Monster no Goshujin-sama - Volume 1 - Chapter 10

Chapter 10: The Puppet’s Embrace

I was sinking away. Sinking away deep, deep into the depths. It was suffocating, yet I couldn’t float back up. And as I sank, it kept getting thrust before me again and again. That thing I didn’t want to hear. That thing I didn’t want to see. Didn’t want to smell. Didn’t want to touch.

Again. Again and again. Even if I cried and screamed, nobody would save me. That’s because there was nobody else here.

I was alone.

I was sinking away all alone.

“..., ...”

Just then, I felt like I could hear something. It was... a voice? A voice screaming from afar. I listened carefully and could tell this voice was calling for someone.

They were calling for someone... but who?

“...! ...er!”

The darkness around me trembled. That voice continued calling out. Each time it did, it shook my very existence. My consciousness was shaking. My entire body was shaking. I finally realized the voice was calling out to me.

“—ster!”

With my consciousness drifting about in a dark bog, I realized I was in a dream. Now that I knew this, it wasn’t all that difficult to surface from the depths of darkness.

“Master!”

My body shot up in an instant.

“Haah... Haah... Haah...”

My breathing was rough. The air I expelled was accompanied by an unpleasant heat. While enduring the dizziness, I blinked a few times and spotted the light from a bonfire. It seemed I had fallen asleep. If I remembered correctly, there was that thing with Kaga... And then, right after that, we returned to the cave. I had only planned to rest my body a bit until it was time to eat, but it turned out I had fallen completely asleep.

After having a coughing fit, I concentrated on getting my breathing back in order and then took one long breath.

I had a horrible dream... At least, that was what it felt like. I couldn’t remember the details. I didn’t want to remember the details.

“Are you alright, Master? You appeared to be having a nightmare.”

From the corner of my eyes I could see a towel being held out to me. It seemed she had been waiting for me to calm down all this time.

“Y-Yeah... Sorry.”

I took the towel and pressed it to my face. I was sweating quite profusely. My head was heavy. Perhaps because I was woken up in the middle of sleeping, it felt like a portion of my brain was still left behind within that nightmare.

A nightmare. A dream of swimming in the depths of darkness. My entire body was trembling. Was this because of the cold? Or was it something entirely different?

“You’re sweating a fair bit. I’m sure it’s rather uncomfortable. How about wiping down your body?” The considerate voice next to me interpreted my trembling as being cold. “Please take off your clothes. I’ll wash them for you.”

“Okay.”

I obediently nodded like a child. Was this because I saw a nightmare? Having someone worry about me was endlessly reassuring. I felt like laughing at my own childishness. That also meant I had regained myself enough to laugh. That’s why...

“Hm?”

After finally regaining my consciousness, my head still buried in the towel, I realized something was out of place. After all this time, the question of who exactly I was talking to came to mind.

“Is something the matter, Master?”

It was an unfamiliar voice. Her tone was far more polite than what I was used to. Lily was much franker when she spoke, and Katou didn’t call me master. Lily wasn’t even in the cave to begin with. She was out foraging for food, seeing that we’d had to put our foraging activities on hold for other business. Katou didn’t have much stamina, so on days when we left the cave, she often dozed off whenever we returned.

That’s why there shouldn’t have been anyone here for me to talk to. Oh, but it wasn’t like I forgot about my one other companion in the cave, of course. However, she wasn’t able to speak. That was supposed to be the case.

I slowly raised my face from the towel.

“Is something the matter, Master?”

Rose was speaking.

“Rose...?”

“Yes. I’m Rose. That is the name you gave me, Master.”

It took me about 10 seconds to accept the reality before me. How could I have possibly been able to remain calm about this?

“Rose? Are you really talking?”

“Yes. My wish of being able to speak with you has finally been granted, Master. It’s an honor.”

It turned out I wasn’t mistaken. I seriously wondered for a moment whether this might be some sort of ventriloquism. However, it really didn’t seem like this was a joke. Not that I thought Rose would participate in such a prank to begin with, considering her personality.

“I never really thought you’d be able to speak.”

It was difficult to believe even after accepting the reality before me. I did remember this coming up in conversation before, but I never thought she would so easily accomplish it. It must’ve been quite difficult.

Or maybe it really wasn’t. Thinking back on it, Lily was able to hold a conversation the moment she took on the form of a human. I could tell through our mental path that Rose possessed a fair amount of intelligence. Furthermore, it was clear she understood all the vocabulary I used based on the fact that she could properly follow all of my verbal instructions.

In other words, the main problem these girls had in conversing with me wasn’t a matter of lacking knowledge or intelligence. It was simply because they didn’t possess a vocal organ to do so.

As long as they could use their abilities as monsters to make a voice, it was possible for them to hold a conversation with me. And there was no need to even confirm what abilities Rose possessed to accomplish this. Her specialty was creating magic tools. I once saw her making a replacement for her own arm. With that much information, I naturally arrived at the answer as to how this was feasible.

“Did you remake your body?”

“It’s just as you discerned.”

I did notice she was making something lately. I completely thought it was more spare limbs, but it turned out she was developing a vocal organ. It was probably entirely different from a human’s though. Rose’s head was as featureless as it was before. She still had nothing resembling a mouth. Taking a closer look, a portion around Rose’s throat was just a little thicker. It seemed that was where her new vocal organ was located.

“I didn’t really think you’d be able to talk. You’re amazing, Rose.”

“It wasn’t much.”

Her voice was that of a woman’s, perhaps to match the name I had given her. Her somewhat deep yet calm tone was a perfect fit for her personality.

“Even though I recreated a portion of my body, it is very crude compared to what my elder sister Lily is capable of.”

“I don’t think so.”

I spoke from my heart, but Rose shook her head. She appeared to have low self-esteem.

I also came to learn quite casually that Rose idolized Lily as an older sister. There was no mistaking that Lily became my servant first, but it still felt a little out of place. Well, I was sure to get used to it eventually.

“Master.” Rose called me once more while I was thinking of something meaningless.

“What is it?”

“Please change your clothes. Also, how about taking the opportunity to cleanse your body? If you were to ask my sister, I’m sure she would prepare water for you to do so.”

“Yeah, I’ll do just that.”

I had completely forgotten about it from the shock of Rose speaking. I did as I was told and took off my sweaty clothes.

“I have prepared a change of clothes.”

“You’re always so well prepared.”

“You honor me.”

“It’s quite refreshing for you to be able to answer me.”

The towel I was using was something Rose put together using wood wrapped with ivy. I really was greatly indebted to her. It pained me that I had no way of paying her back. I dampened the towel and used it to wipe the sweat off my body. Then I steadily poured the rest of the water on my head to wash my hair. Just that was enough to refresh me considerably. Having said that, I was unfortunately unable to experience the fully refreshed feeling of dipping into a nice, hot bath like I could in my own world.

Sometimes I longed for shampoo and soap. I had no idea how such things were made, so, unfortunately, I couldn’t ask Rose to make some. And with no knowledge of what the raw materials were or how to process them, it was impossible for her to make them on her own.

It’s impossible... right?

It was somewhat frightening to think that Rose might actually be able to pull it off. The theory of magical omnipotence was steadily being established in my head. It was perhaps worth asking her to do so even if I thought nothing would come of it.

And as I pondered such things, I used the larger towel she passed me to wipe down my body and then changed into the jersey she had set aside for me. Incidentally, these larger towels were confiscated from the boys at the hut and from Kaga.

As I got changed, Rose finished washing the uniform I was wearing and hung them up on the clotheshorse we had set up by the cave’s entrance.

I warmed my slightly chilled body by the bonfire as Rose came up and knelt beside me. She seemed to be worried about me in some way.

“Looks like you have something you want to say,” I told her with a strained smile to see if I could rouse her interest.

“It’s just as you say, Master,” she said after putting her hand to her chest and bowing.

“What is it? Speak your mind.”

“It looks to me as if you have been worrying about something, Master.”

“Straight to the point, huh?”

I strained another smile, and Rose bowed once more.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I didn’t really find it unpleasant.” I found her attitude, befitting of her honest personality, quite charming. “Just to make sure... Why do you think so?”

“As far as I know, this is the first time you have groaned in pain from having a nightmare, Master. And it occurred right after such a thing happened with your former school friend. I do believe it is rather natural to conclude there is some sort of causal relationship between the two events.”

“You’ve got a point there.”

It was far simpler than I expected. I couldn’t really laugh at Kaga like this.

“May I have permission to ask you more about it?”

“I don’t plan on hiding anything from you two.” I felt a smile forming, brought on by seeing Rose’s faithfulness and her consideration to confirm it with me first.

“Master, do you regret having done such a thing to your school friend?” she asked in an extremely serious tone.

“Not at all.” I answered Rose’s direct question with a clear answer. I didn’t regret killing Kaga. “I have both you and Lily with me. There’s even Katou, who I promised to shelter. There’s no way we could take in someone as a companion who’s so weak to temptation. Besides, he tried to kill me first. I’m not such a kind soul that I’d overlook that.”

I wasn’t a saint. I was nothing more than a regular 17-year-old student you could find anywhere. I wasn’t capable of such benevolence, and in my opinion, such a thing was nothing more than simple foolishness.

Even if Kaga were to survive and get away from the predicament I had placed him in, it was pretty clear he would continue creating victims like Mizushima Miho and Katou. In that sense, one could even say what I did was a good deed. Although, that really was far too shameless and self-justified to use as an excuse. Nevertheless, such a facet of his death did exist.

“So, what have you been worrying about, Master?”

Rose was apparently under the impression I was feeling regret over killing Kaga. Her curiosity was passed to me through our mental path.

“It’s not anything so excessive that you could really say I’m worrying about it.”

Rose really had a tendency to exaggerate. That was just how seriously she thought of me. The depths to which she devoted herself to me was somewhat embarrassing.

“Could you tell me what exactly it is? That is, of course, if it does not inconvenience you, Master.”

“There’s nothing inconvenient about telling you.”

I actually wanted her to know, seeing that she so seriously thought of me. That’s what I honestly thought, which was why I was able to reply naturally.

“I don’t trust humans. No matter who they are. It’s abnormal.”

“That’s not...”

“No. You don’t need to deny it. I’m fully aware my humanity is twisted. I think that’s fine too. At the very least, I shouldn’t get tricked as long as this is the case. And if I don’t get tricked, then I can settle things without exposing my companions to unnecessary danger.”

“How splendid of you.”

“I wonder about that. It may simply mean I’ve become a coward.”

I was self-aware of this much and debased myself for it. I persecuted others, but even so, I wasn’t so strong a person that I could trust someone with a smile.

“I got rid of Kaga today. As a result, even if it was just a needless anxiety, we were able to count out the possibility that Kaga was working together with a cheater. However, we didn’t manage to get any information on the Colony. Well, it was all a swing and a miss. But we did manage to get information on a danger we didn’t know of before.”

“The case of those butchered corpses, correct?”

I had already informed the others about this information. Rose cleverly understood what I was getting at.

“Kaga was a simple man. All of his actions fell within our estimations. And I’m not just talking about the countermeasures we thought up for every scenario.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I was convinced he was going to betray me.”

That’s why the events today simply followed what I expected from the very beginning. There wasn’t a single dangerous part to it. However... or perhaps precisely because of that, I came to a realization.

“I did what I had to. That’s why I don’t regret it... But you know, it’s not like I didn’t feel anything.”

I hated humans. But I did feel relieved to see an old classmate who used to sit next to me well and alive.

I didn’t trust humans. But I still felt pain when they plainly showed their malice toward me, even if I didn’t trust them.

I wouldn’t hesitate to do anything if I could protect my safety and that of my companions. But that was nothing more than cutting away my hesitation with my resolve. Once I made my resolve, the ideal path would’ve been to carry things out without pause and feel nothing about my decisions.

I just barely managed to do things without hesitating. But it was impossible for me not to feel anything. Even against a lowlife scum who would kill me for the selfish reason of getting his hands on a girl, I was incapable of feeling nothing from killing a former classmate.

The only ones capable of this were likely those called “heroes.” Or perhaps, those called “monsters.” As the “master of monsters,” with Lily and Rose in tow, I should’ve been like that. However, I was neither hero nor monster. I was unable to stay that strong. That’s what I came to realize. Even though I awakened to a cheat, I was still nothing more than a 17-year-old brat.

“...I don’t understand,” Rose muttered.

“I see.”

I didn’t feel dejected. I simply felt this was inevitable.

“I believe you are mistaken, Master.” Rose’s tone sounded somewhat stiff. “At the very least, I believe you know there was no other way.”

“You’re right. I didn’t do anything I need to be ashamed of.”

“...Even so, is that not enough?”

I silently shook my head. It wasn’t possible for me to feel nothing unless I completely cast away my heart. It might be more natural to throw away my human heart along with my trust in humanity. That was perhaps the path to becoming a monster. In such a case, there should’ve been nothing easier to do.

The reason I couldn’t was, ironically, because I had met the monster named Lily. I met her, and I was saved by her. In a certain sense, I lost my chance to throw away my heart when Lily saved me.

I wonder what Rose thinks of this aspect of me?

I was curious what she thought of the state of her master. Was she exasperated? Or perhaps she was disappointed. I didn’t think she would just up and abandon me... Actually, I didn’t even want to think of that, but it seemed I at least had to prepare myself for some candid advice.

Or not. The fact that I’m even thinking this may mean I’m still making light of their devotion as servants.

It all happened too suddenly. My mind went blank for an instant.

“My apologies, Master.”

The moment Rose apologized, she placed both her hands on the ground and bowed.

“...Why are you apologizing, Rose?”

This was the scene where I exposed how pathetic I was. I was the one who should’ve been apologizing to my servant for making her come along with such a master—setting aside whether Rose would allow that. And yet, she was the one lowering her head to me. I truly didn’t understand.

“I don’t understand the subtleties of your... of human emotions. As such, I’m unable to save your heart, Master.” Rose’s tone remained calm, but a quiet sense of helplessness could be heard in it. “I exist to protect you. I don’t care if my body is reduced to wood chips as long as I can accomplish that.”

Even without our mental path, I could tell from the sincerity in her voice that she was being absolutely serious.

A servant. A monster. An existence which accepted my wish and lived for the sake of accomplishing it. Her loyalty was the real thing. That was perhaps exactly why her devotion sometimes made her feel so helpless.

“All I can do is, at most, protect your body. I’m unable to truly protect your heart. Even if that role belonged to Lily to begin with, I find myself pathetic for being unable to do so. If she were here right now, I’m sure she would be able to comfort you...”

“Wh-What are you even saying?!” I stood up in a fluster. Rose was making an outrageous misunderstanding. “You’re dead wrong if you think you haven’t saved my heart!”

I missed my chance to throw away my humanity when I was saved by Lily. If I had managed to throw it away back then, I’m sure I wouldn’t have felt a single thing from Kaga’s betrayal and his fate. I may have even been free of that nightmare. However, I never once regretted the way I was.

I surely wouldn’t hesitate in making my decisions from now on, just as I hadn’t before. Even if it were someone I could laugh with, I had already made the resolve to fight the moment they turned into my enemy.

The reason I could think this way, despite being nothing more than an ordinary student, was because Lily and Rose devoted themselves to me. Summing it up so simply as needing to be comforted was absurd. Every single one of their actions supported me at all times.

That was exactly why I felt I absolutely had to dispel Rose’s misunderstanding. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if I didn’t.

“Rose.” I grasped Rose’s hand while she remained prostrated before me.

“Master?”

“Come here, Rose.”

I pulled her hand. She reflexively resisted for just a moment but obediently took my hand and stood back up. She was just a little shorter than me, and I pulled her into my chest and hugged her with both arms. I caressed her simple, spherical head and embraced the hard yet warm and gentle wood within my arms. I could feel Rose’s existence closer to me than anything else.

“Master...?”

I felt the bewilderment born in her heart through our mental path. As such, I was sure she could feel the sense of relief born in mine from holding her like this just as strongly.

“You’ve exhausted yourself for me more than enough, Rose.”

“But, I’m...”

“You don’t need to comfort me. You just need to be by my side.”

I wanted to believe every single piece of my true feelings was getting across to her. I wanted to believe there was no falsehood in anything I said to her. That’s because I believed I could never fully express my gratitude to these two girls.

In the end, I could only smile bitterly at the present situation; I could do nothing more than cling to her very existence like this.

“Sorry, let me stay like this for a while.” I didn’t know whether I wanted to stay this way to convince her or whether I wanted to feel peace of mind. As such, I had no intention of letting go. “Or do you maybe dislike this?”

“By no means. I could... never dislike this.” Her wooden arms timidly wrapped around my back, and Rose shyly returned my embrace. “On the contrary, I’m so happy that it’s frightening.”

“I see.”

I leaned against Rose and shut my eyes. After staying like that for a while, my consciousness began drifting away. Drowsiness rapidly began to unravel my body and mind. I was like a child falling asleep once they relaxed... but there was no point in trying to keep up appearances in front of Rose anymore.

I let my consciousness go. This time, I was sure I wouldn’t see any nightmares.