Bungo Stray Dogs - Volume SS - Chapter 2.3

A Certain Explosive - 3

Yokohama, home of the Armed Detective Agency, is a mix of modern high-rise buildings crammed together along with old-fashioned shops from a previous age.

Atsushi was gazing at the silhouettes of the skyscrapers piercing the sky in the distance while he walked down a cobblestone street with Dazai. They were on a bright, tidy street in a shopping arcade. People came and went as they enjoyed shopping under the shade of the roadside trees.

“I’m taking you to meet a guarantor who can hook you up with some work. I just know he’s going to love you.”

Dazai was walking by Atsushi’s side. He sounded a bit excited.

“What kind of work are we talking about?”

“I don’t want to spoil the surprise.  ” Dazai grinned cryptically. “Oh, there might be a little test before he gives you the job, though.”

“A t-test?!”

Atsushi’s face clouded with fear. He thought he was going to be hired on the spot, so hearing there was a test took him by surprise. He hadn’t studied for any test, and he sure wasn’t mentally prepared for one, either.

“Atsushi, do you know how to write?”

“Uh… I can read and write, yeah,” he answered honestly, albeit hesitantly.

“Then you’ll be fine!” Dazai beamed.

“Trust me. I know you can do it,” he added, encouraging Atsushi with a hint of sweetness in his voice.

“Thanks.”

Atsushi smiled and sighed with relief. He almost regretted saving Dazai at the river when he first met him, but perhaps it was a good thing. After all, Dazai had taken such good care of him—a complete stranger—ever since.

“Ah-ha-ha-ha! Yes, you should feel grateful!” Dazai said as he placed his index finger and thumb under his chin. “Just leave everything to me, and all will be well! For I, Dazai, have earned the full confidence and respect of the people!”

His lips curled smugly as if they were being inflated with narcissism while his eyes sparkled brilliantly. He probably thought he sounded really cool.

However…

“There you are, Dazai!” came a voice from among the crowd.

“Hmm?” wondered Dazai and Atsushi, turning around to find Kunikida striding toward them as if he had been looking everywhere for his colleague.

“You bandage-squandering machine!”

“Gaaah!”

Dazai bent backward as far as he could. Then he covered his face with his hands, trembling as if he’d just received the shock of his life. He seemed to be at least a little hurt by what Kunikida said.

“K-Kunikida… That nickname you just came up with… Not bad!”

His face contorted with the frustration of defeat as he staggered.

Kunikida placed a hand on his hip and smugly snorted, then pointed right at Dazai’s face.

“You claim to have earned the full confidence and respect of the people? The only things you’ve ever earned are complaints, curses, and irate phone calls from clients!!”

“Huh…?”

C-complaints, curses…and irate phone calls from clients?

Atsushi eyed Dazai skeptically.

“Come on, when has anyone ever complained about me?”

While Dazai pouted like a man falsely accused and looked away, Kunikida swiftly took out his notebook and began flipping through the pages.

“We received a phone call in August,” he began.

“‘Found one o’ yer workers caught in our fishing nets off the coast. Could ya come ’n’ get him?’”

Kunikida skillfully replicated what sounded like a middle-aged fisherman’s voice.

“Er…”

Atsushi’s cheek began twitching slightly.

Maybe—okay, more than maybe—this worker was Dazai. He’d probably been trying (and failing) to drown himself. Atsushi didn’t even want to imagine what it was like to unload that net and find Dazai among the flopping tuna and flounder.

Furthermore, it appeared that this wasn’t the only time someone called to complain about Dazai.

“We received another call in September!”

Kunikida’s glasses glinted as he promptly gave another example before Dazai could come up with an excuse.

“‘I done found this odd fella buried in ma field. I believe he works with y’all?’”

This time Kunikida sounded like a middle-aged farmer with a slightly low voice.

“Mmm…”

Atsushi groaned and hung his head in anguish.

Indeed, that was definitely the work of an “odd fella.” The farmer was probably so startled that he threw out his back. Once again, harvesting Dazai along with pumpkins and radishes was not something that Atsushi wanted to imagine.

“Th-th-th-that’s…”

Dazai cringed and teetered backward.

“Yet again, we received another call in September!” Kunikida relentlessly continued his rant as if he was venting months’ worth of pent-up anger.

“‘It’s about time you closed your tab. Your drinks these past six months weren’t free, you know.’”

This time he sounded like a cute lady who worked at a bar; he maintained his overly serious expression even as he spoke in a high-pitched voice. Imagining the scowl on his face when he got that call wasn’t difficult.

Atsushi stared at Dazai as if he was observing a madman.

“This can’t be happening…!!” the man who claimed to have the full confidence and respect of the people painfully cried, wrapping both hands around his head. He leaned back as far as he could and nearly screamed in disbelief.

“I had no idea you were this good at doing impressions, Kunikida!”

Overpowering rage immediately radiated from Kunikida’s body, cracking his glasses.

“You little…! I have had it up to here with you and your sarcasm!”

As the veins bulged on his forehead, he wrapped his hands around Dazai’s neck so tightly that it looked like it was going to snap. He then proceeded to shake his colleague as if to say, “Today’s the day you meet your maker!”

Nevertheless, Dazai still didn’t learn his lesson. If anything, he actually looked disgruntled; he must’ve been wishing that a beautiful woman was about to snap his neck instead of Kunikida.

Should I be worried that this is the guy hooking me up with a new job?

Concern began to show on Atsushi’s face as he watched their exchange.

Dazai’s honeyed words had almost hooked him. What if Dazai was actually going to sell Atsushi to someone in order to pay off his six-month bar tab?

Although that was somewhat unrealistic, Atsushi was still extremely skeptical. He had a feeling that he was going to end up in a life-threatening situation if he kept hanging around Dazai.

“Oh, right! I cannot believe I just wasted an entire minute humoring this idiot.”

Kunikida must have realized he was wasting time he didn’t have because he suddenly stopped shaking Dazai. Apparently, he hadn’t been searching Yokohama for his partner simply to unload his pent-up rage.

“We have to hurry back to the agency!”

He grabbed Dazai by the lapel and reeled him in, but Dazai’s expression remained as calm as always, conveying absolutely no sense of urgency.

“Why’s that?” Dazai asked.

“We have an emergency on our hands! A bomber has taken a hostage and barricaded himself inside the agency!” Kunikida explained through his obvious irritation.

Even Dazai couldn’t hide his surprise; his expression immediately turned serious.

“A bomber?!”

Atsushi’s face went pale the instant he heard the unbelievable news.

A certain explosive.

Atsushi’s test had begun.