Cooking with Wild Game (LN) - Volume 25 - Chapter 2.3

3

In the three days after catching Amusehorn’s breath, I didn’t wake up even once.

According to what I was told later, I occasionally responded when people called out to me, and I was able to drink water and medicine on my own, but I did all of that unconsciously. For the entire time between when I collapsed out in the kitchen and when I awoke, I was completely unaware of the real world.

And all the while, I moaned from the nightmares I was having.

Well, perhaps it wouldn’t quite be accurate to call them nightmares per se, but regardless, it felt like I was going back and forth between a pitch-black void and a scorching crimson hell. When I sank into the darkness, I was chilled down to my bones, and when the blazing red heat took me, it felt like it would burn me to ash.

I spent three whole days in that world of agony. However, my consciousness and my very soul were saved from being torn apart by brief moments of relief I felt every so often. Sometimes they would come in the form of a soft white light, and other times it would be a sweet scent, or occasionally the gentle touch of a fingertip. My five senses weren’t functioning properly, but I was still able to vaguely pick up on that hand of salvation reaching out to me again and again.

If not for that relief, however faint it was, the experience could very well have destroyed me. The suffering and despair I faced really were that intense.

And as if that wasn’t enough, those blazing flames inevitably reminded me of my death. I had been burned by fire, wrapped in black smoke, and then finally crushed under rubble. It was a truly horrifying way to die. I had relived it in a nightmare once before and had felt the full force of my despair washing over me. I couldn’t imagine anything being harder to endure than that.

Only people who had actually experienced death could understand. I had been burned alive while struggling to breathe, and then finally my whole body had been crushed. It was the kind of pain and despair a living person could only experience once, but in this nightmare I had been pulled into, it came back to me again and again. And each time I felt my death repeating itself, I was sure my mind would be shattered.

That white light was all that saved me. Months ago, when I’d had that nightmare about my death, that light had enveloped me then as well and allowed me to return to Ai Fa. But this time around, there was no escape for me. Now, even when I clung to that white light, tendrils of black and crimson wrapped around my legs and dragged me back down into the depths of hell.

And in the midst of that cycle of despair, I would occasionally see visions of my old home. I saw my old man lying in his sickbed, my childhood friend Reina sobbing and clinging to my chest, the Tsurumi Restaurant cruelly burned to ash... All things that threatened to break my soul. Each time they happened, I would scream out in the nightmare. But no matter how much I tried, my hands would never be able to reach out to them. Of course they couldn’t. They’d been burned by those red-hot flames and frozen by that dark void. At this point, they were no longer recognizable as belonging to a human.

If this is what I have to endure...! I thought again and again and again. But I somehow managed to hold myself back from ever finishing the thought with “then just kill me!” In all likelihood, it would all be over once I did. If I gave up, my fate would come to an abrupt end. That death I had experienced would once again become a reality.

I wanted to live. Even if I could no longer return to my old home... No, all the more because I couldn’t, I never wanted to let go of this second chance at happiness and hope that I had been given. I clung to that thought alone, somehow managing to endure that hell of black and crimson.

And then, we came to the morning of the third day.

I finally managed to open my eyes.

I first noticed a sweet scent was coming from all around me. Then, I felt a light touch and a gentle warmth surrounding my body. I felt as if I had finally managed to leap into that white light and hold on to it like I never wanted to let go.

Hope and joy welled up from deep inside me. My head felt hollow, and I couldn’t put any strength into my arms or legs, but I knew I had finally escaped from that hell. I was so happy I could almost cry.

“Are you awake, Asuta?” a kind voice whispered into my ear, making me feel even happier, and I clung to it all the more obsessively.

Bit by bit, my senses were returning to me. I seemed to be lying on my side, wrapped in a gentle warmth. My arms were wrapped around someone else’s body, and that certain someone was gently hugging me back as well. Naturally, I didn’t even have to think about who it was. It felt as if my eyes had been glued shut, but I tried my hardest and somehow opened them, and I found exactly who I expected affectionately smiling at me.

“Are you in pain? If you want water, I can fetch it for you.”

I was still half asleep, so I was neither able to properly reply nor feel embarrassed, so I just clung to Ai Fa’s body. As she cradled my head and smiled at me, she said, “You’re almost like a child.”

I wanted to indulge in the warmth of Ai Fa’s body and her sweet, gentle smell forever. But after a bit, she once again whispered into my ear in a pleasant voice. “Three days have passed as of this morning, and it seems the fever that tormented you has finally settled. But the neighboring women said you should still take dabira herbs this morning. I need to prepare your medicine, so I will have to step away for a bit, Asuta.”

Without thinking, I mumbled, “Don’t go.”

Ai Fa let out a troubled laugh, and then hugged my head tightly. “It really is like you’ve reverted to being a child. You certainly are a handful.”

Had Ai Fa always been this motherly? Or was my heart still weak from that nightmare? I felt like I would lose everything again if I let go of her hand, so I didn’t think I had it in me to allow her to leave.

Her fingers still buried in my hair, Ai Fa rubbed her cheek up against mine, but I couldn’t sense any of her usual childish and catlike nature in that action. Instead, she felt like a mother consoling her unruly child.

“There’s nothing to worry about. I have to do this for you to get better, Asuta.”

After one last tight hug, Ai Fa swiftly rose to her feet. My arm seemed to have no strength in it at all, as it immediately fell down onto the sheet. We had been lying next to one another in our bedding, and as Ai Fa got out of it, she swiftly tucked the sheet back in and pulled it up to my chest.

“Hold on for just a moment.”

Ai Fa disappeared from my vision. Even shifting my position to follow her with my eyes was too much for me. I was lying on my left side, and I could see the familiar and terribly nostalgic sight of the Fa house’s main hall. It seemed like it was raining outside again today, as I could see gray through the half-open curtains on the window.

The room was dimly lit, but I could hear the crackling of a fire from behind me, filling the space with a faint orange light. The stove had been lit. I noticed that even though Ai Fa had said it was morning, I didn’t feel cold in the least, and Ai Fa was only wearing her standard outfit. I hadn’t even noticed that until now, with how I was still barely conscious. It was like there was a gauzy film covering my head, and my five senses were all muddied and unreliable.

She said three days had passed, right...? Then it’s still the brown month, and today’s the... I tried to think, but my mind kept wandering off. I couldn’t even remember what day in the brown month it had been when I had lost consciousness.

“Sorry for the wait.” Ai Fa had finally returned. Quicker than my eyes could catch sight of her, Ai Fa’s hand snaked around under my head. “I’m going to sit you up for a moment. If anything hurts, tell me right away.”

She helped me up, supporting my head and shoulders. The world around me suddenly started flickering, and I closed my tired eyes.

“Is it too much? That’s no surprise. You’ve been lying down for three days now.”

“No... Just let me stay like this for a bit.” I was taken aback when I heard my voice. It sounded scratchy like an old man’s, completely different from how it normally was.

My throat was tight and sore. I hadn’t noticed earlier, but my whole body felt dried out, with my mouth being completely parched.

“I gave as much water as you could drink, but if I had tried to force you to take too much, it could have gotten stuck in your throat, so I was only able to give you a little at a time,” Ai Fa said in a gentle voice while softly cradling my head. “You should keep your eyes closed until your blood starts circulating properly again. The dizziness should subside soon.”

As she had said, I had been stricken with some kind of vertigo. I wasn’t getting enough blood flowing up to my head, and I felt like my eyes were spinning even though they were closed.

Ai Fa kept supporting me from behind as I slumped down, trying to swallow as much saliva as I could to help my painfully parched throat.

“Is it a bit better now? If so, you can open your eyes and drink some water.”

I waited a few seconds after Ai Fa whispered that, then slowly cracked my eyes open. It seemed I had broken free of that anemic state.

The dimly lit room looked the same as it had a moment ago, and I could feel my clan head’s warmth against my back and head. Even if I couldn’t see her, I was certain that she was who it was coming from.

“Here’s your water,” Ai Fa said, as the tip of a spoon full of cool, clear water appeared in the corner of my vision. She gradually poured it into my mouth, and it slowly trickled deep into my throat. My body had a desperate craving for liquid, but if I didn’t hold back, I was sure I was going to start violently coughing. And so, Ai Fa patiently gave me one sip of water at a time. Bit by bit, I could feel my thirst starting to be quenched.

It was then that I finally noticed I was half naked. The sheet was now down near my stomach, leaving my visible ribs and chest fully exposed. I could also see the outlines of all the muscles and tendons in my arms and the backs of my hands, which were so thin it was as if they belonged to someone else entirely.

With a sudden sense of unease coming over me, I brought my hand up to my face. My skin was rough and dry. There seemed to be a pot filled with water on the stove, filling the air with vapor and heat, but my body was much too dehydrated for that to satisfy it. I was shocked to find out how bony my cheeks had become. I had lost all the fat from my cheeks and chin, to the point that I could easily feel the shape of my skull. The area around my eyes was hollow in a way it hadn’t been before too.

“Don’t worry. Once you’re able to eat again, you’ll be back to normal soon enough,” Ai Fa said with another gentle hug, as if she had picked up on my worries. I didn’t have anything covering my chest, and Ai Fa was wearing her normal top, so I was feeling the warmth of her body directly. That was undoubtedly the warmth that had brought me relief when I had been trapped in that nightmare.

Was she warming me with her own body heat that whole time?

I reached out with my trembling fingers to touch Ai Fa’s arm, which was wrapped around my neck, and my clan head gently rubbed her cheek up against my temple.

“I saw a young Ran child contract this illness once. After three days of anguish, the child was a pitiful sight, just skin and bones, but was back to running around like normal a few days later... I’m certain you’ll be fine as well, Asuta.”

“Yeah...”

“Well then, why don’t we give the medicine a try?”

After Ai Fa said that, she used the spoon to bring some liquid with a bizarre smell up to my mouth. It was pitch-black, reminding me of ink, and must have been boiled herbs dissolved in water. It had a sour, lavender-like smell, plus a burnt scent too, making for a truly strange aroma.

“I ground it down carefully, so it shouldn’t get caught in your throat, but still, we need to make sure you don’t throw it up.”

“Right...”

I opened my mouth after working up my resolve, and Ai Fa slowly brought the spoon in. Instantly, an overwhelming bitterness and sourness started running rampant in my mouth. There was a stinging sensation everywhere the liquid touched, and my taste buds felt like they were shriveling up. I had to be even more careful when downing it than I had been with the water, or my throat would reach its limit in no time.

Ai Fa continued to take things slowly and carefully, without rushing. In the end, I only downed half of a small container of the stuff, and it still took me several minutes to do that much. After that, I drank several mouthfuls of ordinary water, before Ai Fa finally declared, “All right, that should be good. Before I lay you down again, would you like to clean your body a little? There’s no need to force yourself if that sounds too difficult, but your sweat carries the sickness’s poison in it, so it should be wiped away as soon as possible.”

“Yeah, I think that would be fine... But first, could I see your face one more time?”

After a bit of silence, Ai Fa appeared at my side. Her hair was carefully done up, and her face looked exactly the same as always. Even though I had just seen it, I felt so moved I could hardly put it into words.

“Ai Fa... It feels as if I haven’t seen you in years...”

“I feel the same way...” Ai Fa replied with a smile, and a few moments later, tears started flowing down her cheeks. “My apologies. I shouldn’t be letting my composure slip yet... Still, I don’t think there’s any way I could keep my feelings under control after hearing you call my name like that.”

“Then don’t.” My thoughts were still moving rather slowly, so I just said whatever came to mind.

Ai Fa hugged me tightly, still supporting me from the side. It hurt a little, but the happiness that filled me up all the way to my core was so much stronger.

“I had faith that you would pass this trial...but that was the most painful thing I’ve experienced since I lost my father.”

“Yeah...”

“Asuta, I...” Ai Fa said, but instead of finishing her sentence her body started trembling slightly.

Before I realized it, I had started crying too. I somehow forced my powerless arms to rise, wrapping them around Ai Fa’s back. We sat there for a while without saying a word, just feeling one another’s warmth with our whole bodies as tears poured down our cheeks.