Goblin Slayer - Volume 8 - Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – Beard-Cutter Goes To The Southern Sea

“Hrkpf…?!” 

A splash of water flew up and drenched Priestess where she stood on the boat. The spray got into her eyes, and it was all she could do to cling to the side, struggling not to get washed away. The water made even the rail slick, though, and the moment she realized this, her hand had already slipped away. 

Her feet went out from under her, and she floated in midair for an instant. A second later, she fell. 

“Are you all right?” 

“Oh yes…!” 

A gloved hand reached out casually and grasped her small arm hard enough to hurt. 

“You are wearing your mail?” 

He had a cheap metal helmet; grimy leather armor; a small, round shield on his arm; and a sword of a strange length at his hip. He stood firmly on the deck in boots he had chosen for this purpose, supporting her sturdily. 

“You may drown if you fall overboard. Walk carefully.” 

“…Right.” Priestess nodded several times in acknowledgment of Goblin Slayer’s words. She let him pull her back to her feet, then once again, she grasped the rope tied to the side of the ship. 

They were in the middle of a storm. 

Thunderheads had piled up; rain lashed at her face like a hail of stones; the wind was cutting, the sea violent, and the waves deadly. 

Amid the raging storm, a great writhing shadow fixed its gaze on Priestess. 

“MMUUUUUANNDDDAAAAA!!” 

The creature with its body coiled, baring its fangs, with the dark sea-bottom’s gold for scales, was a sea serpent. A follower of Chaos, bent on upsetting the order of the oceans. A Non-Prayer Character! 

“Just a second, Orcbolg! What do you think you’re doing?!” 

For a high elf, the crazily tilting deck of a ship was just like a tree swaying in the breeze. With agility and lightness beyond that of any human, High Elf Archer jumped from one spot to another, loosing arrows. The bud-tipped bolts flew toward the sea serpent as quick as magic. 

Every one of them, though, slid on the slime covering the creature’s scales, bouncing off in some other direction. High Elf Archer ground her teeth, realizing she’d done no damage. 

“That’s a bad roll…! Think I should stock up on some iron-tipped ones?” 

“What about your pride as an elf?! Just keep shooting and distract it, already!” 

“You don’t have to tell me! You just do something to help, already!” 

“Blast it all! I’m tryin’ t’think of something!” 

A short distance away from the elf, who was shouting and twitching her long ears, Dwarf Shaman held fast to the side of the ship as well. He was a spell caster and a dwarf, so he was plenty stubborn, and even he was at a loss in this situation. He doubted how much effect either Stone Blast or Fear would have on the massive snake… 

It hardly mattered, because it was all he could do to hang on to his bag of catalysts. 

“Hrm.” Goblin Slayer kicked the harpoon by his foot over to Lizard Priest then picked up another for himself. The projectile hurtled through the air, a brave throw, and lodged in the skin of the sea serpent. The ooze that covered the monster was enough to deflect an arrow, but it wasn’t much by way of defense. 

A foul yellow liquid went spewing into the sea; Goblin Slayer watched it from inside his helmet. 

A sea serpent, though, is a sea serpent. The wound was hardly fatal. 

“MUUUUUNNND!!” 

The creature gave a great cry and buried its fangs in the prow of the party’s vessel. Wood splintered with loud cracks as the ship began to be dragged down into the sea before their very eyes. 

If they were pulled into the storm-ravaged waters, they couldn’t expect to reach land again. They would simply be added to the number of the dead. 

“Oh, e-eeek…!” Priestess was thrown off-balance by a crashing wave and tried desperately to think of anything she could do. 

There was always at least one thing. She could pray. 

So Priestess bit her lip, standing as firm as she could on the tossing deck. That was not, in fact, very firm; but she quieted her heart and clutched her sounding staff imploringly. 

“O Earth Mother, abounding in mercy, by the power of the land grant safety to we who are weak!” 

It was a miracle. 

A force field of sacred energy appeared without a sound, tearing the sea serpent from the ship. The blessed hand of the compassionate Earth Mother could reach even to the open waters of the sea. 

“N-now!” 

“Indeed! River-Walker, Mosasaurus, see my deeds!” Lizard Priest was quick to put his power on full display. Supporting himself on his tail, he lunged forward with the claws of his feet outstretched, his shoulder flexing visibly as he flung the harpoon. 

His technique was not as refined as Goblin Slayer’s, but he threw with immense strength—with all the power of a lizardman, the descendent of the fearsome nagas. 

The missile struck home, biting much deeper than the last one. 

“MUANNDDAAADA?!?!” the sea serpent howled, wheeling around. Right after one wave subsided, the monster smacked its tail into the ocean, throwing up another massive surge of water toward the party. 

“Aww!” High Elf Archer groaned, shaking her soaked head like a dog. Then, though it offered no real rest and didn’t provide any extra breathing room, they found themselves the briefest of respites. They couldn’t let it go to waste. 

Seawater was flowing mercilessly into the ruined prow of their ship. The craft tilted ever more severely; if they couldn’t take care of the snake, there would soon be no hope for them. 

“Are you all right?” Goblin Slayer asked Priestess and Dwarf Shaman, who were still gripping the side of the ship. 

“Somehow or…other. I’m holding on…!” 

“We’ve not got long before we sink straight down!” 

Goblin Slayer grunted, ignoring the agitated “What about me?!” from High Elf Archer, who had not been asked about her safety. 

“What do you think?” 

“Ha-ha-ha, we haven’t much time indeed,” Lizard Priest answered calmly. In fact, he rolled his eyes as if he were enjoying the moment. “They say even an ant can kill if it bites enough times. I thought perhaps that last hit was critical.” 

“That—what do you call it…?” 

“Sea serpent, I believe.” 

“Yes,” Goblin Slayer said, nodding. “Is it a fish? A snake?” 

“Now then, I would hate for anyone to think a relation of mine was causing such trouble, but…” Lizard Priest wrapped his tail around the mast for support then stretched out his neck to peer at the prow. The fangs had been ruthless, and water was rushing in noisily. 

“…But the bite has not left any poison I can see. I think that means the resemblance is entirely coincidental. It must be a fish.” 

“What we cannot do with weapons, let us do with spells.” Goblin Slayer performed some quick mental calculations then set off across the slanted deck. He kept one hand on the railing so as not to slip on the slick surface and slid his way over to Priestess and Dwarf Shaman. 

Goblin Slayer grabbed hold of the rope with the help of Dwarf Shaman, and Priestess was quick to hold down the hem of her skirt lest anything be too visible. 

“Tell me what your remaining spells and miracles are.” 

“I ain’t had my moment to shine yet. I’m full up.” 

“Me… Another one or two, maybe.” 

“All right,” Goblin Slayer said with a nod. “When the creature appears again, we hit it.” 

Then he quickly outlined a strategy; Priestess had no objection. “Leave it to me!” 

Dwarf Shaman grinned to see her put on such a brave front despite being completely soaked. 

“You heard the lady. ’Fraid I’ll look bad if I don’t keep up with her.” 

“We will be counting on you,” Goblin Slayer said. 

That was when High Elf Archer, feeling left out, cried, “What about me—?!” 

“Shoot some whistling arrows. Draw him out.” 

The brusque instructions left High Elf Archer muttering, “Geez,” but she complied. She ran up alongside Lizard Priest, slipping easily past the mast, holding on to the rope to maintain her balance. She drew an arrow from her quiver, putting it in her mouth and biting down on the bud tip. She sent the shaft flying from her spider-silk-strung bow, and the shrill sound could be heard even over the storm. 

“When he reappears, use the harpoon.” 

Lizard Priest had been listening to the whistling arrow, but he responded happily to Goblin Slayer’s orders. “Very well, very well. I don’t believe anyone has tried such a thing in battle yet.” 

The sea serpent took the bait. It rose up as a dark shadow from directly beneath the ship, perhaps hoping to break the bottom of the craft, and then it thrust its head above the waves. 

“Hrr, why…you…!” Priestess clutched her cap and scrabbled along the deck as she was nearly tossed free of the vessel. One hand, though, held as always to her staff. She glared at the golden snake and shouted, “O Earth Mother, abounding in mercy, grant your sacred light to we who are lost in darkness!” 

Her second miracle. 

From the staff Priestess held aloft in the raging storm came a flash of light as bright as the sun. The serpent howled at this luminance, the likes of which it had no doubt never seen in the depths of the sea. 

“Eeeeyah! No more than a cousin of the eels, after all…!” Lizard Priest chortled. 

There was a rushing hiss, and blood sprayed from the sea serpent’s side after his attack. 

“Now!” 

“On it!” 

Goblin Slayer’s voice cut through the air, greeted by Dwarf Shaman’s answer. 

Dwarf Shaman produced a white powder from his catalysts and sprinkled it in the monster’s direction. The instant it touched the water, it began to bubble—the powder was soap. 

“Nymphs and sylphs, together spin, earth and sea are nearly kin, so dance away—just don’t fall in!” 

Immediately, something changed. The serpent attempted to dive back onto the water, but its head bounced off the surface as if it were solid land. 

What’s more, its entire body, so long hidden beneath the waves, was lifted up and exposed. 

“MUAAANNADA?!?!” The monster repeatedly opened its mouth as if struggling to breathe and slammed itself against the water again and again. 

When the Water Walk spell was cast on a creature with gills, all it could do was suffocate. 

“Yikes…” High Elf Archer found herself staring upward, but Goblin Slayer continued to bark out orders. 

“It will soon run out of breath. If it looks like it’ll come this way, shoot it. In the eye.” 

“Yeah, sure.” High Elf Archer sighed at the serpent, which continued to flail at the water, and readied her bow. 

It felt like it would be cruel to leave the snake alive any longer at this point. And elves didn’t have it in them to laugh at the suffering of a doomed creature. 

The bow creaked, and the arrow flew true, piercing the eye and continuing on into the brain. 

That was the end. The sea serpent collapsed into the water, the effect of the spell fading as the monster sank in a great white spray. 

There was no one to stop the snake’s body from slipping back under, and soon the waves had washed away even the last bubbles it had left behind. 

“How was that?” Goblin Slayer asked after a long moment—presumably to make sure the creature was dead. “There was no fire, or water, or an explosion.” 

“Ahh… Hrm…” High Elf Archer steadied herself with a frown and gave a sort of groan. 

Was this a proper adventure? Well, there hadn’t been any explosions, or floods, or cave-ins. That much was true. But… 

High Elf Archer’s ears twitched as she wrung out her sopping hair. 

“S—” she said in a strained voice. “Six out of ten.” 

“I see,” he said, nodding. “…I see.” 

“…What, are you upset?” 

“No.” Goblin Slayer shook his head slowly from side to side. “I was thinking it would be good if it were so simple to get rid of goblins.” 

Priestess giggled at this thoroughly in-character answer. She had been worried for a few moments there, but it looked like the worst was over. She pulled up the hem of her dress, revealing her leg, and squeezed out the water. 

He’s getting to me… I thought this was easier than goblins, too. 

In any event, it was always good when an adventure went well. When everyone survived. Especially if they completed the quest, too. 

Priestess pushed aside the touch of confusion she felt and gave an affirmative little nod. 

“We’d better hurry up and fix this boat,” she said. “It’s not far to land, but we don’t want to have to swim the rest of the way, do we?” 

“That’s why we brought a dwarf along.” 

“Y’could stand to help, yourself. Anvils don’t float, y’know…” 

High Elf Archer’s ears flew straight back and she uttered an angry noise, which Dwarf Shaman ignored as he spread out a sail. He licked his finger to check the direction of the wind then grabbed one corner. 

“Sylphs, wind-maidens, spare a kiss upon my weathered cheek. And spare my humble sailing ship a fairer wind to seek!” 

The Tail Wind spell filled the sail, and Priestess held her hair down against the salty spray. 

Before she knew it, the storm was past; the sky was blue and the sea calm. 

It was just turning autumn. 

Priestess let out a relaxed breath. Yes, several hours before, she had been the one to suggest they go into battle, but for a few minutes, it had seemed like an awfully close call… 

§ 

“Are you a goblin?” 

“I am not! That’s discrimination!” The Innsmouth woman, with the race’s distinctive resemblance to a fish, flapped a flipper in annoyance. Her words—mingled with her breath, which sounded like a rush of bubbles—echoed off the walls of the watery cave. “And I hate how you humans insist on calling us ‘fish-people’! Like you’re confused: are they fish, or are they people?” 

“We’re perfect just the way we are!” one of the women exclaimed, and the man facing her simply nodded. 

That man was wearing a cheap steel helmet, grimy leather armor, and a sword of a strange length, along with a small, round shield on his arm. 

Goblin Slayer was at a loss as to why the gillmen were sometimes called Innsmouth. Some claimed it was related to the term Deep Ones, but no one was sure. 

Goblin Slayer, however, had no interest in the matter. These people were not goblins; that was enough. 

“…I came because I had heard the fishing grounds were being attacked by sea-goblins.” 

“That’s discrimination!” 

“I see.” 

The Innsmouth looked this way and that around the tide pool deep in the cave. Their bulging eyes showed no emotions; their jaws worked open and shut; they were utterly eerie. He couldn’t tell what they were thinking, but the tips of tridents peeked out in places from below the water… 

Are…are we in danger…? Priestess asked herself from where she stood listening to the negotiations at a distance. She kept both hands firmly on her staff. 

And understandably so. When they had worked their way into the deepest cavern on the understanding that this was a goblin-hunting quest, they had found themselves surrounded by murderous gillmen. Then the very moment had they started to talk, their party had been met with accusations of discrimination and worse—even Priestess found the entire series of events a little hard to follow. 

True, she had heard of some human rulers who so despised elves and dwarves that they levied a “pointy-ears tax.” Whatever the case, this was certainly outside the experience of a typical cleric. 

Then again, I guess most clerics have never been goblin slaying, either… 

So what was the best way to interpret this? The other three party members surrounded Priestess protectively. 

“H-hold on, Orcbolg. Try not to antagonize them…!” 

“Well, look who’s a scaredy-cat. I guess elves are lacking in courage…just like they’re lacking in another particular department!” 

“…! …!!” 

High Elf Archer frowned comically as Dwarf Shaman nudged her with his elbow. She looked like she wanted to shoot something back, but the situation being what it was, she kept her mouth shut. Her twitching ears, though, made her feelings clear. 

Any kind of outburst now could be the end of them. Lizard Priest gave a somber sigh. 

“Sea-goblins? How rude! You could at least call us Homo piscine!” 

“Ah, meaning ‘fish-person.’” Lizard Priest gestured with his jaws in the direction of the gillmen, very interested. “Then were you once fish, who gained lungs and limbs to climb out of the water…?” 

“Ugh, what a barbarian.” 

Leave it to water-dwellers to offer no safe harbor! 

“Our ancestor is the great Octopus Lord who descended from the Sea of Stars!” 

“An octopus.” 

“Well, maybe a squid.” 

“Perhaps… These before us are certainly intelligent enough not to mistake the corpse of a dried squid for one of their kin…” After muttering to himself for a moment, Lizard Priest appeared to come to some kind of conclusion. “Us, we have come here thinking that fish supplies may have dwindled on account of you here, if you will forgive my saying so. Have you any thoughts on this?” 

“Oh, for—! It’s not our fault there’s fewer fish than before, arrgh!” 

What would we want with your dumb fishing grounds? The fin smacked some water at him. 

Frowning at the splash, Priestess nonetheless tilted her head questioningly. “Do you know what is causing the shortage of fish, then?” 

“Yes, yes we do. Sheesh, this is why no one likes rustic fishermen!” 

Hmm. Priestess put a slim finger to her lips in thought. 

They couldn’t just ignore this. Unless somebody did something, it would eventually turn into all-out war between the villagers and the gillmen. In fact, things had already gotten quite bad. Their party’s presence was the proof. 

In which case… 

“As long as it’s within our power, I think we can try to help you clear your names.” 

“Hrmph… Well, how about that? Someone decent.” One of the gillman females blinked her haws. “I can tell you what’s causing it: the sea serpent.” 

“Sea serpent?” Dwarf Shaman exclaimed. “Didn’t think you had those around here. 

“No?” High Elf Archer asked, surprised. 

“Mm-hmm,” Dwarf Shaman replied. “I would have said they were a bit farther offshore. Sometimes a ship traveling the high seas will be attacked by one, sunk, and its crew eaten.” 

That, he explained, was why there was so little information about the monsters. Clearly, they were formidable foes, and the gillman leaned anxiously against the rock face. “Yeah, it’s like it was sent here from somewhere. Gah, it’s like nothing is normal on this planet anymore.” 

“I see,” Goblin Slayer said, nodding. “The point is, it is not a goblin.” 

For him, that meant only one thing. 

“…This was not a goblin quest… Shall we go home?” 

The rest of the party gave a collective sigh. Priestess and High Elf Archer each raised an eyebrow and looked at the other. 

Argh, really. This man. 

“We can’t just leave them when they’re clearly in trouble,” Priestess said. “Look, the rest of us will handle this one, okay?” 

“Yeah,” High Elf Archer piped up. “I mean, even if it will be super dangerous without anyone on the front row.” 

“Hrk…” Goblin Slayer crossed his arms and grunted. 

The girls looked at each other and chorused, “Right?” clearly enjoying the moment. 

“Forget about ’em, Beard-cutter. That elf may have huge ears, but she won’t listen to a word you say.” 

“Ha-ha, they are already well acquainted with milord Goblin Slayer’s disposition.” 

The other two men in the party piled on, looking equally pleased. 

As for the outcome—well, surely there’s no need to spell it out. 

§ 

“Ahem, the sea-goblin quest, how did it—?” 

“They were not goblins.” 

“I gather it’s just easier to call them that…” 

“They were not goblins.” 

“So, the quest…” 

“They were not goblins.” 

“…was canceled. I understand.” 

“Because they were not goblins.” 

The Adventurers Guild was lively and bustling, as always. 

Guild Girl found her smile ever so slightly strained in the face of Goblin Slayer’s grimy metal helmet. She certainly hadn’t intended to mislead him, or to tell any untruth, but these things happened sometimes. Different regions or races had unorthodox names for things that were difficult to parse. It was no one’s fault. 

She looked to her colleague in the next seat for support, but there was no sign of any help forthcoming. Alone and unaided, Guild Girl fell back on the standard Q and A. 

“So, was the issue with the sea-goblins—sorry, I mean the gillmen—resolved?” 

Rather than sit there and make excuses, she would do her job. She would do her best to salvage her good name and redeem her honor, as if her fitness as a bride was on the line. 

“Yes,” Goblin Slayer said with a nod, but then he almost immediately shook his head. “…Actually, wait. We ended up hunting a monster called something or other.” 

“Then, could you please describe that monster to me in detail?” 

“It was long,” he said. Then after a moment’s thought, he added, “It was a fish.” 

Guild Girl opened up a worn copy of the Monster Manual and thumbed through the pages. Every time, it was like this; trying to follow his descriptions of monsters was both virtually impossible and part of the fun. 

I think that’s what she told me once anyway, thought Priestess, sitting and observing from some distance away in the tavern. She held her sleeve up to her nose and gave it a sniff. “I think it still smells like seawater…” 

“You’re not just thinking that— It does,” High Elf Archer whined, her ears drooping dejectedly. These things were harder on the elf, cursed with extra-sharp senses. 

“Are you okay?” Priestess asked, even as she took a distracted sniff of her own hair. “I took a bath and changed my clothes…” 

“I don’t think it’ll come out for a while,” High Elf Archer said. “And this isn’t helping.” 

She looked at a big bag sitting in the middle of the table. The ocean scent it emitted was almost palpable. Dwarf Shaman, seated before it, grinned broadly. “Those gillmen are downright generous, they are!” 

Inside the bag were black and white pearls, flame-red corals, translucent tortoiseshell, rainbow-colored spiral shells, and a glistening white helix. 

True, it wasn’t money, but it was a heartfelt reward from the fish-people. Even after replacing the ruined boat, which they had originally borrowed from the fishing village, the adventurers still had all this left. It wasn’t precisely a fortune, but it was plenty if they wanted to enjoy themselves for a while. 

“Ugh, and you wonder why people call dwarves greedy…” 

“Bah, that’s enough out of you. You wouldn’t understand the beauty of this, Long-Ears! You agree, don’t you, Scaly?” 

“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Well, if amassing a fortune is good enough for the nagas, I can hardly turn up my nose.” Lizard Priest raised his tail to call over the waitress and ordered cheese and wine. He was clearly in high spirits, his eyes rolling in his head, as he pulled something largish from the bag. “I myself consider this to be our greatest gain.” 

“Wow…” Priestess’s eyes sparkled with wonder, and who could blame her? A gorgeous striped gemstone carved in the shape of an animal’s skull held her attention. She touched it with a trembling finger, but it was indeed rock and not bone… 

“This is a gemstone…isn’t it?” 

“Indeed, even so. It is the jaw of a terrible naga, turned to agate by the passing of countless years.” Lizard Priest held up the skull with the pride of a little boy showing off a treasure; it was a side of him Priestess rarely saw. 

“Hmph, you’re like some child…” High Elf Archer puffed out her cheeks and released a sigh of obvious annoyance. Granted, it didn’t spoil the rather friendly atmosphere. 

“Heh, heh-heh… Boys, do like, this sort of thing, don’t they?” 

“Eh, they’re lucky enough to be making some money. I wouldn’t complain.” 

There at the table appeared Witch and Spearman—or rather, Heavy Warrior. 

“Well, this is unusual,” High Elf Archer commented. 

“Have you two formed a temporary party?” Priestess asked. 

Heavy Warrior gave a little shrug. “Nah. We’re just waiting.” 

Now that he mentioned it, Priestess spotted Female Knight over by the board, muttering to herself as she compared quests: “We could take the minotaur, but the hydra’s good, too… Wait, here’s a manticore…” 

Scout Boy and the others were with her; Priestess could hear him grumble, “Make up your mind already.” 

“And he, is over there,” said Witch, indicating the reception desk with her pipe. 

Spearman, completely ignoring all the perfectly good open windows with no waiting adventurers, had lined up for Guild Girl’s counter. The look of displeasure on his face came, perhaps, from the conversation he was listening to, which involved Goblin Slayer. Still, when other female staff members or female adventurers called out to him, as they did from time to time, he would answer with a smile… 

“He seems popular,” Priestess said. 

“About, that…” Witch, who had produced her pipe from nowhere, gave Priestess a heavy-lidded look. 

Erk… 

Priestess felt her heart skip a beat; she put a hand to her chest. 

Would she be able to have this effect on people someday? It was going to be a long time coming… 

“Beard-cutter could learn a thing or two from him. Make himself more likable.” 

“What? No way. I can’t even picture a cheerful, grinning Orcbolg,” High Elf Archer groaned. Dwarf Shaman, apparently satisfied with his count of the treasure, was putting it back in the bag. 

Priestess tried to picture Goblin Slayer with an upbeat grin on his face and found herself chuckling. “It is a little hard to imagine.” 

“Yeah. Orcbolg is—” 

“What am I?” 

“—supposed to be exactly who you are.” High Elf Archer fluttered a don’t worry about it hand in the direction of Goblin Slayer, who had appeared rather suddenly. It seemed he was done talking with Guild Girl. 

“I see,” he said without a trace of suspicion. Then the metal helmet turned to regard Heavy Warrior and Witch. It was impossible to see his expression behind the visor. “What is your business?” 

And that was Goblin Slayer. 

Heavy Warrior smiled wryly, while Witch blew sweet-smelling smoke from between her lips, unfazed by the entire exchange. One had to avoid reading anything into whatever the quiet, almost mechanical voice said. No skill would help with that, only cold, hard experience. 

“Just killing time and saying hi,” Heavy Warrior said. 

“I have a…date, after this.” 

“I see,” nodded Goblin Slayer and then added even more softly, “Be careful.” 

Heavy Warrior smiled a little then gave Goblin Slayer a pat on the shoulder with his big, broad hand before walking away. “If that’s the best you can do, I’ll take it.” 

“See, you…” Witch lifted her luscious body from her chair. The aromatic smoke trailed after her, drawing Priestess’s eyes in her direction. The girl harbored a secret hope that she might be like Witch one day—both as an adventurer and as a woman. 

Goblin Slayer tilted his head slightly, weighing the exact meaning of the words that had been spoken to him. He came to no particular conclusion, though, dismissing the matter with a “Never mind.” He had much to do. 

“Let us divide the reward,” he said, all but throwing himself down in a chair and looking at his party. “Each of us will take what we want, and the rest we will convert into cash and divide equally. Is that all right?” 

“I find that entirely satisfactory,” Lizard Priest said, nodding somberly and making a peculiar palms-together gesture. “They say even pirates on the sea do not quarrel over the take. Why then should adventurers do so?” 

“I’ll bet you want that bone thing, right?” High Elf Archer said. “Me, I’ll take this.” She reached out with her thin, pale fingers and grabbed a translucent golden crystal—the tortoiseshell. 

“Watch it, elf—your hands are as fast as your ears are long.” Dwarf Shaman found that his stubby fingers were too slow to stop High Elf Archer, who chuckled triumphantly and puffed out her little chest. 

“Complain, complain. I won’t say we should go first come, first served, but is there anyone else who even wants this thing?” 

“Well…” Dwarf Shaman’s gaze swept the party. “…Fair enough. But what are you going to do with it?” 

“Hmm? Maybe I’ll send it to my sister. Stuff from the sea is really rare where I’m from.” 

“I’m sure she’ll love it,” Priestess said, eliciting a “Thanks!” and a happy flick of the ears from High Elf Archer. 

The elaborate wedding ceremony held deep in the rain forest was still fresh in Priestess’s mind. At the same time, she felt a surge of regret. She looked at the ground for just a second then reached out her own hand. 

“…I’ll take this pearl, then. I want to offer it to the Earth Mother.” 

She wasn’t sure how to make up for it—and although she had received words of forgiveness, she still wanted to do something. 

Dwarf Shaman, noticing how Priestess looked, gave a snort to indicate his displeasure. “I think you could stand to be a little more selfish… Well, ain’t nothing to me either way.” Then he took the helix in his calloused hand, cradling it gently. “This will serve as a good catalyst. The helix is mine. Beard-cutter, what about you?” 

“…Me?” 

He seemed tremendously surprised. The helmet didn’t move but remained fixed on the bag of treasure. Priestess watched him with a smile. 

To go on an adventure, defeat a monster, receive a reward, and then divide it up. Everyone had different ways of handling the division of loot, and she had heard that some simply converted everything into cash and then shared whatever they got back, but… 

There was only one reason her heart danced the way it did then. 

This must be the sort of normal adventure he wished for. 

§ 

It was evening on the farm, and the pigs were snorting in irritation as they gorged themselves on acorns. Maybe they were unhappy because they knew they would be turned into meat when they were large enough—or maybe they just wanted more food. 

“Fine, fine, eat up.” 

The farm’s owner had evidently concluded it was the latter, because he allowed them a bit more feed. After all, it would soon be the harvest festival once again, and then winter would be upon them. Fortunately, they had both pigs and chickens, the cows’ milk was good, and there had been no trouble with the crops. It looked like they would make it safely through another year. 

“…Heavens above.” He wiped his face with the towel slung over his shoulder and let out a sigh. His body ached all over. 

Somehow, he and his niece had managed this farm together for the past ten years, but he was starting to feel his age. And if it was this bad with both of them, how hard would things be for his niece when she was alone? 

Maybe it was time to hire some farmhands… 

“Ah, then again…” 

The would-be farmhands out here on the frontier were all listless vagabonds, and there was no way he was going to let them anywhere near his niece. He would sooner hire a high-ranking adventurer from the Guild; at least they would have proof that someone trusted them… 

“Sigh…” The owner let out another long breath. His number-one headache had just come striding up. “…So you’re back.” 

“Yes, sir. I just returned.” 

The man, with his cheap-looking metal helmet and grimy leather armor, stopped just near the road and gave a bow of his head. 

Goblin Slayer. That was what people called him—but the farm owner still didn’t really know what he looked like. 

“Goblins again?” 

“Yes, sir… Well, not actually. Although it was supposed to involve goblin slaying.” 

It was some other monster. 

The owner quickly gave up on trying to get any more information out of the laconic young man. 

His niece might be the only one who would ever see what was behind that visor. 

“Um, is she—?” 

“In the house, I think.” The older man suppressed the torrent of emotions in his heart. “…Don’t make her wait too long.” 

“Yes, sir… I believe I can help you around here tomorrow.” 

“…That so?” The owner looked back at the pigs and nodded. 

As he heard the footsteps retreating behind him, he let out a third sigh. 

Wouldn’t matter if I saw his face. He wouldn’t make any more sense to me. 

§ 

“Oh, welcome hooome!” 

A cheerful voice greeted Goblin Slayer as he opened the door of the house. A moment later, he detected the sweet, spreading scent of boiling milk. 

Goblin Slayer entered the kitchen to the sound of rushing footsteps. He found the table already set, just waiting for the food to be ready. And there was his old friend, standing in her apron, welcoming him back. 

“I heard you were going south, but you came home pretty quickly this time. Have you eaten lunch?” 

“Not yet.” Goblin Slayer gave a single shake of his head in response to Cow Girl’s question. He pulled out a chair and sat down heavily; the seat creaked at him—was it because of the weight of his armor? 

“Okay. I’ll finish whipping this up right away. Now we just need bread and…maybe cheese?” 

“Yes, please.” 

The cheese had been selling well recently, Cow Girl informed him happily then turned toward the stew pot. 

He turned his helmet to look at the girl, standing with her back to him. The steady sales were largely thanks to his lizardman acquaintance buying so much of their product. 

The stew pot burbled as its contents boiled. He watched her stir it. Suddenly, she glanced back at him over her shoulder. 

“You…know I wouldn’t mind if you ate with your friends once in a while, right?” 

“…” Goblin Slayer was silent for a moment then grunted softly. 

“Too much trouble?” 

“Hmm…” 

She had turned back to her cooking, so he couldn’t see her face any more than other people could usually see his. 

Cow Girl began to work the pot industriously, as if to distract attention from something. 

After a long moment, she whispered, “…I really…wouldn’t mind, okay?” 

“…I see.” Goblin Slayer let out part of a breath. 

A few minutes later, Cow Girl announced, “It’s done,” and presented him with a dish of stew. 

“I’ll help,” he said, starting to get up, but she kept him back with an “Oh, don’t worry.” She seemed in high spirits somehow. 

He and the girl sitting across from him offered their prayers to the gods and then chorused, “Bon appétit!” 

Cow Girl smiled as she watched him scoop up stew with his spoon and wolf it down. This was how things went whenever he came home to eat. The familiar scene brought a smile to her face; sometimes she made meals just for this moment. 

“I brought you a gift.” 

But that… 

…that was not how this scene usually went, and Cow Girl found herself blinking. 

“A gift? What, seriously? No way!” 

“I’m serious,” Goblin Slayer said then reached casually into his item bag. The way he rooted around in it looked somehow violent; not the way one would normally appear when giving somebody a present. In fact, the whole notion of putting a gift in a bag of miscellaneous items seemed suspect to her. 

But completely in character. 

She giggled to herself, careful that he wouldn’t notice. 

“There it is.” 

He sounded so exasperated that holding back her laughter got even harder. 

“What is it?” 

“A shell.” 

He pulled his hand out of the bag, and in his palm rested a shell with a rainbow swirl on it. It glittered in the slanting sunlight like a jewel. 

“Oh…!” Cow Girl exclaimed, and understandably so. “Wait, can I really have this? Did you go to the ocean for this job?” 

“Yes.” His blunt answer raised a fresh question: which of her queries was it in response to? 

Cow Girl took the shell from him carefully, as if handling something very delicate, and set it in her palm. She squinted at the way the light glistened off it, and from her half-closed eyes, she could see him sitting silently. 

“There was a fish,” he said finally, and then after more thought, he added, “A very long one.” 

Should she try to ask for details, or what? Argh, no—she wanted to ask, but this came first. 

“Thank you so much! I’ll treasure it!” Cow Girl said, clasping the shell to her ample bosom and grinning. He nodded silently, and she stood up, heading straight for the kitchen. 

She took down an old box sitting on the highest shelf and opened it to reveal a collection of what might have been junk. But she set the shell inside as if it was a precious treasure and closed the lid again. 

“There, it’s safe… Yeah, this way I won’t lose it.” 

“I see.” 

Cow Girl got on her tiptoes to put the box back then wiped the sweat from her forehead as if she had just completed some difficult job. When she pattered back to the dining room, she had brought a cup of grape wine along for him. Normally, she might not have smiled on drinking in the early afternoon, but she figured it was all right for today. Surely. 

“What about tomorrow?” 

“I don’t have work.” 

She set the cup on the table; he picked it up with a casual motion and downed the entire contents. 

Soon the dish of stew was empty, too; when she asked, “Seconds?” he answered only, “Yes, please.” 

He followed her with his eyes as she bustled around to get him more food, and then he said quietly, “I’ll help around the farm.” 

Such was Goblin Slayer’s intention. Most likely, Cow Girl had expected as much. What would he do, then? What to do? He remembered what her uncle had said. This was his answer. 

The conversation meandered pleasantly, and then the sun went down, and her uncle came back, and they had dinner, spent an uncommonly easy time together, and then went to bed. 

A perfectly normal night. The way it always was after he came home. They were expecting a perfectly normal day off to follow. 

But it was to be nothing of the sort.