CHAPTER 29: OMNIVORE MALE
Getting to the point of what he wanted to hear, Subaru puts his cup to his lip. The hot tea passes down his throat, alongside several suspicions he had had, settling in his stomach. Subaru ponders seriously over what to say, and,
Subaru: “To what extent are you willing to answer my questions?” Lewes: “...It seems yer already sensing it'll be indirect but, please dern't expect much. With the ties ter the contract in place, there's little information I can give you, Lil' Su. I'm subject ter strict command ter avoid things that'd influence the TRIAL from outside the tomb.” Subaru: “I can tell from your phrasing you're already giving me hints, but... strict command, huh.” Lewes goes silent. Going off her behaviour and statements so far, the contenders for people who could influence her like this are limited. More than likely it's Roswaal's work, but,
Subaru: “Then it just makes his goals even less apparent. Does he want me... want us to clear the TRIAL? Doesn't he? I can't tell if he's trying to cooperate with us or not.” Lewes: “He'd be hoping yer'll reach the answer ter that question yerself, is about how I'd say. Lil'
Roz's always been a roundabout rascal with lotser oblique things about him. All that's grown about him's his height, wouldn't say his root aspects've changed at all.” Seems Lewes has known Roswaal since he was young. Subaru, who only knows him as a pervert, can't hide his shiver at the idea that he has been a pervert since before he was even fully grown.
Subaru: “Well, but I'm sure he must've definitely had some charm left to him still mmhm probably maybe.” Lewes: “When Lil' Roz was young... hrm. This relates to conferdential Mathers family infermation, so I can't dervulge any ferther.”
Subaru: “Wuaaah, I'm interested... no, wait, am I interested? I don't really mind not knowing much about that guy's personality.”
Subaru crosses his arms and tilts his head. Subaru: “Alright, let's throw that one away. What's necessary for me is to know his plans not understand him.”
Lewes: “That went by mighty easy, again.” Subaru: “I don't worry about things there's no use worrying about. Humans aren't made in a way where you can comprehend them from 0 to 100%. But the want to understand them regardless is just that thing you call love. And I can love Emilia-tan but not Roswaal!” Lewes gives an impressed nod at that fucking RUTHLESSNESSS, and puts her hand to her chin. Lewes: “Well then,” Lewes: “I don't feel there's too many topics left I could talk ter yer about...”
Subaru: “Oop, but my question time simultaneous with me figuring out the range of your contract's prohibitions's still going and going. As of now we're leaving aside Roswaal's personality, but my personality of looking to question knower-of-SANCTUARY-and-granny Lewes-san has more things to ask.”
Lewes: “Hr, mm. Well, jerst asking is free, so go and ask. But if I violate the contract it ain't gonna be a problem just fer me. Yer do take care not to ferget that, yeh?”
Lewes bends forward, glaring up threateningly at Subaru. However Lewes is an adorable little girl so there is absolutely no force behind this. Subaru hugs his shoulders and makes a show of shaking and shuddering, making his eyes go wet.
Subaru: “Aug scary”
Subaru: “Alright, now that we have the scary assailant and weak victim all graphed out, time for questions.”
Lewes: “I can't agree with me terning into the villain from that.”
Subaru: “A man once said: that is that and this is this. So, question—you said Frederica and Garfiel are siblings, so Frederica's been in SANCTUARY?”
Lewes scrunches up her face, Subaru intervenes with an insincere smile and enters into the main topic. Lewes' expression changes, Subaru wags his raised finger.
Subaru: “And Frederica who's supposedly been in SANCTUARY, is presently dressed in a maid outfit servicing Roswaal's mansion. But tying together what I know, this situation's strange.”
Lewes: “Hrm, how so?”
Subaru: “Her being Garfiel's sister means she's a half-blood, too. And being that she's a half-blood, with the barrier around SANCTUARY currently in place, she shouldn't be able to leave.”
The barrier around SANCTUARY reacts to half-bloods, keeping them inside once they've crossed over. It made Emilia faint, is what's kept Lewes and Garfiel stuck here indefinitely, and is presently one of the huge walls blocking Subaru's path. Subaru had been deliberating over what to do about that wall, but now there's an exception of someone leaving anyway. Meaning,
Subaru: “There's some kind of side-road around the barrier. Otherwise the barrier's been just a complete hoax all along.”
Lewes: “Hoax... ers a little saddening. It is true that ever since I've been around, I've never once had a prayer of exiting the barrier. This and that and everything, erll's the fault of the barrier erksisting.”
Subaru: “You're bound by a contract that's deceiving you... is another mean viewpoint that's possible, yeah? It's also possible you'd just never think of the thought of confirming it, if the risks is too high that you'll test whether or not it's true. But...”
It's possible that every single resident of SANCTUARY is being tricked about the barrier existing. Though with the TRIAL in the tomb unmistakably existing, this idea isn't especially realistic. Although Subaru can't completely deny the possibility that it's all been some over-meticulous plan to trap the Arlam evacuees and give Emilia more fame.
Subaru: “Thinking of the revolt that'd happen when the truth got found out makes it too disadvantageous, and chips away at its feasibility. The latter possibility autonomously erases itself... So, that just leaves the former, and...”
Lewes: “A side-road... yer sayin'. So, if yer find out about it, what'll you do?”
Subaru: “If the side-road applies to everyone, well it might take time but if all the residents can leave SANCTUARY through that, then there's no need to take the TRIAL.”
Says Subaru casually. Lewes' jaw drops.
Subaru: “Right?”
Subaru raises all his fingers, waving his hands around.
Subaru: “I'm sure there's things to gain by taking the TRIAL. And honestly, being that I kinda got a bit of a blessing, I can't completely refute that. But, maybe it's fine to slip past the TRIAL—or PAST, in this case. I'm sure there's timings and people where facing the past shouldn't be forced.”
Lewes: “Yer mean Emilia-sama? But, it isn't that yer can choose when hardship will visit yer. Running away in the face erv a coming calamity is...”
Subaru: “I'm not saying to run away entirely. It's a retreat to make the preparations for a proper intercept. A strategic withdrawal. I'm sure there's cases where you have to fight on disadvantageous ground, but rushing about to prepare the most advantageous ground possible, is both to the person themselves and those around them's credit, right?”
Subaru buts in through Lewes' talking to pile up statements to justify running around. To conclude that turning your back is not a shameful act.
Subaru: “Even if she doesn't face it now, Emilia will someday assuredly face her past. It's ironic, but the TRIAL's made her remember it. She can't choose to forget it or swallow it down. So, as best I can, my role's to build the conditions where she can settle it without suffering.”
Lewes: “...Yer planning to distance yerselves from suffering, but merely not running away from the single most painful part.”
Subaru: “Running from that's surely also an option. But I believe she... that Emilia won't do that, yup.”
Lewes: “How can yer believe in her that much? It's impossible fer me, at least. After seeing how outer sorts she was leavin' the tomb, to hold that kinder expectation is...”
Subaru: “Well, I'm crazy in love with her.”
Lewes goes to pile up more denials, when Subaru casually drops that one on her. While Lewes' been shocked several times through the conversation, this is the one that has her fucking gobsmacked. An embarrassed smile rises on Subaru's face as he scratches his cheek.
Subaru: “I love Emilia, and I think she's mega cute. So, I believe that this loved mega-cute girl of mine is a strong girl, who'll ultimately overcome anything, no matter how hard or painful. I expect of her, expect of her, expect of her, and believe she'll meet that.”
Lewes: “Th... that ersn't an answer at all. No matter how much you love them, there're things in their heart which'll stay futile. I'm sure you understand that too, Lil' Su...”
Subaru: “Sure I understand. Emilia's a girl. She's not all strong parts, she's got frail parts too and though they're super super small I'm sure she doesn't not have some ugly parts too.”
Lewes: “Are yer accepting it er not...”
Subaru: “Believing, that even with that weak part there the strong part will shine its light, would be what devotion is, right?”
Devotion. The strongest expression of love, is the belief engraved in Subaru's heart. When he truly, with body and soul got to offer his devotion, he felt felicity. So,
Subaru: “I'm giving all I can, to Emilia. I believe she'll conquer her weak parts and raise her head strong, and I'll be working to trawl in the scene where I gloat that believing in her was correct.”
Lewes: “...Even so, the only one who gets to face their most painful heart is the person themself.”
Subaru: “Well of course, right? I can't be at Emilia's side when she faces her PAST. If I were in her PAST, I could take her hand when she's crouched down crying and pull her back up, stand her up, give her the best cheerleading I can from beside her, but I'm not there. What happened in the PAST has no relation to me. Reach my hand out and it's just clinging, the people watching a drama can't interfere with what's on the TV.”
It's the truth. PAST was the PAST, and Subaru couldn't touch it. The PAST Subaru overcame was nothing more than forgery, he didn't communicate a single word to his real parents, and all he gained from it was a sense of self-satisfaction. But,
Subaru: “It's definite that being rewarded with something is better than being rewarded with nothing. I can't lend her my hand when she's facing her PAST. But it doesn't contradict the rules for your present self to lend your old, insufficient self a hand, does it?”
Lewes goes silent.
Subaru: “I can't lend her my hand, but my words and actions and love and... well, I'd be happy if she put me first, but Emilia's received other things from lots of people as well. She at least has more things now than she did in the PAST. If you have lots of weapons to use, those also get sent to the insufficient PAST. The difficulty rating of this TRIAL's based on the premise that you'll overcome it doing that, yeah?”
Subaru: “I will help Emilia. I'll completely devote myself so that she can overcome her past. And for that purpose, I'll use side-roads or obstinance or cheat donation items or damn anything. That's how I devote myself.”
Lewes: “Gracious... ain't that beyond the peak of loving someone egocentrically.”
Subaru: “Neither herbivore nor carnivore, call me the omnivore male!”
Subaru clicks his fingers and flashes a grin, entering a thumbs-up winking pose. Lewes gives a long, long, resigned sign. Lewes: “Those were sure some pretty words yer lined up, in that excuse of yers to be wily.”
Subaru: “Heheh!” Lewes: “Twaddle. ...Sorry, I can't tell yer the details of that side-road. But I can say that if yer relying on that, it ain't going to werk. Frederica's leaving SANCTUARY was an erksception. Yer can't bring everybody out of SANCTUARY.”
And thus Lewes crushes Subaru's prospects with a shake of her head. Subaru's dejection, slumped shoulders, collapsing to the floor on his knees—etc, doesn't happen. Subaru: “Oh well. It was just a thought that'd be a profit if it went well but we'll put that as fine. Then, the next question'd be...”
Lewes: “It's weird with me sayin' it but, that sure didn't discourage yer, Lil' Su.” Subaru: “If this much was enough to break me, I have no idea how many times I would've wound up inside a whale's stomach. Me saying this's something too but, I've got no weapons except how bad I am at giving up and the depth of my love.” Lewes is again fucking amazed. Subaru claps his hands. Subaru: “Snap outta that,” Subaru: “Though, I know that Emilia revealing her true power at full strength and overcoming the
TRIAL just like that'd be the most hero-epic-ish way for it to go. As a老練なTRIAL挑戦者, would you have anything to comment on that, Lewes-san?”2 Lewes: “Feels I jerst got called sermething incredibly stupid. And all I can answer to that question's that I don't know. I've never taken the TRIAL before, so there should be no way that I would know, yer?”
Subaru: “Whu?” Subaru: “Would you have perhaps just proclaimed that you have never taken the TRIAL?” Lewes: “Why're yer speaking polite all the sudden. Ain't it obvious? Me taking the TRIAL, with its practice of having outsiders take it, wouldn't be allowed. Same fer the others. Least as far as the 70 years I know, it's never happened. Yer the ferst, Lil' Su.” Subaru: “Nnononononoweirdweirdweirdweird. Hold on pause, stay, wait, things're weird information's off. I'm checking my heart's notepad so just a moment please.”
Lewes: “Yer got five minutes.” Subaru nods gratefully at Lewes' unexpected patience, puts his fingers to his temples, and frantically files through his memory. He goes back to the day before the start of the last loop, and to This is me being tongue-in-cheek because of Lewes' line but holy shit imagine what a fucking catastrophe Subaru's dialogue would be if you did this for all the English shit he says. the point just after he'd overcome the TRIAL, putting together the minute inconsistencies.
Subaru: “—Wha?”
Subaru realises that, there in his memories, is already an inconsistency which shouldn't be there. His face stiffens at this truth, and he somehow manages to keep himself from muttering 'What is this?'. But he can't stop the pip of suspicion from budding, its stem from growing, its flower from blooming.
Inside Subaru's memories, the night before the TRIAL, Lewes said this: —Nobody has challenged the TRIAL until now. There has never been a challenger since I've been around.
Inside Subaru's memories, right before and right after the TRIAL, Lewes said this: —I've taken the TRIAL before, I didn't beat it but I'm here and safe. Proof that even if you challenge, there's no damage.
In the span of just one day, her statements completely flipped. If these were just some statements based on emotion it'd be one thing, but these are about lived experiences based on reality. Such a huge change in the information has to mean there was, intentionally, a lie.
Subaru directs his gaze to Lewes. Lewes waits there, fiddling with her pink hair. Her legs don't reach the floor, dangling as she sits on the bed, her visage as she distracts herself from boredom completely contrary to her granny insides and the very picture of a little girl. Subaru didn't want to think that she'd been toying with him maliciously all until now, but,
Subaru: “If one of them is true, which one should I believe?”
Subaru's stance until now when faced with differing information was to believe in the one he wanted to believe, but with Emilia's fate resting on the decision, he can't make it so lightly. This was literally a life-threatening problem. He had to be careful.
This was now the third time the topic of challenging the TRIAL had been brought up with Lewes. The first time she said she'd taken it, the second time she didn't know about the TRIAL. Frequency alone didn't indicate truth, but taking that stance here, then perhaps the side to believe is that Lewes doesn't know about the TRIAL. Thinking like that, then her fooling him that she had taken the TRIAL could be interpreted as her being considerate to ease an uneasy Subaru. But if that was the case, Subaru figures she would've mentioned even in passing afterwards that it was a lie.
Subaru: “There's some reason she couldn't do that... maybe she's started going senile...”
Lewes: “Did yer just try finalising a rather rude theory towards me?”
Subaru: “Just tried my hardest to interpret things positively, is the effort I put in and I'd be glad if you could respect that and let that counterbalance things, Subaru tried asserting with a posed look.”
Lewes sighs and shakes her head, exhausted.
Lewes: “So did yer get an answer outter that conversation with yer heart or whatsit?”
Subaru: “An answer, or more like a conclusion of 'well maybe it was this'. Um, so hey Lewes-san were you maybe just kinda worried about me? Like outside the tomb.”
Lewes: “Worried?”
Subaru: “Yeah,”
Subaru nods and brings his hands together, interlacing his fingers, entering otome mode
Subaru: “You said during that one conversation you hadn't taken the TRIAL, but outside the tomb you said you had taken it but you said like it wasn't such a big deal? So, that might've been you being thoughtful towards me when I had my propensities for getting spooked going or I guess proneness to worrying going or I guess, well I only just realised that might've been it and...”
Lewes: “—Ah, so that's it.”
Says Lewes in a comprehending tone, cutting into Subaru's fast-paced awkward-headed dialogue. Subaru furrows his brows in confusion, Lewes smiles.
Lewes: “Lil' Su, I'll tell yer some advice. As something special.”
Subaru: “Advice?”
Lewes: “With the ties ter the contract in place, I cannert tell LIES. So when I'm asked an inconvenient question, the only option ter avoid answering is ter choose silence. There's no exceptions, and it has nothern ter do with being fer anybody's sake. LIES are banned. Not just fer me, fer all the people of SANCTUARY.”
Subaru: “You can't tell, lies?”
All Subaru has at this sudden confession is confusion. If what Lewes is saying is true, it messes up the central basis of Subaru's idea. Or no, if the things Lewes was saying before were truths, then the very fact he'd come up with this question of his towards her contradicted it.
—How did Lewes, who supposedly can't tell lies, create a situation that couldn't happen without telling lies?
Subaru: “Um...”
Lewes: “Fer as I'm concerned now, this's the limit of what infermation I can voice. Asking anything more ain't going ter werk. Bad things'll happen fer both of us if the contract isn't abided. If yer want to know more, don't question my stopped-up self, ask it ter one who's gone forward.”
Subaru can only close his opened mouth and fall into silence. If Lewes rejects him like this, being that Subaru has no methods here except coasting off her goodwill, he really has nothing he can do. But taking this as truth, Subaru firmly grasps that Lewes's desire to be freed from SANCTUARY was not a falsehood.
Subaru: “Okay, I won't ask more. Let's change the topic. To something else.”
Lewes: “Yer've got strange tastes. Yer know you won't learn anything about the core point, but are yer still gonna chat over tea with this old lady?”
Subaru: “I missed breakfast, and I've got free time until Emilia-tan wakes up. Looking at Roswaal pisses me off, Garfiel's bearing his fangs at me, it's tiring having Otto make me make comebacks, I'm gonna deepen my precious friendship with the loligranny.”
Standing up, Subaru collects the two cups of thoroughly cold tea and heads for the kitchen, Lewes watching him go. Subaru: “You don't have to worry, it's only been a sorta-kinda short-period thing but I am living as a servant in Roswaal's mansion. I've at least been taught how to brew tea.”
Lewes: “Hrm. Then, allow me ter wait with expectations.” Subaru: “Wuou, pressure,” Subaru gets new tea in the teacups, hands one off to Lewes, and returns to his original spot. They face each other, again taking their first sip. Lewes: “Yer not too bad.” Subaru: “Made it myself but leaves're still leaves. Also, so about changing the topic...” Lewes: “If yer gonna continue that conversation I ain't listening. Instead... well, on any other topic
I'd like ter answer yer as earnestly as posserble.” Subaru: “Alright, so I'll be obliging.” A nasty smile rises on Subaru's face. Subaru: “Is there anything that Garfiel's weak to or hates, or things he'd faint at just by seeing?” Lewes: “Lil' Su, are yer aware that yer way of devoting yerself is a tidge crooked?” And with that, Subaru prompts Lewes to make the most incredible expression she's made over this whole hour.
※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※ ※
After their chat ends and they clean up the teacups, Lewes states she wants to be alone and Subaru leaves her behind as he exits the house. Subaru thinks that they spent a little longer than an hour, but the sun which had supposed to have only just risen now sits high in the sky, the temperature risen. Feels like just past 10 am.
Subaru: “This's perfect sunlight to be airing out a futon, what a waste... wow that thought feels like I've completely shed being a shut-in.”
Subaru: “Time's time, Emilia'll be waking up soon. After yesterday, she'll probably be downcast so I'll imprint my existence on her by taking advantage while she's weak.”
With that rather underhanded line, while sincerely wanting to see the worried Emilia, Subaru gets moving. He goes fast as he can, wanting to be with her to ease her for a long time. Because,
Subaru: “Tomorrow, I'll wind up having to not be there.”
Afternoon of this day, Roswaal will likely formally propose the liberation of the Arlam village evacuees. Then immediately get everything arranged, and the departure from SANCTUARY will be tomorrow. Subaru would be going along. He had to return to the mansion.
Subaru: “If you wanna know anything deeper, don't ask someone stopped-up, go ask one who's gone forward... that's sure some goddamn roundabout speech.”
But not being roundabout meant she couldn't communicate what she wanted to communicate. Feeling pity for what a goddamn pain that is, Subaru sighs.
Subaru: “I'm expecting some answers about your dumb little brother and annoying hometown, Frederica.”
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