CHAPTER 40: COLLABORATOR
Various words skim through Subaru's mind at this sudden abrupt unforeseen meeting, but—
Subaru: “'Safe' while looking at this eye's sure something, huh!”
Pointing at his right eye—at the destroyed organ—Subaru enters tsukkomi mode on Ram. Presently, the area of Subaru's right eye is bandaged with cloth torn from his sleeve, achieving an outfit that tickles his chuuni heart. If this Date Masamune look were just for fashion it'd be a story to laugh about later, but being that Ram should know what awful state Subaru's in, she should not regard it as such.
Ram gives a light tilt of her head, brushing down her pink hair as it sways with the motion.
Ram: “Sorry, I don't usually pay you very proper attention and can't tell the difference.”
Subaru: “Thank you for that pretty devastating statement, but say did you know? Humanoid lifeforms fundamentally come with two eyes, ears, and nostrils, yeah?”
Ram: “Meaning, Barusu, you are currently not a humanoid lifeform, but a lifeform of unknown bearing?”
Subaru: “By syllogism!?”
Having his back-and-forth with Ram, Subaru glances over the surroundings with his left-handed gaze. He checks that no one is lurking here except Ram, seeking a path that could work as an escape route. Needed to buy time and determine where to run.
Subaru: “Otto, on onetwothree we scatter and run for it. You're on yelling-drawing-the-chaser duty. I'm on silently-getting-away duty. Objections?”
Otto: “Yes many, but firstly why have you gotten so wary, Natsuki-san?”
Subaru: “Idiot. Look at that Ram's eyes. She wants to kill us. No mistake. I see those eyes daily at the mansion, trust me.”
Otto: “What is there to trust about a man who is watched daily with bloodlust!?”
Subaru whispers his plans to get away, but apparently Otto is incapable of grasping this and the conversation falls apart. Subaru considers leaving Otto to get killed and escaping alone, but remembering their talk about friendship, hesitates.
Subaru: “Fuck, the second I think I'm outta my handcuffs, the hobbles of friendship get me in their bondage. Whatcha wanna do to me!”
Otto: “You're who should be speaking, if you don't express more clearly what you want to do, the conversation won't come to be! Also the potential for misunderstandings here is incredible, I'd like to do something like that, I really would.”
Ram: “If you would like to finish this sketch here, may we proceed with matters? Or rather, matters are proceeding. There is no time for your date. This is a waste of hours, otherwise put a waste of life.”
Ram steps forth, cutting into the main topic. That said, Subaru's statements weren't entirely jokes. He had seriously been attempting to draw out the conversation with jokes while looking for opportunities to escape. Because,
Subaru: “Honestly, I thought the moment you saw my face you'd try to kill me no questions asked.”
Ram: “If we had met directly after you practised your violence upon Roswaal-sama, I may have. The passing of time has tempered my anger somewhat. ...Be grateful for Garf.”
Subaru: “It's thanks to Garfiel that I'm not dead here, but I can't change my opinion of someone who did this to my face so easily.”
Wariness still present, Subaru scratches his neck as he responds to Ram. But Ram's gait is relaxed, with not any sign of hostility. Seems that at very least she's not going to literally attack him no questions asked. But with that, what next pulls on Subaru's mind is,
Subaru: “Otto said we're meant to rendezvous with someone here, but...”
Ram: “Yes, I am aware.”
Otto: “Natsuki-san. I know it's difficult to believe, but what you see is the truth.”
Having Ram nod affirmation to his indirect question, Subaru glances to Otto who gives an identical answer. Subaru crosses his arms, frowning.
Subaru: “Hrmmm”
Subaru: “If I accept things as I see them, then you who appeared here are Otto's collaborator... meaning that makes you the collaborator on helping the Arlam villagers escape SANCTUARY?”
Ram: “No mistake there. Garf, Lewes-sama, and Emilia-sama are all in the middle of Emilia-sama's TRIAL. The important figures have gathered at the tomb. Now is the only chance.”
Says Ram, pressuring the point of the lack of time. Subaru's unease doesn't alleviate. He holds his palm at her to stop her, she silently glares back. Steeling himself so as not to crumble beneath the sharpness of her gaze,
Subaru: “Tell me,”
Subaru: “Why're you helping with the villagers' escape? Even if you folded to your goodwill and're dashing off that, getting me involved makes no sense. Or, are you really the type of person where cooling off from anger is enough to stop you from getting recompense out of me? The doubts don't end.”
Ram: “You certainly ask piling questions. Verbosity does not make men popular, Barusu.”
Subaru: “That's not persuasive at all when you've gotta crush on a man chattier than me. ...Answer, Ram. I can only think this reality where you're unfazedly doing collab work with me is impossible. If you're still participating regardless then that's...”
His breath catching, Subaru gives himself fear of continuing his sentence. If matters are exactly as
Subaru imagines, then his actions here—
Closing his eyes firm, his biting down on his teeth keeps him from uttering any pathetic noise. Don't fear. Don't terror. Don't show weakness. Turn heart to iron, never to waver. —For now, if he became emotion-impervious, unshakable iron, then good.
Subaru: “...off Roswaal's instruction, is the reason easiest to agree with. And then why, after I pulled that violence him, would he help me? ...You might know more about that one than me.”
Ram goes silent. What arises in Subaru's mind is Roswaal and his GOSPEL. If those prophecies had been his possession the whole time, then confidant, purveyor of absolute adoration, pledger of loyalty Ram would almost surely know about it. Though she would almost certainly not know the details. If for assumption she did know the detailed content of the GOSPEL, that would mean she permitted the future where Rem was left to die.
Subaru: “—”
It is entirely an impossible assumption. Subaru knows assumption is all it amounts to. When Ram lost Rem, when Ram was not in special circumstances of having forgotten Rem's existence, Subaru knew what reaction the elder oni sibling displayed bereft of her little sister. On this alone, Subaru had faith that Ram had not known about any prophecies wherein Rem would have been to be left to die.
But then, how involved was she in Roswaal's plans? Roswaal still had yet to reveal the whole of his plots. Then his confidant Ram, how much did she—
Subaru: “Answer, Ram. Why are you helping us? If you're following Roswaal's plot, then sorry but from now on me and Otto'll do it ourselves. We don't need you.”
Otto: “Wh—Natsuki-san!?”
Subaru: “Shut up, Otto. There's no time to explain the details, and I can't guarantee your safety if you knew so I'm not telling, but because of this time I am pissed furious. Or at least enough that I can't approach things with Roswaal's name on them peacefully!”
Touching the bandage over his throbbing right eye, Subaru yells at interrupting Otto as he stomps the ground. The feeling of flying at Roswaal, strangling his slender throat remains in Subaru's palms. The sensation of harbouring urge to murder another, and acting upon that urge, remains present and tactile. It came accompanied by a vividness, depraved and graphic. Now that he had regained composure, recalling the event filled him with nausea, sending stinging through his skull and ringing through his ears, a memory of a nightmare. Subaru possessed no desire at all to repeat that scene again. But,
Subaru: “I do think I was wrong, but whether I regret it's another story. He wounded an unforgivable part of mine. So he met pain.”
Ram: “...By that logic, I doubt you could protest should I conduct acts of revenge upon you, Barusu?”
Subaru: “That's why I'm saying I was ready to turn ass and run the second I saw you. Ended in failure though cause Otto's a dunce.”
Otto: “That is needless defamation, but I will say that if I sincerely turned ass, the speed I'd disappear at would guarantee you no hope to have an ass, Natsuki-san.”
Subaru: “Ass ass ass shut up, are dirty jokes the only humour you have, wordbound.”
Otto: “I don't know what that means but it feels like incredible defamation! Does feel it!”
Ram interrupts their usual dialogue by clearing her throat. Subaru again narrows her eyes and glares at her, Ram giving a sigh.
Ram: “...Do relax. This action, at the least, is unconcerned with Roswaal-sama's noble will.”
Subaru: “Unconcerned... with Roswaal? No wait, but that means...”
Subaru cannot hide his shock. This means that Ram is independently choosing to help with the evacuation. And that is not the only problem.
Subaru: “If Roswaal's unrelated, then this isn't written in the GOSPEL, either... is it? Wait a second. If we start considering this stuff, then just how much does the GOSPEL write in the first place?”
Because Subaru flew into an instantaneous rage when Roswaal revealed his GOSPEL in that conversation, Subaru had not gotten to broach the topic of the book itself. However, if this so-called perfected GOSPEL truly was an omnipotent, prophetic text capable of writing the entirety of the future—
Subaru: “With how detailed the text'd be, the thing'd be enormous...”
If it was the entirety of the world, and the entirety of what would next happen that was written, then the information load surely would not fit inside one book. The human mind was far too small to comprehend every single event to occur in the world. Thus, Subaru had judged that the information inside the GOSPEL would pick-and-choose its content about the future. This would also be within an information range understandable for the owner.
Subaru: “The incomplete GOSPEL Betes owned had contents that'd be appended on one after another... it seems. Haven't seen it increase so I don't really know.”6
It appears that the GOSPEL the fanatic owned, which had half its pages blank, would have text appended onto the blank pages every time a new prophecy came. At least, it was definite that its number of pages was different between the time Subaru first acquired it, and the time of Betelgeuse's defeat. He had later attempted to investigate it further but been incapable of reading the words, and although intending to start inquiring it after speaking with Roswaal, doing so does not seem very possible in the present situation. With too little information to sample from, Subaru's theory remains just a theory. But that Subaru harboured doubts for trustability and precision of the completed works was truth.
Ram puts her hand to her mouth, in thought.
Subaru calls Betelgeuseぺテ公 which is essentially 'Betel-etc' because Betelgeuse is ungainly as shit to pronounce in Japanese. The tone is meant to be somewhat derisory. This is the best I could come up with.
Ram: “...I have not been authorised to speak on this matter. Although my presence here may be unrelated to Roswaal-sama's will, that I have devoted my heart to him remains the same.”
Subaru: “That's more than head over heels get a room, fuck.”
Ram: “However...”
Curses Subaru, lamenting his route of gathering information being shut off. But Ram cuts in. She watches Subaru raise his face in surprise, and in a quiet voice,
Ram: “It is assured that these conditions were not writ. Although, it is exactly because they were not writ that I am able to be here.”
Subaru: “...I don't get it. In the end, how're you gonna conciliate? By helping? If you're going to help, is that on your volition?”
Ram: “I'm helping the evacuation. That is by my will. I doubt Roswaal-sama will attempt to stop it, now that the situation is like this.”
Subaru: “Now that it's like this?”
Her statement tugs at Subaru, but she shows no signs of answering. Meaning the answer would be filed as one of those things that couldn't be spoken from her mouth. Ultimately, Subaru fails to get onto the topic of the accuracy of Roswaal's GOSPEL and its precise content. All that remains is the doubt, that perhaps not even that perfected GOSPEL could divine the whole of the future.
Subaru: “Well, even just knowing that might give me some advantage next time I interrogate Roswaal.”
Shelving the question for now, Subaru crafts words to force himself to agree with this. He does not even think what his statement actually implies.
Subaru: “There's still room for debate on whether or not I believe Ram from the bottom of my heart, but I'm putting that off for now and want to check our arrangements. What's actually happened?”
Ram: “Since the day following your machinations of idiocy, Barusu, we have been getting today secured as the timing and prepared for the evacuation. The citizens whinged refusing to move without first confirming your safety, so I wound up having to waste time searching for you and your ambiguous survival.”
Subaru: “Sorry for not dying in obvious black-and-white, or actually 'idiocy'? Anyway, from the day after I got violent...”
Something about the date tugs at Subaru. Unable to put that tug into proper words, Ram and Otto give Subaru a rough explanation of the escape plan. Put simply,
Subaru: “Ram's gotten the moderates to open up an escape route, we blend into the night and disappear fast as we can on carriages. Otto leads, my job's as mascot to get the villagers to leave SANCTUARY without gloom—is about it?”
Otto: “I wouldn't know what this 'mahskott' is, but we can't evacuate until everyone has confirmed that you're safe, Natsuki-san. Well, putting in simply Ram and I couldn't acquire their trust to act as leaders for the evacuation, would be what it is.”
Subaru: “Achievements from the commotion with the witchbeasts's coming round to help here, huh. Never know where or how people'll repay you, gotta make sure to set up places ahead of time where you risked your life.”
Otto: “As far as I know, you have had lots of rigamaroles such as with the White Whale and the Witch Cult where you've risked your life, Natsuki-san, but wouldn't those all have been exceedingly close calls?”
Mutters Otto in utter bafflement. Subaru shakes his head back and forth.
Subaru: “Nowaitwait,”
Subaru: “I've got no idea either why I get so many chances for the world to show off its malice. By the way I've also skirted death from a killer merc lady who loves cutting people's stomachs open throwing entrail parties.”
Otto: “There are people who boast about their painful experiences, but when someone who has passed through so many painful and terrifying scenes speaks, the valorous tales from the former group just become laughable.”
Subaru shoots Otto a thumbs up. A powerless smile rises on Otto's face as he gives a thumbs up back.
Subaru: “Well, time to do the plan. How much leeway time do you think we have?”
Ram: “Should it not change from ordinary, it will be approximately two hours before Emilia-sama gives up and leaves the tomb. She's likely only just entered the TRIAL, so conservatively an hour and a half. Even if we take thirty minutes until departure, we'll have one hour free.”
Subaru: “So one hour. We have that, and we can get out of SANCTUARY's barrier at least.”
If they can just get through the barrier, they will escape obstacles coming from SANCTUARY's side. It will also get them out of reach of the extremists. But there was one problem about the barrier that couldn't be overlooked. Subaru raises his head, hand on his chin.
Subaru: “Ram,”
Subaru: “So about the barrier, there's kinda a problem. We pass through and the extremists or whoever won't follow us, but...”
Ram: “Garf, yes?”
Subaru: “...you knew?”
Ram: “He's Frederica's little brother, and the length we've known him is different. Although reluctantly, he's been an old friend of mine since Roswaal-sama took me into his charge, seven years ago.”
A piece of the information Subaru acquired at the mansion last loop, just put out there right like that. Although completely thrown, Subaru feels internal relief at the verification from a second opinion.
Subaru: “What do we do?”
Subaru: “When he finds out I escaped confinement, Garfiel is absolutely going to chase us. It's a rowdy escape coming right after he figures my actions're suspicious. I don't think we'll have time to say if he'll be pulling his punches. Whether or not he crosses the barrier's also up to his feelings.”
Ram: “On what basis do you say Garf will follow us? He should respect Lewes-sama's will, so he would be part of the moderates. ...Although since he imprisoned you, by circumstance that would make his support one where he is unaffiliated to either.”
Subaru: “The reason he'll aim for me... um...”
The reason Garfiel harboured a hostility near to loathing for Subaru. Unquestionably, it was because of the WITCH's lingering scent emitted from Subaru's body. Since Garfiel can perceive that stench which compounds with every RETURN BY DEATH, he regards Subaru with incredible caution and hostility. The result of that hostility bearing its fangs and being put into action was this loop. That Garfiel nevertheless healed and kept a dying Subaru alive displayed both his simpleness and his rationality.
Having reached this deduction, Subaru hesitates on whether to tell it. The first person to broach the topic of the Witch's stench on Subaru was Rem. From that fragment of Rem's speech, Subaru more or less figured she harboured strong hatred for the Witch Cult, and that Ram would be relevant to that. Meaning, the Witch Cult was not something unrelated to Ram. It was to the point that just hearing the words 'Witch Cult' made Rem lose her composure. What meaning would this truth hold for Ram?
Ram: “—Barusu?”
Subaru: “Uh, uh-huh.”
Ram: “You went quiet, what happened? Your face is torpid and unlookable at best of times, but after adding oafishness and incompetence to it there truly is not a single part left worth witnessing.”
Subaru: “That ruthlessness and lack of forgiveness just makes you refreshing. Right, so the reason Garfiel'll aim for me... well, it's because I was violent with Roswaal.”
Subaru averts his gaze, avoiding the topic of the witch's scent.
Subaru: “If something happens to Roswaal, it puts burden on SANCTUARY’s functioning. It's unthinkable he'd let me, who tried to do something that dangerous, get away.”
Ram: “...Plainly said that is an overwhelmingly tedious evasion, but I'll regard it as fine. Being that I'm not speaking about the matters I can't voice, albeit impertinent of you it would be unfair should I force you to speak your thoughts.”
Subaru: “You just can't talk to me without putting that bullying in, huh? Right, Otto?”
Otto: “Er, I incredibly feel that I can't agree with you asking me for validation.”
Says Subaru seeing agreement, but Otto returns with his gaze reproachful. Not getting it, Subaru responds with a shrug. With the couple's exchange at her back, Ram looks up at the sky, her eyes narrowed in the moonlight.
Ram: “—A moon pale, a moon crazed. That night, too, was moonlit like this.”
She murmurs, quiet as to be inaudible.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
—Things proceed swiftly once the action starts.
Plans had already been made for the evacuation without Subaru, and the final stage of the plan is merely needing Subaru to be there as the start trigger. The villagers speedily board their carriages. The drivers have smooth coordination with who is boarding where, and the thirty minute estimated pre-departure time gets settled in fifteen minutes. Subaru had to give an astonished sigh at that.
Subaru: “It was fifteen minutes, but it could've been even shorter. Five minutes-ish...”
Indeed it probably could have. What rained on the parade of course wound up being Subaru. Subaru had met up with the Arlam villagers and gone to get the evacuation preparations started immediately, but everyone had instantly discovered the loss of his right eye. The villagers looked about to yell seeking revenge for Subaru's stolen eye, but Subaru managed to soothe them with a lie that the eye wasn't gone only healing—which they somehow accepted, and the evacuation was ready.
Subaru: “Doesn't feel bad to be worried about, though.”
Even though having seen it for himself Subaru couldn't believe there were many people who would be shocked if he was wounded. And when he'd previously convinced himself that the human called Natsuki Subaru was isolated, complete in himself, a worthless existence for anyone, incapable of having any impact on other's emotions. Just when did he gain so many people who would be angry for him?
It was from the achievement during the witchbeast commotion, was how he had bragged before, but in reality Subaru hadn't done anything that big. Rem was the one who saved the children in the forest, and Rem was also the one who hunted down most of the witchbeasts afterwards. Roswaal was the one who exterminated them. There shouldn't be a single instant where Subaru's achievements stood out.
Subaru: “...Ah, so that's what it is.”
Thinking that far, Subaru perceives the truth he had bottled thus far. Rem, whose existence and memories were eaten from the world by GLUTTONY's power. The only place she remained anymore was inside Subaru, only her empty vessel remaining in the world. The vestiges of her, the evidence of her, the memories of her were vanished and vanishing.
So what happened to events that occurred because of her actions? —Most likely, everything she had done would be credited to other people, revising peoples' consciousness to make each scene into its most reasonable form.
Subaru: “The people saved by Rem's actions are aiming their gratitude for her at me.”
Thinking about it, that Petra was so unconditionally attached to Subaru was likely because the existence who had risked their life pulling her out of a forest of witchbeasts, had been retroactively made to be him. If not, then how could she have so much faith in a stranger of suspicious appearance and origin, who she had only interacted with a short while?
Meaning that although unconsciously, Subaru again had been resting on Rem's laurels as if it were natural.
Subaru: “...Makes me wanna puke. At the absurdity and sleaze.”
Spitting, Subaru becomes aware that all these blessings he has been given are the sleeping girl's achievements. Even still leaving something warm in his chest was the lovely blue-haired girl. Forgotten by the world, yet perhaps even now her devotion to Subaru persisted. Although, that might just be a sentimental, convenient delusion of his.
Patrasche: “—”
Subaru: “Mn, ah, don't worry. I'm okay. ...You're another good girl who's wasted on me.”
Patrasche glances back, concerned. The movement is unlikely to disturb her mounted master's thoughts, and incredibly smooth even regardless of it following her speed. That she's running with that high sense of awareness is apparent, even ignoring the presence of her WINDBREAKER Blessing.
She isn't pulling a carriage, making this the first time in a week—after the White Whale and Witch Cult affairs—Subaru's ridden solo straddled over Patrasche. Perhaps having some dissatisfaction at pulling heaving things, Patrasche's gait is rather light while carrying only Subaru. She had, worried upon first seeing a one-eyed Subaru, licked his face consolingly with her solid, rough tongue.
Thinking back on his tryst with Patrasche, Subaru glances behind him. A secret evacuation on six carriages. Although being that the carriages' squeaking and the noise of their flight is unconcealable, the situation is far from secret. Regardless they're going slow as they can, readied to ward off discovery.
Most of the drivers are people who were hired to evacuate the villagers from the Witch Cult, and had done so on the incentive of payment. They're people who fundamentally had no need getting mixed up in this mess. Subaru worries that there might be considerable dissatisfaction among them, but after seeing them as they tensely grip the reins, Subaru figures that fear was needless. At the very least, they're not people to cause problems during a monumental game due to emotion.
???: “Natsuki-san, Natsuki-san.”
After thinking that far, Subaru suddenly hears a voice calling him from the leading carriage. He glances back to see Otto leading the line of carriages, directed his beloved dragon Frufoo while gesturing Subaru over.
Subaru: “What. The evacuation’s going good, I think.” Otto: “Yes, currently it's going so good it's nearly too good. But a problem's arisen.” Lowering his voice, Otto leans toward Subaru, who has come into step beside the carriage. Hand to his mouth, so the other carriages won't see, Otto: “Natsuki-san, please listen carefully.” Subaru: “Hm?” Otto: “—The forest is chattering, astir. Something OUTRAGEOUS is coming.” Subaru can only furrow his brows at the overly vague phrasing. But Otto's expression is awfully serious, and no atmosphere exists that this can just be laughed away. Subaru swallows his breath, joining Otto in looking behind them.
Subaru: “Is that something OUTRAGEOUS, coming right now?” Otto: “A lot of what the trees are saying is inexact, so it isn't certain, but... it's possible we'll collide at our current speed. At least, accelerating a little would be...”
Suggests Otto, cold sweat rising on his brow. Sensing his ghastly expression as something definite, Subaru judges to have the group accelerate. If they sprinted at full speed until the barrier, then afterwards would—
???: “—Hey. Pretty cold, gettin' left outta this group late-night stroll yer got.” A voice shreds through the quiet of the forest, reverberating on Subaru's eardrums.
Patrasche gouges the ground as she skids to a stop, lowering her head and baring her fangs, directing identical hostility at her previous foe before her, growling. Seeing the dragon readied for battle, the blond young man's mouth twists into an amused smile. Man: “Ha. Yer had that mucha 'a painful experience and yer still ain't afraid, really are a good girl, you are. FINGERS CLUTCH TIGHTER THE MORE THE STONE SPARKLES.”
His white canines shining, the watchman of SANCTUARY obstructs the path. While simultaneously hinting the threat of that something OUTRAGEOUS.
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