Adachi to Shimamura - Volume SS1 - Chapter 10

Effect Permanence

HAD I EVER BEEN the one to take the initiative, or was I always the recipient? 

That question first struck me while I was in the middle of taking notes. Now I sat at my desk, chin in hand, combing through my memories while I waited for my next class to start. 

It was admittedly an unusually productive train of thought for me. Alas, however I tried, I couldn’t recall ever inviting Adachi to hang out. I typically didn’t message her first, either. 

Was that actually a problem, though? Did my radio silence make her restless with anxiety? If so, I probably needed to accept responsibility and rectify the situation. But either way, she peppered me with calls and messages on a frequent basis, so doing anything in return seemed kind of…unnecessary. 

Granted, I wasn’t sure that dynamic was healthy; on the other hand, did it need to be? If our relationship had to change to be healthy, Adachi would probably revert it without a moment’s hesitation. 

Amid the rising tide of classroom chatter, my gaze wandered to the one spot where the level of chitchat appeared to have hit rock bottom. At this distance, Adachi was as quiet as the grave, her profile seemingly sculpted from ice. That impression was bolstered by her downturned eyes, not to mention our winter uniform’s muted colors. But when our eyes met, the frost would melt all at once, and I’d see her stiff, half-thawed smile. 

That was a nice little…well, not exactly perk, but I couldn’t find a better word. In any case, it reminded me that she loved me to bits. At the same time, I couldn’t help wondering what exactly she saw in me.

Obviously, I wanted to hang out as much as she did; I just didn’t ever take action. What would it take to change that? 

Whenever Adachi asked, I was happy to oblige. But it was in a passive “Why not…?” kind of way. At present, I had yet to find within myself an assertive “Why not?!” Adachi and I saw each other almost every day, and I was content with that. Maybe that was all it took to meet my personal needs. 

If we were apart for a full week, would my heart finally begin to hunger? Knowing Adachi, I wasn’t likely ever to find out. That thought made me chuckle, and my chin nearly slid off my palm. 

After a quick readjustment, I considered the possibility more deeply. If we did go a week straight without seeing each other, it couldn’t be while school was in session. Summer break was also off the table, since Adachi never failed to invite me to hang out every three days or so. But when else would I find a week to spare? If I left town on vacation, she’d just tag along. I simply couldn’t picture her agreeing to give me space for a week, however I framed it. 

Yeah… That was physically impossible. Even after high school, we’d probably end up together every day; she’d come running to find me. Maybe on some level we’d be teenagers forever, endlessly traveling to and from school and each other’s houses. Maybe I’d never stop being Adachi’s girlfriend.

Hunh.

For once, I allowed myself to contemplate the future instead of averting my eyes from it. 

Yes, our relationship would probably continue. I wasn’t planning to break up with her, and I couldn’t imagine how she’d react to that—nor did I want to, as the thought was painful (and, in truth, mildly frightening too). If nothing else, I was sure of one thing: we’d stay together, because Adachi would never stop loving me. And, after a certain point, there would simply never be a day I didn’t share with her. Ever. For the rest of my life.

“For realsies…?”

What was once a mere high school friendship had ballooned into something much, much more serious: eternity. Till death did us part. Taking Adachi to the grave, and maybe even beyond. That aspect of my future was now set in stone, which was kind of wild, given that I hadn’t even decided on a career yet. How else could I describe it? Whatever path I took, from here on, it would include Adachi front and center.

Adachi and me.

Adachi and Shimamura. 

We were just two girls the same age who weren’t related, who addressed each other by surname rather than first name or even by a nickname, who hadn’t met in elementary or middle school and hadn’t deliberately attended the same high school, whose daily lives barely intersected at all. She wasn’t family, or a best friend, or a childhood friend, or a pet. I’d never seen inside her closet. She was basically a stranger—a total stranger. 

When I first met her, I’d never dreamed our connection would turn out like this. But then she’d fallen in love with me up there in the gym loft. And as the dominoes fell, I found myself giving chase, until at last I reached what could only be called…

“Destiny, I guess,” I mused to myself, lifting my head from my palm and turning to gaze out at the bright blue sky.

“Precisely,” I thought I heard a little blue voice say, though she couldn’t possibly have been there.

During the next break, Adachi met my gaze, rose to her feet, and walked over. I waved lazily at her, the fanciful concept of eternity lingering like a haze in my mind. We would spend the rest of our lives together anyway, so I figured maybe it wouldn’t hurt to issue an invitation for a change.