Monogatari Series - Volume 27 - Chapter 1.14

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“However—if such a thing is easier to forgive, then even if you did something intentionally and with malice, it’s much more cost-effective to apologize as though it was an accident.

“You could say it was logical.

“You could say it was legal.

“The best option may be to act as though you were wishing for the best.

“Now, you may be thinking, isn’t that just lying? But consider this: wouldn’t the victim receiving the apology prefer that I’d done what I did unintentionally, instead of hearing my honest confession?—rather than knowing that I’m a person of principle, wouldn’t they prefer to think that they weren’t a victim?

“I would.

“Let’s think in a victim-centered way.

“‘I didn’t mean to do it, and this may sound hard to believe, but it really was just a series of bad coincidences’—if someone told you that, it might sound like more of a relief than if they ostentatiously admitted to their wrongdoings.

“Like how people want to think, ‘I’m not at fault, I haven’t done anything wrong,’ you might also want to place themselves in a world view of, ‘No one is at fault, no one has done anything wrong’—you might still suspect that they’re telling a small lie, but not pointing it out and feigning ignorance to forgive them is the secret to success.

“A mistake that wasn’t anybody’s fault.

“There were no bad guys.

“In a sense, it would even be better for the one getting mad if, instead of having to listen at length to tedious excuses, they were quickly offered a reasonable pretext for compromise. So it’s by no means a misdeed to tell a lie for the sake of reaching that compromise.

“Or so I would like to say, but it would depend on the situation. If an obvious lie were to be found out, then it would just end up being nothing but disgraceful self-justification, incurring an even worse wrath from the wronged party—and if you were to go and say, ‘I told an easy-to-forgive lie for your sake,’ it would just have the opposite effect.

“Rather than victim-centered, it was just self-centered.

“So, considering the risks involved, it may not be the only option, but it was still a smart option to honestly apologize from the beginning, without trying to get away with it—not that I would recommend this option.

“It also depends on what the purpose of your apology is.

“Is it to make the other person feel better?

“Is it to make yourself feel better?

“Or is it to torment the other person?—I’ve certainly seen cases where apologies were piled up to that effect.

“By piling up apologies, they piled up their sins.46

“Piling and piling, over and over again.”