Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 14.2 - Chapter 4.06

6. We Who Cannot be Alone

She had never forgotten the first time she lost a comrade.

It was a long time ago now, so it didn’t make her heart ache constantly, but whenever she remembered Manato, she wanted to howl like a wolf on a moonlit night.

Yume liked wolves. It was too bad, but she wasn’t a wolf, so she couldn’t actually howl. Yume didn’t know why wolves sounded so lonely when they howled, but they lived in packs centered around a pair of alphas. If a member of their pack got lost or died, the wolves would howl repeatedly. This was something she’d heard from her master in the hunters’ guild, so she knew it wasn’t nonsense. The wolves were probably trying to call back the ones they’d lost. Yume wanted to see her comrades so bad she could’ve howled, too. But no matter what she did, the dead wouldn’t come back.

It hurt the second time, too. It might have even been more painful when they lost Moguzo. They’d been with him longer. No, it was more than that. Compared to losing one person who’s precious to you, losing two would obviously hurt more. It was tearing at an open wound.

After that, Yume ran into Renji on the deck a few more times, but all they did was say hi. From the look of it, Renji was hardly even talking with his own comrades, Ron, Adachi the mage with glasses, and Chibi the priest.

Renji, Ron, the thorny and difficult-to-approach Adachi, the silent, or so quiet you couldn’t hear her, Chibi-chan, and the now-deceased Sassa had all come to Grimgar on the same day as Yume and her party. What would you call their relationship? Contemporaries, maybe? What exactly had happened to them? Yume would be lying if she said she didn’t want to know, but even if they did tell her the details, there was nothing she could do. If they wanted to open up, she’d gladly listen, but she felt it would be wrong to make them tell her.

Yume devoted herself to training with Momohina.

The old Yume might have stared off in a daze, or occupied herself with something else because she didn’t want to have to think about Haruhiro, or Renji, or any of the others. What she was doing now was similar, but a little different.

No matter how seriously she thought about it, there were things she couldn’t do. She had to set those things aside, and try her hardest at the rest. That was all there was to it.

On the night before the Bachrose-go was to reach Nugwidu, she fought a practice match with no time limit against Momohina.

There were no particular victory conditions. She had sparred with Momohina more times than she could count. They both knew what was a win and what was a loss. That wasn’t important. In a serious match, Yume had little chance of beating Momohina. The focus here was whether or not she could get Momohina to recognize her. In a way, this was her graduation exam.

They faced one another on the deck and lightly touched the backs of their hands together. Just as she thought, Okay, time to attack, Momohina grabbed Yume by the wrist. Before she could cry out in surprise, she had been thrown. She was at enough of a disadvantage to begin with, and going second was going to make her situation even worse. Yume panicked. Even she could figure that out, though, so she managed to calm herself down somehow.

When she tried to put some distance between them, Momohina closed the gap and grabbed her. Momohina easily locked Yume’s joints. Yume was thrown.

Momohina was different from usual. She was expressionless throughout. The way she moved, it was like she was a different person, too. Yume was facing a Momohina she didn’t know.

Yume wasn’t calm, she was irritated. No, indignant.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Yume had intended to fight Momohina with everything she had. Momohina had completely reshaped the way Yume fought, teaching her everything she now knew. It didn’t suit Momohina’s personality, but Yume already saw her as a sort of mother figure. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.

Momohina was silent, and her moves were quick and slippery.

Yume was getting more and more emotional. That was clearly a bad thing, but she couldn’t control it. When she got worked up, it made her tense all over. Her movements naturally became straighter, and were easily seen through.

It was a miserable defeat. She wasn’t just badly defeated, she was utterly crushed.

She had countless bruises, pain in her shoulders, arms, wrists, and fingers, and a number of broken bones. Chibi-chan healed her with light magic, so the physical damage didn’t remain, but it was still depressing. She hadn’t been so completely unable to do anything since back when she first started training on the island.

Though, she did see what Momohina was trying to show her.

“...It’s not just about power and technique, it’s about who you’re fightin’ against, too, huh?”

“You got it! That’s my Yumeryun! You’ve got good intuition. That’s perfect. Well done!”

Momohina patted Yume on the head. She was already back to the usual Momohina.

Yume had been training under Momohina all this time. It was no exaggeration to say that Momohina knew everything there was to know about her. Even if she went all-out against an opponent like that, she was going to get crushed easily. If Yume really wanted to show Momohina the fruits of her training, she would’ve had to at the very least try an attack that could catch her off-guard.

In contrast to Yume, who performed what she had been taught with a stupid level of faithfulness, what had Momohina done? She had used a wide variety of throws and joint-locking techniques that she hadn’t shown off before. Yume had been confused, and shaken up, as intended. Unable to deal with it properly, she’d put on a humiliating performance.

Even after studying harder than anyone, building her muscles, heightening her agility, and polishing her technique, it still wasn’t enough.

Depending on her opponent, and how she fought, the way a battle looked would change considerably. Basically, even a weak fighter, if she played her cards right, could win against a strong one. Or the possibility existed, at least.

Conversely, if a strong fighter acted with arrogance, a weaker fighter might trip them up. Even if they weren’t being particularly unwary, the weaker fighter might do something unexpected and defeat them.

Anything could happen at any time. There were no absolutes.

That was the last thing Momohina had chosen to teach Yume.

Yume slept well in her hammock. When she woke and went up on deck, she could see land off in the distance. She cried just a little. Yume was finally back.

The Bachrose-go dropped anchor in the port at Nugwidu around noon.

The Zwiba would probably welcome her with open arms. There was a large number of them gathered around the jetty when she came alongside it. But they didn’t cheer, or wave. Not only were they silent, they looked unusual, too. They were humanoids, but their skin was a grayish rock-like color, and there wasn’t a single strand of hair on their heads. Their eyes were jet black, with no whites, and their faces, arms, and legs—basically their whole bodies—were covered in blue and yellow line patterns. Their clothing came in brown, purple, and a number of dark colors. Each and every one of them carried a long, thin pole. No exceptions. Not made of wood, but of metal. The rods were lustrous and tipped with a variety of different heads.

When Kisaragi stuck his hand over the side of the ship and gave them a thumbs up, they all banged the ends of their rods on the ground twice, in unison.

“They’re all so shy, huh?”

Was that the issue? Internally, Yume was a bit scared to get off the ship. But once she saw Kisaragi and Momohina walk down the gangway like it was no big deal, then give the Zwiba a thumbs up again, and start slapping them on the shoulders, she decided it was apparently all right.

When she disembarked from the ship and approached, the Zwiba people all had a nice, sweet smell about them, like freshly baked pastries. It wasn’t just the color; their skin had a rocky texture to it, too. Their black eyes had golden lines in the back, and the way they swayed as the Zwiba glanced towards her was mysterious, and so pretty it made her let out a sigh of admiration. Their legs were bare, and they wore no shoes. Their hands and feet each had seven fingers or toes.

The Zwiba all looked the same to Yume, and she couldn’t tell them apart. However, there was one Zwiba who was shorter, with a head covered in white patterns. The rod held by that Zwiba was colorless and transparent. As Kisaragi spoke to that Zwiba, making use of a lot of pantomime, Yume heard their language for the first time.

“Uhh. Tohh. Nhh. Tohhto. Muhh. Ohh. Nhh. Tohhto. Nhh. Tohh. Uhh. Tohh.”

Naturally, Yume had no idea what they were saying. She had heard a lot of languages, but the Zwiba’s had to be among the weirdest of them. Who knew there were people who spoke like this? The world was a big place.

That day, the Zwiba invited Kisaragi, Momohina, Yume, and Team Renji into a large building, and received them there.

Though, the reception was just a bunch of food and drink laid out on a wide, otherwise bare stone floor, and nobody sang or danced. The food mainly used fish along with greens, root vegetables, and nuts. There was plenty available, and all of the dishes made the most of their ingredients’ flavors. Actually, they were all very lightly spiced, and none of it was salty. The drinks seemed to be a variety of fruit juices diluted with water, and they only barely had any taste, either.

“Don’t they have any booze...?” Ron grumbled, but the Zwiba apparently had no custom of drinking alcohol. They didn’t sing or dance, and they avoided talking in front of other people. They liked lying on the ground, motionless, more than anything, but they would fall asleep if they stayed like that too long, so they wouldn’t do it to the point of actually sleeping. That was how Kisaragi described them.

They all slept together in the same room that night. The Zwiba didn’t use bedrolls, or anything like that, so Yume slept on the stone floor, too. When she woke up, she was wrapped in a blanket. Someone had apparently draped it over her. When she looked around the dark room, there were two Zwiba walking through the room carrying blankets, while still also carrying their poles. After that, she fell into a deep sleep.

To help Yume and Team Renji on their trip back to Alterna, the Zwiba prepared horse-dragons for them. Horse-dragons were small dragons that walked on their hind legs. Normally, horse-dragons raised in captivity would have had their wings clipped. However, the Zwiba’s horse-dragons’ wings had been left intact, which let them do things like glide for short distances, and run on water. Yume had heard they wouldn’t listen to people, or let you put things on their backs, unless their wings were cut. Yet the Zwiba’s horse-dragons were friendly and docile.

Yume and Team Renji were seen off by Kisaragi, Momohina, the Bachrose-go crew lead by Captain Anjolina, and upwards of one hundred Zwiba as they set out from Nugwidu early in the morning.

Parting ways with Momohina made her feel lonely, and Yume was worried that she’d get all sappy. But Momohina and Kisaragi were so blasé about the whole thing, she was actually able to leave them with a smile.

“See ya later, Yumeryun!”

“Yeah, later.”

“Say hi to your party for us.”

“Momo-san and Gicchon, say hi to your comrades for Yume, too. Like Ginzy, and Giancarlulun. Oh, and Jimmy-chan, too.”

Adachi, the mage who wore glasses, confidently said that he knew the way back to Alterna, and there was no way he’d get them lost, so Yume decided to let him handle it. All they needed to do was follow the Tenryu Mountains west, so it would work out either way.

When the Zwiba’s horse-dragons ran into uneven terrain, they would flap their wings and hover over it as they moved forward. They did that a lot, and the unique floating feeling made her feel a bit sick at first, but Yume got used to it quickly. Renji was fine too, obviously, and so were Ron and Chibi-chan, but for a while Adachi looked pale, and just kept mumbling, “I’m nauseous, so nauseous...” Still, he kept up, and didn’t fall behind.

The horse-dragons moved at a good speed, but once they got hungry, you couldn’t make them budge an inch. They were omnivores, and would eat the leaves and stems of plants, roots, bugs, small animals, carrion, and just about anything, honestly, so they could just be let loose to hunt and forage for themselves. There was no need to prepare feed for them. They would munch on whatever was nearby, and come back when they were full. One time, Ron got impatient and tried to drag back his horse-dragon while it was still eating, but it got mad and wouldn’t let him ride it anymore. The problem was solved when he traded horse-dragons with Yume, but it showed them the creatures could be stubborn, and they had to be careful.

Yume and Team Renji went until their horse-dragons came to a stop. When they refused to go any further, the group rested, ate, or slept. Adachi was the only one who grumbled about it “throwing his schedule off.” Team Renji were used to traveling.

Traveling with them like this, Yume could see the shape of their party, and the members’ personalities, clearly. Learning to understand them held her interest for a while.

Ron could be annoying sometimes, but he barely talked when they weren’t resting, and he would volunteer to take care of the grunt work. Adachi, who looked smart, acted as a sounding board for Renji, while Chibi-chan was quiet, supporting the group in a lot of little ways that didn’t stand out.

Renji was really scary, and would make his comrades do what he told them to without argument. The others couldn’t push back. That was what Yume used to think their party was like. She couldn’t say what it was like in the past, but it didn’t seem to be that way now, at least.

It was true that Renji had an intensely intimidating presence. He wasn’t sociable at all. Even with his comrades, he was blunt. He never made jokes or laughed, and didn’t chit-chat. Renji was surrounded by comrades, but it felt almost like he was all alone. But Ron and the others had accepted that was how he was. They knew Renji didn’t like others worrying about him, so they made a point of leaving him alone. Still, they would talk to him when necessary, and he wouldn’t ignore them when they did.

What happened with Sassa must have been part of it. Renji was hurting. If someone who didn’t know the circumstances saw him, they might not think it, but Renji was crushed, in his own way. It must have been the same for Ron, Adachi, and Chibi-chan, too. They weren’t acting hurt, or openly worrying, or reflecting on the past. They just headed for Alterna. That must have been how they’d traveled all along.

With Sassa.

One of their precious comrades had died. They didn’t wail about it; they silently accepted it for what it was.

On the third day after they set out from Nugwidu, they entered the Quickwind Plains. According to Adachi, unless something changed, they would reach Alterna in another four or five days. That was nothing.

Before sunset, their horse-dragons stopped in an open field, so they decided to make camp for the night.

Adachi handled the cooking in Team Renji. He was the pickiest about taste, and would find something to complain about no matter who else made it. That was apparently what got him put in charge. That night’s meal was gruel with dried meat, vegetables, and mushrooms. It was mouthwateringly good. Adachi had a lot of spices and seasonings, and he could make any ingredients taste good. It was seriously impressive.

Ron always started snoring softly the moment he laid down. He could sleep anywhere, anytime, and as long as he was allowed.

Chibi-chan would be rolled up into an even tinier ball than usual one moment, and then be sitting, or gone, and then back again the next. The way Chibi-chan acted was a mystery, but her comrades didn’t find her mysterious in the slightest. Yume tried to talk to her whenever she had the chance, but Chibi-chan’s responses were just, “Aye,” or, “No,” nine times out of ten, and it never developed into a substantive conversation.

Though she didn’t really get Chibi-chan, Yume could sense an earnestness and sincerity in everything that she did. Chibi-chan was the kind of person who would give anything for her comrades. When Sassa was still around, Team Renji would have been a party with three men and two women. Maybe there had been a special relationship between the two of them, like you would expect? When she thought about it, Yume couldn’t help but wish she could really talk it over with Chibi-chan. But that was probably sticking her nose where it didn’t belong.

Renji would lay out all his things, then use one of them as a pillow, and always sleep in the same position. He’d only use his own utensils and toiletries. He shaved his beard meticulously, and combed his hair neatly, even though it was short. He did the same things every day, in the same order, and the same way. It had never occurred to Yume before, but he must have been a highly methodical person.

Yume always just did whatever. She drank as much water as she could when she could, and did the same for food, but she wasn’t picky. She slept when it was dark, and moved when it was light out, but she could manage the opposite just fine, too. If she tried to sleep, she usually could, and when she couldn’t, well, that was that. She’d just have to stay awake until she got sleepy. She felt like, in her time living on the island, she had become even more random than before.

It looked like tonight was going to be one of those nights when she couldn’t sleep.

Renji was lying down, too, but his eyes probably weren’t even closed. They were in the middle of a pitch-dark field, and they’d put out the fire, so she couldn’t see a thing. Still, she could sense him.

“Hey, Renji.”

“Yeah.”

Renji replied immediately. He really was awake, like she had thought.

“Why’d you go to the Red Continent?”

She regretted the question as soon as she’d asked it. She didn’t mean to touch on what happened with Sassa. That was why she’d tried to pick a different topic. But Renji had just come back from the Red Continent. That was most likely where Sassa lost her life. She might end up reminding him of her.

“Because it was stifling here.”

Yume may not have needed to worry, because Renji was quick to answer.

“There was this guy in Alterna, Garlan Vedoy, who said he wanted to meet with us. He’s a margrave, or something, for the Kingdom of Arabakia, and lives in some stupidly tall mansion called Tenboro Tower. When I said no, Britney at the Volunteer Soldier Corps Office made a big fuss over it. He was being so annoying about it, I said if the guy wanted to see me, he could come down from his mansion himself.”

“Woo. So, um, Petrie-san...?”

“Vedoy.”

“Did Berorin-san come down?”

“...He didn’t. From what Britney was saying, he was pretty pissed. I don’t know who the guy thinks he is, but he’s clearly got a pretty high opinion of himself. I hate guys like that so much it makes me sick.”

“Well, you’re not... Grimgarian? Yume isn’t either, though. You must’ve been annoyed, gettin’ pulled into Grimgar stuff like that.”

“That’s about right. It’s not just Vedoy. The other volunteer soldiers were kind of in my way, too.”

“So you went to the Red Continent, huh?”

“I made them tag along with my selfishness.”

It sounded like Renji was trying to say something after that, but swallowed the words.

She knew she shouldn’t say anything, but Yume couldn’t help herself.

“...It doesn’t seem like everyone else feels that way. They don’t just do things because you said so. Yume can see that everyone’s stayin’ with you because they want to be your comrades.”

“That’s your perspective.”

“Yeah. You’re right. Yume can’t be sure about anythin’ but Yume herself.”

“There’s no way you could know how others feel.”

“Well then, that makes it strange for you to be up and decidin’ how everyone else must feel, huh?”

“...Yeah.”

“It’s pretty hard askin’ people, ‘How do you all feel?’ Even though, when you’re with them, you could ask anytime, huh?”

Renji laughed just a little, then said, “Yeah,” again. “Sorry about this. I know you got separated from your comrades, and you’re all alone.”

“Yume’s not quite alone.”

“...Huh?”

“You’re here, and everyone else is, too. Before that, there was Momo-san. Then Gicchon came and saved us. Yume’s not alone.”

“...Oh, yeah?”

After that, Renji fell quiet. She could sense that he hadn’t fallen asleep. But Yume herself was getting drowsy. As her consciousness was drifting off, just before she passed out, she felt like she heard Renji’s voice.

“The only ones who are really alone are the guys who died, huh...?”g