Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 17 - Chapter 2

2. Someone to Chase After

“I’m sorry.”

When the tall woman, Mimori, knelt in front of him, bowing her head apologetically, it made Haruhiro start to feel like he was the one who had done something wrong. It was tough.

“...Erm, you don’t have to apologize. You didn’t do any real harm... Uh, maybe I got a little wet, but that’s all...”

“I’m sorry,” Mimori repeated again, still not raising her head.

“Man, this is the problem with you...” Ranta elbowed Haruhiro in the ribs. “You’re awful. Making a hottie like her bow in front of you. What an absolute fiend. You’re a piece of trash. An absolute shitlord.”

Mimori looked up to glare at Ranta.

“Haruhiro is not a piece of trash. You are. You’re the only one who ever is.”

“Harsh!”

“But true,” Kuzaku added under his breath.

“Why you...!”

Ranta ran at Kuzaku, swinging his arms. Immediately, Kuzaku put his right hand on Ranta’s head. Given Kuzaku’s height, he of course had longer arms and Ranta’s fists couldn’t reach him.

“You ass! Damn it! Screw you!”

“Wow, what a childish comedy routine! I want in! Me too! Me too!” The intensely laid-back Kikkawa—a warrior who had apparently enlisted at the same time as Haruhiro and the others—started trying to hit Kuzaku too, for no well-explained reason.

“What the hell?!” Despite his incredulity, Kuzaku put a firm hand on Kikkawa’s head too. Kikkawa’s swinging fists didn’t reach him either.

“Take that! And that! Yeah, yeah! Yay! Whoa, man, this is super fun!”

“Ha ha ha!” Tokimune the paladin watched them go at it with an affable smile.

“Heh...” Behind Tokimune, the eyepatch-wearing nutcase with a ponytail, Inui, was laughing, but ominously. “Gwa ha ha ha ha ha!”

“You apologize enough, yeah, Mimorin.”

The petite Anna-san was, as you could tell from her white robes, apparently a priest.

“Now, stand! Stand up!”

Anna-san grabbed Mimori from behind, trying to pull her to her feet.

“For start, there is nothing reason you should cow toe.”

“This is to show my contrition.” Mimori still stubbornly refused to rise. “I’m prepared to keep cow toeing until Haruhiro forgives me.”

Er, that should be kowtow, not cow toe, thought Haruhiro. Not that it matters.

“...Uh, there’s really nothing to forgive.”

“In fact of matter, you should be one to apologize, yeah! Haruhirooo!” Anna-san teared up as she desperately tried to lift Mimori up by putting Haruhiro down. Honestly, at this point, none of it mattered to him anymore.

“...I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for, Haruhiro,” Mimori insisted. Haruhiro agreed, but this conversation refused to move on otherwise.

“I’ve got it.” The bespectacled priest, Tada, swung his warhammer in their direction. “I’ll beat him to a pulp. That’ll settle all this.”

“...Except I’ll be dead?”

“It’ll still be settled, though, right?”

“...What is wrong with you people?”

“Now, don’t be like that,” Tokimune said, throwing an arm around Haruhiro’s shoulder. “Everyone’s just so happy to see you guys. Right?”

No, winking at me like that doesn’t fix it.

“Isn’t the way they choose to express it just a little too unique?”

“Yeah, we’re original like that. People tell us all the time.”

“I’m not sure we’re on the same page here...”

“Honestly, it’s almost scary how much we are,” Tokimune countered. “It’s hard to believe you guys ever lost your memories at all.”

“That’s because you guys just keep doing these bits whether we like it or not...”

“Cut it out,” Tokimune mussed Haruhiro’s hair. “It’s embarrassing when you compliment us so much.”

“Okay, that’s enough nonsense,” a silver-haired man said from a short distance away.

Renji. He’d supposedly enlisted at the same time as Haruhiro and the others. It was hard to believe that, though. He had way too much poise. He had an intimidating face and an imposing physique. As for his equipment, Haruhiro didn’t know what all of it was, but it looked really impressive.

Incidentally, the rest of Renji’s group—the warrior with a buzz-cut, Ron; the bespectacled mage, Adachi; and the diminutive priest, Chibi-chan—had all enlisted at the same time as Haruhiro too.

Renji and his party had arrived at the Lonesome Field Outpost Ruins a little after Tokimune’s band of weirdos, the Tokkis.

With the arrival of Haruhiro’s six-man party and ten members of Orion, including Kimura and Shinohara, from the Frontier Army, as well as the six members of the Tokkis and four members of Team Renji from the Volunteer Soldier Corps, the twenty-six-member detachment that would take Mount Grief was now gathered at the Lonesome Field Outpost Ruins on schedule.

“You said it!” Kikkawa, who had been playing at not being able to punch Kuzaku with Ranta, instantly stopped what he was doing and hid behind Tokimune. “Yeah, I was starting to think that too. It was getting boring. I was thinking it was time to call it quits too... Renji’s scary, y’know? Like, way more than he has to be. He’s too scary...”

“Heh!” Ranta had stopped futilely flailing at Kuzaku too, but he turned to Renji and puffed out his chest. “Pretty full of yourself, huh? I say there hasn’t been near enough nonsense. If you think there has, then give us some quality nonsense yourself!”

“...How’s that make any sense?”

“Oh, shut up. You stay out of this, Parupiro!”

“Your knees are shaking, man...”

“N-N-N-No, they’re not!”

Ranta had raised his shoulders and arched his back, trying to put on a brave face. But his lower half was quaking. His legs trembled, with his knees knocking into one another.

“We’re setting out soon.” Renji didn’t even glance at Ranta. “Get some rest.”

“...Y-Yes sir,” Ranta replied in a quivering voice.

“That was a prompt reply...” Kuzaku gave Ranta a cold look. But he kept his voice low. Like, really quiet.

“...The guy’s crazy intimidating! If you think you can do better, you try picking a fight with him.”

“No way, man. He’s terrifying...”

“See, you’re scared of him too!”

“There’s no way that guy wasn’t a gangster at some point.”

“Get this, Renji was like that from the very start, okay? He hadn’t done anything yet, didn’t know a thing other than his own name, and he was still that confident. I just don’t get it...”

“You say that, but Renji’s been havin’ troubles too,” Yume interjected. “...Like with Sassa.”

“Ngh...” Ranta groaned before falling silent. The truth was, Team Renji used to have five members. There had been one more: Sassa, a female thief who’d enlisted at the same time as Haruhiro and the rest. That meant she’d been in the same line of work as Haruhiro and would have had just as much experience.

Team Renji was a standout team in the Volunteer Soldier Corps, while Haruhiro’s party was the bottom of the barrel, known for only hunting goblins in the Old City of Damuro. Would it be too much of an exaggeration to say they lived in different worlds? The fact of the matter was, they hadn’t come into contact all that often. Haruhiro likely hadn’t known Sassa that well.

But when he heard there was a woman like that, but she was gone now, dead, it made him strangely sad.

It didn’t feel unconnected to him. Sadly, he didn’t remember them, but his own party had lost comrades too: Moguzo and Manato. On top of that, there was also Kiichi, even if he wasn’t human, who had been killed by Commander Jin Mogis. Then there was Shihoru, still unaccounted for.

Without further instructions, the joint task force of twenty-six members from the Frontier Army and Volunteer Soldier Corps divided into their own camps with their comrades, and sat around the Lonesome Field Outpost Ruins.

The sun set, but because there were still enemy scouts lurking around the Quickwind Plains, they didn’t light campfires.

“I’m gonna sleep. Wake me when it’s time.” Ranta lay down and was snoring almost as soon as he hit the ground.

“...Wasn’t that a little too fast?” Kuzaku said in disbelief, but let out a yawn of his own. “Maybe I’ll take a nap too...”

“You can go ahead,” Haruhiro prompted.

Kuzaku gave him an apologetic “Sorry for the trouble” before lying down.

Yume sat between Merry and Setora, linking arms with them and pulling them close to her. With the three of them clumped together, Yume had them at her mercy. She was doing her best to help those two cheer up. Right now, just quietly being together like that might be doing more for them than awkwardly trying to talk would. Still, Haruhiro could never do something like that. Obviously. Only Yume could. That was a method only Yume could use. Thank goodness for her being there.

He sensed something. Someone approaching him. Renji? Haruhiro tensed up.

“Got a moment?”

Haruhiro nearly replied, “Sure.”

Come on, this isn’t Ranta.

“Yeah... I don’t mind.”

He stood up and moved away from the others. Chasing after Renji’s back. He didn’t remember it, but Renji must have been running ahead of Haruhiro all this time. So far ahead that it might not even have been possible to chase after him. The difference between them was simply too great for him to compare. To Haruhiro, Renji had been someone far off in the distance.

Even without his memories, when they were together like this, he could tell that’s how it must have been. Renji stopped at the moat. Haruhiro stopped next to him, but it didn’t seem right to stand shoulder-to-shoulder, so he stayed one step behind.

“What’s it like, not remembering?”

The sudden question caught Haruhiro off guard.

“Hmm... Well...weird, I guess?”

“You don’t remember Manato or Moguzo either, right?”

“...No, I don’t.”

“Oh, yeah?”

Renji snorted. Was that a laugh? It didn’t seem to be. What was this exchange about? Haruhiro didn’t get it.

But, somehow, he got the feeling that Sassa’s death had hit Renji hard.

Ranta said that Renji had been brimming with confidence from day one. He’d gone on to prove it wasn’t unjustified either. This was just Haruhiro’s imagination, but losing a comrade like that must have been a kind of frustration that a guy like Renji had never experienced before.

But this wasn’t really a situation where he could say, “I’m sorry for your loss,” or, “You have my condolences,” or anything of the sort.

“So, Renji...”

“Huh?”

That grunt was scary. Haruhiro nearly chickened out of saying more, but if he did, that seemed likely to anger Renji. Or maybe it wouldn’t.

“I was thinking, uh, you could stand to, I dunno...talk to your comrades more...like this, maybe...?”

Renji wasn’t saying anything, which made Haruhiro uneasy. Should he apologize? Would that be weird? Or maybe not? Which was it?

“What good would that do?” Renji said after a moment.

“What good?” Haruhiro rubbed his face. Were Ron, Adachi, and Chibi-chan all right when Renji took this attitude towards them? “You’d understand each other better...and everyone could share their opinions. I think there’s some merit in that...maybe...?”

“You’re deluding yourself if you think a bunch of strangers can understand one another. If you think I understand anyone, that’s just an illusion. No one understands me.”

“Well...that’s one way of seeing things, I guess. An illusion, huh? ...I’m deluding myself. ...Yeah. Sorta...”

“I do ask for their opinions. I’m not all-powerful, after all. When I need to make decisions, the more information the better.”

“...Oh. You’re not all-powerful?”

“What are you getting at?”

“N-Nah, it’s nothing...”

“Obviously, I’m not. If I was, then...”

Renji shook his head and sighed.

“Haruhiro.”

“...What?”

“What do you think?”

“...Huh?”

“About that man.”

Renji indicated in some direction with his eyes. Not toward his own party or Haruhiro’s. Probably not toward the Tokkis either.

Renji was looking toward where Shinohara and the ten members of Orion had set up camp.

Oh, so that was it. Renji had said he did ask people for their opinions. So he was asking Haruhiro now. What did he think about Orion? No, he’d limited it to “that man.”

Orion had a number of central figures; commanders, if you will. Like bespectacled Kimura, or Merry’s old comrade Hayashi. On this occasion, Hayashi was with the main Frontier Army force, leading a group with more than ten other members of Orion.

Kimura had a distinctive, eccentric personality, but he was still only the second-in-command.

Who was the man Renji was asking about? Shinohara, of course.

But Shinohara was acting as a member of the Volunteer Soldier Corps. So was Renji. Of the two of them, he should have had more opportunities to encounter Shinohara than Haruhiro had. Besides, unlike Haruhiro, Renji remembered the past. He had to know more about Shinohara than Haruhiro did.

Haruhiro wished he could ask him the same question. What did Renji think of Shinohara?

But while Renji might seek out the opinions of others, he didn’t see any value in revealing what he thought himself. Renji had just said as much. Haruhiro might not have agreed with that view, but to each his own. Was it really his place to tell Renji he was wrong or advise him to adjust his attitude? They weren’t friends or even comrades for that matter. Besides, was Renji even wrong to begin with? Probably not.

He was just different from Haruhiro. Very different, Haruhiro felt. Was the reason they had never become friends or worked together because they were so far apart in every way?

Still, they had enlisted at the same time.

Strange as it was, despite having no memories, Haruhiro found it hard to think of Renji as just another random, unimportant person he had no connection to. For whatever reason, he had the impression that Renji was trustworthy.

And terrifying.

Not to sound like Ranta, but he’s way too intimidating.

Renji wasn’t the sort of guy to openly express his feelings. But it wasn’t like he was keeping secrets either. He probably wasn’t as cold and indifferent as he appeared, nor was he the type to betray others. While Renji might act like a bit of a dictator, he wouldn’t just sacrifice his comrades for his own benefit. Team Renji had managed to get along as a five-man team for a long time. Knowing Renji, they had probably done some pretty reckless stuff, but no one had gotten killed. Until they lost Sassa. Her death had hurt him badly. That was Haruhiro’s read on the situation.

I can rely on Renji.

That was mostly Haruhiro’s gut speaking, but he decided to trust his judgment.

The one he couldn’t bring himself to trust here was Shinohara.

“...I want this to stay between us. Because it’s all a vague feeling, and I’m not sure of anything.”

“Yeah.”

“We woke up under the Forbidden Tower and had lost our memories.”

“I heard Hiyomu was there too, trying to manipulate you.”

“Hiyomu...seemed to be following someone’s orders. She called him her master.”

“And this master’s not Jin Mogis?”

“No. It can’t be. So I talked to the general about it, and he described that person as...” Haruhiro took a deep breath, then spoke very clearly. “‘The master of the Forbidden Tower.’ That’s what he said.”

“The master of the Forbidden Tower?” Renji parroted. He must have been surprised. “Who...is that?”

“I don’t know. But he definitely said it. And, ‘I can’t imagine the master of the Forbidden Tower would have invited the Southern Expedition in.’”

“Anything else?”

“...This is where it gets more vague. Shinohara, and Hiyomu... I don’t know what it is, but they seem to know things, more than you do or I would have before I lost my memory...”

“That’s not so strange. That man’s been a volunteer soldier longer than either of us.”

“Well, yeah, but...still, I think Jin Mogis has gotten into contact with the master of the Forbidden Tower through Hiyomu. I’m certain they joined hands at some point.”

“And you think Shinohara was involved in that?”

“If he was, it explains how Orion was able to join the Frontier Army so smoothly.”

“So the bit about him acting as a connection to the Volunteer Soldier Corps is just a cover story, then?”

“...I think it’s possible. Not that there’s any proof.”

“Any proof now, you mean.” Renji touched his lips lightly with his right thumb. “He wouldn’t give himself away so easily. But people make mistakes.”

“...It sounds like he’s done a lot for me in the past. And even more for Merry.”

“The man’s popular. Has a lot of connections. Lot of people have a high opinion of him.”

“If I hadn’t lost my memories, I might never have been suspicious of him.”

“I never liked the guy. Didn’t have any real reason for it, but we never got along.”

“You’re a completely different type of person from him, after all.”

“True.”

“You acknowledge it yourself, huh?”

“I’ve never wanted to make people like me.”

Hey, that’s you you’re talking about there.

Could Haruhiro get away with poking fun at him? Renji probably wouldn’t just laugh it off.

“...You think he acts the way he does to make people like him?” Haruhiro asked instead.

“That’s how it looks to me.”

“So...he’s not really like that, he’s just putting on an act?”

“It’s his eyes.”

“His eyes...aren’t smiling?” This didn’t ring true for Haruhiro. Shinohara smiled a lot. He’d never once sensed anything off about it.

“No,” Renji shook his head. “His eyes don’t move. Even when he’s smiling, they’re fixated on one point. It means he’s observing the other person.”

“...You watch people pretty closely yourself, Renji.”

“Just watch for it,” Renji said, then immediately turned and walked away. His movements felt weightless, yet each one seemed to be made with purpose.

Haruhiro couldn’t help but think, Even at something as simple as walking, he’s on a whole other level from me. It was silly to feel inferior. The thought made him gaze up into the sky.

Suddenly, Renji came to a stop.

“Even if you’ve forgotten, your skills haven’t dulled much.”

Turning back to Haruhiro, he said, “More than that, I barely recognize you now. I’ll be counting on you.”

Haruhiro felt his face twitch. How was he supposed to respond to that? “Thank you. I’ll do my best”? Would that be deprecating himself too much?

In the end, all Haruhiro was able to do was nod. He’d have liked to say something clever, but that was beyond him.