Monster no Goshujin-sama - Volume 16 - Chapter SS

Extra Story: A Certain Heretical Wish ~Todoroki Miya’s POV~

Lying down on the wet ground, I continuously let out shallow breaths. I was losing all sensation in my body. I couldn’t feel coldness or warmth. The sensation of the ground beneath me was gone. I couldn’t even tell what was up or down. It was frightening.

Still, my current state had to be a blessing. After all, my intestines were spilling out of the wound in my abdomen, and due to the passage of time, they were decomposing. Feeling nothing meant I felt no pain or agony.

I thought back over the path that had taken me—Todoroki Miya—to this point. Even at a time like this, my heart remained cold, my thoughts drifting idly as though it were somebody else’s crisis.

◆ ◆ ◆

“The composition of the expeditionary force is decided, then. I’m sure it’ll be hard for you all, but let’s remain hopeful.”

With the words of our leader, Nakajima Kojirou, the long meeting came to an end. This was an assembly made up only of the exploration team’s upper brass. As a nicknamed cheater, I’d participated too.

About half a month had passed since the unimaginable disaster of being teleported to another world. Having established a primitive community known as the Colony, the exploration team was finally sending out what was being called the first expeditionary force.

“Things are proceeding steadily. I’ll have to focus.”

Around the time we left the hut, Yu—Iino Yuna—spoke to me in an all-too-serious tone. I liked this aspect of her and replied with my usual lighthearted smile.

“Ahah, that’s so like you.”

“Jeez. Stop acting like this has nothing to do with you, Todo. You can’t be acting carelessly, okay?”

She rebuked me, but her expression was one of immense consideration.

“I think it’ll be fine since we’re leaving a good number of people in the Colony, but there are no absolutes. I won’t be with you, got it?”

“’Kaaay.”

We were going our separate ways for this operation. Yu was participating in the expeditionary force, while I was staying behind in the Colony. We’d been a tag team ever since coming to this world, so this was going to be our first time away from each other.

“I’m pretty worried. I’d be a lot more at ease if you were just a bit more reliable, Todo.”

“Waah. I’m more worried about you, Yu.”

“Oh? I’m pretty sure I’m the more reliable one.”

It was a childish conversation between friends. We wouldn’t be able to talk like this again for a good while. According to the plan, if they didn’t find anything, the expeditionary force would return in over one month at the earliest. If only we could communicate by smartphone, but that wasn’t possible in this world.

As our conversation went on, my reluctance to part ways carefully guarded, someone called out to us from behind.

“You two look like you’re having fun. What’re you talking about?”

It was the exploration team’s leader, Nakajima Kojirou. Okazaki had detained him after the meeting, but we were taking our time talking as we walked, so he ended up catching up to us. He was the one who had, in essence, gathered more than three hundred people who possessed powers beyond the means of humanity and unified the Colony, yet his demeanor was very sociable. Regardless, his mannerisms were full of confidence and pride, balancing everything out. He was the definition of a leader. Everyone said so.

“Ah, Leader, perfect timing,” Yu said to him. “Can I stay behind after all? Or maybe Todo can come with us too?”

“Sorry, I can’t allow it. The group composition has already been decided. We can’t mess with it now.”

Nakajima remained considerate, but was clear and to the point. He was affable, but possessed tremendous decisiveness and had the strength to persuade others. Those who wielded superhuman abilities—who’d been recently named cheaters for a reason I didn’t understand—were easily driven by emotions. Perhaps his persuasiveness was the greatest factor that allowed him to lead them. He was idolized by practically everyone, including Yu. When he spoke like this, she had no choice but to back down.

“Understood. Sorry for being selfish, Leader.”

“Don’t be. There’s no need to apologize. Thank you for understanding.”

Nakajima Kojirou nodded in satisfaction and turned my way with a warm gaze. I peered into his eyes and saw something deep within.

“Do you understand too, Todoroki?”

“Yes,” I answered a beat later, acting like I always did. “I’ll do my best.”

I was pretty sure I was acting the same as usual. I didn’t feel all that confident about it, though.

“Right. I’m relying on you two.”

He nodded back to me innocently with an open smile. However, the expression hidden beneath that smile was nowhere near that gentle. Everyone said that Nakajima Kojirou was a suitable leader. Practically everyone idolized him. That was the truth. That wasn’t my opinion, though. I wasn’t part of “practically everyone.”

My eyes saw him as something that wasn’t human. I saw him as terrifying and dreadful. The friendship and affection he had for his comrades felt like different emotions from what humans used those words for. It was like a human looking down at tiny ants, or a giant ant looking down at tiny humans. It was creepy and frightening.

He was an alien existence. I was sure of it. But I never mentioned it. How could I? After all, I was also an alien existence—in a different sense from the terrifying being before me. That was how I’d noticed it, and that was why I couldn’t say anything. Just maybe, had I told someone about this, everything after this point would’ve gone differently.

◆ ◆ ◆

Ever since childhood, I’d been incapable of sympathizing with others. I didn’t think of others as fellow humans. I felt like I was alone among aliens. I couldn’t understand them, so I couldn’t sympathize with them.

I didn’t know why. There probably wasn’t a reason at all. I was simply born like that. My soul was shaped that way. Still, that didn’t mean I showed contempt for others. I didn’t understand it myself, but I knew there was merit to that. Still, I just couldn’t categorize myself among them. So, what I’d felt was a sense of alienation. I had a complex about my inability to find any value in anything.

The only exceptions that I found myself obsessed with were the beloved dogs my family had raised. They were honestly dear to me and so very adorable. It might sound strange when I couldn’t think of any humans as dear to me, but from my perspective, people who could were the inexplicable ones. Hence, it went both ways.

Man’s best friend was what had barely connected me to humanity. Despite not being human, they seemed to understand humans and had taught me their value. It was enough for me to want to be reborn as a dog. I wanted to be one of them. That was probably why my superpower had manifested as the Beast of Darkness.

No, I didn’t understand humans. However, by observing them, I could outwardly mimic their behavior. That was how I’d lived to this day. In this one aspect, Nakajima Kojirou and I were similar. He was also an alien, but he wasn’t the same as me. In all likelihood, he couldn’t sympathize with others for an entirely different reason. That lack of sympathy was the only thing we shared. That was why I was capable of noticing it. I was probably the only one in the Colony who knew how alien he was.

Conversely, I wasn’t sure whether he realized the same about me. Even if we were both aliens, it didn’t mean we understood each other’s thoughts. Much like how I didn’t understand humanity, I didn’t understand Nakajima Kojirou. I had no idea why he was so alien. I simply felt like I was staring into a terrifying abyss every time I came across him.

His mere presence elicited a deep dread. And if he knew that I knew...that thought sent a chill down my spine. I shuddered and turned pale. I felt like I couldn’t endure keeping this to myself. Just then, a hand slapped against my shoulder, startling me.

“What’s wrong, Todo?”

“Yu...”

Yu peeked at me with a worried look. Her warm gaze expelled the cold from my heart and body. That was why I was able to reply without hesitation.

“Nope. It’s nothing. It’s nothing at all, Yu.”

◆ ◆ ◆

Yu was special to me. She could be summarized plainly as “a woman of justice.” Everyone probably had the same impression of her. She was always perfectly honest and trying to do the right thing. She was a shining example of how one should be.

However, Yu’s righteousness was a little too much for a human. Because of that, she was a little disconnected from others. To be frank, she wasn’t normal. Perhaps alien was the right word for her too. Don’t misunderstand, though. Unlike me, Yu was properly human. In fact, she was a surprisingly normal girl. She was strong at heart, sensitive, very caring, and secretly a scaredy-cat. That was why it was weird.

Take the fight against the huge army of monsters that’d attacked us upon arriving in this world. During that battle, Yu had stood her ground even as she trembled in her shoes. She hadn’t forgotten her fear like the cocky warriors, nor were her sensibilities dead like mine. She’d swallowed her fear, had steeled herself, and had bravely fought against the surging wave of monsters. I could declare with certainty that no normal girl would be able to act like a veteran of war the way she had.

She was so strong, and radiant—and hence unreliable. Even if she was stronger than most, if the path she ran down was several times harsher than a normal life, she was liable to break. I’d been aware of this facet of her even before teleporting to this world. Rather, it was precisely because I’d been attracted to her unbalanced strength and unreliability that we had become best friends.

So, if I opened up to her about everything, she would probably lend me her strength. However, I never told her about the anxieties in my heart. Even now, I smiled to hide them, then parted ways with her.

After that, I walked to the edge of the Colony. Reaching a spot with nobody else around, I pushed down the anxieties welling up inside me. Upon spotting something, I suddenly scowled. Several boys were standing threateningly over another skinny boy. This was the type of thing Yu hated seeing the most. On edge due to the feelings in my heart, I found it disgusting. So, I questioned them in a gentle voice.

“What are you doing?”

◆ ◆ ◆

When I thought back on what happened, I could feel the blood rush to my face.

“Are you fine with being weak?”

If it hadn’t happened at such a time, I would never have asked such a question. After all, I wasn’t particularly strong myself. The truly powerful were people like Yu. They were strong and radiant, and had value. They were different from me.

I was far more mean-spirited than I’d intended, but the boy didn’t really pay it any mind. On the contrary, he came to talk to me several times after that.

He was a strange boy. There was something in his eyes that really left an impression on me. I had no idea what went through his mind. I couldn’t understand humans, so that only made sense, but this felt a little different.

I grew the slightest bit interested in him. This was pretty unusual for me. As a result of keeping the anxieties in my heart from Yu, something had taken shape between me and another human. Fate truly was a mystery. Perhaps, given a little more time, there could’ve been some kind of development.

In the end, even when the expeditionary force left, I didn’t open up to Yu. It wasn’t that I didn’t trust her. On the contrary, I trusted that she would try to help me more than anyone else. That was precisely why I couldn’t get her involved. Even if the Beast of Darkness and the Skanda stood their ground with all their might, I doubted we could stand a chance against that monster.

This was probably the right choice. I became sure of this when the Absolute Blade Hibiya Kouji caught me by surprise and split open my belly. Hibiya Kouji was a nicknamed cheater who’d stayed behind in the Colony with me. He was talented and meticulous—both in the good way and the bad.

After cutting down his most troublesome enemy, he went on to kill the remaining core members who’d stayed in the Colony before they could recover from the shock. He was disgustingly efficient. However, he messed up in one small way. He failed to kill me on the spot.

Despite taking a surprise attack, I just barely survived. Perhaps “still not dead” was a better way of describing it, though. At any rate, I couldn’t move my body, so I created a hound using the Beast of Darkness and rode it to get away.

Hibiya Kouji had carelessly informed the dying exploration team members that Nakajima Kojirou was the culprit behind everything. Well, this had been a mental attack against them, and he’d killed everyone who heard it, so it hadn’t really been that careless. Still, my getting away on the verge of death had to be unexpected. It was a major problem that I knew who the culprit was. He chased me relentlessly.

Unfortunately, due to the scheming of the people working with him, the Colony had been thrown into chaos. I had nowhere to go for help. I escaped into the forest as Hibiya Kouji gave chase. Our deadly game of tag went on for nearly half a day. From another perspective, it meant half a day’s worth of people hadn’t been killed by the Absolute Blade. Yu had left the Colony to me, so it would be nice if this lived up to her expectations somewhat. I did my best. I really did my best.

“Anyway, to think he’d do such a thing...”

I’d been under the impression that Nakajima hadn’t taken me along because I was a nuisance for having discovered his identity. If so, it was fine to remain at a distance. I’d never thought he’d destroy the Colony and have me killed while he was at it. He truly was terrifying. It was a good thing I hadn’t gotten Yu involved. If she’d sided with me, even if my survival chances could’ve been slightly better, it would’ve been far more likely that she would have died. I couldn’t let that happen.

Still, even if I hadn’t gotten Yu involved, this wasn’t the end. I had no idea what Nakajima was up to, but Yu would definitely be in danger one day. I could only pray that someone who could oppose him appeared while Yu was still alive. I couldn’t do anything about it myself anymore, after all.

“Ugh...”

Before I knew it, Hibiya Kouji was nowhere in sight. That said, I hadn’t escaped death. My wound was far too deep. Some of my organs had spilled out from being jostled around. The strength granted to me by this world was simply keeping me from dying immediately. No healing magic could do anything about this. In that sense, the supernatural vitality I’d obtained was like a tool to torture me.

“Guh... Hrk...”

Agony and pain ran through the entire meat sack that was my body. Each time I vomited, it felt like my broken intestines would come out my mouth. My hands trembled violently, and my consciousness faded over and over.

“Ah...”

And then, my ability vanished like a snapping thread. The hound I’d created disappeared, throwing me to the ground. Pain tore my body apart and my consciousness turned hazy. Everything was rapidly fading away. All sensation vanished from my body, and all I could do was let out faint breaths. I viewed these events soberly.

I had no worth. My life had no worth. I met my end without being rewarded in any way. What a fitting end for a nonhuman. The moment that thought crossed my mind, I suddenly felt like letting go. However, just then, I heard a dog’s desperate howl. It was then followed by a scream. This changed my fate—and that of many others.

“What...?”

Despite my current state, I opened my eyes without thinking about it. Beyond some greenery, a boy was being tormented by several others. Next to him, an enormous dog was convulsing on the ground. This was apparently the dog—no, wolf—who’d screamed. It’d been the scream of a monster who’d been sent flying with a kick. I then realized that the boy on the ground was someone I knew. It was the boy I’d recently become acquainted with.

“No way...”

Honestly, I was shocked. I’d never thought I would see him all the way out here. We were a fair distance from the Colony. To get here, he had to have gone through this forest that was rampant with monsters. He had to have walked while fighting the fear of death. There was no way he should’ve gotten this far. He was so weak, after all. It had been enough for me to have asked him that question.

“Are you fine with being weak?”

“Ah...”

I remembered my own words. The sight before my eyes now was his answer. It was a little too late to realize, but I finally understood why he’d talked to me several times since meeting me. I remembered the eyes he’d directed at me. I’d always wondered how he’d perceived me.

I was different from Yu. She was strong and radiant, and had value. I was an alien, harbored darkness, and had no worth. But it was different for him. That was precisely why the question I’d thrown him had surely had some value that I didn’t even know about.

“How...troublesome...”

It really was a bother. I mean, if he’d pushed himself this far because of that—then I had to take responsibility for speaking those words.

“U-Ugh...”

I clenched my teeth hard, regaining my fading consciousness. The pain came back in an instant. It felt like a hammer was clanging in my brain as sensation returned to my body. My disgustingly sturdy body still moved, even though my heart had practically come to a complete stop. Finding this a little strange, I smiled. Standing up for someone else—it was as if I were human.

“I guess...I’ll hang in there...just a little longer.”

◆ ◆ ◆

So, using the power of the Beast of Darkness, I slaughtered all the fools. There was a warrior among them, but that didn’t matter. The huge number of beasts I created with the last of my strength tore him apart mercilessly. If anyone found their bodies afterward, they would probably misinterpret this as an enormous monster strong enough to kill a cheater coming through here and leaving when the deed was done. My monsters didn’t leave, though—they simply vanished when I undid my power.

With this, the imminent threat was gone. Leaving things like this would be unfair, though. The boy’s heart had been trampled into pieces. My death would be the straw that broke the camel’s back. At this rate, he would lose the willpower to keep living. There was only one way. Hope wouldn’t keep him alive. So, the signpost at the end of despair had to do the job.

I forcefully retained my consciousness as I tried to escape from the pain and suffering. Taking this agony upon myself was hell. However, I had something I had to leave behind.

“Why...am I...?”

What I spat out next was a curse. Or perhaps, it was a bloody blessing that granted this boy a path when he was supposed to meet his end here.

“This world should...just be destroyed.”

I didn’t know whether he would walk down this path. I didn’t know how far he could go. I simply gave him a motive. The rest was up to him. The boy rose to his feet in silence. The wolf I saw earlier walked up to him. After saying one last self-indulgent thing, I breathed my last.

◆ ◆ ◆

My painful life came to an end. It was over. That was what I believed. However, against all expectations, my very being took a place in what came next. I knew the reason for this: it was my last self-indulgent request—for the wolf to eat my body when I died. I didn’t know how it worked. Perhaps my long-standing desire to be reborn as a dog had something to do with it.

Without anyone knowing, I secretly accompanied her. At first, she didn’t even have a name. Then, she was the second to receive one. I hid in a corner as her story began. She was, of course, not me. However, we shared the same perspective. I was always watching. I shared her thoughts of him. I shared her feelings. Ironically, by no longer being human, I managed to learn the human emotions I’d been so incapable of understanding.

So, in that instant, I threw away my life without hesitation. At the end of that battle against Hibiya Kouji, she tried to run off to that boy’s side. When her human half had been cleanly detached from her, my ego had separated too, living entirely within the severed torso.

I was like a parasitic plant. Without my host, I wouldn’t last long. Using just this upper torso, I threw myself at Hibiya Kouji. Then, I was tragically cut down. But that didn’t matter. Using that opening, she broke away and ran toward that boy.

Making sure of this, I fell to the ground. This time, it was over. Much like that day so long ago, everything was fading away. However, unlike that time, my heart was filled with warmth. I felt like I’d been rewarded for all that suffering and effort. The path that wolf and I had walked had that much value.

I had regrets, of course. My host had been concerned about my best friend’s future too. However, I’d done everything I could. All I had to do now was believe and leave it to him. I thought of the two boys I’d come to know through my host.

One of them, Majima Takahiro, would never give up. He was what I’d hoped for. He was the one and only person who could oppose that terrifying being. The other boy was Kudou Riku. The feelings of my host were sure to reach him. She was definitely going to pull it off. With that conviction in my heart, I closed my eyes.