa’s first thought. Among the Tokkis, Tokimune was the main attraction. He was their leader, of course, and charismatic too. It was like he was everyone’s dad. He was a super paladin, a real hero. Kikkawa was being struck once again by what an absolute star the man was.

Is that it?

“Mimori, Kikkawa! We’re pulling back for now! Can you move?!” Tokimune shouted, his hands never stopping as he pushed the black creatures back with his longsword and shield. Actually, it wasn’t just his hands, his whole body was getting in on the action.

“Uhkay!” Mimori turned to go immediately. She looked pretty sluggish, but still managed to move somehow. Am I one to talk? Kikkawa mentally chastised himself as he started making his way up the stairs.

“Gotcha! Roger! Aye, aye, sir!” Kikkawa tried to respond with as much cheer as he could muster. Being bright and optimistic, ultra happy and super positive. That was what Kikkawa had going for him. Because, in all honesty, he had nothing else. He didn’t need a heart full of passion now, he needed nerves of steel. It was time to go, go, go.

But why, despite that, were the tears refusing to stop?

Kikkawa caught up to Mimori in no time. When she looked to the side and saw him, her eyes bugged out. They seemed so big it was unreal in the lantern light inside the tower.

“You okay?!” she asked.

“Healthy as Helsinki!” Kikkawa instantly replied with a beaming smile.

What’s a Helsinki? he wondered. I’m crying, aren’t I? Crying and smiling at the same time is pretty gross, huh? Yeah, it is. So gross. Totally yucky.

Become nothing, Kikkawa willed himself. He didn’t want to think. Didn’t want to feel. Nothingness was good. He wanted to become nothing.

They climbed the stairs, with Mimori ahead of Kikkawa. She could have left him behind. But she wouldn’t. She must’ve been worried for him. He wouldn’t have expected that. Mimori was tall, so she felt like a big sister in that way, but her personality was more little-sister-y.

After some time climbing, they saw what looked like a landing. There was a door that led out into a corridor there. The fourteen towers of Riverside Iron Fortress were connected by bridges. Well, they called them bridges, but they had roofs over them, so they were more like skyways. Anna-san, Tada, and Inui were in front of the skyway.

“Hurry up...! Mimorin! Shitty Kikkawa! Hurry, yeah!” Anna-san was waving at them vigorously. That made Kikkawa finally start to wonder what was going on behind him.

“What about Tokimune?!”

“You is alive, so climb quickly, yeah!”

“Don’t say it like that!”

Kikkawa was shocked by the way he’d snapped at her. It was pretty weird for him to get mad about something Anna-san said. No matter what came out of her mouth, you were supposed to accept it with gratitude. That was the unwritten rule of the Tokkis.

Become nothing, Kikkawa willed himself again. Seriously, nothing.

He didn’t want to empty his head, he wanted to erase his very existence. He was better off not existing if he was going to be like this. Kikkawa felt fresh tears spilling forth.

Yeah, I ought to become nothing, return to nothingness.

He felt hopelessly pathetic, but Kikkawa rushed out onto the skyway, still sobbing. Then, once he got to the other side and was entering the next tower, he tripped.

“Bwugh?!” Kikkawa toppled over onto the stone floor. His shield protected his face, but he wasn’t going to be getting up.

“You’re in the way, asshole!” Tada kicked him aside, but Kikkawa just lay there, unmoving. Inui or someone else dragged Kikkawa behind them as they moved on.

“Okay, we’re good!”

Hearing Tokimune’s voice, a vague thought entered Kikkawa’s head. Oh... Thank goodness. That was it.

Tokimune hadn’t stayed behind by himself. Well, yeah, of course not. There was something wrong with Kikkawa if he’d thought even for a moment that Tokimune had pulled an “I’ll handle things here! The rest of you go on ahead!” Like, that wasn’t their thing, was it? The Tokkis didn’t do that stuff.

The Tokkis were different. No matter how bad things got, they’d all get out of it together. That was their style. Sure, self-sacrifice was cool and all, and maybe it was worthy of respect, but it was hard on the people you saved, so in the end, it was better to all survive together. That was why it was a core tenet of Tokkis-ism to always aim for no losses.

Basically, the point of Tokimune’s one-man show had always been to buy time for his comrades to retreat. He’d pushed the enemy back and then once everyone else had retreated he’d climbed the stairs himself. After that, he’d dashed across the skyway, and was now gloriously reunited with his comrades. It was up to Tada to do the rest.

Kikkawa got up, wiped the tears from his eyes with a sniffle, and bore witness to Tada’s demolition job.

“Tunahhhhhhhh!”

Tada did a flying somersault inside the tower, slamming his warhammer down on the skyway. Somersault Bomb. That was one of the warriors’ guild’s heavy-equipment fighting skills. Kikkawa had learned it too, but rarely ever used it. It was hard putting your weight behind the force of the spin properly. It was also exhausting and easy to miss with. Tada’s sense for aiming it must have come to him naturally. Sure, when his target was the floor, he could hit it with his eyes closed, but it was still a trick Kikkawa couldn’t hope to emulate.

“Bonnn...!” The moment Tada’s Somersault Bomb landed, he jumped again. “Itohhh...!”

With a smash, he unleashed another Somersault Bomb.

“Sahrdine! Fatty tunah! Salmon rohh! Amberjahck!”

He pulled off six Somersault Bombs in a row. That was abnormal. This wasn’t Somersault Bomb anymore. Shouldn’t it have been considered a new skill, in an entirely different class? And he wasn’t even finished. After unleashing the Six Bomb, he took a short breath and then swung again.

“Sahmohn...!”

Tada’s warhammer tore into the left side of the skyway.

“Scahllophhh...!”

Next, he slammed it into the right side. Hard.

Idiot that he was, Kikkawa didn’t realize this, but the skyway had already taken massive damage from the Six Bomb. In short, it was on the verge of breaking. One powerful blow to the left and right gave it a good push.

A push to where?

“Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeees...!” Anna-san’s cry of delight was swallowed up by the rumble of the skyway’s rapid collapse.

Tada flopped over. No, before he could hit his head on the ground, Tokimune caught him and laid him down gently. The Tokkis’ hero was a sophisticated gentleman.

And so, the skyway went down with the black creatures that had been chasing them on it.

Tokimune had come up with this plan while he’d been away from the front line in order to rest. In other words, a hero never rested.

The Tokkis had been in tower nine of fourteen. Which tower had the skyway Tada destroyed brought them to? Kikkawa didn’t even know. What about Inui? Yeah, Inui. Inui would have checked. No doubt about it.

The Tokkis had abandoned the defense of the ninth tower and retreated to another tower of uncertain number. If this tower had already been overtaken by those strange black creatures, it’d be a disaster.

Inui hadn’t just up and vanished on them. He’d probably had instructions from Tokimune. Inui had gone ahead to scout and reported back that this tower, whichever number it was, was safe. Then Tokimune had put the retreat plan into action.

Kikkawa hadn’t been thinking.

Not one thought of value existed inside his skull.

“Oh, us? We’re like a family, y’know? No, wait, we are a family! Like, Tokimune’s the daddy, Anna-san’s the mommy, Tadacchi’s the big brother, Mimori-san’s the big sister, I’m the youngest child, and Inui’s our pet dog or something.”

He’d said that to Haruhiro once.

For some reason, Kikkawa could clearly remember his exact tone of voice and expression from then. He could hear his own voice, so that was fine, but he couldn’t see his own face, so there was no way he should have remembered it.

But Kikkawa could say this for certain: back then, he’d been wearing a goofy grin, his facial muscles all relaxed in an unflattering way, making him look kind of flaky.

“The youngest child, huh?”

He’d never used the excuse, Well, hey, I’m the youngest child, so you can’t really expect any more than this from me. He’d never even thought that way before.

No, maybe he’d been acting like the youngest child of the family all this time without realizing it. If he hadn’t been, the idea wouldn’t have come up so readily in his conversation with Haruhiro.

At some point, Kikkawa found himself sitting down, hugging his knees.

“What’s wrong?” Tokimune asked, tapping him on the shoulder. If he hadn’t, Kikkawa might’ve stayed like that forever. Kikkawa looked up.

“Nothing...”

“You’ve got a look on your face like the world just ended,” Tokimune said with a flash of his white teeth. Even if he was exhausted—and it was starting to show—the hero’s face displayed endless good cheer.

His smile had always encouraged Kikkawa. No matter what they got themselves into, it made him think, Welp, guess we’ve gotta do what we’ve gotta do, every time.

He’s so amazing. Tokimune’s totally the man. I wanna be like him. The guy’s a hero to the core. How could I not look up to that? But at this particular moment, Tokimune’s smile looked so brilliant to him that it just hurt to see it. It hurt him in his heart. Man, it’s rough. Real rough. It hurts so bad.

Kikkawa was painfully aware now that he hadn’t fully comprehended just how big the difference between the two of them was. Man, thinking I wanted to be like him? That’s just embarrassing. I mean, like, that’s just impossible for me, y’know? The difference between Kikkawa and Tokimune was as great as the difference between a soaring eagle and a lowly turtle. Nah, more like a lowly turtle’s shit.

I could never be like him. Could never even get close. ’Cause I’m turtle shit... But I knew that.

That’s right.

He’d figured it out a long time ago.

The Tokkis were a band of loud personalities with unusual abilities.

And who was Kikkawa in that group?

Mr. Ordinary.

Kikkawa was so bland compared to the rest of them.

At a stretch, you could say he was a total airhead, but was his superficial, laid-back personality really all that far from what was normal? However, despite his superficiality, he was also shameless, so he’d been able to hang around like he was one of them just fine.

That said, he couldn’t deny he struggled with feelings of inferiority. He’d honestly gotten depressed about it sometimes. Normally, a good sleep took care of that. Even if he couldn’t stop caring about it, he’d just have to do whatever he possibly could. They were all good guys. He had zero worries about them ditching him.

No one was going to say, “Why can’t you do anything, you loser? We’re through with you. Get out,” or anything like that. It was more, “Man, you just can’t help yourself, huh? Well, whatever. That’s just how you are. It’s part of why you’re one of us. The best thing to do is have fun with it.”

That was how the Tokkis were.

I love you guys. I friggin’ love all of you.

So why was he like this now? Why was Kikkawa wearing an expression that made Tokimune say he looked like the world had just ended?

“Oh...”

I get it.

That’s how it is, huh?

Kikkawa finally figured out his feelings. What was eating away at him wasn’t his weakness, inferiority, anger at his own ineptitude, despair, or shame. He had all those feelings, yes, but the root cause was something else.

It was just like Tokimune said.

The world had ended.

“Okay, come on...” Kikkawa said, hanging his head. “The world’s seriously ended, hasn’t it? With those bizarre black things. What the hell are they? I hear they took out Alterna too. Like, they say Shinoharacchi didn’t make it or something, and Jin Mogis fled on his own, y’know? He basically brought them here to Riverside Iron Fortress with him. This place is screwed too now. We can’t defend it. I mean, we’ve barely managed to hold out this long. We’re all fine for the moment, but a whole bunch of the other volunteer soldiers have gotten taken out, right? It’s bad. It’s real bad...”

“Damn it, Kikkawa! What you mumbling ab...” Anna-san started angrily, but her voice trailed off into nothing.

“Urgh...” Mimori groaned.

The wheezing, heaving, panting breaths he heard were probably Tada’s.

“Heh...” Inui cleared his throat. “The time of the demon lord is at hand, I see. Heh...”

“I’m amazed by how you always come up with that crap!” Kikkawa tried to spring to his feet, but collapsed halfway. “Okay, real talk here... The world’s ending, right? Our situation just keeps getting worse. We get through this, and then what? There’s no hope. I’m fine with that, though. Dunno why... How should I say this? I don’t have that many regrets, y’know? I’ve had my fun. Every day was a blast. Like, I’ve got all these great memories. Because you guys were there with me. We were together. Man, I’ve been so blessed. Like, thank you so much, all of you. Because of you guys, I’ve got no regrets, but...still...I just... I don’t want it to end. Like, I don’t care about the world. But if the world’s ending, we’re all gonna die, right? I don’t want that.”

Kikkawa had lived his life as a volunteer soldier, even if he wasn’t a very good one. He’d had his brushes with death. He’d thought about dying a lot, such as what would happen when he died, or what it was like to be dead. Well, maybe it was like sleeping, but you didn’t dream. That was what Kikkawa figured. Normally, when you go to sleep, you wake back up later. But you don’t wake up from death. Still, if that was all it was, it wasn’t that scary.

He was fine with it. He didn’t care when he died.

But he didn’t want his comrades to die.

That wasn’t okay.

They were the Tokkis, so he was sure it’d be fine. As the youngest child, he’d be the first to go. He’d screw something up in a ridiculous way, and by the time he thought, Aw, crap, I think I might die, he’d be unconscious. Dead already.

He wanted to at least die in a way his comrades could laugh about. Something that would make them go, “Wow, that guy was an idiot. An idiot to the very end. I know I shouldn’t laugh and all, but, man, sorry, I’m gonna laugh.” Things wouldn’t get all gloomy that way.

Kikkawa believed in the Tokkis. Believed in them completely, to the very end.

So, yeah, it’ll be fine for sure.

You guys would never ditch me.

I’m sure I’ll probably get myself killed before the rest of you, but hey, cut me some slack, okay?

“What’re we gonna do from here on? I want you guys to survive. That’s all I want. But I’m getting the feeling there’s not much hope of that. This is the end of the world...”

“Yeah.” Tokimune suddenly crouched down and threw his arm around Kikkawa’s shoulders. “I feel the same way. This world’s heading toward its end. I dunno what that end’s going to be, but it rules.”

“Huh? It rules...?”

“It’s the end of the world, man. That’s a big deal. It doesn’t happen often. Doesn’t it make you shiver with excitement?”

“Uh, I’ve got the shivers...but it’s not really from excitement.”

“Hey, close enough. There’s some overlap there. You can turn fear into excitement.”

“That sounds like a bit of a stretch...”

“You scared, Kikkawa?” Tokimune asked, smiling broadly and pulling Kikkawa close to him. “Hmm? Are you?”

“Well, yeah... I am. I’m...scared, yeah. I’m just...a normal guy, unlike the rest of you...”

“I’m scared too.”

“Huh?”

“Things have seriously gone pear-shaped here,” Tokimune said plainly. “It was already bad enough with the orcs and undead coming to wage war on us, but now we’ve got this on our plates too. It seems like something’s going on that’s gonna change the face of Grimgar. I have no clue what that might be, though. None whatsoever. That’s bad too. The world’s ending, huh? Yeah, sounds about right. The world as we know it is, at least. That’s scary. You’d be nuts not to be scared.”

“But...” Kikkawa had started shuddering, though he wasn’t sure when.

Scared. Tokimune had just said he was scared. He’d put it plainly into words. Even Tokimune was scared?

“B-But...”

Kikkawa didn’t want to accept it. He couldn’t believe that.

“Y-You said you were excited.”

“That’s what I keep telling myself. But, well, I’m just trying to act tough.”

“Trying to act tough? You, Tokimune?”

“I can’t see where all this is going. But I want to spend every second I can with you guys. Nah, seconds aren’t enough. I want more. I’m probably a selfish guy. That’s why nobody feels more strongly than I do about how big a waste it is to not be enjoying every moment. It often occurs to me before I drift off to sleep that even if I don’t know when it’s going to happen, there will be a time when I have to let go of everything. I could lose everything. When I think about that, I feel numb. It’s heavy and unbearable.”

Tokimune was born to be a hero.

Kikkawa wanted to be like him, if he could.

But for an ordinary guy like Kikkawa, that seemed such a distant goal. No matter how he idolized Tokimune, he couldn’t become him. The gap between them was too great.

Even Tokimune was scared?

Every once in a while, he thought about death?

He was scared of his own death, when he’d have to let go of everything, and the deaths of his precious comrades?

“I made a decision. When I start feeling that way, there’s something I tell myself.”

“What’s that?”

“‘Don’t be afraid, you coward.’”

“Coward... Wait, you mean you, Tokimune?”

“Well, hey. We’re alive, but there are a lot more people who are dead. They all lived like we do, until they didn’t. Some of them must have been afraid of death like I am. Some must have been trembling and saying things like, ‘Whoa, that’s scary.’ Some probably passed on at peace with themselves, fully satisfied, and others went out like total badasses. Still, all of them, even the cowards like me, are good and dead. I know I’m going to be able to die a good death too. That’s what I decided to tell myself. Sure, I still get scared about it from time to time, as you’d expect. If I can, I’d rather avoid having you guys die, or having you lose me. I want to put that off as long as we can. I’m a greedy, stubborn guy like that.”

“Don’t...say that...” Kikkawa started to say, but he couldn’t continue.

He’d wanted Tokimune to stay his hero, always out of reach. But on the other hand, this was the first time Tokimune hadn’t seemed larger than life, and it felt reassuring.

Aw, man. I thought he was some sort of messed-up natural hero or something, but he’s just a normal human being, like me.

Was he a little disappointed? He couldn’t deny that. Now that he knew Tokimune had just been acting tough, he couldn’t rely on the paladin the same way he always had before now. Ultimately, what left Kikkawa unable to speak might have been the fact that he’d exposed his own nature as the spoiled youngest child of the Tokkis family.

“You done rambling yet?” Tada lumbered to his feet, took a breath, and cracked his neck to the left and right. Then he swung his warhammer around.

“Aw, yeah!” Anna-san shouted in a sharp voice, punching the air. “Break time over, yeah! Full speed ahead! Okay?! Next! Because it time for Plan A now, yeah!”

“Mm.” Mimori, who had been sitting down all this time, adjusted the position of her mage’s hat.

Inui was checking his ponytail. For a man, he was awfully particular about his hair.

Tokimune slapped Kikkawa on the shoulder. “Time to head out, Kikkawa. Let’s go see the end of the world together.”

“Sounds like a plan...” Deep in his heart, Kikkawa whispered, Don’t be afraid, you coward.

By the time he stood up with Tokimune, he’d be back to his usual self. He would have to be.

He had a place with the Tokkis, even if he didn’t deserve it, so it wasn’t like Kikkawa to sit around pitying himself. With his idiocy came a laid-back personality. He was so air-headed you’d think he might float away. That was Kikkawa, youngest child of the Tokkis family.

Was that the role he had to keep playing to stay with them? It sure was. Being a goof wasn’t something Kikkawa could do without acting. But even Tokimune wasn’t always completely himself. Everyone had a person they wanted to be, and one they didn’t want to be. They faked this or that, tricking the people around them, or perhaps themselves, into seeing them as bigger, or sometimes smaller, than they actually were.

Everyone was lovable. And Kikkawa loved his comrades in the Tokkis more than anyone else.

“Let’s head for the fifth tower.”

Tokimune led the way as they headed down the stairs.

The tower they had been in before was the ninth, and the one they had crossed over to via the bridge was apparently the thirteenth. The ninth and thirteenth towers had served a somewhat special role among the fourteen towers of Riverside Iron Fortress. They were each connected to several other towers by bridges, but they had no entrances on the ground level. They also had storage for supplies on the top floor and underground.

Additionally, the seventh and fourteenth towers had secret underground passages that led outside the fortress. But the fourteenth tower had been largely destroyed in the many battles the fortress had seen, and its secret passage was no longer usable.

The seventh tower was their trump card for getting out of there. The stairs to the underground were behind a thin stone wall. If it came down to it, they could mass their remaining forces, head there, and escape.

Incidentally, destroying the bridges was something they were generally forbidden from doing. The complex system of bridges connecting the towers let them move back and forth from one to another easily. The defenders made use of this system to retreat when they were at a disadvantage, support their allies, and buy time. Meanwhile, for the attacking side, if they dropped the bridges, they wouldn’t be able to pursue their enemies and would risk isolating themselves.

The Tokkis’ hand had been forced, though. If they hadn’t made that move, someone definitely would have died. Possibly all of them.

Finally, they arrived at something like a landing, with a bridge to the fifth tower. It looked like there was a fight going on over there.

“Inui?!” Tokimune asked, and Inui widened his right eye—the one not covered by his eye patch—and looked across the bridge.

“Heh!”

“Aw, man, is he about to unleash his demon eye?! He is, isn’t he?!” Kikkawa shouted. He was able to do it with his usual tenor. That reassured him a bit, but also earned him an elbow from Tada.

“Ow?!”

“Inui doesn’t have anything like that.”

“Tadacchi, not in the back of the head, please! You’re gonna make me even stupider than I already am!”

“There’s no cure for being a fool. No way to fix Kikkawa’s stupid, yeah!” Anna-san winked and gave him a thumbs up.

Mimori nodded. “So it’s okay to hit him.”

“Oh, I seeee. There’s no fixing my idiocy, so it’s okay to hit me...” Kikkawa played along with the joke. Then, as always, “No, it’s not!” he provided the comedic retort.

“Over in the fifth tower...”

Inui was crouched low, moving his arms in all directions. He did this kind of thing all the time. It was creepy and off-putting, but you got used to it.

“I see Iron Knuckle and the Berserkers...! Or that should be who it is...! Heh!”

“You’re not sounding so confident there, y’know?!” Kikkawa said.

“Okay, let’s support them!” Tokimune declared, taking off at a dash.

Tada, Kikkawa, Mimori, Anna-san, and Inui followed. They were starting to get a vague picture of what it was like on the other side of the bridge in the fifth tower. There was a person with one foot out on the bridge. He had red hair and was wrapped in a blackish cape.

“It’s him!” Kikkawa shouted in an awfully loud voice, causing the red-headed man to turn and look at them. There were not many active-duty volunteer soldiers who had the kind of presence this man did. He was older than them, probably in his forties.

“Reinforcements have arrived!” the redhead called into the fifth tower with a throaty voice. He had his sword drawn, but it wasn’t clear if he was fighting. Kikkawa had a bad opinion of people who acted all self-important the way this guy did.

“Jin Mogis! You’re the one who brought those black weirdos here!”

The Tokkis were almost across the bridge. Jin Mogis, meanwhile, was trying to leave the fifth tower. They were going to pass each other.

Tokimune leapt into the fifth tower. Even if slashing Mogis might have been going a little too far, Kikkawa wished he’d at least tripped the bastard as he went past. He was sure he’d seen a slight smirk on the man’s face.

“Man, he pisses me off!”

But, well, there was no time for that, so he raced into the fifth tower after Tokimune. Downstairs, a group of volunteer soldiers had formed into a scrum. It looked like the men of Iron Knuckle and the Berserkers had made a wall of shields, armor, and their own flesh in order to block the black creatures from coming up the stairs and to try pushing them back. The Tokkis only had six members, but Iron Knuckle and the Berserkers were bigger, so they could use tactics like that, huh?

They weren’t close to either of the other clans, but they at least knew the boss of Iron Knuckle, “One-on-One” Max, and his right-hand man, Aidan, as well as “Red Devil” Ducky of the Berserkers and his second-in-command, Saga. Max looked like a young gang leader, and Ducky was a big guy with red hair—not natural, but dyed that color. Both were in the scrum. Farther up the stairs from their position was Saga of the Berserkers, wearing a mage’s hat low over his eyes.

“Anna-san, Mimori, stay back!” Tokimune took up a position at the rear of the scrum and started pushing the men in front of him. “Kikkawa, Tada, Inui, we’re gonna push!”

“Yessir!”

“Boring!”

“Heh!”

Tada seemed pretty unamused by the idea, but the four men of the Tokkis still joined the scrum, pushing and pushing and pushing some more. Kikkawa had thought he was at the very back, but somehow he ended up in the middle of the press. It looked like they were keeping the scrum intact by having the men in front pull back and the men in back move up in turns. How were they doing that, exactly? It was a mystery to Kikkawa. Or rather, he was too crushed to think about it. The stench of sweat was choking him.

At some point, Kikkawa got pushed to the very front.

The black creatures were there, on the other side of the shields.

I’m dead. Dead. So dead. Kikkawa moaned, groaned, and wailed. I’m gonna die. So gonna die here. Oh crap. Oh crappity crap. This is beyond insane. They’re pushing me too hard from behind. Our allies are gonna kill me before the enemy can. If you push that hard, you’re gonna break my back, guys! No, worse than that. You’re gonna smash every bone in my body and grind me up. I’ll be mincemeat when this is over!

I can’t take any more, nuh-uh, no way, no how, no siree Bob, no—

As he was on the verge of passing out, Kikkawa was pulled back from the front line to the second row, then the third and fourth, falling back one row at a time. As the pressure on his body lessened and he found himself able to breathe properly again, his consciousness returned. Next thing he knew, it was happening again. Yes, again. He was sucked forward, forward, against his will.

No. I don’t like this. I hate it. I don’t wanna go to the front. I like it better in back.

But they wouldn’t let him stay there. No one cared how Kikkawa felt. Once he got to the front, he’d just have to bear it.

After several trips through the scrum—he wasn’t even sure how many—Kikkawa was at the very back again.

“This is going nowhere!”

“We can’t hold them back forever!”

Two people were yelling at each other. Who? He didn’t know, but probably Max and Ducky. Had they left the scrum?

“It sounds like Britney and Kajiko retreated from the seventh!”

“What’re we gonna do?! If the seventh tower falls, we can’t escape!”

“Concentrate our forces! Our only choice is to break through!”

That last throaty voice belonged to Jin Mogis.

“We need to make contact with our allies and gather in one tower! Once we do that, we head out through the already broken gate!”

“Screw you! Who said you could talk?!”

“You lost your army, and now you’re acting like you’re in charge here?!”

Max and Ducky both tore into Jin Mogis. Kikkawa had some choice words for the man himself, but he was pulled back into the scrum against his will.

This again?! Seriously?! I’m gonna get pushed even farther forward? Could you give me a break?

Kikkawa wanted to complain, but he remembered someone saying something about how the game was over the moment you gave up. Wait, this wasn’t a game. It was more serious and important than that. Which was all the more reason he couldn’t give up. He couldn’t die in the middle of this nonsense.

Don’t be afraid, you coward.

We’re gonna see the end of the world together. It’s not over yet. I can’t die until it ends. It’d be such a shame to die here.