Chapter 257: But Life Goes On (2)I felt a wave of guilt and self-loathing when I realized that I couldn’t respond to the Vice Captain’s words. Guilt for not considering how to repay Master, and self-loathing for putting myself before him.
It was absurd. After all, I should be devoting my entire life to him, yet I found myself distracted. Instead of repaying the kindness Master had shown me, I had fallen into the bizarre situation of repaying him just for the sake of it.
When did it start?
I bit my lip. How long had I been deceiving even myself?
Of course, my loyalty and devotion to Master were unwavering. Even if I had been looking in the wrong direction, that much had never changed. If that had been compromised, I might as well have lost my sight and hearing.
But just as the Vice Captain said, I had become self-satisfied. If that was the case, then how was I any different from someone who was blind or deaf?
“Repayment should be done in the way the recipient wants. If the giver decides, it’s not repayment—it’s just a way to feel good about themselves.”
The Vice Captain continued speaking when I didn’t respond. He never showed mercy when someone revealed a weakness, pushing forward with all the relentless determination seen in the 4th Division.
It was just sad to see him use that determination against me.
“Captain, would you do anything the Executive Manager asks for?”
“Of course. Even if it costs me my life.”
I was able to answer this question confidently. Master had given me a new life, and without him, I would have either died long ago or lived a fate worse than death.
So, I would give it up willingly if Master wanted to take back the life he gave me.
“Then how about becoming his wife?”
“Th-that’s...”
My confidence vanished again. While I was ready to do anything, this seemed impossible no matter how much I thought about it. It was far too much for someone like me.
I was merely Master’s shadow, his loyal dog that lingered by his side. I would only tarnish his brilliance if I were to get any closer.
“That would be for my benefit, not Master’s...”
“It’s up to him to decide that.”
He wasn’t wrong.
“But, I’m just a commoner...”
“Do you really think he would care about that?”
There was no way Master didn’t already know what I knew.
In the end, I lowered my gaze in silence, defeated by the Vice Captain’s relentless logic.
I was trapped. Whatever argument I made would be useless. If I said that it was too much, he would tell me that Master would make that decision. If I gave reasons why it was impossible, he would ask if I really thought Master wouldn’t know better.
“I’d even consider changing my gender if the Executive Manager wanted to marry me.”
I shuddered at those words. Was it because of the Vice Captain’s destructive will? No. It was because he said it so casually knowing it would never happen.
The Vice Captain knew Master would never propose to him, so there would be no need to change his gender and he could say whatever he liked. All he needed to do was convince me.
“But I don’t understand why you’re behaving this way when you don’t need to go through such trouble.”
“...”
The Vice Captain kept talking, and I listened in silence.
Even after I finally escaped him, every soldier I encountered began lecturing me.
...Maybe I should request another deployment.
For a moment, that thought crossed my mind. There should be plenty of places to go, even if it wasn’t in the North.
***Writing a glowing review for the Minister on his evaluation report and then seeing him in person left me with a strange feeling. It was probably similar to how a child felt when they realized that Santa Claus was just their dad all along.
No, it was even more than that. From the kid’s perspective, at least their dad was still someone precious and worth looking up to.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”
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