CHAPTER 64: WORLD CRUMBLING
The first thing Subaru registers when he wakes is the horrendous pain racking his body.
From his neck upwards sports a particularly awful ache. Left cheek, around his right eye, molars incisors, left ear—bring up the topic and the enumerations would never end, strewn with all these injuries. Using his tongue to probe about his mouth, Subaru discovers his two missing molars, one missing incisor, and one missing canine. With this done he opens his eyes to survey his surroundings, where he now also comprehends that his right eye is swollen and blocked.
Subaru: “Thh, hies...”
Some sloppy noise spills from Subaru's bleeding, tooth-deficient mouth. A coldness scrapes over his oral nerves with every breath, and though he'd prefer to breathe through his nose, his dried nosebleed clots that route shut. Gasping, spitting the blood from his mouth,
Subaru: “No way... I, didn't die?”
Dragging along his over-damaged body, Subaru's abhorrent physical condition informs him that he has inadvertently survived. He gazes about with his halved vision to find himself collapsed in a dim hallway. No signs of people around. He recollects on the exchange he had before losing consciousness.
Subaru: “Elsa, 's...”
Gone. Or at least, she is nowhere that Subaru can see her. She is a woman who operates in the shadows. She may possess a skill to make herself imperceptible to others even when they are looking straight at her—but she would have no reason to use it. Elsa is gone. She disappeared. Without killing Subaru.
Subaru: “Why, would... no, more importantly...”
His mouth bleeds with every motion. Annoyed Subaru spits the blood out as he shakes his head. He moves all points of his body about, attempting to discern which areas hurt and which areas are non-functional, when he notices. —Notices that in his arms, there is something warm and taking faint, repeated breaths.
Subaru: “—Rem.”
The lovely blue-haired girl. The sleeping girl, who inspired him. Rem's pulse quietly thumps in Subaru's arms to its beat. Her shallow breaths, definite bloodflow, red-touched skin—the rhythms of life remain present in her.
Subaru: “—”
Emotional, Subaru unwittingly puts more strength into his hold.
Taking advantage of her lack of reaction, he hugs her small body close as he relishes in her warmth. As if meaning to perceive through his skin the proof of her being alive.
Subaru: “Why, did she leave... without killing me or Rem...?”
Killed Petra, killed Frederica, extinguished Beatrice, and regardless the murderer left without taking the lives of the present Subaru and Rem. Were his memory correct, before Subaru lost consciousness he had been begging for Rem's life. Elsa had given a reply which could be interpretable as acceptance, but could she shockingly have kept her word? Subaru did not think himself capable of understanding the mind of the lunatic GUTHUNTER, but perhaps Rem's saving had ultimately resulted from that.
Subaru: “But then... why me...?”
He'd be killed—was what he thought. Elsa had at least flourished her knife while harbouring clear malevolence toward Subaru. His fractured bones and cut flesh clearly communicated him that truth by way of pain. So then even moreso, why on earth had Elsa allowed Subaru to live?
Subaru: “Anyway, for now...”
There's no way he could know. With a shake of his head, Subaru strains his aching body as he lifts Rem up. Taking Rem's light body in his arms, the side of the hallway—where Frederica's corpse yet remains —is where he looks. He determines what it is he needed to do.
—First, he must put Frederica and Petra to rest.
Subaru: “But rationalize it as an ending world, and there's no point...”
That action is sentimental, irrational, and wretched, is the self-deprecation in his mutter.
Subaru had already determined to reset this world by his DEATH. Far too many things had been lost. There were things he had gained, but those gains protected not a single one of the things he had wished to protect. In the same degree as he had been, or perhaps greater, Subaru had lost. And Subaru lacked the courage to live in a world with too many losses. If paying with his life would bring them back, then he would hesitate not at all.
This world was a world ending. Petra's death, Frederica's death, Beatrice's death, everything was within his ability to redo. His promise to Petra, his apologies for doubting Frederica, his definite answer to Beatrice's grief, would all carry to the next world.
Should he rationalize matters like that, then mourning their deaths truly carried no meaning. Because if Subaru alone could endure, then the sentimentality left to a disappearing world would not be anything to remain in anyone's memory.
—Were he able to rationalize this far, Natsuki Subaru would surely be capable of more swiftly surmounting this loop series—but, well.
Subaru: “Resolve, ability, determination... it's always that I'm lacking in everything. Why am I just so weak? Huh, Rem?”
The girl in his arms gives no answer. For Subaru as now, the only place he could voice his weakness, display his weakness, was with her.
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—Subaru discovered it not many quarter-hours after determining to lay Petra and Frederica to rest.
Subaru: “Hell, what?”
Says Subaru stupidly as he witnesses the object occupying the space before him. But, surely no one could fault him. The object before Subaru was just that strange, arcane, with no hint as to its bearing.
It was a pink-toned wad of meat—would perhaps be a close description. Its shape was that of a globe of dirt packed together by a child, distorted, this spherical wad of meat. That explanation alone likely conveyed the oddity of it, but there was more reason than that for Subaru's bewilderment.
Subaru: “Huge—”
The meat wad was gigantic. It was big enough that Subaru was looking upwards at it, its fillings packed together tight enough to communicate a heavy sense of mass. Its shade and texture resembled the fresh pork or poultry sold in a processed meats aisle. That said, Subaru lacked the courage to touch it and verify.
As far as Subaru could see, the meat wads numbered to about twelve. All shared the same size, scattered about the place and visible.
Subaru: “Hell is this...?”
Still confused and without any answers, Subaru repeats the same question yet again. His head slowly turns to look over the area.
Subaru: “Where did all the villagers go?”
Standing in the middle of the depopulated Arlam Village and surrounded by meat, Subaru mutters in stupefaction.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
—Subaru's venture to Arlam Village was undertaken first to find helpers in preforming funeral rites for Petra and Frederica, but mostly to inform Petra's family of her death.
He was ready to be punched, and to be sworn at. It was the same sentimentality he had in the mansion. But nevertheless Subaru could avoid this pain. He could hide the truth of Petra's death, and reset the world without the villagers ever knowing. If he hid away in his heart his responsibility for having let Petra die, and could proceed with dreading only his guilt, it would probably be a grace. But then he considered whether he would forgive himself for doing that, and couldn't.
Subaru: “Ultimately though it's probably just my self-satisfaction.”
He had devised to inform Petra's family, then bury the two. Subaru did not know what he should do to preform funerary rites for Beatrice. Spirits left no corpses. Their nigh refreshing manner of disappearing conversely robbed Subaru of feeling any truthiness to Beatrice's death. —Then just maybe, was the breed of stubborn thought he wound up thinking.
It was in that neither proactive nor pessimistic mindstate that Subaru came to Arlam Village. He brought Rem with him, intending to request someone look after her while the burials were happening. Subaru reached the village where he searched for sight of the villagers, walking around the place, and there were the wads of meat.
Subaru: “—Everyone's, gone.”
Subaru temporarily deposits the Rem in his arms against one of the village houses, proceeding to run all through the village. The congealed blood on his sweaty brow moistens, painting his face in red, his state atrocious. Should the villagers witness Subaru now, the proper reaction would be to greet him with a horrified shriek. But not finding anybody who will shriek at his appearance, Subaru returns to sit beside the sleeping Rem, utterly lost.
—When he saw Elsa had disappeared from the mansion, Subaru had had a thought of, it couldn't be.
This was Elsa, who during the rigamarole in the Royal Capital, had instantly decided to murder everyone involved. Perhaps unsatisfied with only the mansion residents, she had proceeded to brandish her knives in Arlam Village. He mulled over various reasons for her disappearance as he ventured to Arlam Village, with this thought comprising a segment of his unease. But what welcomed Subaru was a situation far beyond his expectations.
Wads of meat, and missing villagers.
—A bad vision rises up in his heart, but Subaru unconsciously ignores it.
Subaru: “No one's here so, nothing to do here. ...Have to, bury them quick.”
Subaru picks up Rem and leaves the village. The enormous, motionless wads of meat remain as they are. Subaru feels not any castigation in leaving them undisturbed. He would prefer they not remain in even a crevice of his memory. God, his head could burst.
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Petra and Frederica's burials ended with unanticipated simplicity.
He arranged their appearances for their interment, wiping their bloodied skin and faces clean with a cloth. He changed them into new sets of clothes with shame. And of course, no indecent feelings welled up. When he took their cold, stiff bodies to pass their arms through the sleeves of their clothes, he wanted to cry. But his eyes would only grow drier, his heart imprisoned by an incomprehensible emotion.
Subaru: “...At least, have peace.”
Above their graves he prays for their repose. While of course Subaru does not know the etiquette for prayers in this world, neither does he know the methods for seeing off the dead in the old world. All of his relatives were in good health, he had never attended anyone's funeral, and the protocols of Japanese secular practices had never been in his interest. He regretted that now. —That he does not know either the words or the etiquette for interring them frustrates him greatly.
Subaru: “And I caused you problems, too. Thank you, for helping me.”
Subaru reaches out, and the black ground dragon draws its snout to his fingers. Her legs dirtied with upturned mud as she concernedly approaches Subaru is Patrasche. Subaru had found Patrasche in the stables, where she so escaped the massacre, and acquired her help for burying Petra and Frederica. The clever girl had immediately understood Subaru's urging for her to dig, and beside him as he shovelled the dirt with a spade-resemblant tool, with her feet she dug a grave for the larger Frederica.
With powerful kicks and her legs slaked in mud, the black dragon yet remained a thing of dignity and beauty. Subaru again feels intense gratitude for her presence.
Subaru dug Petra's grave. She was small, but without desire for her to be cramped, the unfamiliar tool ultimately tore the skin of his palms numerous times. Blanketing with dirt, watching Petra's form disappear from view, abruptly tears fall to his cheeks. He does not wipe them dry.
He gives Frederica an identical farewell, crafts simple grave-markers for them, and deems the burial over.
That was the finishing of one task, but rather than lightening, the weight on his shoulders only compounds.
Subaru: “...There's no point being here anymore.”
The irreparable slaughter at the mansion has already ended. He carves the events into his memory. His regret in having bid the two farewell, too, carves it deep and strong and unforgettable. This remorse engraved in his soul would he assuredly, at his next chance, sweep clean. Once he achieves that, Subaru will for the first time be able to take responsibility for these DEATHS.
Subaru: “Once we've checked what we should, let's return to SANCTUARY. —Rem, can't be left behind she's coming too.”
The sun slowly begins its descent. This duskening world was, if Subaru's knowledge was correct, now welcoming the night of the third day. They check what they should and leave the mansion tomorrow morning, and they should reach SANCTUARY before the fourth night. He had a day and a half of free time until the fated sixth day.
What changes would have occurred in SANCTUARY during Subaru's time absent? Matters could conceivably follow a similar route as when Garfiel attacked and imprisoned Subaru. In that case, Otto and Ram should start acting on the fifth night to evacuate the villagers.
Subaru: “Before that happens... yeah.”
Garfiel was another concern. Subaru had utilized a forceful method to block his pursuit by using Lewes as a shield. His imagination surely couldn't conceive just how much he had infuriated him. He also had to inform Garfiel of his sister Frederica's death. Doubting her as a betrayer, and taking no advance measures to save her was Subaru's failure. Likely he would have to resign to Garfiel's rage, taking every hit.
Subaru: “Let's go back to SANCTUARY. —I miss Emilia.”
Thinking of these incidents which beleaguered his mind, Subaru's sincere desires idly slip out. It could have been some breed of whimpering. But now, what he honestly wanted was to see her again.
He wanted to see Emilia's face. To touch her. He wanted to keenly feel her presence, and for his heart near moments from breaking to be healed. These thoughts were the magnitude of Subaru's exhaustion.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
—It is when he enters into the region of the forest nearby SANCTUARY that Subaru notices the abnormality.
He rides mounted on Patrasche with sleeping Rem hugged to his chest. Patrasche had looked ready to collapse with this arrangement, but fortunately being that Rem twitches not an inch, Patrasche perfectly compensates for her master's incompetence and they proceed along the road without problems. She fails to achieve the full sprint she done had while travelling to the mansion, and with the time to traverse the path back amounting to seventeen hours, their arrival date winds up as the fourth night. His planned allotment of time inside SANCTUARY thus shrinks from a day and a half to a day.
It's a necessary use of his time. He naturally has no urge to blame Patrasche. But what Subaru had miscalculated on was,
Subaru: “Seriously don't do this... what the fuck is going on!?”
The road to SANCTUARY, in the forest with the barrier—partway along the route, a stinging chill starts to encase the world. Trees of green have their leaves coated with frost and their trunks frozen with thin sheets of white. Puddles freeze to ice, wintry patches dotted and perfect along the road.
An abnormal drop in temperature—with the cold being even worse than in midwinder, Subaru holds Rem tighter, letting out a white puff of breath and looking around the surroundings. As always the woods are relatively devoid of critters, but even the trees are losing their vitality in this cold. That the forest lacked any preparations for this extreme chill itself provided best proof that this cold was absolutely not a natural phenomenon.
Subaru: “So cold that everything in front of you's white... only, bad premonitions here. Patrasche.”
Patrasche: “—”
Subaru: “Hey, Patrasche?”
Spurred on by the foreboding rising in his heart, Subaru attempts to hasten Patrasche—but said Patrasche gives no response. Subaru's brows furrow as he looks down at his black dragon—to find her feet stopped, and her breathing terribly ragged.
Subaru: “Patrasche!”
Subaru panickedly tugs the reins as he calls Patrasche to a stop, dismounting and reaching his fingers out for her neck. The scaly texture of her skin feels the same as usual, but is horrifically cold. Subaru figures it out.
Subaru: “You don't mean, ground dragons have trouble with the cold? They look reptilian, and winter” toka ha doushiteru mon nanda.
Many reptiles like lizards and snakes hibernate to get through the winter. Patrasche, who shares lots of visual resemblances, might have the same constitution as reptiles. If so, then having Patrasche march into this cold was suicide. Should Subaru's imaginings be correct, the cold will only grow harsher the closer they travel to SANCTUARY's centre.
Subaru: “It'll be tough for you to come along... right. Got a feeling that the dragons left in SANCTUARY're gonna be in danger at this rate.”
He strokes a shivering Patrasche. It's likely nothing more than an empty comfort for her, but she does draw closer as if clinging to the touch. Proceeding on toward SANCTUARY without Patrasche is going to take even more time—but even if he did continue travel alongside her, she would just collapse partway through the journey.
Subaru: “Patrasche. I'm sorry but could you leave the for... no, return all the way to the mansion?”
Patrasche gives a sad snort. But the smart girl comprehends Subaru's thinking, her physical condition, and the state of the forest ahead. Subaru piles her with some soothing words, and eventually she gives up on resisting as she bows her head to Subaru. He gives that head a good pat, retrieves some clothes and foodstuffs from her luggage, and puts the extra clothes on to counter the cold. He identically dresses Rem in a jacket, ties the luggage to her and picks her up.
Subaru: “The road to SANCTUARY's dead ahead... yeah?”
Patrasche: “—”
Subaru: “Now don't you look so worried. I'm the one here worried about you. It must've been painful, and I'm sorry for not noticing sooner. Wasn't thoughtful at all, I am seriously sorry.”
Subaru bows his head. You don't need to do that, says Patrasche's little growl. She starts walking to exit the forest, Subaru watching her go until she disappears from view. She doesn't look back once. Simultaneously she possesses a dignity which thinks not highly of displaying rue, and a kindness to prevent Subaru from feeling responsibility. She is entirely too good for him, thinks Subaru.
Subaru: “Patrasche'll safely get out. ...She was worrying about me infinitely more than herself, just, fuck.”
He fixes his hold on Rem, the frost crunching underfoot as he walks onward. Breath white and amidst a cold threatening to send his teeth chattering, he walks further on, further on, his destination SANCTUARY.
Subaru: “What happened here, Emilia...”
—And calls the name of the girl who is surely in the heart of this cold.
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Forcing his numb feet forward he inhales, exhales, inhales, exhales shallow through his shiver-gone lips. He strongarms his eyes somewhat open despite his sticking eyelashes, managing to preserve his hazy, white vision as he proceeds through the forest.
—The frigidity enveloping SANCTUARY far exceeded Subaru's slipshod imaginings.
He feels that his body temperature may be dropping with every step taken in deeper. His skin has long lost any feeling, his body now supported by a ghostly sense of duty, the will to move forward, and—
???: “—”
In his arms, her vital signs pumping away so steadily as to give no hint whether this environment is affecting her, Rem's presence.
He walks straight ahead, aiming entirely for SANCTUARY—supposedly. He cannot tell by his sight whether he is travelling in the right direction. All he can do is trust on this intensifying glacial cool that he is proceeding correctly.
The snow amasses up to his shins, the atmosphere of the forest having completely switched to winter. A power influential enough to transmogrify the world. Subaru did know of such.
Subaru: “—”
He forces his mouth open, panting, seeking air. His skin peels from his sticking lips, pain prickling, blood oozing. The tip of his tongue catches the faint warmth of it, and he recognizes that his core still has yet to be wholly frozen.
He can keep going. He can do more. There is nothing he has verified yet. Here, he stops here, and what were all the sacrifices for?
Subaru: “—au,”
Noticing something cut across his stark white field of vision, Subaru stops still. He rubs his near-closed eyes open, straining to see the irregularity. Its contour gradually focuses to take the form of a person, and in fact one Subaru knows.
Subaru: “Lewes, -san?”
Lewes: “—”
The girl wordlessly responds with only a gaze.
Seeing that, Subaru instantly deduces that this is not LEWES, but a LEWES MEYER double. Simultaneously, he deduces that if she is a Lewes double, then Subaru would possess the command right for her.
Subaru: “Perf, ect timin... Please guide, me to SANCTUARY.”
???: “She ain't gonna be obeyin' 'yer request.”
Breathing out faltering puffs of white air, Subaru addresses the Lewes double. But, their exchange is interrupted. Subaru raises his head. Instantaneously, somebody drops down into the snow beside her, lands. Submerging into the snow with a crunch is this young man. His hair is blond and his eyes are sharp, and he exerts a hostility liable to slaughter Subaru at any moment.
Subaru: “Garfiel.”
Garfiel: “'Sup, how dare you come back. Pretty fuckin' impressed yer did. Well thy'do say THE BOW OF A LYIN' BETOON IS SPLENDID.”
His incomprehensible sayings in healthy condition, the person clicking their fangs at Subaru is Garfiel. He looks down, pissed, at the panting Subaru—when he spots Rem in his arms, and his eyes snap open with shock.
Garfiel: “Eh? Hell's Ram doin' with... no, that ain't Ram. Eh? What's goin' on here? Who's she?”
Subaru: “I'll explain, dubious whether it'll communicate. ...She's Rem. Ram's, legitimate younger sister.”
Garfiel: “I ain't ever heard anythin' 'bout Ram havin' a sister... but 's slightly impossible t'be dismissin' this as a lie, oi.”
Since Garfiel hasn't immediately attempted to kill him, Subaru judges that he is still being rational and puts off his deciding on whether to turn tail and flee for later. He looks at the Lewes double standing quietly beside Garfiel.
Subaru: “What do you mean she isn't going to listen to me?”
Garfiel: “...'S pretty fuckin' simple. After yer left SANCTUARY, my amazin' self immediately went t'th'test site. N'so, all I did's overwrite th'command right n' get it back. Had another unpleasant time 'cuzza it.”
Subaru: “The command right transfers that easily?”
Garfiel: “Th'point 's ya just touch it. S'the same damn thing 's what you musta did.”
'It' would be the crystal sealing the original Lewes Meyer. If touching the crystal is the requirement for transferring the command right, then of course Garfiel went and got it back. Either way.
Subaru: “It was really considerate of you to go out of your way to welcome me.” Garfiel: “I ain't plannin' t'chat 'round with yer bullshit. Take a look at the place and yer should figure out that any room fer happy conversation came n' went ages ago, yeh?”
Subaru: “Okay, yeah. ...So, kinda asking point-blank here.” Subaru nods at Garfiel, gives a small shake of the head, breathes in, and— Subaru: “—Is Emilia doing this?” Garfiel: “Ain't got any clue. 'Cause after all, she ain't comin' outta th'tomb.” Subaru: “She isn't coming out of the tomb?” Subaru furrows his brows at the unexpected reply. Garfiel clicks his tongue in annoyance, and gives the snow underfoot a magnificent kick. Garfiel: “Th' half-witch turned fuckin' weird th'day you disappeared. Think she's calm, and then sh'shuts herself up 'n th'tomb. And b'fore y'know it, SANCTUARY's covered'n more ice thn' what's ever gonna be fixed. —Exactly, like Elior Forest.” Subaru: “You know about Emilia's...!” Garfiel: “Y'think I ain't ever heard about it? Roswaal's a disgustin' prick, but if th'question's a needed one he'll answer it. And so my amazin' self ain't trustin' any fuckin' Emilia-sama.”
Spits Garfiel. Subaru's expression sharpens. Garfiel instantly draws near to Subaru, who neither has any capacity to react or ability to do anything about the Garfiel standing before him. Garfiel: “That expression 's fucking pathetic.” Subaru: “Wha—!?” Garfiel's hand shoves Subaru's chest, and he gracelessly proceeds to topple to the ground..
He panickedly attempts to protect the Rem in his arms, but his arms only catch air. Because, Subaru: “Y—Rem!” Garfiel: “Y'mean, give 'er back? Hey now, there's some pretty heavy attachment y'got. What happened t'th'girl yer love bein' Emilia-sama?” Garfiel snorts, hitting Subaru right in a sore spot. In Garfiel's arms is the stolen body of Rem. Frantically getting his numbed body into motion, Subaru attempts to cling onto Garfiel—who hops backwards to open range, giving Subaru no means of catching up.
Subaru: “What're you, gonna... to Rem!”
Garfiel: “Ain't like I'm gonna have anythin' bad happen t'her. That'd be what yer'd call bein' unreasonable. And my amazin' self's a reasonable guy. Things that ain't got any proper sense to 'em make me sick.”
Garfiel's eyes as he looks down at Rem indeed host no hostility. At very least, Garfiel's character is not so twisted as to injure a girl whose face is identical to his sweetheart's. Then why, are the words Subaru almost gets out, when Garfiel speaks first.
Garfiel: “You get in the tomb. —And then, you pull the half-witch out.”
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