Civil Servant in Romance Fantasy - Chapter 347

Chapter 347: Not Alone (2)

The sun was setting, and students were slowly disappearing. I normally would have already returned to my lodgings to rest, but now I was wandering outside.

“...Mother collapsed.”

Erich carefully told me that after club hours. Only someone like the 2nd Prince would remain calm after hearing that.

I expected it to some extent. I heard that Mother was deeply worried and distressed when I participated in the last war. And now she had to hear that both her husband and son were participating in another war just three years after the last war ended? Even someone with the strongest mental fortitude would panic.

Still, I didn’t think she’d faint. Then again, how could anyone develop a tolerance for this sort of thing?

“Even nanny didn’t know what to do. Mother was crying while asking for you so nanny felt like she should call you, but it was hard to bring it up knowing you’re a busy person. She must have been desperate to ask me.”

I let out a small sigh as I remembered the words Erich said while scratching his head.

I should have gone to the territory on my own before Mother collapsed and asked for me. I should have gone first even though the Patriarch was by Mother’s side and even though I was planning to visit them before the war. Half-baked son or not, to her, I was her son.

Just as the Patriarch thought of me as his son.

Damn it.

Lately, it felt like my head hurt every day. What a shame that most of this was something I brought upon myself.

I was still standing outside my lodgings, lost in thought, when a mage from the family arrived through teleportation.

“Young Master. I’ve come to escort you.”

“Alright.”

It was a mage I urgently requested through the head butler. There was no need to request a family mage when the continent’s best mage was right next to me, but this was something I needed to do alone as their son, so I called for a family mage.

It would only add to my lovers’ already overwhelming worries if I told them that Mother had collapsed. One person suffering over me was more than enough.

“How is Mother?”

The mage’s expression darkened slightly as I asked that while he was preparing the teleportation spell.

“She fortunately regained consciousness just before I left, but I heard she’s only drinking water.”

I bit my lip at those words. At least she wasn’t dehydrated, but that was the bare minimum. If she had been fasting for this long...

“She must be waiting. Let’s go quickly.”

“Yes.”

Shaking off the endless worries flooding in, I put my hand on the mage’s shoulder.

Instead of worrying, I should show my face as quickly as possible.

***I hurriedly walked as soon as I arrived at the main gate of the mansion. I even barely noticed the servants bowing or the knights saluting me. I just waved my hand roughly to acknowledge their greetings.

Of course, the staff didn’t seem to mind it, probably because they were in a state of emergency due to the lady of the house fainting. That sight made me feel even more anxious.

“Young Master!”

“Head Butler.”

And soon after, the head butler came running urgently.

“You’ve come at just the right time. The madam has just woken up—“

“I’ll go right away. Is she in the bedroom?”

“Yes, yes!”

The head butler handled most of the territory’s affairs since both the family’s Patriarch and young master were absent. A workload of that magnitude demanded competence, and the head butler always maintained a firm and calm demeanor. But now, he was so rattled he even stuttered over his words.

Just the right time, huh.

That phrase only made me feel worse.

I wasn’t on time. If I had arrived at the right moment, I would have been here long before she collapsed.

“Young Master. The madam may not be able to control her emotions when she sees you. Right now, you’re the only one who can calm her down.”

I nodded mechanically to the head butler’s words as he explained nonstop. In short, he was saying that Mother wasn’t in a normal state, so I shouldn’t be shaken no matter what I saw and comfort her as much as possible, right?

I understood completely. That was why I came in the first place.

“And if possible, please convince the madam to eat something. Even a light meal will do.”

“I’ll make sure to do that.”

The head butler sighed in relief at my answer.

This was driving me crazy. How much had she suffered while I wasn’t here to the point that her son had to step in just to persuade her to eat?

***My body felt weak. I couldn’t even cry properly anymore.

“Nia. If you’re not going to eat, you should at least drink water properly.”

“I’m not thirsty...”

I barely answered Laura’s words with a hoarse, cracking voice. I didn’t even have the energy to shake my head or form a proper sentence. All I wanted was to lie down again, close my eyes, and go back to sleep.

Besides, I’d already drunk as much as I can. Three glasses should be enough, right?

“You’ve probably spilled more than you’ve actually swallowed. Are you really not going to drink?”

Laura’s words sounded frustrated as I turned my head away slightly.

I heard Laura sigh heavily, but she didn’t forcibly turn my head or anything. She seemed to be restraining herself because my physical condition wasn’t very good.

“Carl is coming, too. Are you going to greet him like this? Do you want to show your son, who’s about to go to war, a haggard appearance?”

Instead, Laura tried to persuade me with the most effective method.

“Carl is... coming?”

I slightly turned my head towards Laura. Was that child really coming?

“Yes. The head butler sent a mage to the academy earlier. With teleportation, he’ll be here soon.”

Laura said this and held out a glass of water to me. It was as if she was saying, ‘Are you really not going to drink even after hearing that?’

“...I’ll drink.”

Of course, I wouldn’t refuse. No mother would want her child to see her like this.

“Oh no.”

“Ah.”

But I dropped the glass just as I was about to put it to my lips, and it landed on the blanket. It thankfully didn’t break, but the sheets were now completely soaked.

It felt cold. Why was it so cold when it was almost summer?

“Now that Sarah has gotten better, it’s you instead.”

I couldn’t raise my head at Laura, who muttered as if in disbelief.

In fact, Laura must be as troubled as I was. There was no way that Laura, who cherished Carl like her own child, would be unaffected.

“I’ll get a new blanket right away—“

Knock knock—

“Mother, it’s Carl. May I come in?”

Both Laura’s and my gaze turned to the door at the same time when Carl’s voice interrupted her words.

Laura immediately scrambled to grab the wet blanket.

“Y-Young Master. Please wait a moment.”

“Head Maid? Is something wrong?”

“No, the madam is just changing clothes!”

Laura, who blurted out a strange excuse, quickly stuffed the wet blanket in a corner and threw a spare blanket at me.

Although I had no strength in my body, I quickly covered myself with the blanket. I couldn’t let Carl see me like this—lying in a damp bed, looking utterly pathetic after collapsing.

“You can come in now.”

Laura spoke to Carl as soon as she confirmed I was covered with the blanket.

But there was a slight urgency in her voice, and Carl must have noticed because there was a short silence before he finally replied.

“Then I’m coming in.”

Fortunately, the door opened slowly soon after and Carl entered carefully. Seeing his slightly disheveled hair and worried face as if he had rushed here, my eyes grew hot.

How strange. I thought I had no more tears left, but seeing Carl made me cry again.

I’m just worrying him.

Of course, I knew exactly why I was acting like this.

Carl was the one heading to the battlefield, the one who had every right to cry, and the one who should be comforted. And yet, here I was—the mother who wasn’t even worthy of that title—stealing his sorrow for myself. Instead of soothing my son and instead of reassuring him, I was making him worry. I was burdening him and was even crying right in front of him.

“Mother, are you alright?”

And even now, it’s still like that. As if he still considered this incompetent mother as his mother, Carl approached me and asked about my well-being first.

“Carl...”

“Yes, Mother. I’m here.”

“Carl, Carl... my child...”

I couldn’t stop saying his name, and I couldn’t stop myself from holding his hand.

It felt rough. It seemed like a hand that had suffered from intense training, from participating in war, and from serving as the Prosecutors’ Office’s Executive Manager. This hand had endured so much despite being born into a noble family.

And holding that hand made me realize—when was the last time I had held it in this affectionate way? Had I ever?

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, so, so sorry...”

Tears fell drop by drop on the back of Carl’s hand. Even though I knew I had no right to do this, I couldn’t stop. Even though I also knew that I’d cause him more trouble the more I did this, I still continued.

“This mother has done nothing for her son...!”

Twice now... twice, my son was dragged to war. And what had I done for him?

If—if, though it shouldn’t happen, but if—this was the last time I ever saw Carl, would I be remembered as a good mother? In his memories, was I even worthy of being called his mother?

I had spent the entire time lying in bed, lost in these thoughts. Whenever I passed out, I dreamt that Carl was taken from me forever.

So, I held on tighter. It felt like Carl would leave for a place he could never return from if I let go of his hand.

***This was awkward. I think I understood why the head butler was flustered. Mother’s condition was indeed quite serious.

Mother wouldn’t let go of my hand. She just kept repeating how sorry she was. I had never seen Mother, who always showed a perfect image of the 300-year-old Krasius family’s hostess and a noble, pour out her emotions like this.

“This mother has done nothing for her son...!”

Those were probably words Mother had buried in her heart for years. Hearing those words, I couldn’t find a way to respond.

This half-baked son couldn’t treat this body’s mother as his mother, so why was the mother, who was the one who lost her real son, the one blaming herself?

Damn it.

I looked down at the hand that held mine. In truth, she wasn’t even gripping me that tightly. Her strength was weak—so weak that I could pull my hand away without any effort.

But it was strange.

Why did it feel so heavy?

I cut off Tala’s wrist to escape when he was strangling me during the Great Northern War, so why couldn’t I escape from this weak force now?

This was very strange.