Ryuuou no Oshigoto! - Volume 6 - Chapter 5.5

  DETERMINATION

I left the association almost entirely on muscle memory.

“………Save me …… Saaave me ……”

Murmuring, I hold onto one of the train’s polls for dear life.

I’m on the Kanjou Line.

Going for …… Master’s house.

The path from the station to his house is embedded in my memory after the thousands of times I’ve walked it during my time as a live-in apprentice. My mind is racing so fast that the thought of taking a taxi didn’t even cross it.

I feel like I’m going to be sick.

Dry heaves keep coming whenever thoughts of how much the association changed pop up in my head. My sanctuary transformed into a place that devours all hope. There’s nothing left now but pain and despair.

––– …… It’s hell.

No one will save me.

After all those boards and pieces I cleaned, even though I’ve been a good girl all this time, the Shogi gods left me out to dry.

“……… There are no gods ……”

Those words cursing nonexistent deities took everything out of me.

Getting off the train, I stay plastered to the wall and take my time going down the stairs one by one.

I can barely lurch forward like some boneless slug, let alone walk.

“…… They don’t exist …… There are no gods …… Anywhere––––––.”

Then, stepping out of the station, I saw.

––– ……… Ahhh ………… 

I felt it for the first time in that moment.

Master told me when I was very young, but in all my years of playing Shogi, I’ve never felt it before …… But now, I can confirm.

Shogi gods, do exist.

Even I thought that was too simple.

I’ve denied them point-blank for so long.

Insulted them so many times.

That’s why I’m so thankful for this little present they’ve given me.

“Big Sis.”

“Yaichi.”

I wanted to let the tears flow and run into his arms.

Instead, I will my spine to straighten up so that I can show him dignity worthy of being his elder sister apprentice and let the wind whip my sailor collar back and forth as I cross the street.

Yaichi waits for me on the other side and says with concern, “Big Sis ……? Are you feeling all right? You’re really pale––––––.”

“Going to throw up.”

“On me?!”

My face falls square into Yaichi’s chest as I land on top of him.

No more.

I’m at my limit physically, but–––I just can’t anymore.

I can’t hold back the tears.

“………… A quick … rest ………”

“Are … are you sure you want me for that?”

“…… I’ll deal.”

I’m not dealing with it.

You’re the one I want, Yaichi. You’re the only one.

I’d love to stay just like this, but I know I can’t.

I’ll get weaker if I start depending on you …… And it’s not like you’d ever choose me, anyway. You’d just get embarrassed if I tried to make a move.

I don’t want to see that face again.

But …… It’s okay just for right now, right?

“……… I got promoted … to 3-dan ……”

“Yeah. I saw your press conference on TV. We couldn’t get it recorded in time, but that’s okay because Master and I have the whole thing burned into our memories.”

“…… Sota Kunugi wasn’t a big deal after all ……”

“That’s the right mindset. You’ll never make it through the 3-dan division if you go in thinking you’ll lose. Having the confidence to know that you’re the best is what’s important.”

Then, I’m done for.

Not realizing that your words of encouragement are actually twisting the dagger already deep in my heart must be because you’re a Shogi Martian.

You couldn’t understand how earthlings like me feel.

You’re from another planet …… 

“Getting promoted will give you some momentum. Ride that head of steam as far as you can go!”

“I’ll get through the division in one season, promote to 4-dan and destroy you in a league match ……”

“You really hate me, don’t you, Big Sis?”

“That’s right. I hate you, Yaichi. I hate hate hate you.”

–––Because you’re so dense.

You can read my mind like a book when we play Shogi, but you won’t even try to figure out what I’m thinking any other time.

I hate you, Yaichi. Because you won’t look my way.

I hate you, Yaichi. Because …… you won’t fall for me.

But, there’s nothing I can do about that, either.

I don’t have any cute charms like Ai Hinatsuru.

I wasn’t born the daughter of a prodigy like Ai Yashajin.

I don’t have Keika’s big boobs and I can’t smother you in kindness.

A clumsy, short-tempered girl like me can’t do anything.

There’s nothing I can do for you. There’s nothing I can give you, either.

I’m just a flat-chested good-for-nothing with a feeble body that breaks in sunlight who can’t see a proper mental Shogi board.

That’s all I am.

That’s why Shogi is all I have.

Shogi is the only way you’ll ever notice me.

Even that’s not enough right now.

But, if I become a professional …… You’ll have to take me seriously in a league match.

You’ll finally take a serious look at me.

It’s only while we play Shogi, but you’ll only be looking at me.

If.

If …… Shogi gods really do exist.

Please, let me advance to 4-dan.

I’m not asking for talent. I’m not asking for more Shogi skill.

Just one season.

The next 3-dan division …… Just half a year, give me strength. Give me a strong heart and a body that can last, please.

The boy I fell in love with is the Prince of Planet Shogi.

I’m just an earthling, looking up at that distant star in admiration.

Even standing in his arms like this, it feels like there are thousands of light years between us.

The Shogi Martian planet is so far away and the air they breathe is poisonous to earthlings. We’ll die if we ever go to that place.

Even so …… I want to go.

I want to go so badly my heart could burst at any moment.

Please, gods.

Let me stand where Yaichi stands.

And just once, once is enough, let me play Shogi against him.

If you do––––––Dying is fine by me.