Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 10 - Chapter 6

6. The Steps of Happiness

Kuzaku was with a woman in a green coat—or so he thought. He was scared to ask her gender, and he doubted she spoke his language anyway, so he couldn’t ask. But, well, she was probably a woman.

Her chest was, well, you know. She had a pair? Like, they were huge. You could say she was tall, but there were women out there who rivaled any man when it came to height. But, well... her face? It was hard to call it beautiful.

Her skin color, too, it was this kind of greenish cream color. She had no nose. Well, no, she did sort of have one. Or just nostrils, you could say. There was her mouth, which showed her teeth and gums, too. And her eyes were red.

She was kinda scary. Scarier than an orc. Oh, also, her name was apparently Yanni.

Yanni led him into the mountains, and after walking for a while, a building that was like some sort of mountain hut came into view. No, not like a hut, it was a hut.

Next to the hut was a pile of logs that had been cut to be the same length. Come to think of it, he’d been periodically hearing conk, conk sounds for a while now. Someone was felling trees around here. In that case, was this a lumberjack’s hut?

Yanni gestured to the pile of logs with her chin. Was she telling him to make something with them?

“No way. That can’t be it,” he muttered. Kuzaku mimed shouldering a long object, then shook his head in the direction they’d come from. “You want me to carry them? Back to the village? That’s probably it, right?”

Yanni nodded, as if to say yes.

Kuzaku pointed to himself. “Me, alone?”

“Ah?” Yanni tilted her head to the side.

“Erm, I dunno how to say this, but this work? This job? Like, am I doing it alone? You know, there are kind of a lot of them? Easily a hundred, right? More, maybe. On top of that, those trees, they’re pretty big, aren’t they? I wonder if I can carry them by myself? I’m a little hesitant...”

Yanni was quietly listening, but the moment Kuzaku stopped speaking, she gestured to the pile once again, as if to say, Get on with it.

Kuzaku frowned and held his head. “Dammit. No room for negotiation, huh? I’m about as exhausted as possible, so physical labor is gonna be tough...”

Yanni made a loud sound, sucking air through her teeth. Meant to intimidate, no doubt. Scary.

Kuzaku shrugged his shoulders and lowered his head. “Okay. Getting right on it.”

“Wolla.”

“...Huh? What’s that? What do you mean?”

“Waouf.”

“No, I don’t understand. But I’m guessing it probably means ‘Hurry up,’ or something. I’ll do it. I’ll do it. I mean, the girls can’t do this sort of work, and Enba-kun’s only got one arm.”

“Neak!”

“Right! I said I’ll do it!” Kuzaku jogged over to the mountain of logs. He’d meant to dash, but his stomach growled incredibly loudly, and he stumbled.

Oh, crap. My legs are going to give out. I don’t have the strength.

He managed not to trip, somehow, but he crouched down, unable to stay on his feet.

“Ohh,” he murmured. “What is this? My eyes are spinning. Ohh. Wow...”

Yanni walked over. “Rua?” She peered at Kuzaku’s face. Her face was as frightening as he’d expected, but it wasn’t like he couldn’t see something resembling concern in her expression.

“I’m sort of, um... running on fumes, you could say. Like, I’m out of gas. Oh, those are the same thing, huh. I haven’t been eating properly. I know I probably shouldn’t be saying this, but...”

Yanni sighed, started rummaging through her coat, and then, voila, she presented a bundle to Kuzaku.

Was it something wrapped in a thick leaf?

“Ohhh. Thanks,” Kuzaku said as he accepted it. He brought his nose close, and—

This is... I can’t say for sure, but it’s probably the smell of some sort of grain. His mouth began watering in an instant.

“I-Is... is it food?”

Yanni turned to look away, somewhat embarrassed, then said, “Wolla,” in a quiet voice. This might have been Kuzaku’s mind playing tricks on him, but she was a little cute. Her face was scary, but she wasn’t a bad person...? Oh, wait, she wasn’t a person at all.

When he unfurled the leaf, there were these flat, brown things that were halfway between bread and a dumpling. Three. There were three of them. He grabbed one, and bit hungrily into it.

“Oh!” he gasped.

Inside. There was something inside them. It was this meat-like stuff with a salty-sweet taste. Some sort of filling.

The outside of the bread, or dumpling, or whatever it was, didn’t have a particularly strong flavor, but it was chewy and...

Good. This is good.

In a word, it was delicious, but so delicious that he couldn’t put it into words. It might have been nothing special if he hadn’t been so hungry, but right now, it was delicious. Delicious enough to make him grateful he was alive. It was delicious, so amazingly delicious that he thought his head was going to start leaking weird fluids.

Deelicious. Deeleesheeous. ...What’s deeleesheeous? Well, it’s delicious.

The next thing he knew, he was gorging himself while crying. Don’t cry, Kuzaku thought to himself, of course, but he couldn’t blame himself that badly for crying.

Once he had devoured those three things that were somewhere between bread and dumplings, his head was filled with a numbing feeling of happiness and satiation. His eyelids and nostrils wouldn’t stop twitching.

Man, I want more. That’s how I honestly feel. Right now, I could eat a hundred of these bread-y, dumpling-y things. There’d be no end to it, though, and it looks like I can move now, too.

“Yanni-san.” Kuzaku smiled at Yanni. Or rather, his face broke into a smile on its own. “Thanks. That was super good. You saved me.”

Yanni met Kuzaku’s eyes for just a moment, then turned to look away. She was saying words like “nuan and “wakundawo,” and other stuff he didn’t understand. Was she mad? That didn’t seem to be it.

He didn’t get it. Interracial communication was kind of tough.

Kuzaku stood up. He wasn’t wearing his armor. He’d stripped it off and left it behind. Naturally, he didn’t have his sword or shield, either. He glanced at the mountain of logs.

“Those who don’t work don’t eat, huh,” he murmured.

It was a give and take thing. Jessie had said he wouldn’t kill Kuzaku and the others, and he’d provide them food, water, and a place to sleep, but it wouldn’t be free. In addition, he had placed one more condition.

I won’t allow you to leave this village, Jessie Land.

Haruhiro was being held hostage, and all of them had been bound and tied, so there was no other choice.

Actually, to be honest, Kuzaku had thought, Huh, are you sure that’s it? He’d expected it to be something crazier, involving more direct danger for all of the group, Haruhiro included. They could eat, sleep, and live. Wasn’t that enough?

But when it came time to be put to work, and Yanni indicated for him to start walking, the condition of not being able to leave Jessie Land started to weigh on him heavily. Even if he accepted it as inevitable for the time being, how long would they have to be here? Forever, maybe? An eternity? Did that mean they were going to live in this village until they died? They couldn’t go back to Alterna anymore?

Kuzaku approached the mountain of logs. He lifted one up. It was heavy. Long, too. Still, it wasn’t so bad he couldn’t carry it. When he put it on his shoulder with an, “Oof,” the log swayed, and Kuzaku stumbled.

Yanni laughed.

“Hey, Yanni-san. Don’t laugh. I’m not used to this yet. Once I get the hang of it, it’ll be easy. No, seriously.”

It was probably about center of mass. He tried balancing the center of the log on his shoulder. It went as expected. The log didn’t sway that much.

“Look. See?”

Yanni gave a snorting laugh.

“...What? I thought you were a little cute, and this is what I get? Fine. I’ve just gotta work, right? I’ll give it my all. Okay. Here goes. Yanni-san, you coming? Even if you don’t watch me, I’m not gonna run away or slack off, though.”

“Wolla.”

“Yeah, yeah. It means ‘go,’ or ‘do it,’ or something like that, right? When you say wolla. Even an idiot like me has figured that much out by now.”

“Waouf.”

“Hurry up? Sure thing. Roger that.”

Kuzaku started to walk, still carrying the log that was over two meters long.

How far had it been from the village to this lumberjack’s house? Probably about thirty minutes? Carrying a log, it would probably be longer. How many trips was he going to have to make today? The thought was dizzying.

Yanni was following behind Kuzaku.

If I swing the log now... No, he was thinking things that would get him nowhere. Even if he defeated Yanni and escaped, there would be nothing to do after that.

“Yanni-san doesn’t seem like a bad person anyway,” he murmured.

It wasn’t just Yanni. The way Kuzaku saw it, the residents of Jessie Land might look ugly—no, that was only if they were judged by Kuzaku’s human standards of aesthetics. But still, even setting aside the undead, which didn’t feel like living creatures at all, he felt like the residents weren’t exactly easy on the eyes, even compared to other races like orcs, goblins, and kobolds.

They were better than the bizarre folks of Darunggar, but they were still creepy. In their outward appearance, at least. He wasn’t so sure about what was inside.

The villagers who worked the fields didn’t seem to be armed, and they looked like your stereotypical farmers. Even with the guys in coats, they were all well-built, and they carried weapons, but they didn’t come off as thuggish.

From the way they moved, they seemed to have built themselves up a lot. They’d probably gone through some kind of training, but their moves were closer to a hunter’s than a warrior’s. Jessie was apparently an ex-hunter, so maybe he was the one who’d taught them.

Kuzaku would have liked to ask Yanni all sorts of questions, but that wasn’t going to be possible for now.

“Well, what good is me thinking about all this gonna do, anyway?” he muttered.

He hadn’t been able to keep the log in position at first, and it was hard to walk, but he’d quickly gotten used to it and was making good time. When he moved his body like this, it cheered him up. When it came down to it, he was probably far better suited to physical labor than mental labor.

Whenever he watched Haruhiro and Shihoru, Kuzaku was always thinking. His field of vision was limited. If there was a group of enemies in front of him, he could think about how to handle them. That wasn’t his limit, but when it came to, say, a year from now, he couldn’t even imagine what it would be like. Even a month out was too far.

He had trouble imagining the precise details of things if they were even ten days away. Tomorrow. A few days from now. That was the best he could do.

He wasn’t good at paying attention to all these different things. He watched his comrades the best he could, and was trying to think about them, but what went on inside the girls’ heads was beyond comprehension for him.

Yume was so ditzy that she made no sense. She was funny, though, so that was okay. Shihoru seemed to see through everything, and that made her a little scary.

But still, Shihoru-san, what about you? You’re always thinking about the party, the party, the party. Are you okay with that? Even if he wanted to ask that, he couldn’t.

When it came to Setora, Kuzaku wasn’t even sure she registered as human to him. And as for Merry...

With everything that had happened, he couldn’t help but think about her, and he found himself watching to see how she reacted to every little thing.

Like that.

Yeah.

When she was healing Haruhiro.

The truth was, even before that, he’d been thinking, Oh?

It went without saying, it was only natural for Merry to be concerned for Haruhiro. Haruhiro was their leader, after all. Kuzaku was also well aware that Merry revered Haruhiro. Revered? That sounded too stiff. She worshiped him? That was even more off. What was it? Like, she evaluated his skills highly, and had a deep trust for him, was that it?

“I feel the same way, though,” Kuzaku murmured.

Even putting it lightly, Haruhiro was Kuzaku’s savior. Without Haruhiro, he wouldn’t be who he was now.

What was it about him? Haruhiro didn’t shout at him, saying to do this, or do that. He led by example. It wasn’t that Kuzaku wanted to be like him. He couldn’t, you know? It was just, he wanted to follow him. To lend him his strength.

Because Haruhiro was working harder than anyone. Rather than that encouraging Kuzaku, it naturally made him think, I’ve gotta do more. Like, I can do more, can’t I? I’ve got to be able to. I mean, Haruhiro’s doing it. Our leader’s got sleepy eyes, and he’s not anything unusual, not some sort of superhuman hero, but he’s still amazing.

Merry had to feel the same way. But was that all?

He couldn’t brag about it, but Kuzaku wasn’t that dense when it came to these things. He might not be on the same level as a woman with good intuition, but his romance sensor worked pretty well. That was why he’d already suspected.

It was like, well, you know, he thought. When Setora was getting all over Haruhiro, Merry-san, her attitude was kind of awkward. There were times she looked ready to snap, too.

Though, well, even if she didn’t have those sorts of feelings for him, they were comrades in the same party, and he was the leader. Even if Setora hadn’t quite come out of nowhere, seeing a woman who had been a total stranger not long ago sweep in and snatch him away was probably frustrating for the female members.

If Yume or Shihoru suddenly got together with some guy he’d never heard of, Kuzaku might get a little upset about it, too. Naturally, he’d give them his blessings, and he’d get over it in no time, but for a little while, he might feel a sort of half-baked envy that didn’t quite reach the level of true jealousy.

Especially with this party, because of the time they’d spent time in Darunggar, not interacting much with other humans, just staying close together with their comrades, they probably had a powerful bond. Was that it?

Was it like, I don’t mind if you go out with my big sis, but I don’t want you flirting in front of me, and if you hurt her, you won’t get off lightly, got it?

Is that what it is for Merry?

Kuzaku tried thinking about it that way.

But wasn’t it kind of different?

Like, you know.

Wasn’t Merry seriously jealous?

Didn’t it seem like the fires of her jealousy were burning hot?

Then again, maybe Kuzaku’s own feelings for Merry, which he couldn’t completely let go of, were causing him to see it that way. Kuzaku didn’t think he had any conclusive evidence.

But still...

Merry had used Sacrament to heal Haruhiro, then reached out with her hand, trying to touch Haruhiro’s face. Her expression from then was burned into Kuzaku’s memory.

She’d furrowed her brow, narrowed her eyes, and pursed her lips, as if she wanted to say something, but was unable to say anything. It was like her entire existence was being pulled towards him, or perhaps hers was trying to pull him towards her with everything she had.

It was a good expression. Good for you, Kuzaku thought from the bottom of his heart. Good for you, Merry-san. It must have been hard. You wanted to heal Haruhiro as soon as possible. Like, every second, you felt like you were on a bed of needles. It must have hurt crazy bad, like you were the one injured yourself. I’m seriously happy for you. You finally got to heal him. I mean, you’re comrades. He’s our leader, too. So, of course I would be, right? You must be relieved. I’m sure you’re happy.

But was that it?

To be blunt, Merry-san, you might be in love with Haruhiro, he was able to think without being disturbed, half-satisfied with that answer.

He could have denied it like, Nah, that can’t be it, but he wasn’t able to. If anything, her face had convinced him.

So that’s how it was? I see. Makes sense. That was it, huh. Oh, I see, I see. I totally get it. I mean, hindsight is 20-20 and all, but looking back, I kind of knew it.

But what about Haruhiro?

Well, this isn’t any ordinary woman, it’s Merry-san. If you asked whether he likes or hates her, it’s got to be a given that he likes her. Even with how quiet and unsociable Haruhiro is, right? No, I don’t mean that as a put-down, he’s just a serious guy. Being that type of guy, even if he seriously fell in love with her, I doubt he’d confess to her or anything like that. Haruhiro seems shy, after all. Besides, they’re comrades. Even if he thought, “Merry’s beautiful. I really like her,” he’d hold back. Romance or camaraderie. Which would he put first? Knowing Haruhiro, he’d choose the latter.

Why couldn’t he choose both?

That was how Kuzaku thought, but Haruhiro couldn’t handle it skillfully like that. That might be part of what made Haruhiro Haruhiro.

And Merry was similar to Haruhiro.

You knew what that meant. It was a thorny issue, right?

If everyone around them was like, Okay, okay, if you love each other so much, just go out, that might be a little hard for Kuzaku to take, but it wasn’t like she’d be going out with that idiot Ranta. It wouldn’t be some shallow guy with a handsome face, either.

If it was Haruhiro, he could bite back his tears and wish them well. It wouldn’t be a lie. He could say it properly. Having been thoroughly rejected by Merry, Kuzaku had no right to be biting back tears to begin with, but that was a matter of his emotions.

Still, even if it was mutual, those two wouldn’t get together.

Neither would tell the other, I love you. It didn’t seem like they could. Even if they didn’t put it into words, maybe they could get that sort of atmosphere going, and do it...

No, that doesn’t seem likely, either. Even if they do love each other, aren’t they just going to make everyone around them worry about it, then ultimately do nothing?

Besides, there was Setora. That woman seemed to have a serious thing for Haruhiro. She was clearly a hundred, no, ten thousand times more proactive than Merry, so she might well crawl into his bed one night. If that happened, Haruhiro probably wouldn’t be able to refuse her. He was a serious guy, after all. If she used their contract as cover, he might do the deed.

That could lead to babies. They might end up raising those children in Jessie Land.

Merry liked cute things, so she might dote on the kids more than you’d expect.

If that happened, well, that was one way of living, and Merry might be able to look back on it and laugh someday, but would she really? How would Merry feel watching it all play out? Wouldn’t it hurt a lot? And not just once, but over an extended period of time...?

That would be harsh.

Way too harsh.

Still, he could see Merry giving up, accepting it, learning her place, earnestly praying for Haruhiro’s happiness, and doing all sorts of bone-breaking work.

That’s... right, huh, Kuzaku realized. There’s a shadow that hangs over her, you could say. She doesn’t seem very happy. I dunno what it is. Is it because, as a priest, she let her comrades die? It’s like she’s given up on herself in a way.

For Kuzaku, that was a source of worry. He wanted a person like Merry to be happy. He wanted her to always be smiling, and he wanted to make her smile himself, if possible.

I wasn’t up to the task, though.

They were comrades. It wasn’t good to have that sort of thing going on inside the party. She wasn’t able to think about romance right now. Those reasons Merry had given when rejecting Kuzaku might not have been lies, but there was probably more to it than that.

Basically, Kuzaku was no good. From Merry’s perspective, Kuzaku was too much of a kid, and she couldn’t see herself with him romantically. He felt the same vibe coming from Shihoru when he talked to her, but it seemed he’d settled into a sort of little brother position.

In the end, he wanted women to indulge him. To spoil him. He seemed to have those sorts of desires.

What a pathetic man. That was why Merry wouldn’t rely on him.

But what about Haruhiro?

At the very least, he had a strong sense of responsibility. He was accommodating. Well, he had a gentle personality. He wasn’t super interesting to be around, but he was strangely comforting. Even when he and Kuzaku slept shoulder-to-shoulder in the same tent, it wasn’t unpleasant. He was the soothing type.

That probably matched well with Merry.

If Haruhiro and Merry got into that sort of relationship, how would Shihoru and Yume react? Even if it surprised them, they wouldn’t say anything negative. They’d probably be happy, and celebrate with them.

Brain blast! Kuzaku realized. I just had a flash of inspiration, you know?

Why not get the two of them together?

Left alone, they’ll never make any progress. In that case, others need to push them in the right direction. I could turn to Shihoru for help. I feel like she’d lend me a hand.

Kuzaku still loved Merry, but he knew he stood no chance. And he could trust Haruhiro with Merry.

I know I’m in no position to say anything so self-important, but it beats the hell out of another man taking her. I don’t want to see Merry flirting with anyone, obviously, even Haruhiro, but if the two of them are happy, I can grin and bear it.

The problem was...

Shuro Setora.

That woman was in the way.

“What’s a guy to d—Whoa?!”

Tripping on a hole in the ground, he stumbled. The log swayed wildly, like it was jumping, and one end struck the ground.

Yanni gave a quick shout of, “Au!”

“Th-That was dangerous...” Kuzaku hurriedly adjusted his grip on the log.

“Sheiwa!” Yanni scolded him. It probably meant something like, Get your act together!

“I-I’m sorry, okay! I’ll be careful, so forgive me.”

When he turned back to look, he nearly lost his balance again. “Whoa... oh...”

Yanni muttered, “Wainea...” as if she were saying, There’s no helping this guy.