Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 17 - Chapter SS1

#2 True Feelings

Why had Haruhiro come to Sherry’s Tavern just to sit down? Because he wanted to be alone. Why had he wanted to be alone? Maybe because he wanted to think long and hard about some things. Or perhaps there wasn’t anything he wanted to do. He might have wanted to do nothing. And for that he needed to be alone. When he was with his comrades, he couldn’t just stay quiet the whole time; they’d end up talking about something or other. Just thinking, on its own, was heavy enough.

In his head, he understood. They needed to have a proper talk.

“Shihoru...”

If one of his comrades had been injured—or even died—in Dark’s attack, he’d have been forced to confront the issue. Such an outcome was hardly impossible. Far from it.

Orion’s hunter and mage had both been killed by Dark, after all.

He didn’t think Shihoru had meant to attack their platoon. Her goal must have been to support them, or rather to support the operation to retake Mt. Grief. But had she been taking care to prevent harm to the detached force? Had she tried not to hurt Haruhiro and the others? It would be nice if she had, but Shihoru hadn’t even recognized him. She didn’t remember. She’d forgotten.

Shihoru and Io’s party had likely joined the operation to take Mt. Grief under the orders of the master of the Forbidden Tower. They’d accomplished their objective, then taken off.

It seemed likely that Jin Mogis was in league with the master of the Forbidden Tower. That was why the master had sent reinforcements to help take Mt. Grief. Powerful reinforcements. If Shihoru hadn’t shown up, they wouldn’t have been able to open the gates. The operation would have failed, and the detached force might have been wiped out.

The end result was that Shihoru had saved them.

So wasn’t it possible to look at it another way? Shihoru had pretended not to know Haruhiro. Maybe she was being threatened by the master of the Forbidden Tower or Jin Mogis and had to do their bidding. That was why she was acting like she’d forgotten. She actually remembered and had just saved them.

It’s raining outside, thought Haruhiro.

The doors and windows were wide open, so he could hear it clearly.

“I can’t imagine that was an act... Shihoru doesn’t remember. She forgot again... Again. Our memories were stolen before. That’s what was done to her.”

“What’re you mumbling about? It’s creepy.”

The masked dread knight stepped into the tavern and immediately removed his rain-soaked cloak, then started swinging it around. His lack of social graces always rubbed Haruhiro the wrong way.

“How’d you know...? I never said I was coming here.”

“We always used to come here. Even if you don’t remember that, your feet turn this way on their own. That’s how it works.”

Ranta picked up one of the toppled chairs and walked over to Haruhiro.

“This was our table,” he said, throwing his cloak down on top of it, then sat in the chair he had brought over and removed his mask. “Our usual seat in the dark corner. We were always outcasts, after all. This ringing any bells?”

“Nah... Not at all.”

“Well, it’s nothing worth going to the trouble of remembering anyway. We’d gripe and argue like idiots. I mean, we genuinely were idiots. It’s a dark chapter of my history. I’m almost jealous that you were able to forget it.”

As he crossed his legs, leaning over a little to rest his elbows on the table and his head on his hands, Haruhiro noticed the expression on Ranta’s face wasn’t as edgy as usual. Who did he think he was kidding, saying he was jealous of Haruhiro for forgetting? Ranta was clearly reminiscing about the time they’d spent here.

“We all came here...together?”

Haruhiro was the one who felt jealous. If he couldn’t remember what he’d lost, he shouldn’t have been able to miss it. So why did his chest feel so tight?

“Like with Manato...and Moguzo?”

“Yeah...” Ranta cocked his head to the side, then a sigh escaped from the corner of his mouth. “Well, no. It started after Manato kicked the bucket, I guess. We only knew him for a short time, really. Moguzo, though, he came here with us a whole lot.”

“Oh, yeah?”

“It was you, me, and him... We’d start arguing, and then Moguzo would stop us. If he was still alive, he’d have made one hell of a warrior by now. But what can you do? Life’s just one big roll of the dice...”

“Yeah. He rolled, all right...”

“What was that, some lame attempt at a joke?”

“Uh, no...”

“What, can’t you even joke around? Man, you have no sense of humor.”

“I know I’m a humorless guy. I’ll bet I always have been.”

“From day one. It’s the one thing about you that’s never changed.”

“Yeah, yeah...”

“And about me.”

Ranta looked down at the table, falling silent for a while. Finally, he opened his mouth to speak again.

“I did a whole lot of stupid shit. I can’t fix the past. Not even if I could forget it, like you people. The facts won’t change. The guys we lost ain’t coming back.”

Haruhiro couldn’t nod, couldn’t say anything in response.

He had to accept the facts, whether they were about things he’d forgotten or things he remembered. He couldn’t make it so they’d never happened, and couldn’t twist them either.

“So, listen...”

“Hm?”

“I love Yume.”

“Yeah... Yeah?”

Haruhiro stopped and stared at Ranta.

Ranta was looking away awkwardly.

I probably didn’t mishear that. Well, it’s no big surprise. Anyone could see it. Like, yeah, I already knew. But I never would have expected Ranta to come out and say it like that.

“Have you...told her that directly?”

“As if I could, moron.” Ranta was touching his face all over. Even if he was trying to hide his embarrassment, it was excessive. “Listen, man... It’s not like that. When I say I...love Yume. It’s not that I want to do anything to her. Well, okay, that’s not entirely true, but—”

“So you do, then...”

“Of course I do! Who the hell do you think I am?”

“Who do you want me to think you are?”

“I’m Ranta the Great, got it? But, well, as far as she’s concerned... Agh...”

Ranta cleared his throat and scowled. He hemmed and hawed for a long time, then finally mumbled, “It’s just... I just want her to be happy, I guess? She loves her comrades and her friends, and when we’re smiling, she’s able to smile too. That’s why she tried to get stronger. And she really did. Don’t tell her I said any of this, though. I think she’s incredible. She can be a bit of an airhead, but she’s one badass woman. I want... I want her to always be able to smile. I want to make her smile...myself.”

“Your love feels more...pure than romantic, I guess.”

“Man, do you hear yourself? Aren’t you embarrassed?”

“I think the stuff you’ve been saying’s way more embarrassing...”

“You don’t have to point it out! I know, damn it!”

His ears were beet red. Haruhiro decided not to push the point. Call it a warrior’s mercy. Not that Haruhiro was a warrior. He was just a lowly thief.

It was embarrassing just listening, but Haruhiro was genuinely impressed.

Ranta. He loves Yume that much. He loves her like that. Genuinely, and from the bottom of his heart.

“Anyway...” Ranta crossed his arms, looking off to the side. “Shihoru’s our comrade, and more importantly, she’s Yume’s friend. Not that she’d say that now. They’re both girls, and probably had a sisterly bond going too.”

“So, for Yume’s sake...you want to—”

“Yeah, you’ve got it.”

“Oh...”

Haruhiro wanted to say it. He couldn’t help himself. That Shihoru didn’t remember any of them. That her memories had been erased.

“You want to go home, right?”

That’s what Io had said to Shihoru. Go home. What did that mean? Go home to where? Did she have a home to go back to? Haruhiro didn’t know, but just like Io’s party, Shihoru was working for the master of the Forbidden Tower.

“She was alive,” Ranta said, smiling faintly. It looked forced, but it also suited him. “Shihoru’s alive. That’s a step forward, isn’t it?”

Haruhiro closed his eyes. His shoulders had tensed up a lot without him realizing it, but the tension was fading away now. He could breathe easier.

For a moment, an image of a gentle giant, holding a mug as he looked at them with a slightly troubled smile, flashed through Haruhiro’s vision.

Who could it be?

No.

Haruhiro knew. He didn’t remember, but he knew.

It’s Moguzo.

“Isn’t it great, though?”

He even felt like he could hear his voice.

“Shihoru-san’s okay. That’s great. Don’t you think so too, Haruhiro-kun?”

“Yeah, it is...”

Haruhiro opened his eyes. Was that man really Moguzo? Was that Moguzo’s face? Was that his voice? Had he spoken like that? Haruhiro had no way to check. Moguzo was dead. The past in which Moguzo died was part of the reason Haruhiro was who he was now. But still, he wished Moguzo could be here.

The day when he would have to think of Shihoru in the same way hadn’t come yet.

“We’re moving forward.”

“At breakneck speed too. You better keep up, man. I’m damn fast.”

“If you trip, I’m leaving you in the dust.”

“Don’t forget you said that. Life’s always trying to trip us up, but even when he falls, the great Ranta doesn’t get back up without something to show for it.”

I’m glad you’re here, man.

Haruhiro only thought it. It was just one of those things that, no matter how he truly felt, he could never have brought himself to say out loud.