Amagi Brilliant Park - Volume 7 - Chapter 3

An Unusual Combination 

Oh, hello. I’m the Spirit of Water, Muse. 
When you work at an amusement park, Monday night is a bit like Saturday night. Tuesday typically has our lowest attendance rates, and it’s when several attractions close for maintenance, so we don’t have to do as many performances. 
I sometimes wondered if the whole park couldn’t just take a day off... but our (acting) manager Kanie-san refused to let it happen. “No days off! No matter what!” he barked at us during a meeting when it was brought up. “We need every single guest we can get! I’d run the place 24/7 if I could!” 
Of course, we couldn’t possibly be in business 24 hours a day, but... well, the renovations had helped in getting us a lot more customers than before. We’d already exceeded last year’s attendance, so we’d assumed we were in the clear, but Kanie-san still seemed very stressed out about it. I sometimes wondered if there was something going on that he wasn’t telling us. I’d tried asking his secretary Isuzu-san about it (we’re pretty close, after all), but she didn’t seem to want to talk about it, either. 
Anyway, this all started one particular Monday night in September. We’d finished our final performance of the day, and I proposed doing our usual “Elementario girls hit the town!” outing. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a good time for the other three. 
Salama said, “Sorry, I have a lot of unpacking to do since the move...” 
Kobory said, “I’m sorry, I have a lot of pages to draw for my hobby...” 
Sylphie said, “I have a class in Tsukiji tonight...” Of all the excuses, “class in Tsukiji” seemed the most confusing, but I’d long since stopped letting myself be bothered about every little thing Sylphie said and did. She wasn’t the kind of girl who’d just lie, so if she said she had a class in Tsukiji, she probably did. 
At any rate, what it amounted to was that the others didn’t have time to hang out. I was still free, though so... hmm, what should I get up to? I wondered. As I walked through the employee gate, I tossed around the idea of going straight home and brainstorming new performance ideas. But as I arrived at the bus stop... 
“Oh, it’s Muse, fumo,” Moffle-senpai called out to me. He was a fluffy, plush fairy who served as the park’s most popular mascot. But because he was currently wearing his Lalapatch Charm, he would look like a normal person to mortal eyes. 
“Done for the day, pii?” Wanipii-senpai said to me, as well. He was standing with Moffle-senpai, and also wearing a Lalapatch Charm. Wanipii-senpai was an alligator. He was a minor character in the park, but he did have some niche appeal. He often skipped out on work, too. 
“Are you on your way home?” our head of finances, Ashe-san, asked in a kind voice. She had dark brown skin and blonde hair, and looked very smart in her glasses and business suit. She had a beautiful face and a dynamite body; she looked a little like a dark elf or a succubus. She normally had horns and pointed ears, but outside the park, she looked like an ordinary mortal. 
“Ah, yes,” I told them all. “Are you all heading home?” 
“Moffu. Actually, the three of us were talking about hitting up the yakitori bar, fumo.” 
“Do you mean that ‘Savage’ place?” I checked. 
“Yes, pii. Muse-chan, want to join us, pii?” 
It was an unusual grouping. Moffle-senpai usually went out drinking with Tiramii-senpai and Macaron-senpai—I wouldn’t go so far as to call them “soul brothers,” but they really were close. Wanipii-senpai usually didn’t go to drinking parties at all; he almost always refused invitations, and kept a respectful distance from headliner mascots like Moffle-senpai. As for Ashe-san... I don’t know her well. She doesn’t usually visit the attractions, and I don’t see her otherwise except for during meetings or in passing in the general affairs building. I’ve always thought she was an amazing person, but we’ve never had a real conversation before. 
Now, these three wanted me to join them at Savage, the yakitori bar? I wondered if it would be awkward, with them all being older than me... Wanipii-senpai aside (sorry), Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san were considered some of AmaBri’s most powerful people. As leader of Elementario, I couldn’t exactly decline. 
Yes, it’s politics! It’s all about politics! I should put on my biggest smile and wheedle out some information to improve my attraction, right?! That would help us to solve the costume problem that’s been giving us so much trouble lately, right?! (Who would that benefit, you ask? Us, of course! I’m terrified of how accustomed to those costumes we’ve gotten! I mean, I’m totally fine with it now! And I’m not fine with the fact that I’m fine with it!) 
The bus was pulling in to the stop, and I had to make a decision. “Sure thing! If I won’t be in the way, that is...” I said with a smile, while fighting butterflies in my stomach. 
“All right then, fumo. Let’s get going!” 
And so, we all got on the bus to Amagi Station.

“Moffu. Macaron had plans to see his daughter Lalapa, and Tiramii’s on another rendezvous with some MILF. I was feeling a little out in the cold, fumo,” Moffle-senpai told me as we strolled through the shopping district at night. “Now, I still didn’t have anything else to do tonight, so I thought I’d have a drink alone before heading home. But that’s when I ran into Ashe-san, fumo. She’s always staying past midnight because of the finances, see, so it’s rare I get to see her, fumo.” 
“Yes,” Ashe-san affirmed. “I’d just sent some documents to Ikegami-sensei... so I had a little bit of free time.” Ikegami-sensei was the tax accountant for AmaBri; he was an attractive, middle-aged man who liked soccer. Apparently, a certain money-ignorant light novel writer has been giving him a lot of trouble lately. (I have no idea why I’m bringing that up.) 
“So, given how rare it is to see her at all,” Moffle went on, “I asked Ashe-san to join me, fumo.” 
“Ahh...” I said. 
“A performer and an accountant. It might be one of your odder pairings, but I thought it would be a good chance to find some common ground, fumo. Right, Ashe-san?” 
Ashe-san smiled awkwardly. “Well... I’m grateful for the sentiment, but surely we can refrain from talking about work tonight, Moffle-san?” 
“Ah... that’s right. Sorry,” he said apologetically. “Anyway, that’s how it went down, fumo. I said, ‘Ashe-san, come join me for a drink for once.’” 
“Yes. And Moffle-san is AmaBri’s breadwinner, after all...” I noticed a strange look in Ashe-san’s eyes as she said that. Was that... lust? As a fellow woman, I couldn’t miss it. 
Oh! I don’t mean to say that Ashe-san was leering at Moffle-senpai or anything! It’s just... how to put it? There was that affection there, the kind you got from a fine specimen of womanhood watching a fine specimen of manhood. Interest, would you call it? Those weren’t the eyes of a woman placating some fussy old sexual harasser... even if he was a plush mouse. Did Ashe-san know about Moffle-senpai’s human form? I found myself strangely curious. 
“Oh, come on...” Moffle-senpai said, slumping. He didn’t seem to notice Ashe-san’s interest at all, which made it all the more frustrating. “Then, well, once Ashe and I had decided we’d go out drinking, Wanipii showed up, fumo. So we had to invite him along, fumo.” 
Wanipii-senpai’s umbrage was immediate. “How dare you, pii! I refused at first! Don’t make it sound like I was begging for it, pii!” 
“Moffu,” Moffle said pointedly. “But if Ashe-san and I had just gone off into the city at night, you would’ve raised a stink. You remember the thing with Nyathan and Takami-chan recently, the way everyone talked about me? I’m not going through that again, fumo.” 
“Well, it was suspicious, pii!” Waniipii-senpai protested. “I’m still not convinced that you didn’t take her home, pii!” 
Takami-chan was a college student who worked part-time at Savage, the place we were going to now. AmaBri’s cast were regulars there, and Moffle-senpai had invited her out once after hours. They’d gotten drunk out in the city, and “indulged each other’s desires”... or so the rumors claimed. Moffle-san seemed too hard-nosed for that, so I had my doubts, but most people accepted it, insisting, “Moffle has his needs, too.” 
Takami-chan was something of an idol among the AmaBri mascot cast, anyway, and while I can agree that she’s pretty and charming, I never understood why the men all put an unremarkable college student on such a pedestal, while ignoring the girls of AmaBri. (We have a lot of cute girls too!) Well, it is what it is. Maybe it’s hard to look at the girls you work with that way. 
“Moffu. ...I’m telling you, I just walked her home and then left, fumo.” 
“I doubt it, pii! In that case... in that case... I’ll ask Takami-chan myself, pii!” 
“Hmm,” Moffle mused. “If you ask her that, she’ll really hate you, fumo.” 
“What?! But why, pii?” 
“You don’t know? You really don’t know, fumo? Wanipii, you have a real problem, fumo.” 
It felt like a storm was rolling in. While I was fretting about how to smooth things over, Ashe-san just shrugged and smiled. I think she was telling me, “It’ll be fine; just leave them alone.” 
At last, we arrived at the yakitori bar, Savage. It was a hole-in-the-wall restaurant founded in 1992, so it was over 20 years old now. The sliding glass door was sticky with oil, and a powerful smell of sauce wafted out from the exhaust fan. The minute we got through the door, I could feel the stickiness of the tiles beneath my shoes. I would never come here with the Elementario girls, but the food was very good. The negima, in particular, was excellent. 
Takami-chan, the girl we’d been talking about, wasn’t present; she must have been off today. Instead, we were welcomed by a man I didn’t recognize, who was about the same age as her. 
“Moffu. Is the back open, fumo?” 
“Huh?” The man asked. 
“The back, fumo,” Moffle repeated himself. 
“Huh? Um...” He must have been new; he seemed completely baffled by a reference that Takami-chan would understand right away. 
“The tatami room in the back, fumo,” Moffle tried again. “They let us use it a lot...” 
“O-Oh... I’d have to ask...” 
“Sorry, Moffle-san!” the head chef, who was cutting chicken in the kitchen, called out to Moffle, as if to put the conversation out of its misery. “It’s open. Go on in.” 
“Moffu. Thanks, fumo.” 
“Takami-chan has a cold today,” the head chef explained. “Sorry.” 
“Oh, that’s awful, fumo,” Moffle-senpai said simply, then headed into the back. Wanipii-senpai looked a little disappointed. 
Meanwhile, Ashe-san and I were carefully considering how we should interpret Moffle-senpai’s reaction.Did Moffle-senpai know about her cold or not? Knowing would give us a valuable clue. If he knew, then Moffle-senpai and Takami-chan were in exclusive contact, and it would mean they had interacted today. If he didn’t, then at the very least, they weren’t quite that close—not close enough for one to let the other know when one of them was sick, at least. 
Incidentally, I had Takami-chan’s info on LINE and Twitter, too. She hadn’t reported that she had a cold; in other words, it wasn’t public information. 
“Ashe-san... how would you interpret that?” I whispered. 
“Hmm... I’m not sure,” she hissed back. “Lord Moffle is a performer, after all.” 
“I feel like he knew,” I insisted. “He seemed a little too flippant, right?” 
“That’s true,” she agreed. “But that’s how he usually acts, isn’t it? I could see him making a big deal if it were Latifah-sama, of course...” 
“Hmm... That is true...” While we were whispering to each other, Moffle-senpai entered the tatami room in back and beckoned us to follow. 
“Over here, fumo. Come on in.” 
“R-Right!” I quickly jogged through the narrow corridor, feeling that the secretive exchange had made me feel a bit closer to Ashe-san. We’d thought the same thing in the same moment, and we’d managed to exchange opinions in very few words. It was a minor thing, I guess, but it had been very satisfying. 

“All right! Let’s have a toast, fumo!” Moffle-senpai called out, and we clinked our mugs together. Moffle-senpai had Hoppy Black, Ashe-san and I had draft beers, and Wanipii-senpai had a grapefruit sour. 
Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san nearly chugged down their entire mugs, then each let out a big, ecstatic sigh. Meanwhile, Wanipii-senpai seemed done after a single sip. 
“Ah, delicious!” Moffle-senpai sighed, before calling out to the server. “Excuse me!” 
“Yes?” 
“Another draft beer and Hoppy, please!” said Ashe-san, who placed Moffle’s order without asking him first. 
Moffle-senpai seemed delighted by the gesture. “Oh, thanks. You can hold your liquor, Ashe-san.” 
“Oh, hardly,” she responded dismissively. 
“Come on. I saw you drink Ironbeard under the table, fumo,” Moffle-senpai scoffed. “Even Tiramii is terrified of you, fumo.” Ironbeard was another member of the cast, a former pirate and elephant seal mascot who loved his booze. 
“I see,” she said thoughtfully. “But... I’d say Ironbeard-san is just a reckless drinker.” 
“Oh! You came out and said it, fumo!” 
“Maybe he visits too many hostess clubs?” Ashe-san shrugged. “He really should just drink at a normal pace.” 
“Still, if you were pouring for me, I’d have no choice but to chug, fumo.” 
“And what do you mean by that?” 
“You’d be scary if I refused, fumo.” 
“How mean!” Ashe-san pouted. “Why would you call me scary?” 
Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san shared a laugh while I gritted my teeth in a smile. Wanipii-senpai remained silent with a vague smile on his face. What on earth was going on here? 
Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san’s exchange had really rattled me. After all, the two had never seemed particularly close... As Moffle-senpai had said, Ashe-san was the head of the finance department, which meant she controlled the park’s budget. She held the purse strings in an iron grip, and her main job was to make sure the rest of us kept our spending responsible. 
Meanwhile, Moffle-senpai was the leader of the performer cast; he had to be our advocate, begging for funding to finance what we needed. It was only natural, given their positions. Destiny had pitted them against each other. Now, after just one drink—before they were even drunk—they were already playfully needling each other. I have very little experience in the larger world, but even I could see what was going on there. 
“You are scary, fumo. You’re especially scary when you go quiet,” Moffle-senpai opined. “Isuzu’s punishments can’t compare.” 
“Oh? That’s your own faults, by the way,” Ashe-san pointed out. “You tease Isuzu-chan too much just because you think it’s cute.” She said, swiftly changing the subject. 
Great tactics, Ashe-san! I thought with admiration. 
“Moffu. Do we?” 
“Yes, you do. It’s cruel.” 
“Well, she just makes it too easy,” Moffle-senpai protested. “I’ve asked the others to tone it down.” 
“But they don’t listen, do they?” 
“Hmm, I see,” he grumbled. “I’ll think about it, fumo.” 
“Please do. I mean it.” While they were talking, the new part-timer brought another mug of Hoppy and one of beer. “Speaking of Isuzu-chan,” Ashe-san said once the part-timer was gone again, “how are things going for her lately?” 
“Going? Same as ever, fumo. You know her type. Secretarial work is a cinch for her. You’ve seen her, haven’t you?” 
“I don’t mean that,” Ashe-san denied. “I mean with Kanie-san.” 
“Oh. Ohh!” Moffle-senpai clapped his paws together as if catching her drift. “You mean that, fumo.” 
“Yes, that.” 
“Let’s see...” he said thoughtfully. “I guess I’d say no progress, fumo. There’s no sexual tension between the two at all, fumo.” 
“I see. Well, that’s more or less what I’d assumed...” The two gulped down their mugs and laughed cheerfully. “Isuzu-chan is quite a late bloomer, isn’t she?” 
“So is Seiya, fumo.” 
“You think so?” Ashe-san asked. 
“Of course, fumo! Isn’t it obvious? He’s stiff as a board! Total square. A real ‘gentleman.’ He’d never make a pass at a co-worker, fumo.” 
Ashe-san tilted her head, a thin smile appearing on her face. “Oh? Are you sure?” 
“Oh, please. Are you not?” Moffle-senpai scoffed. 
“I can’t say that I am,” she said. “I think the real playboys keep their cards close to the chest...” Looking back, I don’t think Ashe-san’s argument probably was how she really felt; I think she was just playing Devil’s advocate to liven up the conversation. 
Her response caused Moffle-senpai to fold his arms, harrumph, and hold off his response. It was a lengthy consideration, as if they were playing shogi. Wanipii-senpai turned his eyes downward and stayed silent. In the end, I was the one who took the bait. 
“I d-don’t think Kanie-san is that sort of person!” I said, loudly enough that you could probably hear me outside the tatami room—maybe even outside the bar itself. 
“Ohh?” Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san said at once. They both looked extremely interested. 
“What makes you say that, fumo?” 
“Why don’t you tell ‘big sister’ a little more about it?” 
There was a sadistic gleam in both of their eyes. I could immediately tell that I’d stepped on a land mine. 
“Huh?” I fumbled. “Um, um...” 
“I’m curious, fumo...” 
“I’m curious, too...” 
I finally understood: They hadn’t really been arguing at all. They’d just been doing a little double act for me and Wanipii-senpai! It hadn’t started that way... but in the process they’d achieved a tacit understanding and brought things around in that direction. They knew they’d end up in a fight if they talked about work, so they thought they might as well have a little fun! 

“Moffu. I’m very curious, fumo. Tell us all why you think Seiya isn’t that way.” 
“U-Um...” 
“Don’t worry. We’re all drinking here,” Ashe-san said reassuringly. “Why don’t you just let it all out? Come on, now. First, take a big drink. Biiiig drink.” Ashe-san gently nudged my beer toward me. I finished it off, and found a second beer sitting in front of me immediately. “You don’t have to drink it if it’s too much, all right?” 
“Yeah. No need to force yourself, fumo. Now, back to the earlier question. ...Why do you think Seiya’s a straight-shooter with women? I want to hear evidence, fumo.” 
“Huh?! Well... well...” Nothing was coming to me. Something, something... I found my hands going straight for the mug. I took a few deep gulps to try to buy time. 
“Blugh...” In the ten seconds or so it earned me, I was hoping the subject would be changed, but no such luck. Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san were extremely patient, and they were waiting for my response. 
“So?” they both said in unison. It seemed there was no more avoiding it. 
“Well... Kanie-san is...” 
“Yes, yes?” 
“Kanie-san is... not very calculating...” I tried, “when it comes to his personal relationships...” 
“Fumo, fumo.” 
Oh, forget it, I decided, and just lay it all out there. “Well, you know? He’s so arrogant and domineering, right? He really annoys me, too, if I’m honest. But... someone who’s actually trying to get something will usually throw some ingratiating and coaxing into their act. But he doesn’t, you know? He’s just arrogant start to finish, and I think maybe that’s evidence that he’s actually very forthright! And that’s also why I’ve decided to stick with him!” 
After I’d finished speaking my piece, Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san both looked up at the ceiling and said “Ahh” in one voice. 
“What kind of reaction is that?” I demanded to know. 
“Oh, um. You know, fumo. I know people don’t use the term ‘louse’ to refer to men much nowadays, but that’s the kind of line you tend to hear from a woman refusing to break up with her louse of a boyfriend.” 
“What?” I asked. 
“I hear that. You know... ‘His selfishness is just a sign of honesty!’ and such... You see it a lot with girls who think of themselves as the lead in a romance movie,” Ashe-san put in. 
“Huh? Huh?!” Why were they turning on me for trying to say something positive?! I felt so confused. 
“Moffu. You know the extreme version of that? ‘It’s true that he hits me, but it’s not what you think! He never goes for the face!’ and such.” 
“Ah, so true. I knew some girls like that back in school,” Ashe-san reminisced. “Very superficial. It seemed like it kept up for years and years...” 
“Wow, really, fumo?” 
“Yes,” she sighed. “I graduated from a women’s college. I saw quite a lot of it.” 
“Ah,” Moffle put in. “Did you, fumo? I do hear about those girls being superficial.” 
“Yes. Only a small portion, but comparatively, a lot.” 
“Which is it, fumo?” 
The two of them burst out into cackles. 
“Well... you know,” Ashe-san continued. “Statistics are an interesting thing. It’s like how they say most people with Priuses are bad drivers.” 
“Moffu,” said Moffle, before waiting for her to continue. 
“In fact, it’s just that there are so many on the market that you notice the bad drivers more. It’s sort of like that, I think.” 
“That’s not helping your case, fumo!” 
“What?” Ashe-san asked, looking perplexed. 
“Because there aren’t that many women’s colleges!” Moffle pointed out. 
“Well, true enough!” 
They burst out into cackles again. 
I wasn’t laughing one bit. Meanwhile, Wanipii-senpai was just playing around on his smartphone with an amiable smile. It looked like some kind of social game. Come on, put it down and help me! I begged. 
“Well, anyway, fumo. Muse,” said Moffle, looking my direction. “Being superficial can hurt you in life, okay?” 
“W-Wait a minute,” I objected strenuously. “When did you decide I was superficial?!” 
“Are we wrong, fumo?” 
“What? Well... ah...” 
“See, you hesitated. You hesitated, fumo!” he pointed out triumphantly. 
I groaned. 
“Moffle-san, don’t tease her like that!” Ashe-san scolded. 
“I’m not teasing her, fumo!” 
The two burst out in cackles yet again. I was starting to feel like I wanted to kill someone. 
“Ah, we’re sorry,” Ashe-san told me. “We’re really not trying to be mean.” 
“O-Okay...” I agreed shakily. 
“I understand why you’d be attracted to someone like Kanie-san.” 
“Well, well! There’s a dynamite admission, fumo.” 
“I mean it, though. He’s very handsome. If I were in high school, I’d probably be falling all over him!” Ashe-san skillfully laughed off Moffle-san’s implication. Magnificent. Incredible. I took note of her technique and filed it away in the back of my mind. I’d love to say a line like that, some day. 
No, wait a minute! I told myself. Focus! I can’t let the conversation keep going this way! They’re making it sound like I’m in love with Kanie-san! I need to voice an objection! “But, but um, I don’t... he’s my boss, I mean... That’s the only way I meant it.” 
“Of course, of course. That’s what we’ll tell everyone.” Ashe-san patted my shoulder, smiling brightly. “Still... you should try to be less superficial. It won’t do you any favors in life.” 
“R-Really?” I asked weakly. 
“Really. For instance...” Ashe-san patted Moffle-san on the back. 
“Moffu?” 
“Let’s take this plush rodent fellow, here,” she suggested. “He’s strapping, isn’t he? He’s a former general, isn’t he? He’s amazing, isn’t he? He may frequently do stupid things, but he’s also frequently intelligent. You need to be able to see that in people.” 
“What in the world? You make it sound like I’m not handsome, fumo.” 
“You’re not handsome,” Ashe-san agreed amiably. 
“Moffu,” Moffle huffed. “Well, maybe not.” 
“But I still think you’re amazing, Moffle-san.” 
“You do? I’m surprised, fumo.” 
“You’re magnificent,” Ashe-san said soothingly, “truly.” 
Another shockwave hit me. There was a genuine subtext behind their exchange. Sitting side by side, joking, there was a bit—just a bit of eroticism in the way Ashe-san gazed at Moffle. Of course, it wasn’t exactly yearning. But! How to put it... It did feel a little bit like “You’re on my radar!” 
Oh, Goddess Libra! As far as I knew, Ashe-san doesn’t know about Moffle-senpai’s human form—that bearded, Aragorn-looking dreamboat. The only people who had seen that picture were me, the Elementario trio and Isuzu-san. Ashe-san was acting that way because she had an eye for people’s personalities that went above and beyond how physically attractive he might be. I had to say I was really impressed. (Although physical appearances aside, I still find Moffle-san a little harsh!) I was on pins and needles waiting to see how he would react. 
“...Hmm, I can’t say as I know what to do with that. Cast leader and financial manager... forbidden love, fumo.” He went right for it! His plush paw even took Ashe-san’s hand. “If... If we tried it, Ashe, would you...” 
“Yes?” she said. 
“Would you approve the budget request I submitted last week?” Moffle asked earnestly. 
“Absolutely not,” Ashe-san immediately denied. 
“Thought not!” 
They immediately cackled, clinked their glasses together, drank the rest down, then shouted “One more Hoppy and one more beer!” in unison. 
I was about to die from exhaustion. What a battle of nerves! Were they joking around? Were they fighting? I had no idea. If this is how adults do things, I never want to grow up! 
While I sat there, sweating, Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san continued to exchange cheerful(?) banter. In a complete change of subject, they moved on to pro baseball. Surprisingly, Moffle-senpai was a fan of the Giants. But he was the annoying kind of Giants fan who had a lot of internal conflict as a baseball fan, and had to contort himself into all kinds of knots to get over it. Meanwhile, Ashe-san was a fan of Hiroshima. She was an old-school fan who’d been very resentful of the recent “Carp Girls” phenomenon, but by now she’d gotten over it and remained a Hiroshima fan on the basis that the team’s growing popularity was helping them. It was so annoying! 
When they asked me what team I liked, I answered, “the Red Sox,” and got ignored; apparently, MLB wasn’t allowed. I should have read the table better. Sorry! 
Incidentally, when they asked the question of Wanipii-senpai, he just shut them down with, “I don’t watch baseball, pii.” 
“You never change, Wanipii,” Moffle-senpai sighed. 
“What does that mean, pii?” 
“You know... Just name any ball club, even as a joke,” Moffle told him. “Like the Nankai Hawks.” I couldn’t tell how that was a joke, though I’d heard a ball club with that name had existed a long time ago. 
“But I really don’t know anything about baseball teams, pii!” Wanipii-senpai protested. “I could name every past and present Morning Musume member if you want me to, though.” 
“R-Really, fumo?” 
“Easily, pii. Want me to try, pii? I’ll go alphabetically...” 
“No, that’s not necessary.” Ashe-san cut him off swiftly. Wanipii-senpai looked sad about that. 
“But idol groups... that’s an unknown frontier for us, isn’t it, fumo?” Moffle said thoughtfully. “We just kind of threw Task Force ABC together, of course. What do you think of them, Wanipii?” Moffle-senpai may have been trying to be considerate, as Wanipii-senpai had been almost completely silent since they’d first arrived at Savage. Maybe he was feeling bad about that and was changing the subject to Wanipii-senpai’s specialty. 
Incidentally, Task Force ABC was a local idol unit produced by AmaBri. It was made of Adachi Eiko-san, Bando Biino-san, and Chujo Shiina-san—three mortal part-time workers. You could say they were like rivals to Elementario, but I was the only one who seemed to notice the threat they posed. Salama, Kobory, and Sylphie would all just watch their PVs and say things like, “Wow, so cute!” Didn’t they realize that they could steal our theater?! I mean, they really are cute, okay? I just wish someone would acknowledge that they’re our rivals! That’s all. Excuse me. Anyway, back to the question to Wanipii-senpai. 
When Moffle-senpai asked him about idol groups, Wanipii-senpai immediately took on the air of the expert, let his shoulders relax with a sigh, and said, “Well... they’re not bad, pii.” 
“Hmm?” said Moffle. 
“But that by itself won’t get them out of the ‘local idols’ realm,” Wanipii-sensei pointed out. “They lack passion, pii. It feels like a local club’s side project, you know?” 
“Hmm... I suppose that’s true,” Moffle admitted. “But don’t people like that these days, fumo?” 
“It’s not that simple, pii,” Wanipii sighed. “Back in the day, you know? A girl born with good looks could go to an audition and say ‘My friends forced me into this; I didn’t want to come,’ pii. But things are different now, pii. There’s been improvements in diet and plastic surgery... well, I’ll assume they don’t have surgery, but all the girls are a lot prettier now, pii. The industry’s gotten more refined, pii. It’s become harder to break out of the pack, pii. So if you’re the kind of girl who’s ‘pretty enough, but you might have two or three like her in class,’ the best way to get people rooting for you is to be seen working extra hard, pii.” 
“Oh-ho... I can see that, fumo.” 
“In other words, they need passion, pii. They need to work hard and care deeply about the people who support them if they want to pick up fans, pii. Task Force ABC lacks that, pii.” 
“Hmm...” Moffle mused. 
“That’s not to say they don’t each have things going for them, pii. Eiko-chan is sexy, which is rare to see combined with a rich girl background these days, pii. Biino-chan’s positivity is great, pii. And... Shiina-chan’s singing voice is amazing, pii. ...But they need more than that to compete, pii. They don’t realize what they bring to the table, pii. They seem skeptical about their fans, too,” Wanipii critiqued, “which suggests that they don’t think highly of themselves. Of course, it’s really difficult for adolescent girls to strike a good balance between confidence and arrogance, but a slight lean towards arrogance is preferable, pii. In other words, unless those girls really get serious, they’re never gonna break out any further, pii. 
“...Of course, breaking out brings its own challenges,” he continued. “It’s a harsh world out there, pii. The Internet’s not like it used to be, either; people can send you cruel comments directly, pii. They may have to do a lot of work they don’t really want to do... So staying as a loose local unit like they are now, then dispersing some time next year or so... might really be the best choice for them. They’ll make some lovely memories, and in 20 years or so, they can show pictures from this time to their children, and say, ‘That’s mommy right there!’ It’s not a bad thought, is it, pii? It’s a safe compromise that doesn’t hurt anybody.” 
I’d never seen Wanipii-senpai speak so lucidly about anything. Plus, everything he was saying sounded really smart. I’d actually gained some respect for him. 
“Of course, that’s just my own analysis,” he finished. “Others might feel differently.” 
“Hmm... but it’s a very fine analysis,” Ashe-san said. 
“I’m impressed too, fumo,” Moffle-senpai agreed. 
“Ehehe... really, pii?” 
“Well, let’s set this talk of idols aside, and go back to the earlier subject, fumo.” 
“P-Pii?!” I had to agree that their treatment was cruel. Why not give him a few more moments in the sun? 
Moffle-senpai just ignored Wanipii-senpai’s shocked stare, and cleared his throat. “Well, if we let you talk any more, you’ll go on forever, fumo. Besides, it’s similar to work talk,” he said dismissively. “Enough!” 
“So cruel, pii...” Wanipii-senpai slumped over. 
“What was the earlier subject, again? Girls who start dating after attending women’s colleges?” Ashe said, dragging up the topic everyone had more or less forgotten. 
“Not that, fumo. ...Well, that was interesting in its own right,” Moffle admitted. “But we were talking about Seiya, fumo.” 
“Ahh. Kanie-san, right,” Ashe-san agreed. “Speaking of which, Moffle-san, you seem very concerned with Kanie-san. Do you love him now?” 
“Why would you say that, fumo?” Moffle asked in shock. “Who are you, Kobory?” 
“I don’t mean it that way,” Ashe-san protested. 
He struck the implication right down. I knew I couldn’t tell Kobory about this; it would shatter her. That thought reminded me of the fact that Ashe-san’s voice and Kobory’s sounded very similar. (Not that it matters. Please forget I said it.) 
“It’s just, Moffle-san, you seem to praise Kanie-san a lot more than you used to,” Ashe-san pointed out. 
“Do I, fumo? I didn’t even realize.” 
“Oh, I know what this is,” she said brightly. “It’s a ‘He reminds me of myself when I was younger’ thing. You know, typical elder narcissism!” 
“Hey! Don’t be ridiculous! I’m not that shameless!” 
“Oh?” Ashe-san asked innocently. 
“I mean it! It’s not like that, fumo! I went to an all-boys school, and I was very popular there! I’m much, much better with people than that fool!” 
“I don’t see how that’s relevant.” 
“You don’t, do you?” Moffle muttered. “Anyway, we were talking about Seiya’s relationships with women, fumo.” 
“Oh, that part...” Ashe-san said listlessly. 
“Come on, Ashe. You knew what I meant, fumo! You knew it and teased me anyway, fumo!” 
“Yes,” she agreed, “you are correct.” 
“You’re a terrifying woman, fumo!” 
“Setting all that aside... We’re talking about Kanie-san’s relationships with women, right?” 
“What’s with that businesslike tone?” he asked suspiciously. 
“Well, we’ve just gotten derailed so many times,” Ashe-san pointed out. “Let’s get back to the main point.” 
“Moffu...” Moffle-senpai cleared his throat again. “So, Muse. Are you Team Latifah or Team Isuzu, fumo?” 
“What?” The abruptness of the question caused my mind to go blank. “Um... um... I don’t know what you...” 
“Oh, come on!” Ashe-san said, striking the table with her mug. Wanipii-senpai and I both started to tremble at the gesture. “What other woman could Kanie-san possibly end up with besides Latifah-sama or Isuzu-chan?” 
“Er... ah... of course... right?” I agreed cautiously, but at the same time, I wondered, Is that... true? 
“So Mu-chan, what’s your perspective?! That’s what we’re asking you! Get it?” 
“Ah, right...” I realized Ashe-san had given up on mugs of beer, and had moved to Japanese sake. She seemed to be moving awfully quickly, today. And where did ‘Mu-chan’ come from? I hadn’t been called that since kindergarten! 
“So, which is it?” she demanded to know. 
“Er... well...” I wasn’t sure what to say. 
“Which?” 
I was really at a loss. Isuzu-san was a beautiful woman. She had a great body, and she was from Maple Land nobility, and she had graduated from officer’s school early to join the royal guard. She was a true “super elite.” She could have any famous, moneyed noble she wanted (although she didn’t seem to want one...). 
As for Latifah-sama, there wasn’t much to say. She was the princess of Maple Land, and first in line for the throne. She was also exceedingly gorgeous, and charming, at that. If you looked up the word “doll” in a dictionary, you’d almost certainly see a picture of her. She was frail and delicate, and so naive that I sometimes worried about her, yet she was kind and generous, as well. 
It was impossible to compare the two. “They’re both amazing women...” I said, and then fell silent. That was right. It really would take someone in Latifah-sama or Isuzu-san’s league to catch Kanie-san’s eye. When I’d seen Kanie-san and Isuzu-san yelling at each other about work up close... When I’d seen Kanie-san and Latifah-sama enjoying their tea in the rooftop garden from afar... I always thought, I’m so stupid. This is pathetic. 
He may be arrogant, but Kanie-san was always earnest in his thinking about the future of the park, and I really was attracted to him. I had been since the first moment we met. I just thought... he’s very handsome. It wasn’t like I was head-over-heels or anything; really, I think of it as being more like a crush. But I’m just so unimpressive. 
When I was little, I wanted to be a ballerina, and I took classes for it. I wasn’t the most athletic person, but I felt like my sheer effort kept me in the running. The classes I took were for serious learners, and it was during summer vacation in my third year of middle school that my teacher broke it to me, “I don’t think you have what it takes.” Still, I liked dancing, and I never gave up. 
I’m a Spirit of Water. My family are lords of a lake in the mortal realm (I don’t want to make any trouble for them, so I’ll just say they’re lords of a “Lake K” in a certain prefecture), and my parents wanted me to help with the family business. But I really wanted to pursue dancing, so I decided to give it a go in the mortal realm. 
Before I came to AmaBri, I worked the night shift at a family restaurant while serving as a background dancer at a provincial amusement park. I basically lucked into being a featured dancer at AmaBri. An ordinary, provincial spirit like me... Kanie-san would never give someone like me the time of day. I don’t even have any romantic experience! I went to an all-girls school! It’s just like Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san said! I’m superficial! I fantasize! Is that wrong? Is that wrong?! Yes, it’s definitely wrong. 
Well... I had reached the age when I should be able to recognize these problems in myself. And I’m not actually as superficial as she said... But anyway, you know? For someone like me, pursuing Kanie-san would be like someone who only ever played a game on “Casual” or “Very Easy” going right to “Nightmare” or “Hell Mode.” I’d die in the first thirty seconds. So I’d decided I would just admire him from afar. I’d be happy just keeping my distance, occasionally sighing and whispering, “so wonderful”... That was all I needed. 
And yet... It was a cruel thing for Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san to ask me. 
“I think... they’re both... wonderful people...” I said hesitantly. That took everything I had. This wasn’t good. The world around me was growing fuzzy. The rim of the plate of snacks in front of me was starting to blur. The tip of my nose felt hot, and I was forced to sniffle. 
“M-Moffu... Ah, er...” Moffle said, hesitantly. “You know, Muse? We just wanted to hear the opinion of someone in his general age group! Right, Ashe?!” 
“Huh? ...Ah, yes! Th-That’s right, of course!” she agreed hastily. “There’s no ulterior motive. None at all! We were just curious... that’s all.” 
“Right. Ah... I really am fine...” I told them. 
As I wiped at my nose, Moffle-senpai pulled his wallet out from somewhere and thrust a thousand yen bill at Wanipii-senpai. “Wanipii. Could you buy me some cigarettes, fumo?” 
“Where did that come from?!” Wanipii asked indignantly. “Are you trying to get rid of me, pii?!” 
“W-Well...” Moffle-senpai stuttered. 
Meanwhile, Ashe-san spoke up. “Frankly, yes.” 
“P-Pii?!” Wanipii squeaked in outrage. 
“Go buy them,” she ordered him bluntly. “Leave the shop and head right. You’ll find a convenience store. Read a whole manga magazine or a tankoban before you come back. Now, go on.” 
“Pii!!” Tears streaming from his eyes, Wanipii-senpai left. His willingness to play along suggested a certain generosity of spirit. 
As Wanipii-senpai left the tatami room, Moffle-senpai bowed his head to me. “Er, I’m sorry, fumo. I didn’t realize you were that serious about him, fumo.” 
“Wh-What do you mean?” I played dumb, even knowing it was foolish. 
“Seiya, fumo. I’d assumed you just had a crush, fumo.” 
“Same here. We took our teasing too far. I’m sorry,” Ashe-san apologized. 
Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san both bowed deeply to me, and I started to feel like I was the one who had done something wrong. ...Although I was also a little bit annoyed at how easily they had figured out my feelings based on that one little display. 
“Well... don’t get the wrong idea,” I said, wiping at the corners of my eyes. “It’s just that I’m very close to Isuzu-san, and I felt a little sorry for her when I heard you talking about her like that.” It was a big lie, but one that I worked very hard to tell. 
“I-Is that so, fumo?” 
“Yes. You all just keep gossiping about it for fun...” I said accusingly. “I feel bad for her. Latifah-sama, too. I wish you’d show them a little more consideration.” 
“Moffu... I see. I’m sorry, fumo.” Moffle-senpai deflated, his shoulders sagging. It didn’t look like an act; Moffle-senpai always got mushy when Latifah was brought up. 
Ashe-san, though... “I see, Muse. You’re right,” she said, entirely neutrally. 
What’s going on with her? I wondered suspiciously. Her reaction isn’t as simple as Moffle-senpai’s... 
“We can stop talking about it. Instead...” 
“Instead?” 
“Let’s hear some insider talk about Elementario,” she suggested. “How are things really going with you guys? Any funny stories?!” 
“Huh?” I was caught off-guard. 
“It annoys me how close you guys are!” Ashe-san said brightly. “Like you’re some middle school club! Isn’t there anything sordid going on? Forget Kanie-kun! Any sordid, petty complaints you have... like about who has the most fans?!” 
“Um?” I blinked, unsure of what to say. 
“Come on, talk!” she demanded. “Is there anyone you hate? How about Salama? I heard you wouldn’t let her stay with you after her place burned down!” 
“Th-That was just—” I tried to defend myself. 
“Do you not get along? That’s what I want to know! Tell ‘big sister’ all about it! I want all the dirt!” 
“A-Ashe...” Moffle-senpai hesitantly patted her shoulder. 
Ashe-san’s eyes were glazed over. She upended her cup of sake, and then let out a powerful sigh. “So? Tell me.” 
“I don’t think there’s anything to tell...” I trailed off hesitantly. “We really do get along, more or less...” 
“Liar, liar, liar!” Ashe-san insisted. “When I was your age, it was really hard! People called me a prodigy, and a genius. Everyone was jealous of me. I never got a break! Even if I worked hard! It was awful!” She let out a long, agonized breath. She was clearly very drunk. 
“Ashe,” Moffle said urgently. “Leave it—” 
“Shut up, sewer rat!” she scoffed. 
“What?!” Moffle-senpai was shocked by her words. 
I was reminded that Ashe-san was the former minister of finance of the magical realm of Schubert. She was a true elite herself, and had probably been through hardships I couldn’t even imagine. 
“I had to fight my way up the ladder,” she railed. “It was a dog-eat-dog world. I got sick of it. That’s... that’s why I quit. And here in AmaBri. Oh, AmaBri... hehehe... AmaBri? Yes, it’s great here. But still... Mu-chan.” 
“Ah?” I asked, while thinking, Mu-chan again, huh? 
“When I look at you guys, I get so jealous,” Ashe-san sulked. “Because you get along so well, you know? I would be lucky to have had friends like that at your age...” 
“Y-Yes,” I tried agreeing. “I understand.” 
“No you don’t, stupid.” 
Me, stupid?! Sorry, but that’s a shock! 
“So... treasure them, okay?” Ashe-san ordered me sternly. “Salama-chan and Kobory-chan and Sylphie-chan. Because they’re all good girls.” 
“Okay,” I said. 
“They’re good girls! You hear me?!” 
“Y-Yes...” 
“No, I really don’t think you do!” Ashe-san continued drunkenly. “Because you’re always spending all my money on nothing, no concern for the park’s financial situation, always, always, always...” 
“Ah! Okay, I think that’s enough, fumo!” Moffle-senpai declared loudly. 
“Huh? Already?” 
“Already, fumo. Let’s head home! I’ll pay!” Moffle-senpai nudged Ashe-san’s shoulder. 
Ashe-san crumpled; she looked half-conscious. “Fine, sorry... That isn’t how I meant it...” 
“So can we bill this to the park, fumo?” Moffle suggested slyly. 
“No.” That was one thing she remained firm on, at least. 
“Then let’s go, fumo. Come on, on your feet.” 
“Mmgh...” she groaned. 
“Darn it... Ashe,” Moffle grumbled, “I thought you were stronger than that.” 
“Mm. I’m tired today.” 
“Well, you finished your work, and you’re probably sleep-deprived...” he mused. 
“You’re so understanding.” 
“And I should have paid more attention, fumo.” 
“Then, Moffle-san...” Ashe-san sighed, “you’ll get me home?” 
“Ah? Ah... sure, fumo. Come on, now. Stand up.” 
“Darn it...” she complained. 
“Excuse me, fumo! The check, please!” 
The part-time worker came and brought us the check. Wanipii-senpai still wasn’t back from buying cigarettes. 
Apparently, it was rare to see Ashe-san get this drunk; she’d talked a big game at first, then immediately became gloomy and depressive. “Sorry, Muse...” she told me sadly. 
“No, it’s fine,” I reassured her. “It’s really fine.” 
“I’m just really tired. Forgive me?” 
“Um, it’s really fine...” 
“We’re still friends?” 
“Of course!” I insisted. “It really is fine!” I was most surprised to hear her call herself my friend at all; I was honored. 
“Moffu. Anyway, see you, Muse,” Moffle-senpai said, helping the slouching Ashe-san up. “I’ll take Ashe home. You wait for Wanipii, all right?” 
“Huh?!” I said. 
“I sent him a message earlier, but he hasn’t replied, fumo. At least tell him we all went home.” 
“But...” 
“Thanks, fumo. See you,” Moffle-senpai told me, and then left the room with Ashe-san. She was shaky on her feet and leaning on him. They walked off with a quiet exchange of, “I’m so embarrassed... don’t tell anyone,” and “Okay, fumo,” and “Was it like this with Takami-chan?” and “How much have you heard, fumo?” 
What is with that sexual tension? I thought. With the way Ashe-san was acting, I wondered if things were going to go places between them later. In fact, he would probably just take her home, put her to bed, and that would be the end of it. But watching them go, I felt like I was seeing something very adult. 
At the same time, my own head was spinning; I was exhausted. The thought of walking seemed like too much effort, and my stomach felt like it was full of lead—something about that Savage room made people drink too much. I’d been through the emotional wringer, too. Honestly, I was probably about as dizzy as Ashe-san was. 
“Muse-chan?” I looked back and saw Wanipii-senpai standing there. 
“Sorry, pii,” he apologized. “They told me to read one manga magazine, but there were a whole lot of new ones on sale today, so I ended up reading three, pii.” It was impressive, in a way. 
“Oh, Wanipii-senpai. The truth is...” I explained that Moffle-senpai and Ashe-san had gone home. 
Wanipii-senpai seemed to understand, and just said, “Oh, okay, pii. But Muse-chan,” he added, “you’re looking pretty bad, too.” 
“Oh, well...” I trailed off. 
“I’ll get you to a taxi at Amagi Station; no ulterior motives,” Wanipii promised. “Can you get back on your own after that? I promise I’ll see you off!” 
“Th-Thanks...” I mumbled. Wanipii-senpai was a good person. I felt bad for being so guarded around him. 
I was squatting next to a power pole when Wanipii helped me stand up, swaying and uncertain on my legs. With his help, I just barely managed not to fall. 
“You okay, Muse-chan?” he asked. 
“Yes. I’m sorry...” Just then, I heard a voice from nearby. A familiar voice. 
“Nya, nya!” was the first sound I heard. I looked up and saw Nyathan-san standing at the corner nearby. He must have been on his way home after drinking in the neighborhood. 

Colonel Nyathan. He worked in one of AmaBri’s five areas, Etceteland. He was a communist cat from the UPSR, where he apparently held the rank of Colonel. 
Colonel Nyathan shivered and trembled. “W-Wanipii...” Colonel Nyathan said. 
“Pii?” 
“You... you were the one person I believed in,” he cried. “I’m so disillusioned, nya.” 
“Nyathan. What are you talking about, pii?” 
“You... you capitalist!!” Colonel Nyathan screamed. “To get an Elementario girl drunk, and take her back home with you! I’m disappointed, nya! I’m so disappointed, nya!” 
“Wait, pii!” Wanipii protested. “It’s a misunderstanding, pii!” 
“No! You’re just like Moffle!” Colonel Nyathan howled. “Die! Suffer and die!” 
“Wait!” 
“I never want to see you again, nya!” Colonel Nyathan ran off, crying. I was feeling very unsteady on my feet, so I just slumped limply in place, not saying anything. 
 
Apparently, this was the exact same way that the rumors between Moffle-senpai and Takami-chan got started. Nyathan-san was the source. I’d enjoyed the rumors then, but I couldn’t now. 
But... I wonder why? They all seemed okay with the pairing of me and Wanipii-senpai. I didn’t know how to feel about that. Did other people think that Wanipii-senpai and I could really be dating?! It was a real shock! I virulently denied it. I thoroughly denied it. I denied it so hard I probably made Wanipii-senpai feel bad (sorry). 
I had a few chances since then to see Wanipii-senpai in the cafeteria or the underground corridors. I’d say “Sorry” and he’d smile self-effacingly to make me feel better and say, “it’s okay, pii.” 
At times like that, I found myself thinking, “Huh? Maybe he really is a pretty good person...” No! Forget about that. But I was thinking a little bit. If even an amazing woman like Ashe-san could be that way... Then maybe even an awful person like me... 
No. Never mind that. I’m not quite that stupid. Isuzu-san or Latifah-sama? Like I’d know the answer to that! 
[The End]