Chapter 28.2
Finally, without any distractions, I could let myself be consumed by dance . I improved at a miraculous pace . Practically every time after he finished shooting, Frank would find it hard to contain his excitement . He told me that my soul was returning to me . Every one of the muscles in my body was being reawakened .
The ensemble dance rehearsal had finally added few simple grand jetés . We practiced nonstop . Everyone’s face dripped with sweat . But more often, Wu Ke and the other teachers would instruct the students who would be doing solo dances . During that time, I would watch at the sidelines .
“You can now change Hector’s move into Daffelo’s move . Lean your body slightly forward . Bend the knee . Arch your foot . Lift your leg . I told you to lift your leg! Don’t let your arms lag behind! They’re hanging by the sides of your torso like the wings of a dead chicken!” As always, Wu Ke hated the students for not achieving her high standards . Her whole face flushed in anger because of the student . “There’s also the grand jeté! Can you even do a jeté?! You didn’t even master the basics . There’s no beauty in your jeté!”
“Then Teacher Wu, why don’t you demonstrate a jeté so I can learn something!” The student raised her brow and retorted sarcastically .
Those words caused Wu Ke to pause . She suppressed her boiling anger and said nothing, her face pale . She had once been an outstanding ballet dancer . Tragically, she had severed her Achilles tendon in an accident, and because she didn’t receive timely treatment, could never dance again . She could only change professions and become a ballet teacher and choreographer . As a teacher, she was extremely strict and brutally honest, and never doled out false praise . Thus, some students treated her almost maliciously .
Wu Ke clenched her fist . In the end, she still was a middle-aged woman, and among this crowd of high-spirited young women, her thin figure seemed all the more isolated and helpless .
I felt my anger building and finally couldn’t help but blurt, “Mrs . Wu need not demonstrate . Just me will be fine . After all, I’m her student . ” Wu Ke’s strictness and bad temper all came from the responsibility she felt towards her students as a teacher and the rigor she felt for ballet . She shouldn’t have had to endure such treatment .
I walked forward to stand in front of everyone . That student started the music and goaded . “Then let’s see it, Teacher Wu’s disciple . ”
I began to dance along to the music . I had seen the jeté being done for many days, and I had practiced in secret . Thought it felt slightly unfamiliar, I had remembered each pointer Wu Ke had given that student .
As the music progressed, my nervousness and shyness faded . I embraced each scattered step . The world contained only me, only ballet and I . I leapt with synchronized arm movements . It was as if my body could define the space .
And after I lost myself in the dance and finally finished, an utter silence fell . Then after a moment, Wu Ke spoke, unable to contain her excitement .
“You actually remembered it all! I’ve never seen a person like you!”
The other teacher was similarly amazed . “That was the entirety of act two! And the accuracy of your movements… Impossible, too unbelievable . Your grand jeté and even your mid-air split position have reached the standard of male dancers!”
“Yan Xiao, you have a good body . You really have a natural talent for ballet . This is the first time I’ve seen someone perform a grand jeté that looked so effortless . It’s as if you didn’t even need to exert any energy . ”
After this, Wu Ke payed more attention when I practiced, and increased the intensity and difficulty of my training . She had even given me a solo grand jeté in the recital .
However, on the day of the recital, that didn’t make me any happier .
The day before, Frank had to be hospitalized because of a bad stomach flu . Even today, his fever hasn’t subsided . Wu Ke, on the other hand, was busy at the scene managing the stage props .
Later, sitting in the backstage dressing room, I looked at the other girls who were surrounded by their family and friends . Each one of their loved ones had a tender, yet proud and expectant expression .
I had only myself to share in my hardships .
Looking in the mirror, I briefly smiled at myself . After applying my own makeup, I rushed to the stage, prepared for a dance that would be shared by none .
Before my entrance, the curtain had just fallen on the ensemble dance and solo variations, and a wave of applause sounded . I secretly pulled aside the backstage curtain and peered at the stage below . Groups were raising fan signs in support of their friends on stage .
The music finally started, and the curtains were drawn open . The spotlight shone on me and the tip of my toes . I felt disappointed and lonely at the same time .
Not a single round of applause could be considered mine .
The audience fixed their eyes firmly on the stage . They might not be ballet aficionados, and some might not even understand ballet at all . The were only present because after my scene, their loved one would appear on stage with pride and glory .
Compared to those advanced dancers, my dance steps were simple and uncomplicated . But I hoped and prayed that at least one gaze would fall upon me, saving me from my loneliness .
My thoughts were in a jumble . The music crescendoed to a climax, and I forwent Wu Ke’s choreography, instead dancing a leap-heavy, technical sequence from the recordings .
I put all my energy into leaping, turning, and leaping again . It was as if there were a pair of invisible hands pushing me to do leaps . Finally, audible gasps and applause came from below the stage .
However, with every leap, no one knew what pressure and delirium I was experiencing in that split second I was airborne . Each landing of a leap required my toes to bear the downward force of three times my body weight . I needed to adjust my footing to the most optimal position within a very short time frame . But instead of choosing a position that would alleviate my pain, as if a reflex, my body sought to make the most graceful landing position, even if it meant having to bear more pain .
“Every step of yours must be overflow with character, music, and imagination! You are a dreamweaver . You must dance out the inner demons and delirium of people, and the truest being of who they are . You must be graceful, sly, reserved, wild, and grand . What they desire, you must fulfill . They are not here to see the pain you will endure . They are here to see you liberate your soul . ”
In the moment right before I landed, these words flashed into my head . It was a voice more strict and heartless than Wu Ke’s .
“No one cares how much it hurts for you . ” That female voice sounded again, saying one last thing .
Her voice expressed a cold, resolute attitude . My heart suddenly clenched . With my mind suddenly distracted, I messed up my last landing and fell heavily to the ground .
I felt a sharp pain spike down from my vertebrae to my lower back . In the moment I crumpled to the ground, I lost feeling in my limbs from the force of impact .
As expected, there was an disturbance beneath the stage . My willfulness and impulsiveness had ruined this recital .
I wanted to stand and apologize to everyone, but my muscles convulsed from the pain . I couldn’t even crawl back up on my own . The audience’s clamour seemed to grow more distant . I lay wearily at the center of the stage, staring at those blinding stage lights .
In my daze, I could feel someone lift me up and kiss my forehead continuously . I had stared for too long at those lights, and my vision was still a blur . Perhaps because I had stared for too long, tears finally started to flow out from my eyes .
I tightly clutched the lapel of the person who was carrying me and began to sob .
“Sorry, sorry . I shouldn’t have been so headstrong . I’m sorry . ” My memories were a mess . I carelessly blurted out the confused thoughts that were in my mind . The person carrying me ran their fingers through my hair, smoothing out the tangled mess . They wanted to calm me down, but I only felt worse .
“It hurts . I want to tell them it hurts . ”
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