Amagi Brilliant Park - Volume 7 - Chapter 1

That Time the Spirit of Fire Got Back From Work and Found Her Apartment in Flames 

So, I got off the Nanbu Line at my usual station, and I knew right away that something was weird. I could hear fire trucks in the distance, and the avenue in front of the shopping district was packed, and there were middle-aged ladies on condo balconies turning their smartphone cameras in the direction of my apartment. 
Everyone knows that feeling, right? That “something is off in my neighborhood” feeling. I saw a guy who works at the local kara-age shop pass by. I guess he was doing the whole volunteer firefighter thing, because he was dressed in one of those big, heavy suits on a bicycle trolley full of hoses. I figured there must be a fire, so I quit my tweet-walking and ran a search on my neighborhood. 
Ah, there it was. Fire, fire, fire... looked like there was a fire in my neighborhood. I guess it’s a little heartless, but I actually found it pretty exciting! I mean, come on, a fire! I had to get pictures! I scrapped my tweet-rant about that annoying drunk on the train, posted “my neighborhood is on fire,” and took off running! 
So FYI, my apartment was in an old building about a ten minute walk from the station, a one-room deal on the second floor. The rent was pretty cheap and it was close to the station, plus it had fiber-optic Internet even in 2013 and a delivery box for stuff I bought online. I liked it. 
As it turned out, that was the building that was on fire. Turbo on fire! It must’ve started in the ramen shop on the first floor; the third floor and the building’s south half looked fine, and it was nice to see that everyone had made it out safe. 
But my apartment—apartment 202—was hella on fire. Even the laundry I’d left to dry on the balcony was burning. The men’s underwear I’d strung on the line to prevent theft was a flaming ball of fire, drifting through the air. 
Ahh, those undies... I’d been a little embarrassed about that whole thing; I’d gone out of my way to buy them at a convenience store one station down. (I could’ve just as easily bought them on Nyamazon too, but like hell I wanted that in my cookies.) 
“Clear the way, clear the way!” A fireman ran up and started to spray. 
“S-Stop! Stop!” Crying in distress, I charged towards the burning building, but a firefighter stopped me. 
“Miss! Do you live in the second floor apartment?!” he asked. 
“Yes.” 
“Is there anyone inside?” 
“No... I live alone!” 
“Any pets?” 
“N-No!” 
“Then you need to stay here!” he said. “I understand how you feel, but it’s dangerous in there! Don’t do anything rash!” 
“But... but...” You idiot! My PC and router and hard drive are in there! Plus my clothes, my shoes, my bags, and some accessories I just bought! Plus the cooking stuff I was getting the hang of! The dishes I kinda liked... and... and... 
“Just stay back!” he warned me, then turned the water on full blast. The spray from the fire truck was really something. He looked like a pretty strong guy, but he still had to struggle to fight the recoil. 
The last of my windows broke under the strain. Droplets that hit the walls turned to mist, which showered down on us, even at our distance. I’m telling you, the spray was incredible. 
It was sort of educational—the site of the blaze was more cold than hot, more water than fire. We were all soaking wet. I was learning a lot. 
I wanted to cry. In fact, I did cry... I might be stuck working a gig at a crummy local park, but I’m still a Spirit of Fire; a real Spirit of Fire, from a real magical realm. I’d never felt so helpless. 
I had the power to set things on fire, but I couldn’t put them out. I couldn’t save my precious hard drive or my cooking stuff. I mean, right? If I were the kind of awesome spirit who could control fire at will, I wouldn’t be stuck doing what I do. 
“Ah... ahh...” I trailed off. There was only one thing left to do, then. Surrounded by the shouting firefighters, I stood right where I was, whipped out my smartphone, and started composing. 
Despite the situation, my fingers moved swiftly and precisely. ?I got home and found my apartment on fire lololololol? Yeah, the lol-string is a little passe these days, but, you know... it’s just what comes to mind at times like these. What can you do but laugh? 
My retweets immediately broke 5,000. I picked up a huge number of followers, too. 
Some big aggregator site ran the story, “AmaBri Spirit of Fire’s House is On Fire AF lololol.” I mean, most of the comments were things like, “deserved it lol” (from people who hated me); since nobody had died, there was nothing holding them back. It was super depressing, but I guess it served me right for saying all the things I’d said online. And anyway, some people said nice things, so I guess that helped. 
Since there was nothing else to be done, I decided to start reporting on what the firefighters were doing. Go, firefighters! Win, firefighters! You’re the ones who protect our city! 
My live reporting got me even more attention. People really liked it, and I was getting the hang of it pretty fast. Since I was streaming a lot of video, I started running out of battery soon enough. I had to run to a nearby convenience store and buy a spare.

Once the fire was out, I came back to my senses. Someone from the insurance company toured my apartment and explained a few things, but it was hard for me to focus. 
The fire plan I’d chosen with my rental contract was the cheapest one, which meant it would only replace a portion of the cost of my lost household goods. I only had a few expenses besides that, but apparently they’d only put up 30% of what I’d need for temporary lodging. (I’d receive a little more later, but that was my understanding at the time.) 
Now, the guy whose ramen shop started the fire? He had a super great insurance policy. Three months later, he opened a fancy new shop in the neighborhood. It was pretty good; he got tons of customers, and seemed to have a bright future ahead of him. 
I’d eaten at his place now and then in the past, but no way was I going there again. Flat-out boycott—I even gave him a one star review on every food site I could find. I hope it catches on fire again. 
Meanwhile, I’d lost everything. Lesson learned: Even if there’s only a one-in-ten-thousand chance that fire will strike you, even if it costs 1,000 yen a month... good insurance is important. Too bad I learned it too late! 
Master Keaton once said that insurance is basically gambling. I’d lost my bet, so now I just had to swallow it. Just... swallow it. If I was being recouped for 100% of my living costs, I’d be able to stay in a super luxury hotel in Shinjuku, but that wasn’t going to happen. I didn’t have any savings, either. And so... 
“Help me!” I begged. “Let me stay with you!” 
The first person I called was my coworker, Muse, my hard-working comrade in the world of dance and the leader of Elementario. She was really nice and cute and serious, and she had these pinchable cheeks... um, what I mean to say is, she was the closest thing to a best friend I had. 
I figured Muse would have heard about the situation, and that she’d say ‘yes’ immediately. I thought she’d say, “That’s awful, Salama! Come over right away! You know Seiseki Station? I’ll come meet you!” I thought we’d spend the night pillow to pillow, and she’d say “Salama, are you asleep yet?” and we’d stare at the ceiling and talk about our plans for the future and our love lives. 
For just a second, I forgot about how much everything sucked! I even started smiling! I’d never actually stayed at her place before, so I started thinking, maybe the fire was an okay price to pay as an excuse for the opportunity? 
So... when I realized that Muse hadn’t responded yet, it was a minor (no, a major) shock. 
“Ah, um... Salama?” Muse hesitated. “L-Look, my apartment is... it’s a little messy right now...” 
“Who cares?” I told her. “Mine’s charcoal!” If you need time to clean it, I can wait a few hours, okay? I could even help if you want it! And even if your room is messy, the irony of that is kind of fun! It’ll be a bonding moment! It’ll be our shared secret! Yeah! Restraining my nostrils from flaring, I told her again and again not to worry about it, but Muse held firm. 
“R-Right,” she said. “I... I really appreciate it, but... um, I also have a... landlord situation. I’m not really... comfortable having people stay over...” 
“Huh?” I asked. 
“N-Not like that! I don’t mean that you’re a bother, okay?” Muse tried to explain. “It’s just... bad timing, I guess? And I don’t think I can do it... without prior warning...” 
“I... I see.” I was immediately deflated. I guess I was the one being weird, though. The fire must have caused me to lose my cool. Playing the victim to force my way into her apartment... now that I thought about it, who wouldn’t get annoyed by that? After all, no matter what I might hope for, Muse was just a colleague. I didn’t have the right to use this to push for more. 
“I’m really sorry, Salama!” she apologized. 
“Ah... Y-Yeah, I get it. I get it. I’m the one who should apologize. Haha...” I said, trying desperately to keep up appearances. 
“S-Salama... I really mean it! I wish I could say, ‘come over right away!’ But... I can’t, okay? I just... have circumstances right now...” 
I couldn’t imagine what those circumstances could be. But Muse said it was impossible, so that probably meant it was. 
“Yeah. I get it, okay?” I said in my coldest voice. Typical me. 
“Salama...” 
“I’ll find somewhere else. Don’t worry,” I said. “There’s plenty of people I can ask. It’s not like I don’t have any friends...” 
“...Really?” Muse asked. 
“Yeah,” I told her. “See you.” 
“Sa—” 
I hung up, and let out a sigh. 
I stood in front of the convenience store (the one where I had bought the spare battery) two blocks from the site of the fire, totally at a loss. 
It was getting close to midnight. Soon the trains would stop running, too. 
Go figure, all my big talk to Muse was a lie. I didn’t really have many friends. I mean, you know me... selfish, thickheaded, sarcastic? People hate me, and I know it. 
I just find the whole “exchanging shallow pleasantries” thing a real drag, so I refuse to go through the motions. About the only people fully willing to overlook my tactlessness are my Elementario partners: Muse, Kobory, and Sylphie. Moffle and my other senpais have said some pretty crummy stuff about me; same pretty much goes for the rest of the cast. 
I thought about asking Kobory or Sylphie for crash space, but the fact that they were colleagues kind of made it harder to ask. If they both turned me down, too, I’d be crushed. And if they did let me stay, people around the park would say, “I knew it, she’s got no friends!” And that’s just... no. Not happening. I was just thinking about going to a family restaurant and leeching free refills all night, when I got a call from an unexpected source; it was Sento Isuzu-chan, head of the secretarial department. 
“It sounds like you’ve had quite an ordeal, Salama,” Isuzu-chan said. “Do you have a place to stay? If not, you could share my apartment in the women’s dorm.” 
“Um, I—” 
“Unfortunately, most other park facilities will be locked up by now. You could stay in the security center, but I doubt you want to sleep next to Okuro. So by all means, stay with me.” 
I thought it was weird how certain she sounded, but after consideration, I realized she was right. Security Chief Okuro is a good guy, but he’s also super burly, like an ex-wrestler, and even wears a mask at work. In other words, a total weirdo. I mean, he’s probably not the type to take advantage of a sleeping woman; he seems like more the gentleman type... but somehow, that seemed like it would make it all even more overbearing and enervating and exhausting... In other words, Isuzu was right; I did not want to sleep next to that guy! 
“Ah... sure,” I agreed, “I’ll take you up on that.” 
“You may take a taxi if you wish,” Isuzu told me. “I’ll compensate you.” 
“Thanks.” 
“Don’t forget to get a receipt. I’ll be waiting.” She hung up the phone. 

Isuzu-chan met me in front of the AmaBri girls’ dorm. “I’m glad you made it, Salama. Come inside.” 
“Y-Yes, ma’am,” I said. Isuzu-chan always spoke casually around me, even though she’s younger than I am. If I wasn’t careful, I usually ended up speaking respectfully to her (which Muse and the others do naturally, so it’s not weird!). I think it’s more of a personality thing than a work positions thing? 
Isuzu has strength of character, influence, and... I guess you’d call it combat prowess. Was this how people felt when they got into college two years behind schedule and ended up using formal language in their clubs with students who were a year younger but had been there longer? Yeah, probably. (Not that I’ve been through that myself; I just read about it on a blog once). 
Isuzu-chan was dressed in her around-the-house clothes. It was August, so without AC, it was pretty hot. She was dressed in shorts and a tank top. So sexy! And those tits! I can’t stand it! Plus I kind of want to touch them! Dammit! 
“...What?” she asked. 
“Oh, nothing...” I told her weakly. 
“...Your twitter commentary was quite impressive,” Isuzu commented. “It’s brought the park a great deal of visibility. I was also impressed by your professionalism; even in a situation like that, you kept your head for business.” She said she was impressed, but her monotone made it kind of hard to believe. 
Of course, I hadn’t really been trying to drum up business for the park. That kind of thing is just in my nature, because I’m a sad, attention-starved, desperate person. Please don’t make me sound better than I am! I thought. Normally, I’d throw a surly denial her way, but I was exhausted tonight, so I just said, “Ah, yeah...” which was the most noncommittal response I could manage. 
My attention right now was on something else: a bathtub enshrined in the dining room. Yeah, I said a bathtub. In the dining room. 
The AmaBri girls’ dorms weren’t exactly extravagant; the building was over 20 years old, and they were all one-bedroom/dining room/kitchen deals. In other words, they were your typical cheapo apartments, and they didn’t have the full bathroom that came standard in newer ones. If you wanted to take a bath, you probably had to use the shared facilities. In Isuzu’s apartment, though, a space that’d usually be used for a cupboard and a table had been cleared to make way for a tub. There was a hose linking it to the kitchen’s water heater, which was filling it with hot water even at this moment. 
“You must be tired,” she said. “You can go in first.” 
“Huh?” I said, surprised. 
“The bath. You can go in now.” 
“Um, but...” I did want to take a bath! But... what on earth was going on? “Uh, are you sure?” 
“In what regard?” Isuzu asked. 
“Well... the floor,” I said. “It’s wood, right? And we’re on the second floor...” One liter of water weighed one kilogram; if it was a 200 liter bathtub, the whole thing probably weighed about 250 in all, right?! 
“It’s reinforced,” Isuzu explained. “I use it all the time and I’ve never had any problems.” 
“What about the humidity?!” 
“It’s drying,” she said. “Don’t worry.” 
I looked and saw five air circulators on the window sills, running at full blast. Nothing to worry about, then, right?! 
“Anyway, get in.” Her tone, once again, left no room for argument. With no other choice, I deferred to her generosity(?), and got into the bath. I really would have liked a proper soak to let all my tensions out, but that wasn’t exactly possible in this situation. So I kept my bath short, and when I got out, I found a fluffy Tiramii bath towel and an XL-sized Tiramii T-shirt laid out for me—park merch. They were nice to dry off with and wear, but having Tiramii-senpai’s face printed on them made things a little bit awkward. 
 

“Um... Is this okay?” I asked. 
“Is what okay?” Isuzu answered from the living room. 
“The Tiramii-senpai merch,” I replied. “I mean, I feel a little like he’s ogling me...” 
“......” Isuzu-chan remained silent for a significant length of time. “I didn’t even consider that. Would you burn the towel and T-shirt when you’re done with them, then?” 
“Ah, right...” I agreed. 
“Don’t even leave ashes behind,” she said solemnly. “Please.” 
“Right...” 
“Now, let’s get some rest,” she told me. “I have an early morning tomorrow, as do you.” There was a sleeping bag laid out on the living room-slash-bedroom floor. Assuming that was for me, I was about to get in, but Isuzu-chan did it before I could. “I can’t allow my guest to sleep on the floor,” she insisted. 
“But—” 
“You take the bed. Now, good night.” She promptly closed her eyes. 
Hesitantly, but with few other choices, I lay down in Isuzu-chan’s bed. An unfamiliar pillow. Unfamiliar sheets... It was hard to relax, and I couldn’t sleep right away, so I started messing with my smartphone while I settled in. 
“Salama,” Isuzu-chan said suddenly. “Don’t play around on your smartphone before bed.” 
“Huh?” I protested. “But I can’t sleep...” 
“It’s bad for your eyes,” she insisted, “and the backlight will end up making you more restless.” 
“Fine...” I grumbled. 
“Even if you can’t sleep, lying down with your eyes closed will provide some recuperation,” Isuzu advised me. “Try to rest with that in mind.” 
But I couldn’t rest. I wanted to chat a little longer. Sleeping with Isuzu-chan felt like sleeping in a military barracks. 
“Just put away the smartphone,” she told me sternly. “Understood?” 
“A-All right.” 
“This conversation is over. Now, rest.” Apparently it wasn’t up for debate. 
With no other choice, I turned off my smartphone and closed my eyes in the dark. I endured that for an hour, but I still couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t even lie still. I had to know how many views my fire commentary videos had gotten! 
Isuzu-chan already seemed to be asleep. She was breathing slowly and deeply (and a little cutely). I started thinking, If she’s asleep anyway, maybe I can afford to turn on my smartphone? I was just moving my finger toward the button when... 
“Turn that smartphone off!” Isuzu-chan commanded. 
“......?!” I was surprised. 
“Lord Moffle. Turn that smartphone... off...” Then she fell silent again. 
She was talking in her sleep! And about... what, exactly? With a sigh of relief, I activated my smartphone. I was delighted to see that my views had surpassed 10k. 
“Stop it!” Isuzu demanded. 
“?!” I jerked involuntarily. 
“Seiya-kun... stop it.” she said, with a hint of a moan. More sleep-talking, huh? 
And... Seiya-kun? Did she mean Kanie-kun? Were they close enough to refer to each other that way?! And what did she mean by “stop it?” Huh? Wait... Was this some kind of sex dream?! 
“Seiya-kun... Stop... that button will... fire... the nuclear weapons...” What the heck kind of dream was she having?! 
“The lives of three million people...” An action movie?! 
“D-Don’t... make me shoot you...” Kanie-kun was about to press a button to fire nuclear missiles, and Isuzu-chan was trying to stop him? It felt like things were reaching a climax! 
“So turn off that smartphone, Lord Moffle!” Now back to that?! It made no sense! 
But that was the last of the sleep-talking. Apparently a restless sleeper, Isuzu-chan ended up throwing off half of her sleeping bag. My questions about the nuclear button and Moffle-senpai’s smartphone made it even harder for me to sleep. By the time I finally drifted off, it was already getting light outside; I probably got less than two hours in total. 
An alarm set for 6:30 AM sounded; Isuzu-chan finished her morning bath and shook me awake. I pleaded with her for a few more minutes, but go figure, she didn’t indulge me. I didn’t have to waste time on a commute, which was nice, but my performance that day was pretty rough anyway. Not that my performances were ever exactly wholehearted, so not a whole lot lost in that respect... but I did miss a lot of steps in my dancing, and I got sent into a spin after colliding with Kobory during the wirework section. 
Pretty much nobody brought up the fire. A few said things like, “Oh, I saw your commentary, ron,” and “It must have been hard, fumo,” and “Do you have a place to stay? You can stay at my place, mii,” but while most sounded pretty concerned, none of them probed too deeply. After all, we were all busy with the summer vacation rush; nobody had time to hang around and chat. It was all we could do just to scarf down our rice balls and shoot the breeze a bit between shifts. 
Muse was acting a little awkward around me, probably because of last night. At least she seemed worried. 
But that evening... 
I was trying to figure out what I should do, since I couldn’t get comfortable in Isuzu-chan’s apartment. I was just thinking about taking a chance and camping out, when Kobory came up to me. “Salama-san,” she said. 
“Hmm?” 
“Would you like to stay with me tonight?” 
I was totally shocked by the offer. I always figured Kobory-chan was the member of Elementario (formerly Aquario) that I got along with the worst. Kobory was an introvert with long black hair, and she was a real otaku-type (though she herself denied it). For fashion, she mainly wore Anna Sui and stuff for her off-work clothes (pretty expensive stuff... where did she get her money?). She was earnest and polite with everyone, even more so than Muse. She was always really concerned with other people’s feelings. 
I always figured that Kobory hated how sloppy I am with my work, and how careless I am with my words (I’m aware of it! I am!), and we’ve had plenty of differences of opinion in the past. Still, I took her up on her offer. 
Sure, Kobory and I didn’t really mesh, but it’s not as if I hated her. And I couldn’t deny her god-level purity (ugh!) and cuteness levels. I’d also recently figured out that that stuff wasn’t calculated on her part—Kobory was as straightforward as you could get. So I mean, who wouldn’t want to delve into her private life?! Who wouldn’t want to see her secret messy, pissy side?! 
After work was over, then, we headed to Kobory’s apartment in the neighboring Chofu City. 
“Salama-san.” We’d just stopped by a convenience store and bought a little late dinner when Kobory addressed me. “I’ve actually been hoping we might get a chance to talk in more depth...” 
“Ah... right,” I agreed uneasily. 
“I know the circumstances are rotten for you, so I felt bad about it, but tonight felt like a nice opportunity to me.” 
“Ahh.” 
“So... I’m really sorry. I didn’t plan this, but... I kind of got into a little trouble,” Kobory told me. “There’s some work I have to do that I can’t get out of, so I’m not sure we’ll have much time to talk...” 
“Oh... I see. Well, I don’t have to stay if I’m in the way.” 
“No! You have to stay!” Kobory rejected my politeness with clenched fists. She sure could get passionate about stuff like this... “I can’t throw you out right after I invited you! Besides, look at those clouds! It’s going to rain soon. It’s going to pour!” 
“Yeah... there’s thunder in the south, I think...” The weather forecast had mentioned thunderstorms, and they could start any minute now. I really needed a roof over my head tonight. 
“Anyway, I’m sorry,” Kobory told me, “but I’ll have to have friends staying over tonight... I hope it’s okay.” 
“R-Right. ...Well, I don’t think that’d bother me. Wait, you said friends?” 
“Yes. They kind of help me with work. They’re like... assistants? Oh, there they are. Over there.” She pointed me to a group of three girls gathered in front of the building. They were pretty cute, but their outfits were super plain: track suits, sweats, that kind of stuff... total lounging-around-the-house gear. 
“Ah, there she is! Welcome back!” The three waved, then came to meet Kobory. 
“Kobo-chan, I’m so sorry! I think I sent the message to the wrong address! But if we don’t get it to press first thing in the morning, we’re finished! I really am sorry! Really!” A bespectacled girl in a track suit, who looked a bit like the leader, apologized profusely to Kobory. 
“Um... Well, I’m not really happy, but we can’t let the others in the collab doujin project down,” Kobory said. “......I’ll do my best!” 
“Yes, that’s the way! I bought you waffles from ORANGE to say I’m sorry! Let’s do our best! ...Hey, is this your co-worker, Salama-san?” All three of them turned to me, staring at me curiously. 
“Ah... hey,” I said. 
“Waaah! It’s her! It’s really her!” Suddenly, their eyes were sparkling. 
“I saw your commentary last night!” 
“I’ve been following you forever!” 
“You’re so harsh, but I love it! I’m a total fan!” they gushed, one after another. I felt a little bit intimidated by all the sudden attention. I was glad it was all positive, at least, but what was with these people? 
The three of them were gabbing as they headed for the elevator. I stayed behind and whispered to Kobory, “Um, what kind of friends are these?” 
“...my art group friends.” Kobory said hesitantly. “Please don’t tell anyone, but I draw fan comics for a hobby.” 
“I... I see.” 
“The doujinshi fair is in two days. We’d finished the work on the booklet we were putting out... but I just found out we still have to do the collab doujin.” 
“What’s a collab doujin?” I wanted to know. 
“You bring together creators from various groups to create a single book,” Kobory explained. “But there’s been a lot of phone tag and missed contacts, and as a result, it fell off the radar... It’s been a series of, ‘What? Nobody told me.’ You see it a lot with Tricen-san and Macaron-san and them... You know. It makes me so angry that I want to use a Daitengu Masaie to cut someone in half! But I don’t have a choice. I can’t make trouble for the other groups. Fortunately, the others have done the storyboards, so as lead artist, if I work all night... I think we can finish it.” 
“Ahh,” I said. Her explanation didn’t really clarify things at all. “What’s a Daitengu Masaie?” 
“It’s the name of a katana,” Kobory said. “Of course, I don’t really have one... Don’t worry about it.” 
“I see.” 
“Incidentally, my quota is four pages. Even though I’m not a pro. It’s pretty harsh...” she sighed. “I don’t think I’ll get any sleep tonight.” 
“I... see.” 
“By the way, Salama-san, do you know how to use CS?” Kobory asked. 
“Use what?” 
“Oh, okay,” she sighed. “I didn’t think you did...” 
“Seriously, what is it?” 
“Comic Studio, it’s software you use for drawing manga. I was going to ask you to help me if you could, but... sorry. You should probably just go to sleep.” 
“R-Right...” I agreed. 

Of course, I couldn’t sleep after that. Kobory and her art group friends were crazy busy drawing their manga. They’d let me use the bedroom next door, but I couldn’t help overhearing their stressed out exchanges in the living room. 
“Um, do you think 60L10% is okay for this tone?” 
“...Didn’t I tell you to use gradation for the nipples? That’s a screentone!” 
“Ah, right... sorry.” 
There was no way I was sleeping like this. They insisted that it was just a hobby, but that tone in their voices... The tension... This was work! I don’t know why, but I felt like I was skipping out on work to sleep, and I felt really guilty about it! 
I couldn’t take it. I snapped to my feet and left the bedroom. It was 2:30 in the morning. I’d planned to just tell them I needed a glass of water and head right back in; I said hi to Kobory, but she was so laser-focused on her tablet that she didn’t even notice. It was honestly incredible; I’d never seen her that focused during dance practice. Maybe this kind of work was more her speed? 
Incidentally, Kobory’s assistant friends didn’t seem to be doing anything. They’d initially been helping out on Kobory’s secondary PC and the laptops they’d brought from home, but when I came out, they were just messing around. One of them was even doing some sewing. Why was she sewing at this time of night? 
“It’s for cosplay!” the sewing girl declared when she noticed me squinting at her. “It’s a booth costume. You know the comic we were drawing? There’s this one character in it who’s featured! See? Cute, huh?” 
She showed me the picture of the character. I thought it was a girl at first, but it was actually a boy in girls’ clothing. 
Wuh. Weird. ...Or so I’d wished was my reaction, but he actually was pretty cute. It was a really nice picture, too. The lines were delicate, and it had a strange allure. Whoever drew this was amazing. And this was a boy? Yeah, I kinda liked it. I wondered what the boy’s name was. 
“Salama-san, do you want to wear it?!” the girl asked excitedly. 
Huh? 
“Yeah! I bet it’d look great on you! You’ve got such a masculine energy!” 
Um. Excuse me? 
“You don’t have to wear it on the day of the show!” she said. “Just for now! For now!” 
Just for now? Well, um, but... While groping for an answer, I cast a glance at Kobory. She was so focused on her drawing that she didn’t even seem to hear our conversation. She wasn’t looking. She wasn’t listening. 
I was feeling a little loopy, too, probably due to lack of sleep. If I turned the girl down now, it might crash the mood even worse, which would make it even harder for me to sleep, and... “Ah, um. Well...” 
Ten minutes later... 
I got changed in the bedroom so I wouldn’t get in Kobory’s way, and when her assistant friends saw me, they started squealing with joy. 
“Yeeee!” 
“It’s great! It’s so great! I knew it’d be great!” 
“You’re a princess! There’s a princess among us!” the girls shouted in excitement. 
I was wearing a, um... magical girl (boy) costume? Kind of thing... It was actually a lot less revealing than the stage costume I wore all the time, with long sleeves and knee socks. It looked a little bit like Isuzu-chan’s winter uniform, actually. But even so... Why did I feel so embarrassed? 
Pastel pink. Frills. It was so girly. And they even made me hold this magic stick thing... I would have loved to wear something like this as a kid, but I was a grown-up now. It just felt like a weird fetish! I felt like a 40-something with high school-aged kids, dressing in a sailor-style school uniform! When I expressed my reservations, they all denied it vehemently. 
“No, no, no! You’re wrong!” 
“It looks great on you!” 
“And the shame just makes it better! I love it!” 
“R-Really?” I asked. Despite my doubts, I gave a twirl. The pleated miniskirt flared out and the three screamed even louder. 
“Oh, gosh! Oh, gosh! Salama-san, you’re too good!” 
“Someone shy and mean playing a pure character is incredibly powerful!” 
Ignoring my discomfort, they took out smartphones and started taking pictures. Wait a minute, I thought. I didn’t agree to a photoshoot! Hey! 
“Salama-san! Do one more twirl!” 
“Ah, okay...” I found myself doing it. I showed off all the frills. The girls were delighted. 
“This is great! It’s great!” 
“It’s criminal! Just crazy!” 
“Salama-san! Keep it up! Keep it up! Arch your back and hold out the stick!” 
“Huh?” I asked. “Huh?” 
“Like this! Like this!” The girl in the track suit showed me, and I did it. I held up the magical stick (it was also really well made) and posed with my fingertip on my chin. 
“Yes, perfect! Now the catchphrase! ‘My stem cells are in top gear!’” 
Um, what? I wondered suspiciously. What kind of story is this? 
“Salama-san, please!” the assistant begged. “Please please please please!” 
“But...” I tried to protest. 
“If you can’t do that, just say ‘stem cells, yeah!’” 
That makes less sense! What kind of story is this character in?! 
“Anyway, at least say... at least say ‘stem cells!’ That’s the one thing we desperately need!” 
You don’t need it! I thought. What is this stem cell obsession?! 
“Yes. Good luck, Salama-san!” 
“Make it sound cute! Come on! ‘Stem cells!’” 
“S-Stem cells...” I stuttered weakly. 
“Do it cuter!” the assistant demanded. “And don’t forget the pose!” 
“S-Stem cells...” I said. 
“Yes, yes! That’s the way! With the cute pose! One more time! One, two...” 
“Stem cells!” I held up the magic stick, twirled my miniskirt, and shouted the line with a beaming smile. The three took picture after picture, shrieking in delight. 

Just then, I noticed Kobory standing outside the room. I froze. Her eyes looked empty and bloodshot as she glared at me. I was frozen in position, wearing a frilly magical girl(?) costume, holding a stick, and striking a pose. 
“Um...” Kobory said. “Excuse me, but it’s three in the morning.” 
“S-Sorry,” I mumbled. Can you imagine the despair I felt? Wearing that outfit, striking a pose, and being told, “it’s three in the morning”? Good thing I didn’t have a gun or a knife on me. I would’ve killed myself on the spot! 
“You’re going to bother the neighbors,” Kobory said. 
“R..................... right,” I agreed. 
“Anyway, guys. I have the sketches done.” 
Wait a minute, why did they get off with an ‘anyway, guys’?! Does she think I’m the ringleader?! That’s not fair! 
“Okaaay!” Kobory’s art friends slumped back to work. 
Once they were all out of the room, Kobory walked up to me and whispered: “I’m sorry. I can imagine how it happened. They all forced you, right?” 
“Ah... yeah,” I admitted. 
“I’m really sorry... But anyway, get some rest,” Kobory said, then went back to the room next door. As she did, she took the opportunity to get a picture of me with her smartphone. 
“Ah... hey?!” I protested. 
“Good night.” 
“How can I sleep?!” I wailed. I felt like she’d gotten blackmail material on me. It was awkward, embarrassing, pathetic... By the time I dozed off, it was already morning. 

I must have looked like a zombie from lack of sleep, because everyone I met on the way to work looked at me with concern. It wasn’t just me; Kobory seemed to be on her last legs, too. She had worked all night, and apparently only got 30 minutes of sleep in the end. So, a deeply concerned Muse ended up canceling our morning performance (the fact that it was raining helped), and Kobory and I took a nap. 
“I don’t know what kind of wild party you got up to last night, but...” Kanie Seiya-kun, our acting manager, was saying; he’d heard that we’d taken the day off and had stopped by to look in on us. “You need to take better care of yourselves. We start B-team auditions this week, so I need you to stay sharp until then.” 
“Yeah. Sorry...” I told Kanie-kun, my head woozy from sleep dep. 
In case you’re wondering, the B-team was a back-up cast for Elementario. Up until now, the four of us had been running all the performances ourselves. But we needed rest days, and sick days, and it was impossible to keep up half a dozen performances a day seven days a week while also planning and rehearsing new content. In the past, even during our busy season, we’d been able to arrange a day off on Monday or Tuesday, but we knew we couldn’t keep that up forever—we did have the fourth most popular attraction in the park, and all—which was why Kanie-kun was putting out want ads for substitutes. We weren’t sure how it would work out, but I guessed the idea was that we’d cycle between teams to reduce the burden on us. Which sounded nice on the face of it, but knowing Kanie-kun, he was probably angling to use the chance to give us a pay cut. 
And, not to brag or anything, but our dancing and wire stunts aren’t actually all that easy. We’ve gotta fly around in midair, spinning all around and weaving in and out of spotlights, and any accidents we get into can result in major pain. Our popularity wasn’t just because of our sexy costumes (...I assured myself). 
And sure, it’s a stage show, so the audience is far enough away that you can make girls look enough like us with makeup to pass... still, I found myself thinking, could some run-of-the-mill dance school dropouts really do what we did? The B-team auditions would be in two days, and obviously, we’d be taking part in the judging. 
“Anyway, get some sleep,” Kanie-kun said. “Sento told me about the fire, by the way. Are you still looking for crash space?” 
“Yeah, I...” 
“I can make room for you somewhere in the general affairs building. I’ll be pulling an all-nighter tonight anyway, so if you want a spot on the meeting room sofa...” 
“No, thank you!” I said quickly. One night with Isuzu-chan had left me exhausted. Imagine how much harder it would be to sleep around Kanie-kun! Not that I think Kanie-kun would take advantage of me or anything, but he seemed like a hard guy to relax around, in a different way than with Okuro-kun in security. 
I mean, he’s my boss, and he’s super hot. Not that I think it’d go anywhere... But I mean, even if we were in different rooms in a big building, I’d spend the night on the sofa tossing and turning, just knowing he was there! Even if nothing happened, I wouldn’t sleep a wink! And what if we ran into each other on the way to the bathroom during the night? 
You get what I’m saying, right?! 
Okay, so maybe it’s hard to explain... the point is, I wouldn’t be able to relax knowing he was nearby! (I bet that’s one of the real reasons he doesn’t have a girlfriend.) 
But while I was trying to figure out how to answer... 
“She’s staying at my place toniiiiiiiight!” ...my coworker Sylphie barged into the conversation. 
“Ohh. Sylphie, huh?” He commented. “Is that already worked out?” 
“Yep!” Sylphie responded, grinning. 
No, it’s not worked out, I thought. This is the first I’ve heard about it. 
“Salama. You don’t wanna?” 
“Er. Well... I wouldn’t say that...” 
“Then it’s on!” Sylphie exulted. “You and me, tonight! I’m nervous, but relaxed!” 
Which is it? I wondered. 
“Okay. Go for it, then,” Kanie-kun told us. “Try to get some rest.” 
“Leave it to me!” Sylphie gave a thumbs up. 

Sylphie was the Spirit of Wind. She was the most mysterious out of all my colleagues, the type of person it was impossible to have a real conversation with. Honestly, most of her behavior was a mystery to me. If you said “Good morning” she might say “Lion Pharmaceuticals!” If you said “Lion Pharmaceuticals?” she would respond “Get some rest!” In the greenroom before performances, she would light sparklers she’d brought in and spin around, shouting “flaming top!” It was seriously off-putting at first. I’m sorry to say that the thought that she was mentally challenged entered my mind once or twice. 
The truth, though, was that she was totally smart. She could take part in our daily messages and chats—I didn’t really understand the replies, but they were in proper Japanese—and she knew some pretty difficult vocabulary. 
Sylphie was also physically brilliant; she was the best dancer out of all of us, and she could do anything you asked of her. She was always cheerful and bouncy. She had a great body, too; I mean, supermodel-class great. Her hair was a shining platinum blonde, and her breasts were on par with Isuzu-chan’s or Eiko-chan’s. She had pretty decent style, and was always put together in some cute outfit or other. 
During break times, I sometimes caught her playing with video editing software in her underwear, and she’d be using the English-only version. Then sometimes, when I glanced at her email, she would be replying in some language I didn’t recognize, but looked Russian. 
But for all the things I didn’t get about her, one thing I knew for sure was that Sylphie loved her co-workers. Anytime Kobory, or Muse, or I were cold to her, she’d shrink up and get super depressed. Then, when we’d try to comfort her, she’d cheer right up again. She’d grin and, apropos of nothing, offer us some kind of sweet (these days, it was fresh yatsuhashi from Kyoto). 
In the end, I just figured she was the savant type, and a nice one at that. At the very least, none of her behavior seemed calculated; she wasn’t trying to put up a “mysterious” act to attract attention. She couldn’t be. 
Um, so, I guess all in all, Sylphie was just a garden variety weirdo. (That was exhausting in its own way.) 

That night was another intense experience. Sylphie lived in a cheap old apartment building in Amagi City proper. It was probably over 30 years old, the kind of building with creaky steel-frame stairs, a laundry machine at the end of the communal hall, and each apartment as a one-bedroom deal. 
Things got weird when I noticed that the names on all six of the post boxes read ‘Sylphie.’ When Sylphie checked each of them, I asked her incredulously, “Y-You rent them all?!” 
“Yep!” she told me cheerfully. 
“All six apartments?!” 
“Yep! So convenient.” 
What the heck? I wondered. Even if they were cheap, given recent market prices, they’d probably run 40,000 yen per room. And if she rented six of them... wouldn’t that be 240,000 yen?! 
“You can’t pay that kind of rent!” I said. 
Sylphie just smiled. “I got circumstances. It’s just 30,000 pesos for the rent on them all!” 
“Pesos?” I asked. How much is that, then?! 
“Watch your step inside!” 
“Huh?” 
Sylphie offered the warning as we arrived in front of the cheap door to the apartment at the far end of the second floor. Quietly and carefully, she opened it. Inside were rows of dominoes. Yes, dominoes. Thousands of them. There was hardly any space to walk. There were stoppers placed every few hundred blocks, but they didn’t seem very reliable. 
The kitchen and living room were likewise full of dominoes; the apartments appeared to have been modified to link the neighboring and lower rooms, and the dominoes continued all the way through them, as well. 
“Dominoes?” I asked. “Why dominoes?” 
“It’s a challenge,” Sylphie told me. 
“But why?” 
“Heh heh heh. My life is all about challenges. You just don’t get it, Salama-kun!” She held up her index finger and clicked her tongue triumphantly. 
“Um, so... it’s a challenge, huh?” I hazarded. 
“Exactly!” 
“How many have you set up?” 
“Thirty thousand!” 
She must have spent every night for the past month lining up domino after domino. I did a quick search and learned that the current Guinness record for domino-toppling was 320,000; Sylphie was nowhere close to that, but it was still a pretty amazing feat. 
“Yeah, well,” I told her. “Do your best?” 
“I will!” She flashed me a v-sign. 
We decided to go to bed right away. We’d gone to Sylphie’s favorite okonomiyaki place for dinner and stopped by a nearby communal bath, so there was really nothing to do but sleep. (It turned out the real reason we did all that was that the kitchen and the unit bathroom were full of dominoes.) 
“By the way,” I asked, “where do we sleep?” There wasn’t any room to lie down. Even the bed, stripped of its covers and mattress, was covered in thousands of dominoes. 
“There,” Sylphie told me. Over the bed hung a hammock, strung between the walls. The idea was to use the minimal available foot spaces to get into the hammock, and sleep suspended in the air. 
“Sorry, I think I’ll sleep outside,” I insisted. 
Sylphie’s eyes immediately filled with tears. “You don’t like hammocks?” 
“It’s not that I don’t like them,” I told her. “I’ve just never slept in one before.” 
“Hammocks are fun!” she insisted. 
“Oh? Um... I guess they could be fun?” I considered for a minute. “But I probably couldn’t sleep soundly in one. I’m just really tired, you know?” 

“You can knock them down...” Sylphie sighed. 
“Th-The dominoes?” 
“Yeah,” she told me. “You can knock them down. I won’t get mad!” 
I was glad to hear that, but I didn’t want to knock them down! If I fell out of the hammock, it would be a tragedy! There were stoppers, so it wouldn’t take down all the dominoes in the apartment, but it would still be eliminating a couple days’ worth of Sylphie’s hard work! 
Sylphie stared at me with tear-filled eyes. I didn’t know what to do. “Hammocks... are good,” she said. 
“Um... right.” 
“Hammocks... are great.” 
“Um... sure,” I agreed awkwardly. 
We stayed locked in position for another minute or so. I had a growing fear that if I left her like this, she might knock over all the dominoes in a fit of ritual suicide. Well, I didn’t really think Sylphie was that kind of girl... But I was starting to feel like taking her up on the offer. She had her weird points, sure, but she was genuinely a good person. 
“Ah......... okay. I’ll sleep here,” I conceded. “I might... end up liking the hammock, you know?” 
“Yes!!!” Sylphie jumped for joy. The impact of the landing knocked down around 500 dominoes. Thankfully, the stoppers kept damage to a minimum. “It’s okay! It’s okay! All good! All good!” 
“Sorry, though...” 
“It’s all good!” she insisted, as if no damage had been done at all. But it seemed like she still wanted to stay up late into the night lining up dominoes, so I went to sleep first, in the hammock. 

“Sedam bira nal mafsa basilano menu yageh...” It was the middle of the night. Sylphie was reciting some kind of chant as she lined up the dominoes, one by one. I lay in the swaying hammock, working hard to sleep suspended in the air. 
“Edo larnum...” 
It was really distracting. Who could sleep, hanging feet off the ground, listening to someone talk like that?! ...Me, as it turned out, and surprisingly easy. 
The hammock also turned out fine. I got my best sleep of the past few days, as a matter of fact. Swinging. Swaying. The rhythm had me drifting off immediately. 
Hammocks are really something! Don’t mess with hammocks! They’re the most comfortable thing in the world! 
Of course, when I woke up in the morning, still half-asleep, I ended up dropping out of the hammock, dealing a fatal blow to the dominoes below me. I think I took out a few hundred. 
Sylphie didn’t breathe a word of complaint, though; she just said, “I’ll put them back up!” and smiled. (I did catch tears in her eyes, though.) 
You’re a good person, Sylphie, I thought. But don’t invite me over while you’re doing a domino challenge! 
“Want to stay with me again tonight?!” she asked. Of course, this time, I had to turn her down. 

The hammock had helped me recover a lot of my sleep debt, but I still took half the day off. I had to look for a new place. I’d been searching the Internet for the past few days and managed to put together some likely sites, so now all I had to do was call up a real estate company and see them in person. 
I saw about five in central Amagi City: one-bedroom apartments, some with a separate living room, in the 60,000 to 70,000 per month price range. They all seemed good, but none of them quite felt “right.” I didn’t like being on the first floor, and the one on the second floor had a landlord that seemed annoying, and the one on the fifth floor was in an old building with no elevator—it was all that kind of thing. As I headed back to AmaBri for that evening’s performance, I made up my mind to go back to square one and do more looking around next week. 
As I entered the greenroom, I ran into Muse first. 
“Ah...” There was an awkward silence between us. Things had been like this since she’d turned down my request the other night. We’d kept conversation and greetings to a bare minimum—Muse would try to talk to me, and I’d shut her down. 
Childish, you say? Well, excuse me! I’m kind of sulking, here! It was awkward for me, too, and I just didn’t know how to talk to her! 
“S-Salama,” Muse stuttered. “Did you go to the real estate office? How did the viewings go?” 
“Meh,” I shrugged. “Not great, I guess...” 
“I see... so you don’t have a place yet?” 
“Nah. I’m gonna do some more searches and look around again next week.” I played around on my smartphone (though I didn’t have much to do) while I answered. At times like these, my smartphone was the perfect tool for feigning disinterest; just moving my thumbs around on the screen felt relaxing somehow. I know it’s rude and all, but still... 
“Salama... L-Look... I looked around for apartments, too,” Muse told me. “There’s a pretty good one the next town over...” 
Her offer annoyed me. “I said I’m fine.” 
“But... but...” 
“I’m not a kid,” I said shortly. “I can find my own apartment.” 
“Ah... right.” Muse fell silent. 
I knew I was being petty. But in that moment, here’s how it felt: You’re freaking out, watching me struggle to find a place to stay. You just want to find me something as soon as possible, so you can clear your own conscience. Well, forget you. I can’t deal with your two-faced “friendship” right now. I came close to actually telling her that, but fortunately, that’s when Kobory and Sylphie entered the greenroom, ending our conversation. As for the performance after that—most customers probably didn’t notice, but we were kind of out of sync. 

Around closing time, Latifah-sama visited us in the greenroom. Moffle-senpai and Isuzu-chan were with her. 
“I heard everything, Salama-san!” the princess said, her fists clenched. “That your home was set ablaze... If I had known earlier, surely I could have come to your aid. How could no one have informed me? I can hardly believe it...” 
“Huh?” I said awkwardly. “Ah... yeah.” 
“Then, you have no place to stay?” Latifah-sama demanded. “You must come and stay with me, then. Ah, do not worry! You may stay as many days, as many months as you like!” The princess was blind, so she wasn’t meeting my gaze, but her expression was determined. 
Latifah-sama was a crazy nice person. She was also Maple Land royalty and lived in a beautiful room in the castle. It was a pretty natural offer for her to make, after hearing that my apartment burned down; the only thing stopping me from accepting was the hesitance on the faces of Moffle-senpai and Isuzu-chan. If I had to guess, I’d say they were the ones who’d been keeping the news about my apartment from her. 
“Salama. Come here a minute, fumo. Just come on, fumo.” I did as Moffle-senpai asked and left the room. Once we were alone in the hallway, he said: “Sorry to ask this, but would you mind turning her down, fumo?” 
“Huh?” I asked in confusion. “I don’t mind, but why?” 
“Because it’ll start a chain reaction, fumo.” 
“......?” I waited for him to explain. 
“Latifah’s a nice person. She won’t stand idly by when she sees someone in trouble; she likely even meant it when she said she’d let you stay with her for months, fumo.” 
That sounded accurate. She really was a good person. 
“But that won’t be the end of it,” Moffle went on. “If we set a precedent about letting Latifah humor sob stories, things will start to spiral.” 
“Huh? I’m not gonna take advantage of her...” I protested. 
“Right. I know that, fumo. But worse people than you might—” 
“Mii!” Just then, Tiramii-senpai walked in. “Latifah-sama! My house is ruined from water damage, mii! Can I stay with you? Don’t worry, mii! I won’t ask you to rub my tummy!” 
“Ah? Um, well...” Latifah-sama looked troubled. 
Macaron-senpai arrived next, shouting, “I’m in trouble too, ron! The rumors that I can’t pay my rent because of my child support are highly exaggerated! But it’s still hard to keep up the utilities, ron! Latifah-sama! Please let me stay with you too, ron!” 
“Ah? Er, well...” As Latifah-sama dithered, now Wanipii-senpai approached. 
“I heard, pii! I heard there was a great apartment where we could live rent-free with a loli royal girl! Is this where we sign up, pii?!” 
“Er, ah...” Latifah flailed. “I do not...” 
“Please help my poor sad self, mii!” 
“If you’ll help me with my rent, I’ll leave, ron!” 
“I just want to sleep near you, pii!” 

Latifah-sama seemed completely put out. That’s when Moffle-senpai interrupted: “Go to it, Isuzu.” 
“Roger,” she replied. Isuzu raised her musket and put precise, fatal shots into Tiramii-senpai, Macaron-senpai, and Wanipii-senpai each. 
“That’s what I was getting at, fumo,” Moffle-senpai said, looking down at Tiramii-senpai’s limp corpse. “That’s the chain reaction I mean. An overly generous royal family is a sitting duck for these idiots, so we need to nip it in the bud. No sleep-overs, fumo. Come on, everyone, get out of here.” 
“What? Uncle! P-Please, you must...” Latifah-sama protested. 
“Salama’s fine, fumo. She’s been staying with Kobory, Sylphie, and you, right?” he asked Isuzu-chan. 
“Yes. It’s a different place each night,” she replied. 
“She can work things out for a while yet then, fumo.” 
“I understand, but... Salama-san, forgive me.” The princess bowed to me in apology. 
“Ah... sure. It’s okay, for real...” I genuinely felt a little disappointed, though. Latifah-sama’s apartment was spacious, beautiful, full of guest rooms, and close to work (technically, it was in the middle of work). It was everything I could ask for. Plus, the princess was quiet, considerate, not weird at all (aside from her obsession with croquettes), and she probably slept soundly all night... 
Ah, but it was what it was. I was starting to go back to my initial idea of sleeping outside... but just as I was steeling myself for that, Kanie-kun dropped by. “What’s all the commotion?” he wanted to know. “I could hear the gunshots even in the basement...” He was carrying a pile of documents; he had probably come to discuss finances with either Latifah-sama or Isuzu-chan. “Did something happen?” 
“Yes,” said Isuzu, explaining the circumstances. “You see...” 
Kanie-kun nodded. “I see. Hmm...” He put a hand to his chin and considered. His eyes flicked towards me from time to time, and by the end, he was scrutinizing me openly. He was a little scary when he did this sort of thing. He seemed to be thinking pretty hard about something, and even though he was younger than I was, I felt like he could see right through me. “By the way, what’s Muse doing? Surely you could stay with her tonight.” 
“Ah? Um...” I floundered, unsure of how to answer him. 
“You’re friends, aren’t you?” he asked pointedly. 
“W-Well...” 
“Ugh, forget it. I’ll call her. Let’s go.” Kanie-kun immediately pulled out his smartphone and called Muse. I didn’t even have a chance to stop him. “...Is this Muse? It’s me. Salama doesn’t have a place to stay tonight. Can she stay at your place? ...No, I don’t care about your landlady. Hm... ah-ha... mm-hm...” 
Muse was clearly saying something on the other end of the phone, but I couldn’t hear it. 
“Yeah, yeah. Look, I don’t care. Just let her stay. Let her stay. ...What? Didn’t you hear me? All right, then, get ready for things to get a lot harder for you at our next planning conference! Maybe I’ll just scrap all your suggestions. Oh, don’t like that, do you? Yeah, so scary! Poor you! You’ll be humiliated!” 
It was really harsh. He was bringing all his power as acting manager to bear, to force the reluctant Muse into helping me. I hadn’t thought Kanie-kun was that kind of person. I was feeling pretty grossed out by him! 
But Isuzu-chan and Moffle-senpai—even Latifah-sama—simply watched in silence. They didn’t try to scold him or protest. That was a shock, too—were they all just Kanie-kun’s yes-men?! 
“Hey... Kanie-kun...” I tried to interrupt him. 
“Shut up,” he said. “...Anyway, just do it. I’ll be sending her your way now, so find a place nearby to meet her. That’s an order! Goodbye.” Kanie-kun cut off the one-sided call, and I launched into my protest. 
“Are you nuts? How could you do that to her? It’s power harassment!” 
“Yeah,” he shrugged, “maybe it is.” 
“It’s not like I asked for this! How could you make Muse so uncomfortable?” I demanded. “And using my name to do it! What do you think you’re doing?!” 
“What do I think I’m doing?” Kanie-kun peered into my face. You could call his smile ‘indomitable.’ I was expecting cold indifference, but somehow it seemed like he was enjoying himself. “My job, of course. If you don’t like it, submit your resignation. I want it on my desk tomorrow morning at 9:00.” 
“What...” I was so confused. 
“This conversation is over,” Kanie-kun announced. “Moffle, get her there.” 
“Roger that, fumo.” 
“Sento, you stay,” he went on. “I need to talk to you and Latifah about the budget.” 
“Understood.” 
Moffle-senpai and Isuzu-chan both obediently did as they were told. Even Latifah-sama, though looking serious, kept her face pointed downward and said nothing. 
“All right, Salama. Come on, fumo.” While I was still staring in disbelief, Moffle-senpai took my arm and dragged me along. 
He drove me out in the company car. I’m not exactly sure how he drove with that stout, plush body of his... From the passenger seat, I couldn’t even tell if his feet were reaching the pedals. It would be rude to stare, though, so I actively tried not to think about it. 
As it turned out... he was a great driver! Moffle accelerated and decelerated smoothly; his steering was even, and he made a slow stop at the red lights. He was very precise when changing lanes; there was no stress at all for me in the passenger seat. I’d figured he would be the real reckless driver type, but he was actually a total class act. 
“You know, fumo,” Moffle-senpai said, after driving for a while down the road in front of the park. “Seiya heard the whole story from Isuzu, fumo.” 
“What?” I asked. 
“Just the facts of it, anyway. No supposition.” He was probably referring to the fact that I hadn’t once stayed with Muse since my place got burned down. 
“I think that’s why Seiya put on the whole power harassment act,” he explained. “But Isuzu, Latifah and I all saw through it. He’s not that good an actor.” 
Ahh. So that’s how it was. Kanie-kun had intentionally taken on the role of villain, thinking that forcing me and Muse together would solve the problem. Oh, how wonderful! What kind consideration! I could cry! 
“...That’s stupid,” I said. Actually, I hated when people did favors for me like that. I wasn’t helpless, and it wasn’t any of his business. So annoying. Just leave me alone. 
“Moffu. Stupid, is it? I thought you’d say that...” Moffle observed. “But I don’t think he got the idea out of nowhere, fumo. You see...” 
“I see... what?” 
“After the fire, you stayed with Isuzu first, right?” Moffle said. “I was in the room with her when she called you, fumo.” 
“Oh?” I asked, suddenly curious. 
“It was right after a meeting. I was making small talk with Randy and Kenjuro, and Isuzu was cleaning up some documents when she got a call... The call was from Muse, fumo.” 
“...?” I was surprised. 
“It was a short conversation. It sounded like Muse was asking Isuzu to let you stay with her, fumo.” 
“What?” Muse... called Isuzu-chan that night? 
“Moffu. Then Isuzu hung up, and called you right after, fumo. She said ‘come stay with me.’ So I think it’s pretty clear, fumo.” 
“What?” I said again, feeling confused. “But still...” 
I wasn’t sure how to interpret what Moffle-senpai had just said. Could that also have been the reason Kobory and Sylphie had invited me for the next two days? Had Muse asked them all? 
“Moffu. Well, you don’t have any friends, do you?” 
“What?” I scoffed. “C’mon, I have plenty of friends...” 
“Liar,” said Moffle. “And I’m sure you’re the kind of pain in the ass who tells her colleagues ‘I have tons of friends, so I’ll find a place to stay, easy!’ right?” 
“Huh?” I asked innocently. “What are you talking about?” Yeah, I thought, you’re dead-on. 
“Hmph. Whatever you say, fumo. A gentleman like me will just laugh at your vanity, but Kobory and Sylphie are different, fumo. They’ll take you seriously.” 
“M... mmgh...” 
“So even if Muse got worried and told them to invite you... you can’t really blame her, fumo.” 
“......” What the hell? I wondered. How pathetic am I? Super pathetic, actually... 
“Moffu. Pretty lame, eh?” Moffle teased. “Salama-san’s cool girl image is all down the drain.” 
“Just... Just butt out.” It took all I had to say that. Everyone was being super considerate of me, and what was I doing? It was pathetic. Super pathetic. 
“Moffu,” he said happily. “That look of humiliation on your face is really something, fumo. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone; I’ll keep it for my own amusement, fumo.” 
Shut up, I thought venomously. Die, you plague rat. 
“Look at those defiant tears. You’re thinking, ‘Shut up. Die, you plague rat.’ Aren’t you, fumo?” 
“O-Of course not...” 
“No, I can tell, fumo!” Moffle-senpai’s conscientious driving took us to an intersection near Seiseki Tsubakigaoka, where Moffle-senpai let out a sigh. “...Anyway, I don’t know why Muse wouldn’t let you stay with her, fumo. So you need to stop moping and just ask her, fumo.” 
“But...” 
“You’re best friends, aren’t you, fumo?” The directness of the question caused me to avert my eyes. I felt like my face was on fire. 
“You aren’t, fumo?” he asked again. 
“Well, I...” 
“Which is it, fumo?” 
“W-Well...” I sniffed. “I think I’d... like to be...” 
“Then talk to her. And quit making us worry, fumo.” 
“Not like I asked you to...” 
“Hmph.” 
The neon of the suburbs rolled past. Signals and street lights blinked in the corners of my vision. I couldn’t even look at Moffle-senpai head on. 
“Um... Moffle-senpai?” I finally said. 
“Yeah, fumo?” 
“Are you being... um, kind to me?” 
“Yeah,” he admitted. “Though the kindness is mostly meant for Muse. It’s only 10% directed at you.” 
“Yeah, yeah,” I muttered. “Well, thanks a ton.” 
“What kind of half-hearted thank you is that?” he wanted to know. “Give it a little more spirit!” 
“Yeah, yeah...” 
“You did that on purpose, fumo! It’s getting on my nerves! Do you know that the people most frequently wounded in traffic accidents are in the passenger seat?!” Moffle demanded. “You’re at the mercy of my driving, you know!” 
“Look, whatever,” I told him. “We’re almost to the meet-up point.” 
Muse was standing in front of a conspicuous convenience store on a big thoroughfare near the station, wearing her street clothes: a baggy T-shirt and tight-fitting shorts. So cute... Muse noticed our car, and waved as hard as she could. 
“Oho, there she is,” Moffle chuckled. “...And Salama, don’t tweet about this conversation, all right?” 
“Oh, come on!” I protested. “You know I wouldn’t!” 
“No, you would, fumo. ‘Moffle gave me a lecture about my working relationships. What a bossy boss,’ and such.” 
“I wouldn’t!” I’m not that insensitive! Besides, my smartphone battery is down to 12%... Well, of course... If it had been over 50%, I really might have posted a grievance or two. 
Moffle-senpai let me out, and once his car was out of sight, Muse said: “Salama... seriously, don’t tell anyone, okay?” That was the first thing out of her mouth. She didn’t even say hello. 
“Don’t tell anyone... about what?” I asked. 
“I can’t really explain it... Just promise me you won’t tell anyone.” 
Things had already been awkward between us lately, so I didn’t know how to react to that. To be honest, I figured the second we met, she’d have a few nasty words for me... I mean, this had only happened because Kanie-kun strong-armed her into it. 
“I’m... staying in a boarding house,” Muse admitted. 
“I heard.” 
“It’s just the standard thing, okay? It’s a normal house, but they rent out rooms on the second floor to girls...” 
“Ah, yeah. I’ve heard about that,” I said. “It’s the kind of arrangement that lets both the landlady and the renters feel more comfortable.” 
“Yeah. The rent is pretty low, too... So being able to stay there has been a huge help,” Muse said earnestly as she walked down the lit-up street. 
“So, what’s secret about it?” 
“Well... the landlady, okay? She’s a doctor.” 
“R-Right...” What’s the problem with that? I wondered. It’s a great job. 
“Ah, but I’ve never been her patient, okay?! Not once! I mean it! ...Just, it results in a lot of misunderstandings, and I get embarrassed... and maybe it’s not fair to the landlady, it’s just, it’s really not what you’d think! Just keep that in mind!” 
“I have no idea what you’re talking about...” I said, feeling bewildered. 
“Just keep it secret, okay?” Muse insisted. “Don’t ever tell anyone!” 
“I won’t, okay?” Why the hell would I tell anyone? I was feeling a little sad about how little she trusted me. But just as I was sighing about that... 
“Here’s the boarding house...” Muse said, and stopped. Her head was bowed and she was as red as a beet. 
I finally got a look at the hospital, which was a large house made of reinforced concrete. There were three entrances: one for the residents, one for boarders, and one for patients. 
The sign on the hospital read: “Proctologist.” 
My eyes opened wide. Proctologist? 
“Like I said, I’m really not a patient, okay?” Muse insisted, talking fast. “Okay?! I’m not! I just live in the same building... Salama, why won’t you say something? Are you freaked out? You are, aren’t you?! But it’s really not true! Say something! Hey! Please!” Muse clung to me, eyes filled with tears. 
“Well, this... explains a lot...” I trailed off. 
“Ah... what do you mean by that?!” she wailed. 
Of course she couldn’t say it. All the tension flooded out of my body. What had I spent all those days depressed for? A proctologist, huh? Of course she couldn’t admit to that. If I were in Muse’s shoes, I wouldn’t admit to it either. Not a chance in hell. 
“Well, “ I explained, “I was just thinking ‘ah, that fits.’” 
“I-Is that a pun?!” she choked out. “Are you enjoying this?!” 
“No,” I said, “of course not!” 
“But, but...” 
It’s not a pun! It’s a coincidence! An act of God! Stop twisting everything! You’re making me want to cry! I thought. Well, cry from laughter, maybe... 
“Salama... don’t hate me!” 
“I’m not going to! Now, quit annoying the neighbors with your shouting and let’s go inside. Okay? Okay?” 
“Yeah... I really am sorry.” 
“And why are you apologizing?” I demanded. “Knock it off.” 
“But... but...” 
“I already know everything.” Yes, it all added up now. My spirit felt the lightest it had in several days. “I’m the one who should be sorry.” 
“But...” 
“Go in, go in!” I urged her. “Hurry, hurry!” 
“O-Okay...” Dragging her feet, Muse walked in the entrance for the boarding house. 
I let out a sigh, and then followed her. 
Muse’s apartment was pretty large and very clean. The futon she laid out for me was fluffy and comfortable. 
I used her shower, and when I came out she was already asleep in bed. Of course, I had to take pictures. Ugh. She’s so trusting I could die! 
The shutter sound woke Muse up, and she sleepily said, “hey, cut it out,” and we spent a little time winding down together. Before she went back to sleep, we had a nice talk about romance and life. 
I even got to have the exchange I’d dreamed about, where I asked, “Muse, are you asleep?” and she clearly was. 
I woke up the next morning to the sound of sparrows chirping outside. Muse was making miso soup! She wore a thin apron over her around-the-house clothes and said, “Morning, Salama. Breakfast will be ready soon!” 

A housewife act? Is she trying to kill me?! I wondered. Well, I had been pretty much ignoring her and giving her the cold shoulder the past few days... 
On the way to work, we said hi to the landlady, whom we happened to meet out front. She seemed nice, and she said, “Come by any time.” Pretty cool. 
Muse shot her a leisurely, “See you later, Auntie!” They seemed to be close. But that old woman was a proctologist? 
I don’t know why, but I felt like I had grown up that day. 
[The End]