CHAPTER 39: FHREND
Otto: “What is that, that witnessing-something-inconceivable, the-workings-of-my-brain-are-unbelievable, the-utmost-of-apparition-is-before-me expression of pure delirium you've got.”
Subaru: “...That ridiculous statement of yours needs no corrections with how close it is to my mental state.”
Hands on his hips, Otto sighs. Subaru rotates his hands about to check his freed wrists, sitting on the floor as he looks up at Otto.
Bound for over three days, just moving his body is enough to bring creaking and pain. Since even rolling over in his sleep was tough with that posture, he'd been regularly flipped over at meal times, but it's not just a problem of his blood circulation. He's discovering lots of new defects. Especially,
Subaru: “Otto, this might only be because I just took off the blindfold, but... the vision in my right eye's bad. Or actually I can't see. What happened?”
Otto: “What happened, is what I hear and I'm rather hesitant to reply, but... would you like a refined glossing over, or a direct telling of the facts?”
Subaru: “Refined so I don't get any shock, with frank content so I accept reality.”
Otto: “Certainly greedy. ...Um, Natsuki-san, upon the physiognomical starboard of your perception there is mantled a cloaking of umbra, beyond which no illumination may transcend.”
Subaru: “Ah, I didn't ask for it in chuuni but yes that is enough.”
Subaru holds out his hand, vetoing Otto's explanation halfway through. He then puts his hand to his right eye, timidly feeling around to confirm. —The vision from his right eye feels as if it's been severed. Feeling around, Subaru figures out why this organ is slacking on its job. Or rather than slacking, seems like its packed up its bags and gone home. All that exists in his right eye's position is an empty socket.
Subaru: “I was healed... is what was supposed to have happened.”
Otto: “The bleeding stopped, and your broken bones are mended. However, even healing magic chooses the practitioner, and it's not an infallible power. ...Deceased segments, would indeed be...”
Otto gives Subaru a pained look. Subaru's lips loosen without strength.
Subaru: “No helping it,”
Subaru: “My head got crushed and I almost died. Should accept my right eye dying off. ...though if both my eyes died off, I'd probably lose will to live.”
Otto: “Would you like to be more positive, or rather not fall into desperation? Please. Without you, Natsuki-san, things aren't going stand.”
Although having lost an important organ known as 'an eyeball', Subaru's emotions are calm enough to surprise himself. Perhaps because the truth hasn't hit him yet, and because this isn't a gory wound with blood spilling everywhere like what happened to his right arm after Elsa.
Garfiel spoke both lie and truth. His bleeding's stopped, his wounds have closed, he doesn't hurt. Subaru just had far too high hopes for perfect, omnipotent healing magics, and Garfiel healed only what he said he had—restoration from life threatening injury.
Subaru: “Call that honest, or something. He's another guy I just don't get.”
He had struck down a Subaru attacking Roswaal, but then healed him. Or so he thought but then he also confines Subaru until the TRIAL is over, and uses him as a bargaining chip to pressure Emilia's cooperation. Heals Subaru so he won't die, and follows through with it even to being his caretaker. He loathes the WITCH'S STENCH wafting from Subaru's body, but doesn't stop coming back to him. And though he doesn't stop coming, he never asks the crux point Subaru anything. It's almost as if he knows Subaru won't say anything, and doesn't have the information he should discuss, and so has no interest in what Subaru has to say.
Subaru: “If he does know, then that's also because of a GOSPEL? Just damn everybody's... or since this's a witch's test site, is that actually meant to be natural?”
If all the important figures own books which told the future, and they acted in accordance with them, could the world not progress in a manner simpler for Subaru? Everybody focused together toward one goal, working in union for a happy end. Couldn't he get a single straight simple easy route for once?
Shouldn't it be more of a grace for Subaru, who possessed means to know the future, but had to repeatedly start over, fumbling from square one with every re-do?
Subaru: “...Complaining's not gonna move things forward, but no one's gonna help me. Fuck.”
Otto: “Well you're certainly having a sulk. That's unavoidable considering what conditions you've been in. ...But, hearing 'no one's gonna help me' does sting. What is it you think I came here doing?”
Otto hears Subaru's muttering, gives empathetic comments, and denies Subaru's words at the end. Seeing Otto's close-range smug, Subaru's expression goes puzzledly blank.
Subaru: “Ah, right actually about that, why you? No I mean seriously, over these last three or four days I've had what felt like infinite things to think about and infinite time to do it, but I can say without any exaggeration you're the only thing that didn't cross my mind once.”
Otto: “He's incredible, this man! That you're capable of saying this, even I find refreshing!”
Subaru: “Actually though, what's refreshing's how much your existence vanished from my head. I could look at your face, and it'd still take a sec before I'd figure out whether you're Otto or the old appa salesman.”
Otto: “Who is this, this old appa salesman!”
Subaru: “A starting spot for me. Could also call him Mr. Save Point.”
Subaru: “Anyway, putting aside jokes etcetera there... I've got lots of things I wanna ask.”
Otto: “Well, I'm sure you would. I'm interested too, in what you did to get yourself captured out here.”
Subaru: something something ??? its not on Roswaal's instructions this happened to me?
From what Garfiel said, Subaru's confinement should have been from Roswaal. And from there, he would make Emilia face the TRIAL. But,
Otto: “I wouldn't know how deeply the Margrave is involved, but I do at least know that presently, SANCTUARY is in the middle of an awful divide.”
Subaru: “A divide? What do you mean?”
Otto: “Only what I said. Lewes-sama's faction, which believes yourself and the evacuated villagers should be released, have been endeavouring against an arising opposing faction. Although, being that you were under Garfiel's charge, Natsuki-san, you would've been separated from the debate.”
Reports Otto, his expression exhausted. Just as Subaru feared, friction between the evacuees and the residents of SANCTUARY had deepened, dissatisfaction had boiled over and skirmishes popped up. It appears that with those minuscule cracks as the origin of it, the SANCTUARY side had split into factions, and SANCTUARY was presently in a divide. Subaru swallows his breath.
Subaru: “But,”
Subaru: “Why'd this suddenly happen again? From what I've seen... I mean, anticipated.”
The first loop went five days without any of this divide happening. Just as Subaru proposed, the promise to release the evacuees went fine and was realised on the sixth morning. The worsening of conditions here was overly fast, Subaru judges. Otto shakes his head and raises a finger.
Otto: “Well, now see,”
Otto: “There shouldn't be any 'why suddenly' in it. You're one of the causes for it, Natsuki-san. If this is what you're thinking, it sincerely is a worry.”
Subaru: “One of the causes?”
Otto: “I don't know what relationship you've had with the people of Arlam Village, Natsuki-san... but it is certainly a favourable one. The moment that Garfiel assaulted you and you disappeared, the atmosphere in SANCTUARY plummeted.”
Subaru goes silent.
Otto: “Ram and the Margrave are in a position where the people of the village would hesitate to address them, and your friendliness would be ideal as a contact to the superiors. Although, I doubt that explains it exclusively, seeing how furious everyone is.”
Subaru's jaw drops. Yes, when considering the points of change between last loop and this loop, Subaru's wellness would be one of them. Would be, but Subaru hadn't imagined in the least that his presence would effect the Arlam villagers' feelings to this extent, much less act as a trigger for SANCTUARY's divide. Trying to discern whether he's joking or exaggerating, Subaru's left-eyed gaze looks doubtingly at Otto. But Otto just furrows his brows, showing no particular or notable reaction. Meaning, he was being serious. The remaining point of contention is if Otto has the faculties to interpret matters properly, but,
Subaru: “Wanna pile up arguments getting an answer to that one.”
Otto: “I feel like I'm being treated improperly again but, it's probably fine. Anyway, Natsuki-san, the reason I came here is related to that divide.”
Subaru: “Related to the divide... right, things getting noisy 'cause I'm gone means things might manage to settle down if I come back? No I mean, that's kinda sorta expecting way too much of me or I guess putting way too much pressure on me or I guess or...”
With his nature to pile underestimations upon underestimations, Subaru is unable to accept Otto's words sincerely. Even should Subaru have a strong influence on the calm of the villagers' hearts, now that everything's already exploded, he doubts he can do anything. Actually, him showing up with a missing right eye will probably just be pouring oil onto the fire. Subaru shakes his head, expression complex, but Otto refutes his refutation with a “no no”
Otto: “I surely wouldn't think you have that much power, Natsuki-san. That would be far too conceited, that would.”
Subaru: “We agree so I can't make a jab at you but, you really do say too much. ...Then, why'd you get me out?”
Otto: “A large-scale clash is what the evacuees and the people of SANCTUARY would both like to avoid. So, I've been wondering if you'd be willing to play a part in escaping from SANCTUARY.”
Subaru: “A part in escaping?”
Narrowing his eye at the dangerousness of that word, Subaru thinks it over. He abruptly gets an idea of what Otto is thinking.
Subaru: “No way,”
Subaru: “While SANCTUARY's side is chaotic and uncontrolled, you want to have the villagers escape in the confusion. And you're having me help out in the escape, is seriously what you're doing?”
Otto: “Excellent, I'm glad the conversation's moving quickly. Time is pressing in, and I'd appreciate if you could possibly assist without any conditions attached...”
Subaru: “...Let me confirm where this's going first. Not even I'm gonna just agree if you're trying without any plan. If it feels there's a chance then sure, but if the opposition questions it there won't be any excuse.”
If, at worst, they stir up the faction opposing SANCTUARY's freedom, it will hinder Emilia and Roswaal's safety. Roswaal's really a who gives a shit but Subaru wants to avoid Emilia, Ram, and Patrasche getting hurt.
Otto: “I would like it if my name could be added to that list of persons you wouldn't want injured.”
Subaru: “Men meeting painful experiences in the gambling hall's natural. That's the type of antiqued thinking I have. A man making money stays out of the house.”
Otto: “That's the first time I'm hearing that, but probably, that's not how you're meant to use it.”
Subaru makes a face at Otto's correct jab. He clears his throat, putting the conversation back on topic.
Subaru: “Saying it's not some haphazard mess thrown together in desperation, tell me your plan. From there I'll decide whether to assist or betray you.”
Otto: “It's terrifying that the option of betrayal exists, but... the plan is simple. I've already spoken with the moderate faction of SANCTUARY, and thus while the extremists are being held back, we ride in dragon carriages to break through the barrier. And that's goodbye.”
Subaru: “Don't think that's super reckless? And this collaborator...”
Otto: “Is something to discuss should you say that you'll assist. What I'd like to leave to you, Natsuki-san, would be persuading the villagers and dealing with unreadable Garfiel. Since I'm sure he'll bite onto you if you and the villagers are together.”
Subaru: “You're saying my body makes good bait, well I can't deny that.”
Just as Otto predicts, Garfiel will definitely come flying in if Subaru and the evacuees are together. But,
Subaru: “I've got no idea what Garfiel's standing is anymore. He's like an insider to Lewes-san so he should be moderate, but...”
Otto: “It seems like he originally desired to be part of that count, but considering how he's approached yourself and Emilia-sama, it's become difficult to make judgements. Although while not perceiving him as a proactive enemy, treat him as a passive enemy, would be where our opinions overlap.”
Subaru: “They've sure been paying some damn attention, this collaborator. ...Count me in. Also what would happen if I didn't agree to help?”
Otto: “Then we would announce that we freed you, thinking to remove even just Garfiel and his powerful latent enemy potential from the list of obstacles.”
Subaru: “Just perfect, god damn it. Yeah, the moment my hands and feet were freed I definitely went against Garfiel's will. Have to go along, fuck.”
Subaru has to accept the reality that he's in the palm of Otto and the collaborator's hands. The moment this became the situation, Subaru's only remaining option became to dance to their plans. Although, Subaru didn't feel as much animosity to these conditions as he was saying.
Because if Subaru joins in with Otto's plan of escaping of the evacuees from SANCTUARY, he might find the answer behind the unpopulated SANCTUARY he had seen. If this plan succeeds, the evacuees will disappear from SANCTUARY without Subaru's interference. However, the unsolved mystery remained problematic.
Subaru: “That doesn't explain why I couldn't find the residents of SANCTUARY, who can't leave...”
Subaru could manage to agree with the theory that the people who could leave did leave. But that doesn't answer why people who supposedly can't leave went unseen. Either way, he had to leave here to observe the change of conditions. Seeing this loop off to the end, following along with Otto's plan, was not impossible.
Subaru: “Oh yeah and this's super late but, impressed you found me. This place feels like it's probably a hidden room inside SANCTUARY.”
Having managed between Garfiel's statements and excessive free time to put together the internal design of the room, Subaru looks around the place, clicking his neck. The only lighting of the dim room are its dim crystalights, lacking even a window to let sunlight inside. The structure is wooden, with shabby construction and signs of rain damage here and there. The source of the dripping that grated on blindfolded Subaru's nerves was probably from those leaks.
Otto: “Well, I'm sure it would be difficult to find this place using an honest method. Although I'd say it feels more like a secret base than a hidden room.”
Subaru: “Looking round this room again, I'm getting that impression too. Don't think with this kinda DIY that this's a pro's work. There's hints around that some rookie with too much brawn forced the building together off intuition and feeling.”
This scruffy little nook is far diverged from Subaru's original impressions of the place. It's just your everyday tiny, cramped little shed.
Otto: “Leaving that as that,”
Otto: “The achievement of finding you does belong to me. I believe this would be an appropriate scene for receiving honest praise, and Natsuki-san your reaction is?”
Subaru: “I'm honestly impressed, and you really helped me. How'd you find me?”
Otto: “Hmhmhm! You want to know? You'd like to know, he wants to know.”
Subaru: “Yeah, I wanna know. Probably used your BLESSING OF XENOGLOSSY and came here gathering info from forest bugs and lizards and plants or something though.”
Otto: “Yes but could you please give me back my feelings of superiority!?”
Otto laments being destroyed. Having what he intended to be a joke affirmed, Subaru can't conceal his internal astonishment. Astonishment, at the power of Otto's excessively practical BLESSING OF XENOGLOSSY. Subaru had previously acted off that blessing to direct Patrasche and save Emilia from danger. Otto had listened to the bugs and foliage then, rapidly taking shortcuts one after another to successfully close the distance between them.
Subaru: “Really is handy, your blessing.”
Otto: “...It truly isn't that great of a thing.”
Subaru sighs, but Otto's response is abruptly low-spirited. Subaru furrows his brows at this reaction. Otto clenches his fist, not following up on it.
Otto: “Anyway,”
Otto: “Emilia-sama's TRIAL will begin soon. Garfiel will be at the tomb over that time, so he'll have to distance himself from here. That meaning, the chance is now.”
Subaru: “Prep time 'till enacting the plan's way too short.” something something didn't find me asses catching fire schedule going crazy shikatanee
Whining about Otto pushing him along, Subaru turns his body about, checking his physical condition. Although not exactly satisfactory, he had been presented meals, and his excretions had been dealt with without fail. Thinking on it now, that he did not know who had been doing it was a situation to provoke extreme embarrassment, but he thinks back on the time he was hospitalised for breaking his leg. Either way, outside of some creakiness there are no apparent issues with his body. Otto, watching Subaru, gives a nod and goes to step forward, announcing they get moving—
Subaru: “Oh, can I ask one last thing?”
Otto: “...What is it now, gosh. Please truly make this one the last thing, yes? If too much time passes, the plan will move to its next stage and we'll just look like idiots.”
Subaru: “Sorry, sorry. ...Why did you take such a risk to help me?”
Otto's expression vanishes. Subaru figured that this was the question he should have asked at the start. Preventing the evacuees and those of SANCTUARY from clashing was beneficial for both parties. It was desirable for Subaru too, and would also support Emilia and Roswaal. However,
Subaru: “I don't see any benefits for you in this anywhere. Might be my stupidity stopping me from getting it, but... not knowing just makes me feel sick.”
He was not doubting Otto, but there was a part of this that would not click. For Otto, his involvement with the problems in SANCTUARY were due to circumstance. Neither the complications here nor the link to the Royal Selection had anything to do with him. The moment he thought entanglement in these conditions a bother, Otto could discard his involvement and leave by himself. He did desire a tie to the Margrave, but even considering goal-consciousness, the present conditions would likely be TOO POOR TO EVEN BET ON.
Although not as intensely as Subaru, Otto surely saw no light to break the deadlock of this situation. Subaru did not understand why Otto had braved danger and allied with him to this extent. Subaru had, just as stated, truly forgotten about his existence during his three days spent in rumination. He had found no factors in Otto that gave doubt or presented issue. In a certain sense, that could be called trusting him. With the situation stacked this poor, there would surely be no SOMETHING in even Otto to necessitate suspicion—was the escapist breed of that trust.
Subaru thus wanted to know, liable to overturn that trust, Otto's his true feelings. If for assumption even Otto possessed an underside Subaru could not trust in, then that would—
Subaru: “Please answer, Otto. Why are you risking yourself like this?”
He asks quietly. This was small, but certain watershed. Breathing stopped, Subaru waits for Otto's answer. Taking in Subaru's question, Otto returns Subaru's stare, choosing his words.
Otto: “I wonder just what kind of person you think I am, Natsuki-san.”
Subaru: “A guy who goes to pick up the pennies right in front of him, holding his bag in his other hand with the insides spilling out everywhere... that kinda dopey character's how I imagine you.” Otto: “Well wasn't that thought terrible! And it's irritating me that you could almost tell that I've done that before!!” That was Subaru's idea of Otto exactly—or, the idea of Otto that Subaru wished to be correct. Otto: “I swear,” Otto gives a tired shake of his head. Otto: “You know, Natsuki-san,” Subaru: “...Yeah?”
Otto: “—Is it truly so strange to help a friend?”
—For an instant, not comprehending what he heard, time inside Subaru stops.
Several seconds pass before time starts again. But even so, Subaru does not really understand the meaning of those words. What did Otto just say? Fhrend? What was this fhrend, again? There was a person like that around here? Otto: “Wh-why is his face frozen in surprise, this man.” Subaru: “No, the name of some guy I don't know suddenly came up and I can't follow the conversation. So, this Mr. Fhrend, he was, uhh?”
Otto: “I don't know what conclusion you just reached, but it is completely wrong! Not fhrend, friend! A pal!” Subaru: “Pals!? Who and who are!?” Otto: “Me! And you are!” Subaru's eyes open in disbelief as Otto screams, out of breath. He steps forward, gives a wave of his hand. Otto: “Are you listening?”
Otto: “When the Witch Cult captured me and my life was in danger, your group saved me, Natsuki¬san. And afterwards, well there were various transactions and words said that helped. I came here to make acquaintance with the Margrave, and by that meaning perhaps the relationship between me and you could have been a matter of standing.”
Subaru: “—”
Otto: “But if you cast aside that troublesome issue, I do think of you as a friend, Natsuki-san. There are some things I'd like to say about my usual treatment, but conversations of 'moron' and 'no way' have that kind of closeness too, so—er,”
Perhaps becoming embarrassed halfway through, Otto scratches his nose as he averts his gaze. Subaru remains silent. Having reached the end of his piece, Otto stares quizzically at Subaru's lack of reaction. His expression carries some unease, likely because Subaru had said nothing to affirm what he just said. Pressuring a sale of friendship, perhaps could be a way to conceive it.
Imagining that as Otto's present thoughts, an emotion swells up in Subaru's heart. The reaction brought about by that emotion was—
Subaru: “—Pfff”
Otto: “Pardon?”
Subaru: “Hahahahaahaha! F-friends? Friends! Ahh, right right. Otto, you wanted to be my friend!?”
Otto: “Wha!?”
Unable to hold back his laughter, Subaru gives a red-faced Otto's shoulders a rowdy slap. Yet laughing, Subaru keeps clutching his stomach, stomps the floor.
Subaru: “Pffhahaah, friends. Ahh, shit. Otto, you bastard, you.”
Otto: “Ow! What are you doing! Fine, I was stupid for saying it! I at least knew that you wouldn't think that way. But even so I'm sure it wasn't something to laugh so much about!”
Subaru: “Nononono, I have to laugh. You're not the weird one here. ...My own idiocy is so horrific, all I can do is laugh.”
Wiping away the tears accompanying his peals of laughter, Subaru manages to right his posture. He looks at Otto before him. He looks to be regretting saying the word 'friend'. But what visits Subaru's heart is inexpressible gratitude.
—What were Otto's plans? There might be some underside. I don't know what to believe in.
Otto called Subaru his friend, and came to help him out of concern. First doubting him rather than trusting him was Subaru's foolishness. That he decided there had to be something there, and that SOMETHING was filled with malice, was Subaru's vulgarity. Being played by the situation, losing sight of the feelings of those around him, believing only in malice and forgetting unconditional goodwill, was all ungrateful.
—Did Natsuki Subaru know so much about the world that he could give up and throw it away?
Had he been intending to achieve some enlightenment, merely by spanning these several deaths and do-overs of the world? Without even noticing the dutifulness of this friend nearby?
Unaware of Subaru's self-deprecation and self-admonishment, further confusion rises on Otto's face. Subaru crafts a smile, taking in a somehow cheery breath.
Subaru: “Sorry. You are my friend, Otto. —Thank you, for saving me.”
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
The confinement building is in the middle of the forest, separated from the village where the residents of SANCTUARY live. It sits in the middle of a path so complex that, were Otto not here to guide, Subaru would get lost and be incapable of escaping.
Subaru: “Thinking like that, if we didn't have your blessing yeah this'd be hopeless.”
Otto: “Keep from speaking too much. I don't remember the path either, I'm relying on the flowers and the frogs and the lizards. If we displease them, they'll trick us and guide us off a cliff.”
Subaru: “Nature's scary!”
Otto strains his ears as he carefully chooses the path. Subaru follows behind, missing half his vision, running rather perilously between the gaps in the trees. Losing his depth perception and half his visual field hurts. The genuine feeling of loss will likely hit afterwards, but for now it's fulfilling well its task of hindering his activities.
Mysteriously, he lacks any grudge against Garfiel, who gave him these injuries. Something something Subaru's aware getting bashed up for what he did is natural, and there's Garfiel's incomprehensible inconsistencies. If he just had some more room for his imagination to spread its wings, he could probably come up with an actual notion of Garfiel.
Subaru: “I need more information, including about the unconfirmed GOSPEL.”
He has to bench the matter for now. Annoyed, Subaru makes a small noise at the pain of a branch grazing his right ear, labouring to step over the roots. And,
Otto: “I see it. We'll be exiting near the village soon.”
Hearing this, Subaru forces his poor sight to focus ahead. Between the gaps in the trees, he sees the lights of the village. They exit the forest, the light of the stars and moon shines down, Subaru's dark vision clears somewhat.
Taking a breath, Subaru looks around the surroundings, confirming that he and Otto have returned to the village in Sanctuary. Being that the moon is out and it is night, Emilia has probably started with the TRIAL in the tomb.
A feeling rushes up to run there and be at her side. Subaru pushing the emotion down and turns back to Otto. Subaru: “If now's in the middle of the TRIAL, this's the timing to escape. What's the arrangement, where are we meeting with the collaborator?”
Otto: “Well, the collaborator—” Otto goes to point toward the village, the motion is interrupted partway through. By a voice. ???: “—There is no need to worry, I'm already here.” Cutting into their conversation, somebody walks forth.
A black maid outfit. The white apron shines under the starlight, adorning the youthful girl with a wondrous aura. ???: “First, for your safe return I will... yes, for the present I will give you my congratulations, Barusu.”
Her pink hair swaying, spitting venom, Ram—Otto's collaborator—welcomes Subaru with her face composed.
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