Grimgal of Ashes and Illusion - Volume 10 - Chapter 3

3. By Staying Close Together

“Haru-kun!” Yume cried. “Kuzakkun’s here!”

“Huh?! Where?!”

“Here! Over here! This way, Haru-kun!”

Yume’s voice was coming from downstream. Haruhiro moved far out from the shore of the river, borrowing the power of the current to half-swim downstream.

He didn’t go any deeper that his feet could touch. If he actually got carried away, he’d be in trouble. He wasn’t an especially good swimmer, so he might drown and die.

It was pitch dark, but with the reflection of the moon and stars on the water, he could more or less make out the outlines of things. However, he couldn’t see as far as the shore.

“Shihoru?! Merry?!”

“Yes, I hear you!” Merry’s voice came back.

“I’m heading your way, too!” Shihoru called. “Are you okay, Haruhiro-kun?! Be careful!”

Haruhiro called back, “Thanks, Shihoru!” as he hurried downstream.

But still, he wondered, were there any dangerous creatures living in this river? That was suddenly starting to bother him, but now wasn’t the time to say it.

He saw it. There was a person in the shallows, dragging something large. That was probably Yume, and she was dragging Kuzaku. Was he unconscious?

“Yume, I’ll help! I’m on my way!” Haruhiro called.

“Meow!”

Haruhiro headed for the shallows. On the way, he stepped on a large stone in the bottom of the river, lost his balance, and ended up swallowing some of the water, but somehow he made his way to Yume.

Yume was carrying Kuzaku by his right arm, groaning as she pulled him.

Haruhiro took the guy’s left arm. “Kuzaku, you’re still alive, aren’t you?! You’re just unconscious, right?! Kuzaku! Kuzaku!”

While calling out to their party member, Haruhiro worked with Yume to drag him to the riverside. Merry and Shihoru were shouting something as they rushed over.

Kuzaku was still wearing his helmet. The first thing Haruhiro did was remove that.

“Kuzaku! Kuzaku! Kuzaku!” he shouted as he removed the shield and large katana tied to his back. Yume helped, too.

Haruhiro searched for Kuzaku’s mouth. His jaw was limp.

“Kuzakkun, is he breathing, Haru-kun?!”

“He’s not!”

Haruhiro put his fingers on Kuzaku’s wrist. No pulse.

This can’t be real, he thought. No, it’s too soon to say.

“His armor! It’s in the way! Help me get the top off!”

“O-Okay!”

While they were stripping off his armor, Merry and Shihoru came. He had the feeling one of them asked, “How is he?!”

Haruhiro didn’t answer. He lay Kuzaku face up on his back, pressing on his chest with the palm of his hand. He did it again, and again, with a rapid rhythm.

“Do it around thirty times!” Merry told him, so he stopped. He put his right hand on Kuzaku’s forehead, and used his left to raise his chin.

How did it go again? Right. Secure the airway. That should be right. Now, pinch his nose, and—

“Blow into his nose twice!” Merry called. “Then compress the chest again!”

Following Merry’s directions, he covered Kuzaku’s mouth with his own. He blew in as hard as he could from his mouth to Kuzaku’s. When he released his fingers from Kuzaku’s nose, it looked like he’d let out a breath. But that was probably just the air he’d blown in escaping. He did the same thing again, then he compressed the chest. Thirty times.

“If you get tired, Yume’ll take over for you!”

“I’m still fine!”

Artificial ventilation. Chest compressions. Artificial ventilation. Chest compressions. Kuzaku. Come back. Come back to us. Kuzaku. You’re strong. I thought you were unreliable at first, but you thought about what you needed to do, and grew. You overcame it. If you weren’t strong, you couldn’t do that. Kuzaku. You’re strong. You won’t die from a little drowning. Wake up, Kuzaku. Come back. Kuzaku.

“Kuzaku...!”

Blugh! Kuzaku coughed something up. Water, it looked like.

Good. Good, good, good!

“Turn him to the side!” Merry shouted, turning Kuzaku’s head to face to the right. “Move, Haru!”

“Sure! I’m counting on you, Merry!”

“Leave it to me!” Merry made the sign of the hexagram, pressing her hand down on Kuzaku’s chest. “O Light, may Lumiaris’s divine protection be upon you! Sacrament!”

Haruhiro sat down, narrowed his eyes, and watched the overflowing light rush forth.

“Mrrowr! Kuzakkun!” Yume was jumping around friskily.

Shihoru placed her hands on Haruhiro’s shoulders. She was trembling. It seemed she wanted to say something, but couldn’t find her voice. Haruhiro rested his own right hand atop Shihoru’s left.

Oh, crap, he realized. That was close. I didn’t really expect he was a goner, but... I think I’m going to cry.

Haruhiro, Yume, Enba, and Kiichi were fortunate enough to be practically unscathed from jumping from that steep precipice, but Merry, Shihoru, and Setora had all broken bones, severe bruises, or other heavy wounds.

It was a good thing Merry was part of their party. They’d all managed to reach the shore and be treated with light magic. Except for Kuzaku.

He must have drowned or hit himself somewhere after impacting the water, because he hadn’t managed to swim to the shore. Setora, Enba, and Kiichi had gone to check that the guorellas weren’t coming after them while Yume and Haruhiro had searched the river, with Merry and Shihoru searching along the shore. If they’d found him any later, who knew what would have happened?

Following Yume’s dragging him up onto the shore, Kuzaku had been in a state of cardiopulmonary arrest, with his trachea and lungs filled with water. Not dead yet, but if they’d healed him with Sacrament in that state, he’d have just been put into a state of agony again. So they had performed CPR, waiting to use light magic until after he coughed up the water.

It hadn’t been a fully logical decision. Haruhiro had lost his head, but somehow, just barely, he’d managed to choose the right course of action.

We managed to not let him die. Haruhiro’s vision quickly blurred with tears. It’s no good. I can’t hold back anymore. Well, what’s the harm?

He wasn’t trying to hold them back anymore, so the tears were flowing nicely. Maybe, when he wanted to cry, it was best to cry like this. It was also nice that, because it was dark, he didn’t have to worry about his pitiful crying face being seen.

“Haruhiro-kun...” Shihoru pressed her face against Haruhiro’s head.

Shihoru wasn’t crying. Little things wouldn’t make her cry anymore. She must be trying to support Haruhiro.

Haruhiro wiped his tears with his right hand, then said, “Thank you,” in a quiet voice.

Shihoru shook her head.

“Oh! Whuh?!” Kuzaku jumped up, eliciting cries of surprise from Merry and Yume.

“Hey!” Setora called. “Did you find that beanpole?!”

Upon the sound of her voice, Shihoru quickly moved away from Haruhiro.

Beyond the riverbed, the opposite shore had a slope that wasn’t as steep, and it was thick with trees. Setora and Enba were coming from that direction.

“Yeah, we managed.” Haruhiro rubbed his face with both hands as he stood up. “How were things on your end?”

Heh!

Hoh, hoh!

Hah, hah, hah!

Hoh, hoh, hoh, hoh!

Before Setora could answer, the guorellas began hooting. But they sounded rather far away. Most likely, they were still on top of the cliff that Haruhiro and the rest of the group had jumped down from.

“For now, it looks like they haven’t come to this side,” Setora said, gesturing to the opposite shore with her chin. “I highly doubt they can make it down that cliff. If they go around it, no doubt they can cross the river, but even if they choose to do that, it’ll take them time.”

“Time to get going, I guess,” Haruhiro said.

“Indeed,” Setora said. “If that beanpole hasn’t bought it, we’ll be leaving at once.”

“...Listen. You keep calling him ‘that beanpole.’ He’s got a name, you know. It’s Kuzaku.”

“I can only remember names that hold meaning for me. If you insist, I will endeavor to remember his, but give me a reward in return.”

“Reward?”

“Surely you can think of something. A loving caress, or a kiss perhaps. I’ve not experienced them myself, but these are good things, no?”

“I... I couldn’t tell you. Well, whatever, forget it for now. I feel kind of bad for Kuzaku, but you can go on calling him ‘that beanpole.’”

“Boring,” Setora said.

It was a relief she wasn’t forcing him to do it.

They had Kuzaku tidy himself up, and squeezed as much of the water out of his soaked clothing as possible. There was no time to let it all dry.

Haruhiro and the rest took off. Their guide, of course, was Setora, who was perched up on Enba’s shoulders. They heard Kiichi’s meows occasionally, too. Setora had sent Kiichi ahead, and she was now making calls on where to go as she received reports.

At some point, they stopped hearing the guorellas at all. The party should have been really exhausted, but life felt a lot easier now than it had before jumping off the cliff. That had to be because of the lack of pursuers.

No, it was too early to be sure. Guorellas really were persistent. They would cross the river even if they had to take a detour to do it. It was best to assume that. If they assumed the worst-case scenario was going to happen, they wouldn’t be shocked, depressed, or panicked when things got bad.

Haruhiro, at the very least, had to be prepared for it. The guorellas would come. They absolutely would. That was a given.

“Setora,” he said.

“What?”

“You saved us.”

“Don’t sweat it. It was to my own benefit, too. Besides, however I may feel about the rest, I will not let you die.”

Every time she said something like that to him, he had no idea how to respond, and his brain froze up. “Yeah, well... That’s, um, yeah. Err, I don’t want to die either...”

“I would dearly like to get on with making a baby with you.”

“...Uhh. Yeeeeah... err... t-take it easy on me...”

“However, though I believe I know how that is done, will it go so easily? We are both first-timers, so I feel like we may have difficulty.”

“Ohh...” Kuzaku said, as if it reminded him of something.

“D-Do you have experience with it?” Shihoru asked.

“No, not really,” Kuzaku said. “Oh. But I don’t really know, right? About what happened before I came to Grimgar. Huh? But, wait, that goes for all of us, right? So, that means Haruhiro can’t be sure about himself, either.”

Haruhiro was sure. “Nah, I’ve never done it, or anything like that.”

“You’re tall, after all,” Shihoru said. “I bet you were popular, Kuzaku-kun.”

“No, no, Shihoru-san,” Kuzaku said quickly. “My height is more than just being big, okay? It’s the kind of thing that actually puts people off.”

“Now that you’re mentionin’ it,” Yume put in, “Yume, when she’s talkin’ to Kuzakkun, she’s always lookin’ up, so her neck always kiiiiinda hurts, y’know?”

“Yeah, I get that, Yume-san,” Kuzaku said. “That’s how it is. I don’t really know for sure, but I feel like I was always getting told that. I’m probably ten centimeters taller than I need to be. But, well, the taller the better when you’re a paladin, so maybe it’s okay...?”

“Kuzakkun!” There was a sound that was probably Yume slapping him on the back. “You’re a real, shinin’ padalin! You’re so cool!”

“Y-You think? It’s paladin, though, okay? I mean, I did fall in the river and almost drowned...”

“Because your armor is heavy,” Shihoru hastened to reassure him.

“See, that? I hadn’t planned for it. I’m stupid about these things. Do I just not have the brains for it? I probably don’t.”

Hmph, Setora snorted.

Merry kept quiet. Was she feeling unwell? They had made her use a lot of magic for healing, so she might be tired. Haruhiro wanted to talk to her, but that would risk displeasing Setora, so he couldn’t. But why would his showing concern for Merry make Setora angry?

Oh, I get it.

Setora probably suspected that Haruhiro was thinking a lot about Merry. That, maybe, he had a thing for her. So that was it.

Well, she’s right about that.

Of course, it was a one-way street, with no room for development, just an affection he couldn’t act on. Haruhiro himself was more than aware of that. They were comrades, after all. Nothing more, and nothing less. Merry had said as much herself.

Besides, Merry and Haruhiro weren’t a good match. What did Merry think of him? He felt stupid even thinking about that. Nothing, right? That was why they were comrades, wasn’t it?

It looked like she respected him as a leader, and he was grateful for that, and she did a lot to look out for him, which he was also grateful for. He really had a lot to be grateful to her for.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you...

No, that’s not it.

He was clearly out of it. This was no good. He was supposed to be the leader.

First of all, the guorellas might still come after them. He had to stay alert. And second, he had to consider the possibility they would encounter some other creature that was just as frightening as the guorellas.

The end point of this journey, their destination, was Alterna. But Alterna was too far away. The sea. Yes, the sea. He wanted to go out to sea.

If they could reach the free city of Vele, Vele and Alterna had trade links. If there were merchant fleets going back and forth, there had to be a safe course. They’d head for Vele, then go out to sea. In order to do that, they had to take the journey step by step.

He was fine for now. He was excited, and his body was moving. But if he thought he could keep this up, he was wrong. If he didn’t rest, sometime not too long from now, he’d snap.

They needed food, too. Kiichi could provide enough for Setora, but Haruhiro and the rest were on their own. There was mountain of work that needed doing.

Should they find a place to rest, and look for something to eat? Most of the dangerous beasts were nocturnal, and it was hard to get a good grasp of the situation around them in the dark. If they were going to rest, would it be better to wait for it to be light out? Could they hold out until then?

The meager light made them see things in the darkness that didn’t exist.

There was something out there.

Over there.

And over there, too.

Eek! Someone was screaming. No, that was the sound of a bird’s call in the night. That had to be it.

Was the sound of something closing in from behind just the noise of the wind blowing through the leaves?

It’s a wonder we’re still alive.

When he thought about it, Haruhiro felt like they should have died several times over already. But now wasn’t the time to be looking to the past. He had to look only at what was in front of them.

No, that was no good, either. He needed to pay attention to what was behind them, to the sides, above, and below, too.

Why did they have to go so far to live?

Did life have that much value?

He was exhausted. It was all such a pain. If he was going to die, he’d die. What was wrong with that?

Do I really want to return to Alterna? It’s not even my homeland. What’s supposed to be there?

He didn’t want to think about it, and, for the moment at least, he shouldn’t be thinking about it. Despite that, he couldn’t help himself.

As he thought, he took a deep breath and narrowed his eyes. He perked up his ears. He lifted his feet. Tried to move forward.

He was moving forward. But to what end?

Hey, Manato, Moguzo, tell me. Is being alive all that great? How are things where you are? Was being alive better, after all?

You may not be anywhere, though. Is that why we try to live? Because when we die, there’s nothing? Because we’re afraid to let go?

But still. If there’s nothing, then we won’t know that, so there’s nothing to regret about it. It won’t be scary. We won’t feel anything. In that case, it’s fine, right?

It’s not sad, lonely, or distressing. In a way, it’s peaceful, you could say. Honestly, when you’re alive, it’s a hard time more often than not.

There are times when I want to be set free from it. Sure, there are happy and fun times. But happiness and good fortune, they only last for moments. Once they’re past, even if I remember them, it’s really just an, “Oh, yeah, I guess that happened, didn’t it?” The pain of loss, I recall more vividly.

If you two were still alive, how would things have been? When I think about that, even now, I feel a tightening in my chest.

If you asked me if I wanted to survive, no matter what, it’d be hard to give you an immediate answer. I don’t really know.

However, I don’t want to let our comrades die. I want them to live. I think that from the bottom of my heart. That being the case, I can’t die easily.

Our comrades must feel the same. I remember when we lost you two, what it was like to lose a comrade. I don’t want to put them all through that.

In the end, I’m not living only for myself. If this life was mine alone, I’d have long since thrown it away. It’s pretty hard, after all. I’m having an awfully rough time with it. I’d do that if I were alone.

But because I’m not alone, I can live. It makes me think, “I’ll go on living. I don’t want to die yet. I want to live on.”

Everyone is like a tiny, insignificant light shining in an unfathomably deep and infinitely vast darkness. Those insignificant lights find one another, and then gather close together. They shine for each other and warm one another, until eventually, the end comes, and they know no more.

That time may be far off. It could be a year from now. It could be tomorrow. It could even be today. But whether the time left to them is long or short, the lights are drawn together, and they twinkle.

They’re simply embracing one another, and shining.

It was a bit brighter now. The birds were singing softly.

The temperature shouldn’t have been very low, but because his coat hadn’t dried properly, his skin felt a little cold.

There was a thin mist in the air, reminding him of Thousand Valley. He never wanted to enter that foggy region again. It was amazing the people of the hidden village could stand to live there.

He was feeling woozy. Uh oh. He needed to keep himself together. It was going to be hard, though.

He felt so sluggish, he couldn’t help it. He was nauseous. If he tried to vomit, though, he probably wouldn’t be able to. Nothing would come out.

If that idiot were here, he’d sit down and start making a fuss, no doubt. Ugh, I can’t walk anymore. This is a joke. You think I can put up with this? I can’t put up with this!

If you’ve got the strength left to shout so loud, you can still walk, right? Haruhiro would say.

Shove off, Parupirorin. I’ve got a separate appetite for shouting!

It’s not something you eat, though.

Shut up, Porupiropin! Give me food, then!

How does that follow? There’s no connection between the things you’re saying.

They’re connected for me, in my head. Tied together real tight with a tough rope!

They’d had many such arguments which didn’t even deserve to be called stupid. Couldn’t he shut up? It just made them both more tired. It was why he hated that guy. But, huh, this was weird. When he thought about him, for some reason, his face relaxed.

Am I smiling...?

The branches of the trees up ahead swayed in an unnatural way. Was something moving from branch to branch? Haruhiro stopped walking and drew his stiletto.

He could react to this. When it came to it, he could move surprisingly fast.

He was about to give orders to his comrades, and then Setora looked up and said, “It’s Kiichi.”

When he took another look, there was a gray nyaa perched on a branch up and to the right of him up ahead. Kiichi gave a short meow, then faced east.

“Heh heh.” With a satisfied laugh, Setora pressed down lightly on Enba’s neck. Enba began to walk.

It looked like they’d keep going. Kiichi jumped, and Haruhiro quickly lost track of him.

Haruhiro sheathed his stiletto and followed after Enba and Setora. “Just how intelligent are nyaas?”

“Long ago, there was an onmitsu spy named Nonae,” she answered. “She was wed to a nyaa named Onaki, and they stayed together for life.”

“Wed...”

“It’s only a legend, of course. They say a white nyaa named Senju lived for over one hundred years, and began to speak the human language. Still, Senju was apparently born with two tails, so she might have been a mutant or an otherwise special individual.”

“Kiichi seems pretty smart, though.”

“If not given a role, nyaas will do no more than eat and sleep, because they have no need to do anything else. They know satisfaction, and have no desires. However, if taught something they should do, they will do it without fear. I suppose it depends on how you define ‘intelligent,’ but by my thinking, nyaas are wiser than us humans.”

“Is that why you love nyaas?” Haruhiro asked.

“No.”

“Why then?”

“Because they’re cute.”

Merry whispered from behind them, “...I can understand that.”

From up on Enba’s shoulders, Setora turned back to look at her. There was a blank look on her face. “I think we can get along, priest. Merry, was it?”

“Even if we don’t get along, I don’t see why we can’t agree on one or two things.”

“We don’t get along? Why? Because we love the same thing?”

“Th-The same thing? ...N-Nyaas? Well, nyaas are... Yeah, I do love them. I have ever since I first saw one. Wh-What of it? Is that a problem?”

Haruhiro stopped listening to Setora and Merry’s exchange after that.

There was an open area up ahead. It was morning. The sun was rising. Haruhiro quickened his pace.

“Myuoh!” Yume let out a strange noise.

Haruhiro and Yume quickly caught up to and overtook Enba.

The area wasn’t open. There was a steep downwards slope past here. Thanks to that, they had a good view.

The sky was seventy to eighty percent covered in clouds. Even so, the eastern sky was clear, and the sun was peeking above the mountain ridge.

Now, the area between the mountain Haruhiro and the others were on and the mountain to the east was flat, the river flowed to the south, there were trees standing here and there, and a verdant plain spread out before them.

No, he realized.

That wasn’t a plain.

“It’s farmers’ fields,” he breathed.

There were buildings that seemed to be made of wood dotted around. There were a number of roads running between the fields. It looked like there were fences, too. At the end of the roads was something that was too small to call a town, but it still had several dozen buildings gathered close together.

“Whooie...” Yume was beside Haruhiro, her eyes wide.

Haruhiro took a relaxed breath. He was a little shaken.

Calm down, he told himself. He tried to keep any swaying of his emotions to a minimum. He wanted to keep them level. This was practically a habit for Haruhiro.

“What lives there?” he asked.

“I haven’t the foggiest,” Setora shrugged.

She came down from Enba’s shoulders and snuggled up close to Haruhiro. When she pressed her face against his shoulder, he nearly ran away without meaning to, but that would have been bad.

...Would it have been bad?

It would, huh. Yeah. It would have been a bad thing to do, after all.

“There’s no doubt that they aren’t human, though.”

“...Yeah, that figures,” Haruhiro sighed.

Were they orcs? Or undead, perhaps? This might be prejudice speaking, but it seemed too full of the signs of life to be an undead village.

Merry, Shihoru and Kuzaku dashed over.

“A village, huh...” Kuzaku said quietly, as if impressed.

“...Yeah, that’s a village.” Shihoru nodded.

Merry silently peeked over in Haruhiro’s direction. It was like she was just sort of checking that Haruhiro was there, and there was nothing more to it.

Haruhiro looked sideways at Merry.

Merry bit the corner of her lip a little, with a look in her eyes like she was holding something in.