7. Here is a Battle I Cannot Afford to Lose
“Don’t hold this against me, Moguzo,” Ranta said with a nihilistic smile as he looked at the hunk of ganaro meat sitting atop the cooking station, “Even as great as I am, I know I’m at a disadvantage against a skilled cook like you. I’m a realist, you know. I at least understand that facing Moguzo in a fair fight, my chances of winning are minimal. I’ve gotta rely on cunning. Even if Moguzo figures out I made a move against him, knowing his personality, he won’t say anything. That’s the kind of guy he is. Too nice for his own good. That’s a strong point and a weak point. His excessive kindness will dig his own grave. He’s got to learn. That reality’s harsh, and there are times when you’ve gotta be cruel...!”
Ranta guffawed heartily, then cocked his head to the side.
“But rice and ganaro meat? What was he trying to make...? Well, whatever it was, Moguzo can’t use meat anymore. I mean, this meat looks pretty expensive. He can’t go and buy more now. So, I’ll be the one to use it for him! Yes, me! How heinous! Truly, I am a model dread knight!”
With carving knife in hand, he took the meat—I’ll cut it!
At the last moment, Ranta stopped.
“...Is this okay? It is, right? Am I going a bit too far? Like, no matter how this goes, they’re not going to look kindly on it...? No, no. It’s not like me to be afraid of that. Y-Yeah. This is to win! Not sweating the morality when it’s for the victory is my justice! Yeah! If I lose, I’ll be mocked! I’ve got to win! I’ve already dirtied my hands here! With this misappropriated meat! As if I could give it back now! Yeah, how would I face them...? I have to use the meat now! To dispose of the evidence! It’d be a shame to just throw it away! We’ve gotta eat it! Hah, hah, hah, hah! Once it’s cooked, no one’ll know where the meat came from! Okay, I’m doing this! Do it, Dread Knight Ranta! Cut it! Cut it up...! H-Huh...? But do you cut the char siu first...? Do you do it before, or after? Which was it...? Aw, crap. I know I had this down from watching Usuradani, but I’ve forgotten now...?! How could I forget...?! How...?! It’s absurd! R-R-R-Remember...! Char siu, char siu... How do you make char siu...? I mean, isn’t char siu supposed to be made with pork? Ganaroes are more, I dunno, cow-like...? Is this okay? I dunno. Am I screwed...? No. No, no, no, no, no, no...”
Ranta looked to the ceiling, and took a deep breath.
“...Yeah. Nope! Not doing the char siu for now! It’s canceled! I’ll do it when I know for sure! For now, the noodles! Noodles! That’s where it’s at! Let’s see. Flour, flour... Good, good. Found it. This is it. I just dump the flour out on the cutting board, and... Whoa?!”
He poured too much. There was a limit to how much he needed to dump, and yet the flour from the flax bag was spread all over, from the cutting board to the floor.
“Damn it! Have you no control, Flour?! Damn you, Flour...! You’re supposed to stop! I can’t pick you up off the floor, so you’re the one in trouble here! Think about it a little, Flour...! Oh, enough! I’ll give up on the portion that fell! I’m only dealing with the flour on the board! Umm, first comes water! Splash! Now, soruzo noodles are yellowish! It’s time to solve the secret behind that mystery! Usuradani never told me, but I figured it out! This is it...! Eggs!”
When Ranta cracked an egg and added it to the flour, the shell got in there, too.
“Ngh! Damn it...! The shell, the shell! I gotta get it out of there! Is that all of it? No, there’s still more, arrrgh! Enough of this! What’s a little shell matter, really?! It’s probably good for your health somehow! Gives you something to sink your teeth into! Now, I take this... and mix them!”
He mixed.
He mixed and mixed.
He just kept mixing.
“...Tch! It won’t stick to my hands! I can’t quite get it to knead! What’s up with that?! Usuradani did it more like this...!”
He mixed and he mixed. He mixed like Usuradani. Mixed and mixed like mad.
“Good! Good! Good...! Now it’s starting to look like dough! Huh?! Come to think of it, I was supposed to put, like, salt and whatnot in here, right?! Well, it’s fine if I do it now, I guess! Sprinkle, sprinkle! Do I need more? If I’m putting it in, I should go all out! Wh-What?! I’m all outta salt?! Now, at a time like this, I’m facing a salt shortage?! What’ll I do for the soup?! No, no! If the noodles are salty, that’ll do it! Heheheh! Of course! First comes the dough! I’ll make the best noodles ever! The ultimate noodles! Hurrah...!”
The noodle dough had taken on a more round shape now, so he started to knead it.
“Gwohrahh...!”
He beat it against the cutting board, and kneaded it.
“Zwosharahhh...!”
He kneaded. He kneaded like crazy. He knead, knead, knead, knead, knead, knead, knead, knead, kneaded away.
“Faiyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...!”
Not satisfied to just knead, he beat it, too. He lifted it up and then punched it into the cutting board several times. He beat it. With his fists. He beat the crap out of it. Bam, bam, thump, thump, pow, pow, he whaled on it until—What’s this?
“It’s gettin’ hard?! It’s gettin’ rock hard?! What’s it gettin’ so hard for?! No, wait, what am I talkin’ like Yume for?! Well, forget about that... Can I even cut this?! Can I cut this into thin strips when it’s so hard?! It’s kinda impossible, right?! This looks bad; I guess I’ll save it for later. That good? Yeah. On to the soup. I’ll do the soup next! Erm, put water in the pot. Water. Good. I like it. Now for the soup base. I know what to use. Here they are. Bones! I dunno what from, but they were cheap. Free, in fact! Thanks to that, I have a ton! I just toss these into the pot, and boil! Light it up, light it up! Light up the oven! Yeah... This is such a pain to do. I’ll do it, though. I’ve gotta.”
Using flint to light a fire in the oven, Ranta was able to finish the task quickly.
“...That was too easy, if I do say so myself. What I did just now. Am I beyond awesome, or what? It’s a crying shame that I don’t have an audience here. Well, when they get a taste of my soruzo, they’ll be forced to acknowledge my greatness. Heheheh... Hahh, hah, hah, ha, hahhhh! Gweh, cough, cough, bwuh?! S-S-Smoke?! Oh, crap! The smoke’s going nuts here?! Wh-Wh-What am I gonna do...?!”
No Comments Yet
Post a new comment
Register or Login